What a gloomy, awful day. Kenmei thought to herself as she made her way down the empty corridor, her pale green eyes locked on the looming dark clouds with worry. The air surrounding the Kou Empire Palace was thick and heavy with humidity, a telltale sign of storms approaching, if the ominous puffy clouds weren't enough of a warning. Though there was a slightly cool breeze making its way down the hallway, Kenmei could still feel the sticky grip of sweat on her skin, brought on not only by the thick humid air, but also the fear of the approaching storm.
Ever since she was a child, dark storms with lightning and thunder had terrified her, and much to her misfortune, the Empire was no stranger to all manner of terrifying squalls. In the distance, she could hear the rumbling growl of thunder and the occasional accompanying flash of light within the belly of the clouds. The closer the clouds rolled towards the stone walls of the Palace, the bigger the rock grew in Kenmei's stomach. As her panic grew, she walked faster, holding the large book in her arms even closer to her chest.
Her fear began to make her aware of every little thing around her, from the soreness in her left pinky toe to the feeling of her large braid slapping against her back with each brisk stride. All she could think about was reaching her quarters before the onslaught of rain and wind reached her, the hallway beginning to howl and whistle with the ever-increasing wind speed. Whatever sun still shown through the clouds began to be swallowed up by darkness, a cold chill suppressing the humid heat as the monstrous clouds approached. They towered over the palace and enveloped it, invading the structure as if it were an army of war, come to slaughter all and show no mercy.
As a flash of lightning illuminated the now dark hallway, Kenmei felt her worry instantly spike into panic and she began to run, the clash of thunder chasing after her. She had to get to shelter before her mind was thrown into a full-on panic attack, her mind already beginning to swim, and her body grew stiff with fear. All she could imagine was a cyclone tearing its way through the palace, ripping the beautiful stone structures to pieces and killing hundreds. Of course, if she could think logically, she would realize that the Magicians of the Palace would never let such a thing happen. Still, she could not pull these calming, rational thoughts to the front of her mind, any attempt instantly smothered by another element of the storm.
Kenmei's mind being in such a cloudy, panicked haze, she didn't even realize that she reached her quarters until she was inside, the door shut and her back pressed against it. Heaving heavy, gasping breaths, she clinched her eyes shut tightly, her body trembling against the weak frame of the door. Weak, she thought, because it was quivering as well, either with her uneasiness or against the violent abuse of the wind outside. As the panic began to calm, she started to feel a churning in the pit of her stomach, starting to feel ill.
Her skin starting to feel clammy and sticky with sweat, she tore herself away from the door, as if she had to peel her body off the wood. With numb arms, she held the large book away from her chest, sluggishly dragging herself further into the room. Having been vacant for most of the day, it was dark, only thin streams of dull light shining through the cracks of her window shutters, the last rays of sunlight that were not smothered by the storm peeking inside. Occasionally, light flickered outside of them and brought in more light, but the pleasant presence of the light was instantly overcome by the terrifying rumble of thunder.
Carefully avoiding the piles of books she had scattered across the floor, she made her way towards her wardrobe, her first order of business to get out of her heavy robes. After setting the large book down on a wooden table precariously on top of even more books, she tugged open the door to her wardrobe. As it swung open, her exhausted mind noticed that the wood already seemed to be swelling with the moisture in the air, as it didn't give way as easily as normal. Too uneasy and nauseous to bother worrying about it, she dug around for a simple, comfortable robe to relax in, not noticing the patter of rain against the building behind the rustling of fabric.
Finally finding her favorite robe, she pulled it free and shut the door, having to use some force to get it to set into place. Feeling as if the effort took her last bit of energy, she turned away from it to stand next to a bin where she put her dirty clothes away until it was time to wash them. Hanging her fresh robe on a hook attached to the wall, she began to loosen the sashes around her waist, though she found it difficult as she fumbled with numb fingers. Within a few frustrating moments, she got them loose, pulling the sashes and thick middle pieces of clothing away from her body, her robes falling loose around her figure.
