DISCLAIMER: I don't own gundam wing or any of its characters. I don't even own my car so don't sue me*_*
Insight
BY: Lara_Winner
The crowd of people only intensified the stifling heat. Heero glanced at his watch. 1:30. The press conference should be starting any minute. He resisted the urge to sigh with impatience. What was he doing here? There were a number of things he could be doing at the moment. Yet he had come anyway. This could only make matters worse.
A man, short, stocky, and balding stepped up to the podium and adjusted the microphone. He began addressing the crowd of reporters. Heero glanced at his watch again. 1:34. This was ridiculous. Of all the things he had done this certainly showed he had lost his sanity, but he couldn't leave. Just like he couldn't fight the temptation to be here today. He wouldn't do it again, he told himself firmly.
The man stepped away from the podium and a girl stepped up next. At the sight of her Heero went completely still. Relena Peacecraft. Her familiar features were composed in an impassive expression. Her voice was the same only now she spoke in a frank and impersonally brisk manner. She still looked the same only her hair was slightly longer. She had changed since the last time he had seen her. Things had changed since then.
He thought about the last time he saw her. He had given her a teddy bear for her birthday. Not knowing what to say to give it to her in person, he had simply left it in her plane seat where she would be sure to find it. She almost caught him but she had been too preoccupied to really notice him. He exited the plane and while walking away she had called his name. He remembered the way she looked staring at him with a half smile through the plane window. Then she did something that he could only admire. She tore the card in half and with her eyes twinkling, she issued the challenge. 'Next time give it to me in person.' She had challenged him and he still had yet to deliver, just not today.
He didn't even know why he was here today. He'd been passing by and the crowd had caught his attention. It took him a moment to remember that there was a conference being held for all the diplomats from Earth and the Colonies. Naturally Vice Foreign Minster Darlain would be in attendance. The smart thing would have been to keep waking. The last thing he needed was Relena to see him here.
The thought had no sooner crossed his mind, when, he knew Relena had seen him. She didn't show any surprise, only stared directly at him for a moment and then looked away. Great! Things have just gotten worse. He was in a bad mood already, he didn't need her tracking him down and getting in his way. He thought of all the missions she interrupted, and the times he had tried to kill her but couldn't. He still didn't understand that either. What made her so damn special? Maybe it was because she hadn't been afraid him. Maybe because she was the first person he had ever met that had tried to help him. He didn't know, all he did know was that somehow she managed to make him betray himself over and over. This was the perfect example. He hadn't planned to come and he knew he should leave, but did he? NO!
He was forced out of his thoughts when Relena exited the platform. He turned and began to make his way into the throng of people. He ignored everyone as he pushed, squeezed, and elbowed his way through the crowd. Finally, the people behind him, he made a left and began walking down a semi-deserted side street. Wearing a button down shirt, jeans, and hands in his pockets, he blended in perfectly with everyone else. But he wasn't like everyone else. That was the simple thought that had kept him focused for so long. Now there was only one problem. How does one live a normal life?
He had no clue where to begin to create a life for himself. There were two things he was really good at, killing, and not getting killed, and now that the war was over his skills were useless. The only way for anything living thing to survive is it's ability to adapt to change. But where would he begin to adapt his life to that of a normal person. Unfortunately he wasn't a computer; he couldn't delete unwanted memories or reformat the training that had been drilled into him for as long as he could remember. But then he was never supposed to survive the war. That only left him back at square one. He could take his life in any direction he chose but that still didn't help him adapt to human interaction. If his emotions were still intact then he could relate to those around him but since he was 'the perfect soldier' he didn't have any emotions that he could identify. Sure he felt something sometimes, but he couldn't begin to name the emotions, and they never lasted long enough for him to analyze them. Well, there was one person who could bring up a multitude of feelings at once but he didn't want to think of her or analyze what she made him feel.
