STILES STILINSKI – COCAINE'S A HELL OF A DRUG
Hey, remember that time I was the Nogisume or Nokitsune or Kitsune or monster or whatever and then I had all those bandages around my head and it was really hard to see and breath and everyone thought I was the monster but I wasn't the monster and then the monster got away and we had to catch it and Scott was a wolf probably or something? I remember that was really cool and I was really scared and everyone thought I was dead but I wasn't because I was just playing Chess but I didn't know how to play chess because I thought it was checkers and I kept trying to jump his queen and he kept saying "No," so I got so mad I flipped the board and everyone cheered and then I took a couple laps around the room screaming, "No more teachers, no more books, no more teachers dirty looks!" because it was summer vacation and WOOOOOO! VACATION! You know where I'd like to go on vacation? I've always wanted to go to sunny California since I apparently live in dreary California. Maybe we can go to that Venice Beach, California and we could meet Hulk Hogan and he'd be all like, "Whacha gonna do, brother, when Hulk Hogan and his 24-inch pythons run wild on you!?" which is so strange because pythons can't run, they kind of just slither because that's what I learned in school, but only when I go to school because it seems we're skipping school all the time to fight monsters and every time we fight a monster another one comes and it just never ends because it keeps going and going and going just like the Duracell bunny, or was it the Energy bunny, anyway I'm pretty sure it was a bunny. Wouldn't it be cool if we fought a bunny one time, like it was a big vampire bunny with fangs and Scott couldn't chase it because it could just run towards a fence and jump through one of the holes and Scott would be like, "How'd it do that?" Then he'd try to jump through a hole but he would just bump his head and I'd be all like "Hey, Scott! You can't jump over walls!" Wait, I mean through walls. What was I talking about? What if when I was the nogisuminey or whatever I killed someone; that really wouldn't have been cool. I'm not sure I could live with myself if I killed someone. Wait, did I kill someone? Or did he just fall? But he was chasing me and I was climbing and you know what I've always wanted to do was climb a rock wall because it looks like so much fun and me and Scott could race up the rock wall, but I think he would win because he's a Teen Wolf. Oh, no! I wasn't supposed to tell anyone although I think everyone knows by now like Scott and Allison and Lydia and Malia and Derek and Scott's mom and my dad and Allison's dad and that vet guy and Peter and Scott and Stiles and Duducaleon and that girl who ended up having the really ugly face and liked trees a lot and Scott and Lydia and Derek and me and that deputy who can turn into fire and ugh, Theo. Theo's the worst! He told me Scott wouldn't be my friend anymore and I believed him like a doof! What a tool that guy is and I know a thing about tools if you know what I mean and if you know what I mean can you tell me what I mean because I'm not sure and remember that time I was a monster that was pretty cool but sometimes I wish I was a Teen Wolf like Scott because it looks so cool and Scott's the true alpha because he never killed anybody unlike Superman. Who else thinks they totally screwed up Superman and Batman and they used to be really cool and it was all like, "No, I'm too good to kill anybody," and now they're all like, "Whatever," snap the neck, snap the neck, crack, crack, POW, and they don't even care and it was always supposed to be like superheroes were like the best of us and now they're just in really boring movies and I'd much rather watch Teen Wolf on MTV and OH, NO I BROKE THE FOURTH WALL and what are all the walls, like what's the first wall is that like the walls on the set, I mean in my real house and if so what's the second wall, wait, I think I figured it out if you're filming in a room and the camera can only see 3 walls then the camera is on the fourth wall and if you talk to the camera it's like talking to the fourth wall, I totally get it now. Did you ever notice everything is so deep. I really like Star Wars, does anyone want to watch Star Wars with me? My nose is itchy. Where'd everyone go? Was anybody else here? I'm getting tired. Woah, I'm really coming down. I probably should just take a nap. You know what I learned today? Cocaine's a hell of a drug.