The forest offered no refuge from the chill of winter, but Tsunade welcomed the cold, wishing the numbness that spread through her extremities would extend to the ragged edges of her heart. She leapt onward until the tree line cleared, revealing dark water that reflected the scant light of the crescent moon. The cabin on the eastern side of the lake had seen better days, but it still stood strong, a lone sentinel facing the water's edge. Tsunade stared at the shimmering expanse of the lake as the icy wind swirled snowflakes around her body, and she felt a familiar presence emerge from the woods behind her, his chakra signature crackling with anger.
"Isn't it a bit cold for a midnight swim, Princess?" His humorless voice held no warmth, and Tsunade spun around to face Orochimaru. His face betrayed no emotion, though his golden eyes burned with a rage she could almost feel prickling along her skin.
"Go back home, Orochi." she muttered, sidestepping him, and walking toward the cabin.
Slender fingers coiled around Tsunade's wrists as she felt herself pulled bodily against his lean frame. Tsunade jerked against Orochimaru's hold on her, but he would not relent.
"If I go, you are coming with me. Grieve, cry, hate, scream if you must. I know what you are doing, and I will not allow it. You are not going anywhere. I will not let you." He growled hotly in her ear, tightening his hold on her wrists.
Both Sannin knew that his physical strength was no match for hers if she chose to truly fight him, but the raw emotion behind his words gave her pause. Orochimaru was a man who did not allow sentiment to control his actions. He felt expressing emotions made a shinobi weak, but on this night it seemed that his control over his own feelings threatened to break apart at the seams.
"Release me, Orochimaru," Tsunade whispered, as a dull ache swirled in her chest, clenching her throat with unshed tears.
"I will not," He replied through gritted teeth, spinning her to face him, his grip unrelenting, strong enough to bruise her fair skin. "Dan is gone. You are alive. The loss of his life was not your fault, and running away will not change what you feel. Not in the least. You are stronger than this, and you are needed."
Their eyes met in a familiar sort of stalemate, faces mere inches apart, neither willing to give up ground or surrender to the command of the other. Tsunade swallowed the rising lump in her throat as his gaze burned into hers, betraying his angry facade, and instead pleading with words unspoken.
Please don't leave. She could feel the words as if he had actually said them, the burning intensity of his golden eyes revealing a desperation he would never admit.
His breath swept across her lips as they stood deadlocked, and she could feel the quickening rise and fall of his chest against her own. A sudden gust of wind and snow buffeted them both, and she found herself surrounded by the familiar scent of lavender and green tea as his long black hair briefly curtained her face. In that moment, it took great effort for Tsunade to resist curling into the warmth she could feel emanating from Orochimaru's form. He was one of the most dangerous men in the shinobi world, but he was one of the only people she trusted with her life. She wished she could simply turn to him for comfort, but such things were no longer possible between them.
Another chakra signature suddenly emerged from the woods, unconcerned with attracting their notice. Orochimaru's gaze shifted towards the woods behind her but he did not relinquish his grip on her forearms.
"I knew we would find you here. Now be a good girl and come back home with us." Jiraiya's deep voice rang out from a short distance behind Tsunade. "You don't have to do this."
"I'm sorry, Jiraiya, I have to. I can't go back." she replied flatly, trying to shake Orochimaru's hold on her without intentionally hurting him.
"Sure you can, Princess. Just come along now and we will go back home together."
"I need to get away, I have to…you both should have stayed in the village."
"Sweetheart, please let us take care of you. You're tired, and it is freezing out here. We can talk it over in the morning. Let's get going so we can get you out of the cold." Jiraiya's voice was firm and tinged with controlled anger.
"No. You don't understand... I can't go back. I can't even fight. Don't you get it? There is nothing left for me in Konoha. Please just let me go. Just let me GO!" she cried, breaking Orochimaru's grip and falling to her knees in the gathering snow.
