This is a songfic that just wouldn't go away!!
My Miracle
This is a oneshot with the song take a breath by THE JONAS BROTHERS.
Disclaimer: I own nothing
"walked across the crowded street.
A sea of eyes, they cut through me.
And I saw you in the middle.
Your upset face, you wear it well.
You camouflage the way you feel,
When everything's the matter"
Shane Gray looked out the windows as rain filled up the day. He hadn't felt this way since his best friend and cousin Nate Diham told him Santa didn't exist.
This time it was worse, it always seemed worse when you were older, things seemed more complicated and problems didn't go away as easily. How did people suffer this every day, he wanted to rip his heart from his chest and throw it away because that's what it felt like. But she had to go. She had to. Her mother would have killed her and her father would have disowned her. That's what was needed to make it ok.
It wasn't for he didn't put up a fight, because he did, this was his love, his life, everything to him that was being taken away from him. He knew that she didn't want to do it. He didn't blame her, he didn't condone her. Feelings were nothingness anymore.
He wanted to go to her and make it ok, make it so that the one feeling he had, stopped.
She had told him to leave, even though with every sobbing plea he made, made her heart break just a little bit more.
"We've all been down that road before.
Searching for that something more.
World's spinning 'round.
There's no sign of slowing down.
So won't you take a breath?
Just take a breath"
They both knew that it was the right thing to do, even though it killed him every time she held it close, everytime she kissed its little head, every time she fed it and tried not to cry.
He only got to hold him once before she left, she told him it was the best. Best for who he asked himself? His heart broke anytime he thought about the child, so small, so helpless.
She said that she would leave, but that she would always love him. He somehow found that hard to believe, he found it hard to believe anything anymore. People wondered where she'd gone, he would lie in his usual monotone that had become his voice that he didn't know.
She was gone, with the one little miracle that he had made with her.
"People change and promises are broken.
Clouds can move and skies will be wide open.
Don't forget to take a breath"
-Flashback-
"Congratulations" the nurse smiled
"I have a daughter" he asked, tears overwhelming his senses
"Yes that's right Mr Gray" she answered
"Oh my gosh" Mitchie smiled as the Doctor handed her the child
"Don't worry" the nurse said to the couple "Nobody will say anything"
The couple nodded their thanks as the nurse left the room for a moment.
"You know we can't have this child" Mitchie said, tears welling as she looked at the small bundle in her arms
"I know" Shane answered as she latched on to his finger, her entire fist clenched not even half of his index finger.
Gasping, he looked into her eyes, how could they give this child up. This was their miracle, their daughter. Their Flesh and Blood.
"How can we do it" he asked as she looked once more at the child
"We have to be strong" she answered, this was their child that they were giving up
They were in a hospital in Texas, a small town in the middle of it, only around 5,000 inhabitants. None of them knew, not even her mother and father. She had said they were going on tour and she was joining them, her mother had hesitated but let her. She could trust Connect 3, she thought she could anyway. Her mom would never know that she had a grandchild.
"I am, but this is just too much" he said as the nurse took her from her arms
"She has to be weighed and put in the nursery so you can get some rest"
Mitchie nodded as she let go of the crying child, she couldn't believe that in the small few moments that she knew her, she loved her.
"She's every bit a Gray" Mitchie smiled as she remembered her child
"No" he smiled "She's too beautiful, every inch a Torres"
Kissing her forehead he knew that things would never be the same.
"Can we name her" she asked
Shane looked at her, hesitantly he agreed, even though it was going to hurt her even more.
"Alexandra" she smiled "Alexandra Gray"
Shanes heart broke as she said it, even after just meeting her, he knew it suited her properly.
"Don't do this to yourself" Shane added as he saw her cry, his own tears blurring his vision
"We have to Shane, we have no choice"
"We do, we always do" he sobbed
-End Flashback-
The memory was always too painful, no matter how many times he re lived it, it never got any easier.
He wanted to ring her up and tell her not to do it, he needed Alexandra and he needed Mitchie, they were the two most important things in his life. He wanted to hold the two of them in his arms and tell them that it would all be ok, that he would be there for them, for his daughter and for the most important person in his life.
How did he tell her though when she was halfway across America with his child giving it to somebody that he didn't know,some barren relation of hers. She said she'd stay there for a while, until she felt herself again, but he didn't know where it was, she hadn't told him, she said she needed time away from him too.
"Blink our eyes, life's rearranged.
To our surprise, it's still OK.
It's the way things happen.
Summer comes and then it goes.
Hold on tight, embrace for cold.
And it's only for a moment"
He remembered the day she left, almost as painful to re live it as it was when it happened. Feeding her was the most painful thing that he had ever seen. She was sobbing as Alexandra suckeled quietly on the bottle. She told her how much she loved her, and how she would always be her mommy no matter what.
-Flashback-
"Hold her for me Shane" she asked as she passed the child into his arms
She began getting her things together, which had made their hotel room seem more cosy, though it hurt to see her little babygrows strewn everwhere and know that they wouldn't be there when she got back.
Looking at the child, it was all he could do not to beg her again, but this was it her mind was made, she was giving this child away.
"Little Alexie" he whispered as her fingers grabbed one of his
"I know you won't know me or call me daddy, but i just want you to know this, you're my little miracle" he said as the child cooed unaware,
Tears were forming in his eyes as he continued "You're the best person in my life and you'll never be far from my mind" he cried as he brought her up to kiss her head
Taking in her sweet scent, he captured it to memory for ever more "I'll always love you my little angel"
As mitchie took her away from him for the final time, he begged and begged her to stay, tears streaming down his face. He watched as she left with his child. She was giving it away. Somebody else would raise his little miracle and it ached him to his very core.