Sighing at the cool air relieving the heat of her flustered skin, she laid her head back, taking a moment to further calm her mind. Though she could still hear the wind against the shutters and the thunder rumble, she felt safe within the confines of her quarters, surrounded by her books and personal belongings. After using the sleeve of her robe to blot her face and back of her neck of sweat, she removed them completely and placed them into the bin. She was almost tempted to stay nude like this, though the chill of the wind coming through the cracks in her window shutters quickly made her change her mind.
Shivering a bit, she grabbed the clean robe off the hook and pulled it on, gripping the attached sash to tie together. Suddenly, there was a noise behind her, a creak from the unsteady support of her bed. A newfound fear making its way down her spine, she swallowed the lump in her throat and slowly began to turn her head.What could that be? She thought in a panic. Did the storm bring spirits or something? Her eyes frantically scanning the dark room behind her, she could see nothing. However, as a few flickers of lightning illuminated the room, she could see a large lump under her covers. Completely hidden and in an unidentifiable form, it sat motionless, and its stillness only spiked more trembling fear though her body.
As the light from the lightning faded and the room became dark once again, Kenmei could hear the shuffling of fabric and creaking of the bed. Unable to see anything new move in the extremely dim light, Kenmei could only stand there in a frozen panic, the pounding of her heart increasing with every second. Time seemed to slow as she waited for another flash of lightning, the rustling sounds in the darkness suddenly coming to a stop. The chill coming in through her still open robe caused goosebumps to raise across her skin, and she began to tremble, trying to find it in herself to speak. Before she could even release a squeak, another intense flash from outside illuminated the room, casting light on crimson orbs peering at her from under her covers.
A sudden crack of thunder and the sight catching her off guard, she shrieked and took a step backwards, tripping over a stack of books and landing with a hard crash on the wooden floor. A fumbling mess of skin, robes and literature, she pushed through the pain shooting up from her lower back and crawled backwards, the back of her head slamming into the wooden table against the wall. The large book she had haphazardly placed atop it earlier came down with other smaller books following it, landing square on her stomach and forcing all the breath from her lungs. As the rumbling of thunder faded, there was another type of roaring coming from across the room, though it was in the form of laughter.
Her head swimming in a mix of breathlessness, confusion and pain, Kenmei squinted against the darkness to try to see what was happening, another flash of white light from outside revealing the form beneath the covers writhing and wiggling, cackling with heartless abandon. Pushing the books off herself, Kenmei sat up more, using one trembling arm to prop herself up while the other reached up to rub the sore spot on the back of her head. That laughter, so welcoming and yet so annoying to her ears, brought on a huge range of frustrating emotions. The most potent of them all, however, was embarrassment, and she could feel her eyes beginning to well with tears and her face flush with fierce heat.
"J-Judar!" Kenmei yelled with what lung power she had left, and even then, it was just a meek yelp, hardly audible over his tremendous laughter. The bed creaked as if it were laughing with him, giving way to his body, and Kenmei could imagine him rolling about under the sheets, still unable to see him in the darkness. After a few moments, the laughter subsided into wheezing, and Kenmei assumed he was finally calming down. She attempted to speak to him again, finally regaining some of her composure. "Judar, what are you doing?" Through sporadic snickers, Kenmei could hear the squeak of floorboards beneath the weight of his body.
A new light illuminated the room in a pale-yellow glow, causing Kenmei to squint and turn away from it for a moment. Blinking a few times to regain her senses, she looked back towards the light, seeing that it was coming from the tip of Judar's wand, the red jewel shining brightly. Her eyes traveled down the arm holding the wand, across the white cloth covered chest, until they finally landed on the wide grin spread across her lover's face. "Holy crap, Mei, that was amazing! I scared the shit out of you!" Feeling her face only growing hotter in her shame, she glared at him, her entire body shivering from shock. "T-that was not amazing! Why would you do that to me?"