He was so far away in his thoughts he didn't notice the black limo turn down the street. He didn't notice the sound of the car door opening or the footsteps that followed. He almost jumped out of his skin when a small delicate hand touched his shoulder. He knew who it was without even looking. Turning around he faced Relena, the Relena he knew. Not the Foreign Minister, but the girl who was the exact opposite of him. Her eyes were clear, bright, and excited. She was ginning, making her whole expression glow. She removed her hand from his shoulder and folded her arms across her chest.
"I thought I saw you in the crowd, " she whispered, then laughed as she said, "Its good to see you, though I must admit I am a bit surprised." Taking him by the elbow she led him toward the limo saying, "Come on. There's no point in walking when you can have a ride."
He let her lead him to the car. As they got in, he told the driver his address and glanced at her. She had moved over to the window and was looking out at the row of little boutiques that lined the street.
Without turning from the window she asked, "How have you been?"
"Good," he replied. "You?"
She chuckled as she said, "Busy. I never thought that appealing to people's hearts could be so frustrating." She sighed and leaned her head against the back of the seat, closing her eyes. "Its funny how we take the simple things in life for granted and we don't realize it till things get complicated."
He felt the underlying weariness in her voice. He took the moment to study her. This close he could see the faint dark smudges under her eyes. She also looked thinner than the last time he saw her, if that was possible, she was so small already. He became slightly concerned. The pressure being put on her was starting to take its toll.
"It won't do you any good to push yourself beyond your limits," he said, his voice expressionless. Opening her eyes, she gave him curious look. She closed her eyes again, a small smile curving her lips.
"Don't worry about me. Soon the Liberal Arms Negotiations will be agreed upon and things should settle down a bit. At least that's what I'm hoping. You never know what will happen day to day."
Heero said nothing. She was right, eventually things will settle down and the peace projects will be concluded, but till then she would push herself to the limit. That could take a while and it was so easy to wear one's self down without even realizing it. Hell, he was an expert at pushing his endurance to the breaking point. So much depended upon her, maybe too much.
"How are the guys?" she asked.
"Fine," he replied.
A companionable silence fell over them as the limo glided through the streets. She was just like Quatre. They were always genuinely concerned about everyone. They were so comfortable with their emotions, so unlike him. He had been taught, from the earliest he could remember that emotions made you weak. That to care for anything would jeopardize the mission and the mission must always come first. Relena could never understand that. If she knew the things he had done she would be horrified. She would never understand his reasons. They were so different he was amazed at the effect she had on him. But maybe he shouldn't be.
The limo slowed to a stop and Heero realized that they had arrived at the apartment. As he opened the door Relena grasped his hand and stopped him. He turned to her and was surprised to see her eyes were misted with tears. She leaned forward impulsively and hugged him hard. He stiffened at the contact but he couldn't push her away. He had to admit the feel of her that close to him sent his mind reeling. She pulled back and smiled one of her most brilliant smiles.
"Thank you, for everything you have done for me," she whispered. "I owe you more than I could ever repay you."
Swallowing hard, Heero fought the way his heart twisted at her words. He didn't deserve her gratitude or affections. He could never express what he felt for her because he didn't understand it himself. All he could do was keep her at a distance, and yet she didn't seem to care.
Looking directly into her eyes he shook his head and said firmly, "Don't thank me Relena, you don't owe me anything." Not waiting for her reply he stepped out the limo and rushed up the steps of the apartment building.
Two days later
"Man, what the hell is Heero's problem?" The question was asked out loud to the two other occupants in the room as Duo flopped down on the couch. "I asked him if he'd seen my cap and he told me if I can't find it then that's what I get for being brain dead. Then he almost pushed me down the stairs on his way out."
"There's nothing wrong with him, he's always telling you stuff like that," said Quatre, looking up from the book he was reading. Thunder crashed outside and lightning lit up the room for a brief moment.
"But he was actually mad. Not mildly annoyed. I mean PISSED! Now you it takes even little old me some time to piss him off but all I did was walk in the room. Now, where's the fun in that." Duo folded his arms and his mouth frowned into a pout.
"I've noticed it too. He's been like that for a couple of days now," said Trowa. As he spoke, he looked away from the documentary he'd been watching on tv. "You never really know with Heero," he said, his voice as always, impassive.