-End Flashback-
How did she do it, he knew it killed her too, how did she manage to give birth to her child, and give it away, just to save face. He didn't care anymore, he just wanted his child back.
"We've all been down that road before.
Searching for that something more.
World's spinning 'round.
There's no sign of slowing down.
So won't you take a breath?
Just take a breath"
There didn't seem to be a point to this existence any longer, he wanted his child, his love, his loves. He wanted to be a father to his child and a lover to his love. But it seemed that life had a different plan for him. Life didn't care about the plans that he had made, nobody did to be honest.
He wanted to stop the world from spinning, he wanted to stay in this room forever and never come out. He knew that he had a gig in a few days in front of twenty thousand screaming fans. He would have to put on a show and tell them everything was OK, nobody would realise that anything was wrong. Then he would go back to being a recluse for the rest of his days
He didn't even want to see his best friends and cousins Nate and Jason, who also happened to be in the band with him. They were also the only other ones who knew about the child, they understood but they also knew if he wanted to appear as if nothing was wrong he would have to act like it, no matter how hard it was.
How could he even go back to normal after this? He asked himself, this was too big of a deal to just go back to normal. Nobody he told himself could do that.
"People change and promises are broken.
Clouds can move and skies will be wide open.
Don't forget to take a breath.
Life isn't suffocating.
Air isn't over rated"
As he moved away from the window, he sat down on the bed, it was getting late and he knew that he should try at least to get some sleep, even if it seemed like the furthest thing from his mind right now.
Taking off his clothes, leaving him in just his plaid boxers he slipped into bed. Laying there for a while, it was all he could think about, all that he could dream about, his little child and his love. The two most precious things in his life were gone, for good.
Twisting and turning he couldn't get comfortable, feeling something soft underneath his leg, he reached down and picked it up.
It was Alexandra's yellow babygrow, examining it momentarily, he held it close to him, taking in her baby scent, as he felt the softness against her skin. He remembered her every little feature.
Tears fell slowly from his eyes as he held it to his face, his knees held close to his body. How could his life have changed so drastiacally in a matter of days, it just didn't seem real any more, nothing did.
Just a few days ago, he was holding little Alexie in his arms, and making love to his love. Now it was all changed, he didn't think she'd actualy do it, but she did.
"World's spinning 'round.
There's no sign of slowing down.
So won't you take a breath?
Just take a breath"
He sat there for a few moments, not really knowing how he could get through this. Nate and Jason were supportive to a certain point, but they didn't understand what he was going through.
He hadn't eaten or drank much since she left, truth was he wasn't up for it, any time the waiters came to the door, he sent them back again, telling them that he'd get room service if he was hungry.
He was sure that they thought he was a diva, sending food away and taking it when he felt like it. Truth was he didn't care, he didn't need to eat or drink, he simply needed his family.
"World's spinning 'round.
There's no sign of slowing down.
So won't you take a breath?
Just take a breath.
Take a breath"
How did he explain to his parents that he was heartbroken when they didn't even know that there was anything wong. How did he tell them that he wanted to give everything up because he'd lost the two most precious gifts in his life. He only had one photo of the three of them on his camera phone, one photo of his family to last a lifetime, he had no idea how he would ever do it.
Hearing a knock on his door, he wanted to just sit there and not answer, food was not an option for him now, but they were persistent. Opening the door slowly, he found the Irish waitor that he had the night before last.
"Sir, tonights menu is the Spaghetti Bolognaise or the garden salad" the waiter said, his strong irish accent coming through
Standing in front of the waiter in his boxers he replied"I'm not hungry thanks" as he shut the door
"Sir, you must eat" the waiter replied from the other side of the door
"Yeah yeah" he answered as he went back to his bed.
He wished that they would just leave him alone, he was fine, he didn't need them.
He just needed his family, his world, his girls.
Another knock sounded from the door, he groaned again as he slipped a t-shirt on becoming cold.
"People change and promises are broken.
Clouds can move and skies will be wide open.
Don't forget to take a breath"
Going over to the door, he was really annoyed at their persistence "How many times do i have to say i'm not hu-" he started as he opened the door
"Shane?" the voice asked as he opened the door
Shane looked in disbelief as she stood there, baby in one arm. Backpack and baby back clutched in the other
"I couldn't do it" she began sobbing
Shane quickly took the bags and threw them carelessly on the floor. Grabbing them into a hug, not believing what stood before him, his love, his child.
After several moments, he stopped, finally allowing her to breathe. He looked at her, she looked tired and upset.
"I couldn't do it" she started again "I couldn't give her away, i mean she's our flesh and blood, you know?" she asked, her tired eyes searching him for an answer
Shane nodded, no words escaping him.
"I know i'm only sixteen and your only nineteen but we can do this, one way or another" she smiled handing the baby over to him
"I know we can" he said as he held Alexie close, afraid of losing his miracle
Looking at him, she knew that she had made the right choice, coming back to him, even though she knew she would be disowned by her parents
"What about your parents" he asked, never taking his eyes off his child
"We'll work something out, we have to Alexandra is our child"
She smiled, moving over to him, watching him and the baby. "You wanna feed her" she asked looking into his tear stained eyes
Nodding, he took the bottle from her, unable to comprehend that he was feeding his own daugher. As she smiled and cooed, unaware of her parents inner struggles or the struggle ahead of them, she had no idea how much they faught to keep her.
"So this is it then" he said, smiling at Mitchie
"Forever" she said looking back at him
Kissing her tenderly, he softly whispered "Thank you"
She looked at him confused "For what"
"My miracle"
"World's spinning 'round.
There's no sign of slowing down.
So won't you take a breath?
Don't forget to take a breath.
Don't forget to take a breath"
Let me know what you think!!