Tsunade's resolve shattered, and she promptly fell apart in front of her teammates. Every bit of composure she had clung to was gone in an instant. Every tear she had held back over the last few weeks escaped her in a paroxysm of great wracking sobs as Tsunade finally allowed the waves of grief to consume her. Endless minutes passed as she cried out her pain to the sky. Her chest heaved, and she heard a strange sort of keening wail, only to eventually realize that she was the source of the sound. Very slowly, her sobs began to quiet, though the tears still flowed. Tsunade was barely able to breathe without the air hitching in her chest and more tears falling down her cheeks. She gradually became aware of strong arms encircling her on both sides, shielding her from the cold. Her sight was becoming hazy, and she shivered, suddenly feeling very cold and so very tired. She tried to stand, but her knees buckled, and she sagged against Orochimaru's chest, her consciousness beginning to falter.
"She may be going into shock. We need to get her out of the wind." Orochimaru sounded distant and irritated, though Jiraiya could sense a faint tinge of almost-frantic concern in his voice. Moisture glittered in the corners of the snake Sannin's golden eyes as he lifted his teammate and carried her towards the cabin. The toad sage was one step ahead, breaking through the rusted enclosures on the door, and searching for means to light a fire. There was a stone hearth, and a stack of dusty, crumbling firewood. Within moments, a small fire crackled to life, slowly adding its warmth to the frosty air.
Orochimaru settled Tsunade on the dusty platform of a bed in the corner and searched the room for something dry, anything to wrap around her and help block the cold. There was a locked trunk at the foot of the bed, and one chakra laced touch of his fingers sprang it open. Moth eaten clothing and dusty linens would have to do for now. He regarded her carefully, knowing that her wet clothing would only worsen her current state. Tsunade remained silent, as he removed her cloak and body armor. Even her black undershirt and pants were soaked with melting snow, and Orochimaru sighed raggedly.
"I'm going to need to take off your uniform, Princess. You will not stand a chance as you are right now."
"It's so cold, Oro..." Tsunade's eyes fluttered and her teeth chattered, as a full body shiver ran through her entire body. Taking that for her consent, Orochimaru gently divested her of the rest of her clothing, until she was left in only her chest bindings and a pair of simple cotton panties. Even bedraggled, sleep deprived, and shivering, she was perfection incarnate, and his gaze involuntarily swept along her form before he layered several of the old blankets over her, pulling them up to her chin. Before he could stop himself, his fingers tenderly grazed the softness of her cheek. Realizing his mistake and inwardly cursing his lack of self control, Orochimaru quickly stood upright and took a deep breath, hoping to settle the rising heat in his cheeks that threatened to betray him with a blush. This was not the time for such base nonsense.
Jiraiya somberly regarded his friends with a growing ache in his chest. He moved to hang Tsunade's clothes near the hearth, to aid in drying them as quickly as possible. He approached Orochimaru and they both quietly regarded Tsunade's prone, shivering form.
"She has been wandering these woods for days in the rain and the snow. It's a wonder she has not collapsed before now." Orochimaru sighed, rummaging around the room for anything else that might be of use to them.
"There is only one other thing we can do, though she won't like it. We are going to have to warm her ourselves, Oro." Jiraiya said, grimacing with the thought of how Tsunade might react when fully in her right mind. Orochimaru nodded in agreement, and unfastened the neck of his cloak.
Both men solemnly removed their clothing until they were clad in only their underwear, and settled their belongings near the fire to dry. Orochimaru's eyes scanned furtively over Jiraiya's exposed flesh, drawn like a magnet, in the same way he could not resist lingering on the sight of Tsunade as she was. The snake user turned, grounding himself with another deep breath, slowing his racing pulse. It would not do to show any kind of weakness while Tsunade was in this state. What was he thinking?
He did not notice Jiraiya at his back appraising him in the same way.