Ignoring her question for the moment, Judar turned slightly to look behind him, flicking his wrist in the direction of the bed. Flames flickered from the few candles that Kenmei kept at her bedside and the light from Judar's wand faded into nothingness. Turning his attention back towards her, he began to walk over, smug smile still plastered to his face. His wand clanked as metal met the wood of the table Kenmei was still next to, and she watched him intently as he squatted down next to her. His arms resting on his knees, he looked her over, obviously taking great pride in the chaos he had caused. "I can't believe you reacted like that, Freckles."
Her body aching and unable to move, she glared at him with teary eyes, almost wanting to slap him for what he had done. "That was so mean, Judar. I was already scared of the storm, why would you scare me even more?" Judar blinked, his expression fading into one of confusion. "Huh? What do you mean you were scared of the storm? I couldn't tell that, it was dark!" His gaze moved to the windows as the shutters struggled to keep their place against the pounding wind and rain, as if he were just becoming aware of how bad it really was. With an indifferent grunt, he looked back down at the woman on the floor, unable to help another chuckle slipping from his lips.
"I wish I could have seen what happened better, I could only hear it!" He looked around them, observing the mess of books and papers on the floor in the yellow flickering of the candlelight. Sighing loudly, Kenmei laid her head back, beginning to regain feeling in her numb limbs. "Oh, what a shame indeed." Taking her by the arm, Judar began to stand, hauling her up onto unsteady feet. She gripped onto him as she stumbled slightly, the pain from the fall shooting up her spine again and making her wince. "Ouch!" Glowering down at her, Judar helped her stay up steady. "You're such a baby. You didn't really fall that hard, did you?" Suddenly noticing that her robe was still wide open, Kenmei rushed into action as quickly as her exhausted body would allow her, tying it at the front as she stumbled to speak. "Y-Yes, I tripped over books and hit my head on the table."
Pushing books out of the way with his foot, Judar began to lead her towards the bed, holding her steady by the arm. "Damn, I didn't mean to scare you that much. I thought you would just… scream or something." Kenmei still winced as she followed him, doing her best to not end up tripping again. "I probably wouldn't have fallen if I hadn't tripped over books…" Scoffing, Judar kicked one of the books across the floor, hitting another pile and knocking it over. With a gasp, Kenmei smacked him on the arm, her glare meeting his annoyed gaze. "Don't kick my books!"
With a roll of his eyes, Judar took a second to walk over and pick it back up, fixing the pile he had knocked over. "Tch, it's your fault they're all over the floor! Get a bookshelf!" Kenmei crossed her arms as she watched him, observing to make sure he did it with at least some care and consideration. "I can't afford one, you know that. And I don't have room for it in this tiny place." After the stack had been returned to its former glory, Judar headed back to her, and Kenmei noted that he had even made it straighter than what it had been previously. Though he wouldn't admit it, Kenmei could tell that he was feeling some guilt for scaring her so badly, and that softened her frustrations.
She could feel it in the way he took her arm with a gentle touch, and how he led her to the bed with obvious attention to her slight limp. As she sat down on the edge of the creaky bed, she looked up at him as he stood in front of her, feeling her face flush once again as he stroked her hair, from the top of her head to the base of her skull. Her stomach fluttering violently, she couldn't help but to smile up at him, her anger at him softened by the slight furrowed concern on his brow. His expression was blank otherwise, until he wrinkled his nose at her smile, looking away as he grew flustered. "You've forgiven me already? You're too soft, Freckles."