All three of the boys looked up as the front door burst opened and blur of movement swept into the living room. Taking off his dripping wet blazer, Wufei walked to the couch and flopped down next to Duo leaning his head back and closing his eyes. He flung his arm over his face and sighed tiredly.
"Wufei, have you noticed Heero's mood the last couple of days?" Duo asked, as he repositioned himself to sit sideways facing the other boy.
"Yes," Wufei said, not moving a muscle.
"I'm gonna get to the bottom of this." Getting up from the couch Duo headed toward the stairs.
"What are you going to do Duo?" asked Quatre, his voice betraying his skepticism at the other boy's plans.
"Get himself killed," answered Wufei. "I wouldn't go looking through Heero's things if I were you. Not unless you have a death wish because he'll kill you when he finds out." The boy moved his arm and looked at Duo with a grim smile.
Duo grinned at Wufei, ignoring the threat." But that's if he finds out. He won't ever hafta know. Besides, this could be really big." He turned and disappeared into the hall. They could hear the sound of his heavy stomping footsteps all the way to the top of the stairs.
"I hope I'm not here when Heero finds out," said Quatre, shuddering.
At his statement Wufei smiled and said, "I wouldn't miss it for the world."
Duo straightened and with the back of his hand wiped the sweat from his brow. Two hours and he hadn't found anything. He looked around Heero's half of the room and smiled with satisfaction. Everything looked just right. Not that Heero had much stuff for him to go through but he had tried his best to put it all back just as he found it. He noticed Heero's laptop sitting where he had left it on his bed. No use looking there. He had tried to hack into that computer so many times but Heero's security system for the thing was just too good. The temptation was too strong and his curiosity won out.
He walked over to Heero's bed and kneeling beside it he lifted the top of the computer. To his surprise and advantage Heero had forgotten to shutdown the computer. He must have really been out of it when he left. Now this was going to be interesting.
He started searching files and an hour later slammed the computer closed. Not a damn thing! Nothing but OZ passwords and copied security files. He didn't know what he was searching for but he thought he'd find something. Anything that said that Heero was human. No wonder the guy had no sense of humor, he was just a walking mission manual. Well, he would just have to find out the old fashioned way, ask Heero and then run like hell!
Downstairs, the front door slammed shut. Duo jumped up and as casually as he could he strode out the room and down the stairs passing Heero as he was coming up. Duo didn't relax till he heard the bedroom door slam loudly. He walked into the now empty living room and grabbed the tv remote. While flipping through the channels Quatre poked his head out of the kitchen and looked questioningly at Duo. He shook his head and shrugged, mouthing 'nothing'. After searching through the channels and not finding anything on tv, he got up and joined Quatre in the kitchen. The blond was standing by the sink washing the last of the dishes.
"Aw man, we were going for a record, that would have been three weeks come tomorrow." He hoisted himself up onto the counter, his feet dangling over the side, swinging back and forth. "Any mold?" he asked hopefully.
Quatre giggled as he shook his head sadly. "No mold, sorry." Whipping his hands on the dishtowel he turned to face Duo. "You didn't find anything?" he whispered.
"Nope. I even searched his computer, nothing." Duo said. Pulling his feet up he wrapped his arms around his legs and resting his chin on his knees.
"Where did Trowa and Wufei go?" he asked. He listened, his ears strained expecting at any moment for Heero to come tearing down the stairs ready to kill him.
"I don't know." Quatre shrugged. "Do you really think we'll be finished with this by next week?" he asked abruptly, his voice wistful.
"I hope." Duo glanced at Quatre and was surprised to see the other boy had tears in his eyes. "I know how you feel," he said quietly. "We've only been here for a month but it feels like forever. This was strictly a precautionary measure. We won't be needed after Monday." Sighing he leaned his head back against the cabinet behind him. "Just to be able to settle down to some sort of normalcy. I'm tired of talking to Hilde on a video-phone. I miss her."
