The Ghost Father
Summary: This is a humorous one-shot and it has Dean and Sam dealing with a pregnant woman, a ghost, the Impala and our favorite trench-coat angel. Be aware of puking, lol.
Rated T for language
Thanks to Breean for being supportive and giving me advice, plus picking the title.
I Do Not Own Supernatural, it belongs to the Eric Kripke and the CW and I'm onlyusing them for the entertainment of this story.
The Ghost Father
Sam turned off the flashlight and folded up the atlas. "Dean, you need to take the next exit. According to the map, Westminster Cemetery has a service entrance and the gate is located on McGee Road, therefore we need to get off at exit 24."
"Sam, I think I need to get off at exit 24, because the Westminster Cemetery has a service entrance and the gate is located on McGee Road." Dean said in a mocking tone.
"You know, you're being a jerk, right?" Sam loudly asked with his bitch face look.
"Yeah, I know bitch, but its pretty damn boring out here in bumfuck Georgia."
"Whatever." The youngest Winchester stated. "Besides, all we have to do is dig up Zebulon Callahan, salt and burn his bones and then we can get going."
"Sounds good, because I was thinking we could go to that small town a few miles back and meet up with that waitress." Dean said with a silly grinning smile.
"Dude, really? Go back to hook-up?" Sam annoyingly questioned.
Dean glanced over to his younger brother, "Why not? We have no where to be, so why can't I hook-up with Darci?"
"Honestly, Dean. Does your downstairs brain do all of your thinking?"
"Maybe, what's wrong with that?"
"Whatever." Sam huffed. "Oh by the way, her name is Nancy, not Darci. If you would've bothered to listen to her voice and not be memorized by her chest, you'd know this."
"Oh, college boy thinks he's so smart."
Sam snickered and pointed to exit 24, to which his older brother does the same. Sam gave him the bird, to which his older brother does the same.
"Dean, stop it!" Sam growled.
"Dean, stop it!" Dean mocked.
"You're being childish!" Sam growled.
"You're being childish!" Dean mocked.
"Whatever." Sam growled.
"Whatever." Dean mocked.
"Pull up there, so I can pick the lock." Sam said.
"I'll pull up there, so you can pick the lock." Dean chuckled.
Once the gate is opened, Sam got out his laptop and loaded up the cemetery's directory. "Callahan is listed in marker 7-19-G and should be right up in there."
Dean parked the Impala as both men then walked to the trunk to get their supplies. It was about sixty degrees and the moon was very full, thus making for a good night to dig a grave. Sam dug first, as Dean kept guard. Then they traded spots and soon there was a body to salt and burn. The duo filled the hole back up with its dirt in record time and shortly were walking back to the car.
Sam noticed his brother was walking at a fast pace, thinking he must want to get laid real bad. "What a jerk." Sam mumbled.
"Whatcha say, Sam?" Dean stopped and asked, but before Sam could answer they hear a scream from the other side of the graveyard. The pair put the items back in the trunk as they grab extra weapons and fiercely drove toward the screams.
Sam jumped out first and ran in the direction of a young woman on the ground shrieking. "Ma'am, what's wrong?"
"My water broke!" The woman cried.
"Sammy, what happened?"
"I don't know." Puzzled, Sam asked the woman again what was wrong.
"My water broke and I'm going into labor in the middle of the fucking graveyard!" She yelled. "That's what's wrong, asshole!"
Dean started laughing, but immediately stopped when the woman gave him a dirty look.
Sam tried to comfort her by speaking in a low tone. "Okay, we'll just call an ambulance." Sam's hands were shaking as he tried to dial 911, almost dropping his phone. "Dean, there's no signal. What in the hell are we gonna do?"
Dean tried his phone, but still nothing.
"Let's get her to the car." Sam pleaded.
"No! No way!" Dean protested. "There is no way that thing is gonna be delivered in my car…my baby. We'll take her car, okay"
"Ma'am, where is your car?" Sam inquired.
"My name is Hayley and my car is over there."
Dean looked to where she was pointing too, "You gotta be shitting me!"
"Yeah, that'll work." Sam chuckled, "Dean, just help me get her to the Impala already."