Gaze falling to his stomach, Kenmei brought one of her hands up to rest against his thigh, running her hand down the soft fabric of his pants just a bit. He felt warm against the chill of the room, and she suddenly felt herself craving to cuddle with him. "You said you didn't mean to scare me that bad. It's not like I'm seriously hurt, either… I'm actually really glad you're here." Judar's hand slid further down her hair, gripping her braid and pulling it over her shoulder. Curious, Kenmei watched him as he untied the fabric that held her hair together, both at the top and bottom of the braid. Having become frizzy in the humidity, her black hair, which seemed even darker in the dim candlelight, unraveled itself as it became free of its restraints.
It cascaded back over her shoulder to cover her like a blanket, and she could feel the tangles pulling at her scalp uncomfortably. Judar pulled two large chunks back over her shoulders, and she gave a small wince as his fingers snagged. "Ouch!" Judar chuckled softly, removing his fingers from her hair, but keeping a grip on both chunks. "Looks like you need to brush it. You've let it get really long, it used to just be at your shoulders, right?" Kenmei nodded, looking back up to see his face. His expression was calm and content, and he seemed to be enjoying himself while messing with her hair like this.
"I'm trying to compete against you, see if I can get mine that long." She spoke with a teasing tone, doing her best to stifle giggles as she watched his eyes widen in surprise before he glowered down at her. "What do you mean? No one can ever beat me!" He crossed the two chunks of hair under her chin before bringing them up around her head, beginning to tie them together at the top. Finding it hilariously cute at how defensive he got, she allowed him to do so, covering her mouth as she laughed. Once done, Judar took a step back to examine his work, and Kenmei could see it on his face that he was quite impressed with the bow he made atop her head.
She reached up and touched it gently, glad that he hadn't made it too tight. "I can't tell, but it seems like you made a pretty good bow." Chuckling, Judar moved around her and flopped onto the bed. "Damn right I did." Sighing as he rolled over to lay on his back, he stretched, and Kenmei could hear the popping of bones. Carefully, Kenmei reached up and pulled the bow loose, allowing her hair to fall back to normal. She scooted herself back to sit next to him, watching as he gathered up pillows against the headboard to lean against. Once comfortable, he looked at her, bringing his arms up to rest behind his head. "So, you're happy I'm here? Why?"
Fidgeting with the sheets, Kenmei nervously looked over at the windows, watching as the shutters still shook violently against the wind. Judar followed her gaze, his eyebrow raising up in confusion. "Huh? The storm? Oh, you did say you were scared of it." He reached over and nudged her with his foot, pulling her attention back to him. "I didn't know you were scared of storms." Kenmei frowned, crossing her arms as she narrowed her eyes at him disapprovingly. "Every time there's a storm I'm scared. You know that I'm scared of storms, you just forget." She reached over and tickled the bottom of his foot gently as punishment and he yelped, pulling his foot away. "Don't tickle me! Stupid girl!"
Smile once again crossing her face, she made her way closer to sit next to his knees, wanting to be close to him. "It's just a little punishment for forgetting." She looked down at his legs as he laid them down to be straight, ignoring his huff of disapproval. A small yawn forcing its way from her lips, she laid down with her head towards his feet, taking it upon herself to lay her head on his shin while one of her legs came up to rest across his lap. Judar seemed unaffected by her action, his eyes locked on the windows as he pulled his large braid up across his shoulder, finding it uncomfortable to lean against. "It sucks that you hate storms. I don't think they're all that bad."
Wrapping her arm over his legs, she cuddled herself tightly to him, hiding her face in the soft fabric. "I've been scared ever since I was little." She couldn't see him, but she was able to hear fabric rustle as he turned his head to look back at her. He was silent for a moment, and Kenmei felt her face flushing, wondering if he was looking at her body or something to make him fall so quiet. Her thoughts were confirmed as he placed an icy cold hand on her thigh, causing her to flinch away slightly. She peeked out at him over the fabric of his pants, only feeling herself flush hotter as his hand slid across her skin. "How can the rest of your body be warm, but your hands are like ice!"