Jiraiya unfolded a couple of ragged, threadbare lengths of cloth from the trunk and tossed one to Orochimaru. The men each wrapped them around their own shoulders before moving to join Tsunade under the blankets, awkwardly cradling her on either side, their legs pressing along the outsides of each of her own. Orochimaru, who avidly expressed a general aversion to being touched, held his teammate close, rubbing his hands along her shivering arms, hoping that the friction would aid in warming her. Jiraiya gingerly wrapped a well-muscled arm around her small waist, trying and failing to ignore the thrill of her soft skin against his own.
The fire crackled and shadows played along the walls as the wind howled outside the cabin. Tsunade's breath became even and she seemed to doze, falling into a troubled sleep. Jiraiya and Orochimaru lay silently beside her for countless moments, listening to her breathe, each one trying not to remember the last time the three of them had been this close to one another.
It had been several weeks after the war first broke out. The trio may have been prodigious shinobi in their own right, but none of the three had been prepared for the realities of war. The loss of life on such an exaggerated scale, as well as the actions required to survive each battle, haunted the young teammates during their only moments of peace. One evening, Jiraiya had found a secure place for them to rest, in a cave near the borders of Amegakure. Wet and weary, they attempted to find respite for a few hours huddled together by the fire.
Innocent embraces meant to comfort one another served to ignite a fervent hunger for any kind of affirmation of life that could be expressed between the three of them. Inhibitions were swiftly thrown aside in favor of oblivion and the three young teammates gave in to youthful desire and purely primal need, exploring each other's bodies and losing themselves in sensual pleasure. When daylight came, and the reality of what they had done finally sank into their troubled minds, they came to the joint decision that the events that occurred in the cave would never be discussed again. As with the world around them, in so many ways since then, they were never the same again.
Tsunade stirred restlessly, jerking awake with a sudden cry. She gasped for breath, heart pounding. For a moment, she forgot where she was and panicked inwardly, not knowing how she came to be undressed and enveloped in the warmth of two vaguely familiar male bodies. Jiraiya snored softly, reflexively tightening his hold on her waist. Tsunade turned, and her honey-colored eyes rose to meet Orochimaru's serpentine stare. There were shadows of fatigue under his eyes, offsetting the violet markings of his long lost clan. His appearance had always marked him as alien among the villagers, but Tsunade could not remember a time when she did not find him beautiful. She quickly looked away from him and pulled the blankets up as high as she could around her neck. Tsunade needed a way out, and quickly.
"This was unnecessary. If you both had just let me go on my way, this would not have happened. I would have been fine if-" she began hurriedly.
"Do not even dare to blame us for this," He hissed quietly before she could utter another word, his hand moving to cup her chin roughly, forcing her gaze up and directly in line with his own.
"We are the only reason you are not freezing to death alone in this godforsaken shack. Maybe that is what you wanted, you selfish, selfish little fool of a girl. You would throw away your life, your power, and your potential all because you could not save your lover? Reality check, Princess. We are shinobi. We are mere tools of the governments we serve, and we live and we die at their whim. Perhaps someday we will become masters of our own fates, who might take back the power we've lost, but that day is not today. Do not waste everything you are on momentary grief!"
"How dare you, you bastard, you have no idea what I have lost!" Tsunade's eyes blurred with tears for a moment, and her hand rose to strike him, but he caught her by the wrist and moved in close, hovering over her, his ebony hair falling across her chest.
"That's right, Princess, fight me." Orochimaru chuckled dryly. "Take your hatred out on me, if it means you will keep on fighting. If you can hate, then at least you are still living. "
"Enough, Oro. Stop baiting her." Jiraiya snapped, clearly awake in spite of all appearances otherwise. His voice softened, and he brushed a stray lock of her hair away from her face. His dark eyes were serious and full of sorrow. "Tsunade, why the hell are you so insistent on rejecting everyone who wants to support you, everyone who depends on you? Do you really not know how loved you are?"
"She knows," Orochimaru spat, venom lacing his words. "She has always known. The thought of reciprocating anything we have ever felt was too dangerous for her, and she chose to hide behind Dan rather than face us outright." His features blazed with anger and open pain. Jiraiya braced himself for her response.