"I'm tired of this too, Duo. These missions have become an obsession to us. There's finaly peace between Outer Space and Earth and we're still trying to find reasons to fight and I don't understand why." He looked up, his face a mask of confusion. Sighing he hung his head, his shoulders drooping.
"Hang in there, man. It shouldn't take much longer and we'll be free of all of this shit. Just think, with nothing to do, I say three days and you'll be calling me screaming that without my charming company you'll go crazy." He grinned at Quatre and was rewarded when the other boy smiled in return.
Sitting at the table the next morning, Trowa looked up as Duo entered the room. He was still in his boxers and a T-shirt, his hair a mess, trying to stifle a yawn. He muttered a greeting as he walked past the table. Trowa shifted his attention back to the newspaper he had been reading when a loud thump and an equally loud 'Damn it!' made him look up sharply. Duo was hopping around in a circle on one foot while holding his other foot and chanting, 'ow, wo, ow ,ow ,ow'. At the sound of Quatre's laughter coming from the doorway, Duo yelled, "It's not funny! That really hurt!" Grumbling to himself about not being appreciated, he limped to the kitchen.
After a few moments he returned with chocolate pop-tarts drenched in pancake syrup. At that moment Wufei walked in from the living room, took one look at Duo's breakfast and stopped short, his face an expression of horror. Taking a huge bite, Duo looked up and noticing the other boy's odd behavior, still chewing, he asked innocently 'What?' Shaking his head, Wufei made his way to the kitchen.
Wufei was just sitting at the table, his eyes carefully avoiding Duo's creation, when Heero's infuriated voice echoed through the whole apartment.
"DUO!!!"
Choking on the gulp of milk he had just drank, Duo paled as the sound of angry footsteps got closer. One look at Heero face and Duo jumped up and positioned himself behind Wufei's chair, ready to run in either direction.
Quatre rushed into the room almost running into Heero. It was obvious the he was torn between wanting to help Duo and his strong sense of self-preservation.
Trowa carefully put the paper aside and sat tensely waiting for the first one to make their next move.
Wufei kept his eyes carefully fixed on the far wall not even blinking. There was no way he was going to get involved in this.
"This is the third time you've gone through my things," said Heero, his voice deceptively calm. His usually cold eyes were burning with anger. Duo swallowed hard.
"You guys, fighting won't solve anything. Why don't you sit and clam down Heero." Quatre spoke earnestly, his hands twisting unconsciously.
"Stay out of this Quatre." Heero said.
"How do you know anyone went through your stuff?" Duo asked, gaining courage because he was blocked by Wufei's chair. "Why blame me?"
"I know when my stuffs been moved and you're the only one stupid enough to go and try it three times." At Heero's remark Duo shrieked indignantly and glared.
"Well, just because I did doesn't mean you can go around accusing me." As Duo said this his face turned white realizing he just gave himself away.
"My point made. You're too immature for your own good. I'm amazed you never got yourself killed," replied Heero as he started to turn away but then he looked back, saying, "Grow up, Duo!" Then glaring at Duo for a moment longer, he turned and walked out of the room. Duo and Quatre both walked to the table and sagged in their chairs sighing with relief.
"He's right, you know." Wufei said, turning to face Duo, his expression serious.
"Okay, I was wrong to snoop through his stuff but I'm not completely immature. I can be serious when I have to be. I just happen to find it boring," Duo exclaimed defensively.
"Hmp!" Wufei grunted, deciding to drop the subject because Duo clearly wasn't going to get the point.
"Duo is doing what he has to do to stay sane. To laugh is the best way relieve one's frustrations," replied Trowa. His whole expression was blank, matching his voice.
"Yeah, it is better than going postal, I guess." Quatre said in a far away voice, as if he were analyzing all their personalities in his mind.
"There's a difference between humor and stupidity," snapped Wufei. He then proceeded to eat his cereal in an attempt to ignore the three other boys.