Snickering, Judar had a small, sly smile on his face, his eyes on her legs. "Don't ask me. Bad circulation, maybe? You're the healer, you check on that for me." Kenmei grumbled, hiding her face again. "No." She immediately regretted her response as his hand shot further up into her robe, moving to grip onto her side right at her ticklish spot. The freezing cold of his hands and the sudden rush of adrenaline from him tickling her made her squeal, wriggling to get away from him. "S-stop! I-It's cold!" Laughing again, Judar removed his hand, though kept it against her skin, using slight force to get her to put her leg back into place on his lap.
Kenmei once again glared at him over the fabric of his pants, feeling her face flushing violently at the fact that he would just shove his hand into her clothes. "That was so-" Before she could finish speaking, a blindingly bright flash of lightning filled the room, followed almost immediately by crash of thunder. It was so intense that Kenmei was sure it shook the entire room, and it scared her so badly that she snatched onto his legs, hugging them close to her body as she hid her face. Her face hidden, the loud sound of the window shutters suddenly slamming open made her scream, and she could faintly hear Judar grunt in discomfort at the grip she had on his legs.
"Mei, seriously, you're going to break my legs! Let me go!" He tried to wiggle his legs free, but Kenmei didn't budge, the howling of the wind coming into the room sending panic rushing through her body. Sighing loudly, Judar reached down, stroking her hair gently. "Mei, I can't close the windows if you don't let me go." Swallowing the lump in her throat, his touch soothed her, and she found the willpower to release his legs. As he moved to get off the bed, she sat up, hugging herself tightly as she forced herself to watch him. The wind coming into the room was powerful enough to blow his hair back and he groaned loudly in frustration, snatching onto the wood shutters and slamming them shut. Both hands flat against them, he used his body weight to push on them a few times, making sure they were as stuck into place as they could be.
After doing the same to the other window that had opened, he reached up to wipe the water from his face and ruffle his hair to get it back into place. "What is with these shitty windows?" Kenmei sighed, flopping over to lay on her side. "That's what you get for living in the poor quarters, Judar." After regaining his composure and ridding his face of water, he began to make his way back over to the bed. Kenmei looked up at him as she noticed him pause to stand at the edge, his hands on his hips as if he were agitated. His hair had become damp just from those short moments he had been at the mercy of the storm, and it stuck out even more awkwardly than normal.
"You complain about that, even though I've told you that you can come stay with me." As he spoke of himself, he brought a hand up to his chest. "But you don't do it." Kenmei felt her face flush and she turned her face to hide it in the sheets, pulling some of them to her body. "We- I can't do that, Judar. We aren't married, that's so inappropriate for someone of your status." Kenmei couldn't see him, but she could hear him rolling his eyes by the tone of his groan and the way he fell to lay on the bed. "For fucks sake… You think I care about any of that?"
Timidly, Kenmei peeked out from behind the sheets, only to be met with his intense stare that caused her to jump. She stuttered, trying to find an answer to his question. She knew very well that he didn't care about social norms, but she also had a lot of trouble throwing a whole life's worth of teachings out of the window. In truth, she wasn't even supposed to look him in the eye, let alone speak to him. At this point, a little over four years of being together, Kenmei found herself irresistibly, and irresponsibly, in love with him. She needed him, and with the going ons lately in his life, she feared that he may vanish at any moment, leaving her alone with naught but the secret in her womb.
After a moment of silence between them, Kenmei reached out a hand and gingerly stroked his cheek. "I know you don't care, Judar…" It would just mean too much to me if I began to live with you in the same quarters… Much more than you will ever realize. "I think I would annoy you too much, don't you?" Besides, no matter how much I want it, I don't know if you will ever love me as much as I love you. "You like your privacy. I know you don't mind every once in a while, but…" I could never be so important to you, could I? "I think it may be better to stay how it is, right?" I wish you would disagree with me.