The pair gently eased up the pregnant woman as they lead her to the classic car, while Dean was mumbling, "Who in the hell drives an orange Pontiac-Fiero now days?"
"I do, asshole!" Hayley replied. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to yell and call you names. That car belonged to my late husband and I took it out of the garage for a drive, because I couldn't sleep. Besides, I thought Paul would get a kick out of seeing it."
Sam smiled down at her, "That means Paul is buried here?"
"Yeah and I miss him terribly." She cried. "How am I gonna do all this by myself, because I'm really scared."
The two men slid her in the backseat, as she had more labor pains.
"Sammy, get back there with her and make sure nothing comes out!"
"No! We settle this like we always do…rock, paper, scissors." Sam stated, knowing he'll win.
Sam won, then Dean requested for two out of three. But, before Sam could celebrate his victory, Hayley let out the most blood-curling scream they've ever heard. Sam peeked into the backseat as Dean pushed him the rest of the way in and slammed the door. Dean ran to the driver's seat and sped off down the partially paved road.
"You're a friggin' jerk!" Sam barked. "You completely cheated, you know!"
'Yeah, bitch, I know." Dean chuckled as the Impala reached seventy miles per hour.
Just as they were passing the cemetery on the main highway, the Impala slowed down. It was lacking power, when Dean guided safely to the side of the road. As he looked around, all the gages seemed to be working. No warning lights came on; subsequently a confused Dean looked underneath the hood.
"Dean, what's happening?" The younger brother asked from the backseat.
"Sam, I honestly don't know." Dean replied. "We have plenty of gas, oil, water…I'm baffled as why she isn't running."
"What are we gonna do now, since there is no one in sight?"
"I guess, I'm gonna walk back and use the office phone in the cemetery. You stay here with her and keep that baby inside!" Dean stated with authority as he fiercely walked down the highway.
Hayley let out another scream and then said, "Paul, is that you?"
Sam turned around and saw a young man with dark brown hair. "Uh, Dean, can you come back over here?"
Dean turned around and as he jogged back over, started to shoot the ghost with rock salt.
Sam yelled for Paul to move, thus saving him.
"What the hell, Sam?"
"Dean, he's her husband." Sam replied as Paul reappeared.
"Honey, I'm so sorry that you're going through this without me." Paul calmly remarked. "I'm here now and we'll deliver our daughter together. I love you."
"I love you too." Hayley cried, "I'm glad you are here to help me."
Paul looked to Sam, "You need to get her legs spread to see how dilated she is."
Sam pointed to his brother, "Spreading women's legs apart are his specialty."
Paul asked Dean if he was a doctor or something, which made the oldest Winchester laugh.
"No, Paul, he's just a man-whore." Sam said without missing a beat.
"Well, in that case, you'll do just fine." The ghost remarked to Sam, which made his brother laugh again. Paul goes on to add, "Hey, man-whore, get some clean towels and warm blankets."
Mumbling profanities, Dean opened the trunk and did what he was told as the labor pains increased. Hayley and Sam both screamed at the same time. "Oh Lord, I can see…uh, something!" Sam shouted. "I'm gonna puke…oh man, this is gross!"
"Hey, that's it!" Dean excitingly exclaimed. "I'm gonna call Cas!"
"Yeah, yeah, do that…and hurry!" Sam eagerly agreed.
"Oh, Castiel got your ears on. Come on down, Cas, we have a virgin-birth you need to witness." Dean playful stated while looking up at the stars and didn't notice the angel was behind him the whole time. "Dammit, Cas! What did I say about doing that?"
"Sorry." Castiel sincerely uttered. "Dean, I must regretfully inform that this is not a virgin-birth."
"Yeah, Cas, I know." Dean sarcastically stated, "I was kidding…you know, a joke."
"Oh, I see. It was quite amusing." The angel quietly said. "I guess I am no longer needed here, thus I will be on my way."
"NO!" The Winchester brothers shout in unison.
"Please, don't leave. Help this woman deliver her baby…uh, one of God's children." Sam pleaded.
"Nice touch there, Sammy." Dean happily grinned.
Hayley screamed in pain and began to push.
"No, don't push!" Dean barked.
Sam glanced at his brother, "How do you know that?"
"Uh, I saw it on an episode of Dr. Sexy, M.D. and I know that pushing leads to a baby, so we can't let that happen in my car."
