Choices
By Miakoda
"You know it could be like, this just like always"
Those words have haunted Ennis ever since Jack had said them. Sometimes when he was in a good drunk he would imagine the sweet life Jack said they could have. What if they did start a life though, would it be as he imagined? Could they be safe in their life together? Ennis loved Jack more than anyone else in his life. He wanted Jack to know, and above all else he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Jack.
"Ennis we need to talk," Alma said bringing Ennis out of his thoughts, as he sat by the living room window drinking. Something he often did these days.
"What?" he replied.
"Ennis this marriage isn't working," Alma said.
Ennis didn't say anything, what could he say? He knew she was right. He was miserable in this life he had. He did love Alma, but it wasn't the same as what he felt for Jack. All he could do was nod in response to her statement.
"I can't keep pretend this anymore, I can't pretend that we have this wonderfully happy life, when I know we damn well don't," she said tears starting to form in her eyes.
Ennis could see the hurt in her eyes. He knew he put it there, he wished he could take it away, but he knew he was the last person that could take the hurt away.
"Ennis I want a divorce, I talked to my mama, I'll be stayin with her till things are figured out," she told him.
Then she picked up the bags she had packed and started out the door. Just before she walked out she said, " Ennis, I have to know, is there someone else?"
He had been lying throughout their whole relationship. He didn't want to lie to himself or her anymore. He nodded letting her know that she was right in her assumption. Alma nodded her understanding, then walked out the door, taking the girls with her.
Ennis loved his girls, but he couldn't live like this knowing there was something better out there for him. Since he had seen jack in 1967 he had been wondering about this sweet life jack had mentioned. Ennis knew he deserved to be happy regardless of who he was in love with, he was tired of pretending he didn't love Jack. Often during his musings it had occrued to him that being queer was considered bad because it was seen in the wrong light, they didn't understand it so they feared it. Ennis was starting to realize it was the same as being with a woman except it was a man instead. All he knew and all that matered was he loved Jack, that much was obvious. He also knew that living without Jack would be a miserable, meager exsistance, besides Alma was taking the Junior and Jenny with her. He wasn't sure what would happen with them but he knew Alma wouldn't want him to see his girls. He wasn't sure if that mattered anymore, he could always send payments to Alma. Ennis knew he needed Jack, Jack was his rock his beacon, without Jack he would be lost.