Judar sighed, rolling over to lay on his back. Kenmei's hand fell to rest against the jewel of his neck piece, and she found herself unconsciously tracing the edge of it with her finger. "I'm not going to make you do anything, Mei. But it sounds more like you're trying to talk yourself out of it. You know I wouldn't say something if I didn't want it, right?" His eyes moved back to look at her face, and she felt her cheeks grow warm, immediately averting her gaze. "T-That's not true, I just… You've always said that we have to try and keep us seeing each other hidden… How would that work if I began to stay with you more?"
Judar turned his head to look at the windows, thinking he heard one of them creak just a little too loudly against the wind. "We won't have to stay hidden much longer…" Growing confused, Kenmei moved to prop herself up on one elbow, looking down at him. "What does that mean?" Silence fell between them again as Judar kept his head turned from her, and she could only imagine what he must be thinking. A rumble of thunder seemed to bring his attention back into the real world and he looked up at her, those crimson eyes that had sparked fear into her earlier now flooding her entire being with longing.
A flustered expression crossing his features, Judar reached up and grabbed onto her, pulling her down to him as she gave a squeak in surprise. Keeping them on their sides, he hugged her to him tightly, his arms and legs wrapped around her in a grip Kenmei knew she could never escape, if she ever felt the need to. Instead, this is all she wanted, wrapping her own arms around him and hiding her face into the white fabric on his chest. She paid no mind to his boney frame, his embrace warm and comforting to her. "You're such a stupid girl, Mei…" He spoke softly into her hair, and Kenmei couldn't stop the tears from beginning to well up behind her shut eyelids.
He does disagree with me, and yet I'm too scared to accept it. "I'm not the stupid one, you are." I am stupid, why can't I just tell him?
"You're stupid if you think I don't know what you want."
Why can't I just tell him? Why do I have to be such a coward? "What do you mean by that? What do you think I want?" He won't abandon me if I tell him, he won't!
"You're also stupid if you think I don't want the same thing."
Just tell him! Say it!
"Mei?"
I love you! No, it should be a more romantic moment than this. I'm just making up more excuses! Damn it, I'm shaking now, how could he ever care about someone like me?
"... I guess I'm going to have to force-"
"I love you."
The silence fell on them, and Kenmei felt as if it were a tangible thing that could crush them at any instant. Her entire body trembling from the anxiety brought upon her by her own thoughts, she kept her grip on Judar tight, as if she were scared he was going to get up and run away. Instead, he pulled her body in closer, one of his hands beginning to move down her back slowly. His grip was firm and reassuring, bringing on a familiar heat and tension between their bodies that Kenmei could not resist. Still, she was too terrified to show her face, scared that if she looked at him the tears she had been holding back would escape.
Before her mind could truly process it, she was on her back and he was kissing her with a fierce passion that Kenmei had rarely seen. Time was not something Kenmei could comprehend at the moment, but when he finally released to gaze down at her, she felt as if they had been molded together like this for hours. With a tender touch, he reached up and moved the hair from her face, moving in to place kisses as he pleased. From her forehead, to her cheek, to the side of her nose, along her jaw and down her neck his lips moved, and Kenmei felt her heart swell with emotion each time. Still, she could not find it within herself to speak, and she began to sob softly, his sweet gesture sending her emotions spiraling out of control. With a soft chuckle, Judar reached up and wiped the tears from her cheek as they fell, shaking his head a bit.
"Damn it, Mei. For all the books you read, you really are stupid, to think that I wouldn't already know that." He shook his head, his thumb resting against her bottom lip as his eyes met hers. Though her vision was blurred with tears, she could see the sincerity in his expression, and she struggled to make herself believe that it was real. Her entire mind was racing with thoughts of relief, fear, longing, embarrassment, and love, making her unable to speak. As he brought himself down to kiss her again, Kenmei wrapped her arms around him tightly, refusing to let him get away for a second longer. Though she knew he wouldn't say it, every action he had shown that night so far spoke louder than the words, and they rang through her mind like a never ending melody.
I love you, too. You stupid girl.