"Dude, you still watch that stupid show?"
"Sammy, it's not stupid and obviously very informative." Dean proudly announced.
Before Sam could have another say, another contraction happened as Hayley violently screamed.
Paul enlightened Sam by pointing to his baby crowning, making him vomit on the backseat floor.
"What the hell, Sammy!" Dean exclaimed. However, once the older brother saw the baby's head coming out, he puked on top of Sam, which made the younger brother hurl again.
As a result, Paul was frustratingly pushing the brothers out of the vehicle and gently maneuvered his baby girl safely out. Suddenly the infant was screaming at the top of her lungs, which made the proud parents smile. Paul doesn't know how he was able to touch things, but none of that matters now.
"We just entered the third stage of the delivery, the umbilical cord closure and placental expulsion." Castiel informed the two brothers.
Dean looked back in his car, seeing the blood, mucus and placental tissue, thus making him throw-up again. Sam saw his brother getting sick again and that made him puke again and again.
Paul placed the baby with his wife as they gushed over her. Castiel asked what he needed to do now and Paul mentioned that they need to get to a hospital immediately. The Angel informed them he can take mother and child only, therefore Paul said his goodbyes.
"Hayley, I love you know more than ever. I love Claire so much and I want you to tell her that she was the greatest gift in my entire life and she is very much loved." With tears in his eyes, Paul kissed them. "I can't leave and be with you, but always know that I'll be in your hearts and I want you both to live life to the maximum. I love you both and I must say farewell forever."
"Paul, I love you very much and I promise Claire will know everything about you." Hayley kissed him goodbye and thanked the brothers for everything as Castiel took them away.
The heart-broken ghost father turned to Sam and Dean, "I want to thank you for helping my wife and daughter. When her water broke, something inside me awoke and I was trying to speak with her when you all drove off. That's when I stopped your car, because I wanted to be there for the delivery."
"Wait, you broke down my car?" Dean angrily questioned.
"It's just temporary…it should be working now." The ghost informed as he began to disappear. "Sorry about you guys getting sick and all that mess, but if it makes you feel better, it was my only wish. You know, to see my baby born and I hope you realize that I really appreciated it.
"Yeah, man, glad we could help." Sam replied as his face turned pale again. "You better go now."
And with that said, Paul faded away with a prideful smile on his face. Dean shook his head, "How in the hell are we gonna clean up this shit? I mean, there's blood, puke and some weird mucus shit all over…son of a bitch!"
"Oh, why did you have to say mucus…" Sam started to say as he violently vomited all over Dean…again!
"Cas…Castiel…help!" Dean yelled into the sky with tears in his eyes and didn't notice the angel was behind him the whole time yet again. "Dammit, Cas! What do I keep saying about doing that?"
"Sorry. Did you need something else?" The Angel asked.
"Cas, we can't stop puking and need the backseat cleaned-up." Dean begged, "Please, I'm crying here from all this mucus and crap."
"Dean, you said it again." Sam informed as he heaved in the road.
Castiel lightly touched each one's forehead and both are instantly feeling better, then with a fluttering of his wings, the angel was gone.
"Hey, wait…you forgot the backseat!" Dean exclaimed.
"No, he didn't." Sam mentioned as he opened the backdoor.
Dean was very relieved and kissed his beloved Impala. "I'm sorry that happened to ya, baby."
"Dude, as if I wasn't already weirded-out by earlier events, you kissed your car." Sam annoyingly informed his brother with that bitch face look again.
"Just get in the car!" Dean shouted as he entered the driver's side.
"So, what now?" Sam asked. "Are you gonna go hook-up with Nancy?"
"Hell no!" Dean yelled. "After the shit I witnessed tonight, I'm gonna get plastered and sleep for eighteen hours."
"Yeah, that's sounds good." Slightly smiling, Sam agreed.
"Yeah, that's sounds good." Dean mocked.
"Dean, don't start that crap again!" Sam growled.
"Dean, don't start that crap again!" Dean mocked.
"Stop that!" Sam growled.
"Stop that!" Dean mocked.
"Whatever, jerk." Sam stated.
"Whatever, bitch." Dean said as the Impala sped down the road toward the state line.
The End