"Trowa's right," said Duo in a quiet voice. He hung his head and folded his arms, his face pensive. Sighing, he stood up and after depositing his plate in the sink went to his room. Duo knocked on the door to the shared bedroom. When he received no answer he opened the door. The room was empty. Grabbing his clothes he headed for the shower.
Nine hours later, returning from various errands, Duo dragged himself into the apartment. Falling on the couch tiredly he didn't even open his eyes at the sound of footsteps entering the living room. As he listened the TV clicked on and the channels flipped till finaly the sound of the 9:00 news broadcast filled the room. Opening his eyes he found Heero sitting on the floor his laptop right in front of him.
Forcing himself to sit up he rested his elbows on his knees and dropped his head in his hands. He should apologize. He had to admit that sometimes he did act really annoying. He didn't know how to be any different. Trowa had it exactly right. He wasn't strong enough to face his thoughts, so he distracted himself any way he could. That usually meant cracking jokes or acting stupid. He had never really thought before how frustrating it must be to his friends. Considering some of the things he had done, they actually handled things rather well.
Knowing what he must do and not wanting to do it, he looked at the TV again. Heero had started speed typing and the sound of the keys bounced around in his head. He closed his eyes again and tried to block out the sound. He shouldn't care why Heero seemed so out of it, but he did. They were all his friends and he didn't know why but somewhere along the way he'd started to consider Heero his best friend. Something was wrong with him and Duo couldn't sit by and watch his friend suffer, no matter how much he hated apologizing.
The pounding on the keys came to an abrupt stop, causing Duo to look up. Heero was staring at the TV, his hands were clenched and his expression was indescribable. Duo looked at the TV and grinned. The news was showing recorded scenes of Relena Pececraft at the Colony Conference held the day before. So Relena was the reason for Heero's drastic change in attitude, or actually the discovery that Heero had an attitude under his frozen exterior. That would make sense, she was here three days ago for a meeting and a press conference, and Heero's mood had mysteriously changed the same day. Coincidence, I think not!
Suddenly Heero shot to his feet and walked out the room and then out the front door. Not letting himself way the consequences, Duo followed Heero outside.
Heero sat on the bottom step, his arms wrapped around his knees, his head bowed, and his eyes staring at the ground. Sitting next to Heero, Duo folded his arms behind his head and leaned back against the steps. When Heero didn't acknowledge his presence in the least he decided to be the first to speak.
"Look man, I'm sorry I went through your stuff, you were right, I do need to grow up a little." Silence met his statement. Sighing, he sat up and looked at the other boy's profile.
"We've all noticed somethin's been bugging you. I know you don't wanna talk but it might do you some good." When Heero still didn't move or say anything Duo looked to the darkness across the street.
"It's her isn't it?" Duo whispered, glancing at Heero. The boy closed his eyes and ducked his head away from the others sight.
"There are things we can't control and there's no use fighting them. All we can do is accept them and hope that they make us stronger and better people. If you manage to kill your emotions then you've lost the meaning of everything. We weren't fighting for ourselves, we were following our hearts and fighting for the Colonies. We were fighting for others. Hell, we were fighting so she could lead the world to peace. Trowa told me that you said the only way to live is to let your emotions lead you. Well, I think yours are leading you and I think you're a fool for trying to stop it!" Glaring at Heero, Duo waited for a response. He was stunned when he got one.
"It's not that simple," Heero growled, "I will only destroy her, and besides, I have no feelings for her. I hate her."
"If you really believe that then your even more of a fool than I thought." As Duo said this he stood up and laid a reassuring hand on Heero's shoulder.
"Whether you want to admit it or not, you feel something for her. Face it, sooner or later you'll realize, I just hope for your sake its not to late." Not waiting for a reply, Duo went back in the apartment leaving Heero on the step trying to deny the truth to his words.
A.N.- Okay, I have no clue what the point of this story is, very scary thought huh? I challenged myself to make an attempt at a humorous fic so ta-da! Oh well, I just hope ya like it. I was just trying to do a fic on friendship and I think it sucks but I never like my work. Okay, gotta get back to writing! You guys are GREAT!!!!!*_*