Each word hit her like a kunai to the gut. He was right.
Tsunade swallowed the rising lump in her throat as shame flooded her face with heat. She was not blind to the inconvenient truths behind their team dynamic. She knew they both loved her deeply. The one night they shared in each other's arms had awakened a need in Tsunade that she didn't know she had, but duty trumped emotion, and they had a war to fight. Then Nawaki was killed in action and with her grief still fresh, she met Dan Kato and chose to abandon the sentiments of her youth, focusing her attentions on their joint goals and his dream of becoming Hokage. Dan was her refuge, and in loving him she locked away the memories of her childhood fascination with Orochimaru, the stolen kisses with Jiraiya when they were thirteen and curious, and the one night when comfort turned into passion, and she gave her virginity to her teammates.
When Dan was mortally injured and she failed to save his life, the guilt was so overwhelming that she wished she had gone with him. The sight of blood now paralyzed her with fear, and she was no longer of any use as a medic, or a warrior. She had lost everything she was, failing her teammates and her village. She would not let anyone else lose their life because she was too weak to save them.
"Yes, Orochimaru, I did hide, and rest assured - I have paid dearly for it." Tsunade stated in low voice, leaning forward, closing the distance between them. The blankets fell as she placed a hand on the smooth alabaster skin of his chest. He jerked as if her touch had burned him.
"Do you know what it is to love someone with every fiber of your being only to feel forced to resist expressing it, for fear that they too would be taken away as soon as you gave your heart over to them? Do you not understand that I cannot lose you both as well?" she whispered sadly, scant inches from his face.
For a moment, Orochimaru was rendered speechless, his eyes wide and mouth slightly agape. Tsunade's mournful expression did not change as she studied him. Jiraiya considered them both carefully, attempting to gauge their next moves before he spoke.
"Do you not understand that we are incomplete without you?" he asked, his deep voice even and sure, as he reached out to cover her hand on Orochimaru's chest with his own. "We are capable of so much more together than we are if we stand alone. Please reconsider, Tsunade."
Her heart clenched painfully at his words. She looked from one man to the other. Jiraiya appeared crestfallen but accepting, as though he knew that he was fighting a losing battle and all was already lost. Orochimaru's expression was almost desperate, his golden eyes burning, willing her to respond. Tsunade knew what it cost him to betray his feelings so openly and her will to defy them finally crumbled to dust.
She raised a hand to cup each of their faces and gently drew them towards her. Jiraiya leaned in and buried his face in the curve of her neck, his broad shoulders quaking as silent tears fell hot against her skin. Orochimaru stared incredulously at his teammates and shuddered, letting out a breath that he didn't know he had been holding. Without preamble, he shifted quickly, crashing his lips into hers, and kissing her hungrily. His tongue slipped past her lips, gorging himself on the sweet taste of her mouth.
Tsunade was caught offguard and nearly overcome by the force of his desire for her, as a frisson of heat swirled through her belly, suffusing her entire body with warmth. Orochimaru laced the fingers of one hand in her hair, and gripped it at her nape while he practically devoured her, drawing soft moans from her throat. Jiraiya moved to embrace her from behind, his warm chest pressing against her back. He ghosted his lips over the crook of her neck, a tender counterpoint to Orochimaru's frenzied onslaught, while his large rough hands slid around her waist, caressing her and committing the feel of her satiny skin to memory.
Jiraiya knew Orochimaru's need for her was profound, and he was content to allow his friend the freedom to express his desire. It had been years since they had been able to touch her, to express their love for her. Once, in a moment of mutual loneliness and despair, they tried to reaffirm their own affection for each other, but it was no use - Tsunade was the bridge that bound them together. The toad sage found his solace with countless nameless faceless women, while the snake user closed himself off, burying himself in research, even more wary of displaying any vulnerabilities, to the point of denying his own basic human instincts.
Jiraiya's heart clenched as he watched his teammates together, marveling at the beautiful picture they made with one another. He prayed to every god who might be listening that this was not the end.