hey guys! so this just... happened. i got angry and i needed to vent and... this was created. yeah. enjoy!

DISCLAIMER: i do not own this anime!

Abe was so angry and he had every idea as to why, even though he claimed to have no clue. Everyone asked him if he was okay, and he pulled on a smile and said yes even though he really wasn't. It wasn't like they all cared in the first place. It came to the point where he was snapping at every single person that so much as said hi to him and, if he had to admit it, he was even driving himself insane.

Hanai literally had to pull him off of Mihashi during practice, all because Mihashi had to trip as they were doing their laps around the field and it made him furious because what would have happened if he hurt his arm, and he obviously didn't care too much about going to the Koshien or anything for that matter if he was going to be so careless and stupid-

"Abe what the hell is going on?" Hanai said, depositing him onto the bench in the dugout and standing over him like he was a toddler just thrown in a chair for a time-out. Somehow that imagery made everything worse, his blood boiling underneath his skin, his jaw clench because the moment he opened it he knew he was either going to scream or cry, and at a moment like this and he really didn't want to do that, not in front of their captain- "Why are you so goddamn angry all of a sudden?" Hanai asked.

"I'm not angry!" Abe shouted, immediately defensive and breaking his resolve of not saying anything. Curse my mouth, he thought, clenching his hands into fists so tight that he could feel his nails sink into the skin of his palm, and the pain was good, the pain helped get him to calm down, it brought him back to reality even though it was the number one place he didn't want to be right now-

"Yes you are!" Hanai said. "You're practically glaring at everyone, and you scared the crap out of Mihashi for tripping. Tripping, Abe! You know how clumsy he is and it really wasn't his fault and yet you yelled at him!" Abe looked down, no longer able to meet Hanai's hard I-am-the-captain-of-this-team-and-I'm-going-to-act-like-it face, opting out to stare daggers at his shoes instead. "So tell what the hell is going on with you." Hanai demanded.

"I don't know, okay?" Abe said, biting the inside of his cheek. This pain was better. It was sharper and it wasn't as noticeable as a fist, and it was better than a fist because if his hands were fists he would punch something and it would probably be Mihashi and he doesn't want to hurt Mihashi, not now, not ever-

"That's bullshit, Abe, and you know it." Hanai practically spat. The comment made Abe look up. He was hoping that the captain would leave him the hell alone after he said that, but instead he was still looking down at him with that steely gaze and a knowing look in his eyes. "Something's clearly bugging you, and I'm not letting you back on that field without you telling me why and until you say sorry to Mihashi."

It seemed fair enough, but there was no way that Abe was going to tell him why he was angry. He was always angry, why did it matter now? No, it mattered now because he finally knew why he was angry and it was just making him angrier and angrier and he just couldn't take it. But there was no way he was telling Hanai, not like this, not now, not-

"It's because of my dad." Abe said, the words tumbling out even before he could finish the resolve in his head. He nearly slapped himself, he was that stupid, and when he looked up at Hanai, he saw that his death glare softened enough to actually see some kind of understanding. Hanai sighed and took a seat next to him, looking over at him expectantly, almost like he was begging him to go on. A stab of anger washed through Abe, because how dare Hanai make him elaborate, make him explain something like this right here, right now, and there was no way that he was telling him-

"He's always saying that I don't have any friends and I know that's a lie, that's bullshit, because you guys are my friends. But it's not just that! He keeps on telling me that I'm mean, and that Mihashi's scared of me, and I'm never going to be a good catcher because my pitcher doesn't even like me. And it's so stupid because I know that I can be mean, but I really do care for Mihashi and I want to make him a better pitcher. He has been getting better, and every single time he does something right he looks at me with practically little stars in his eyes and it makes me extremely happy. And I want to explain that to him, that if he really was scare of me, he wouldn't look at me like that and he wouldn't even be on this team-"

A hand smacked down on his shoulder, and Abe jumped about ten feet in the air, not really realizing that he was rambling or that he was even talking. When he looked over, Hanai was giving him this sort of look and he didn't know what the heck that meant, but he wished the captain would look a little less smug after he basically barfed up his soul right in front of him.

"You like Mihashi, don't you?" Hanai said, and his struggle with the corner of his lips was a futile one, because Abe could see that the smile was just threatening to spread across his face like wildfire.

"Of course I like Mihashi." Abe said, looking at the captain like he was a million years late. "He's my pitcher, and my friend, so it's not like I'm using him or something like those douchebags that he called teammates back at Mihoshi-"

"You know that's not what I mean, Abe." Hanai said. He finally removed his hand from Abe's shoulder. Abe just stared at him in shock. "I mean you like him."

"What?!" Abe asked incredulously, standing up so fast he felt a little light-headed. "You're crazy!"

"It's obvious." Hanai said. "I mean, unless you really don't, then forget I said anything."

"How did this conversation go from me being angry to me being in love with Mihashi?" Abe said after a moment of silence.

"Hey, you said it first, not me." Hanai said, holding his hands up. Abe shot him a glare. "And besides, that's the only thing I got out of your little rant about your 'dad.'" Hanai said, making finger quotations around his last word. Abe clicked his tongue at him. "Fine, forget I said anything then." Hanai said, getting to his feet. "Look, take a minute and calm the hell down, and then get out there and tell Mihashi that you're sorry." He looked at Abe sternly before getting back out to the field- "GODDAMMIT TAJIMA, HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU NOT TO STRIP OUT HERE?!"

Abe just stood there for the longest moment, not wanting to move and risk anything because for the first time in what felt like forever, Abe didn't feel like he was angry. He was confused and dazed right now, with a little mantra of "Do I like Mihashi?" running through his mind, but hey, at least he wasn't angry.

yeah! this definitely helped, writing this i mean. i might actually continue this if i have time. tell me what you think!

Love you!

-HB