Fly Away III - Theirs
by Sarah Brown
sbrown@slbrown.com
JAG and the characters are the property of Donald Bellasario, Paramount and CBS. No copyright infringement intended.
No, he thought, I can't do this over the phone. I've got to go see her. Glancing at his clock radio he realized he'd better hurry if he was going to make it to her apartment before she left for work.
Fifteen minutes later, after the fastest shower and shave of his life on dry land, he was negotiating the early-morning D.C. traffic toward Georgetown. But he still had no idea what he was going to say to Mac.
Mac's apartment
Georgetown
Mac swore and dropped her curling iron into the sink. So far this morning she had managed to run two pairs of panty hose and drop her favorite lipstick into the toilet, and now she had burned her fingers on the curling iron. It was 0730 and she didn't even have her uniform on. Just then, a knock sounded at the door.
"Damn," she said, "Just what I need." She threw a robe on and walked to the door. Peeking through the peephole, she started, then reluctantly opened the door.
"Hi, Mac," Harm said quietly.
"Harm. What are you doing here?" Mac asked warily.
"I need to talk to you," he said.
"About what?" she asked. "You bought some plants last night and now you need me to water them while you're gone?"
Harm looked uncomfortable. She obviously wasn't going to make this easy on him, and he couldn't blame her after his performance in his office yesterday.
"I want to say goodbye," he said.
"You said goodbye yesterday, remember?" she reminded him.
"Mac, yesterday I was in a daze. In fact I'm still not quite sure which end is up. Honestly, I don't know what I want to say to you. But I can't leave like this."
Mac stepped back and let him come in. "Well, you don't know what to say to me and I don't know what to say to you. This may be the shortest conversation we've ever had." But she led him to the couch.
"Mac, you know that my leaving JAG doesn't have anything to do with you," he began, sitting down beside her.
"No, of course not. Why should I figure into any of your decisions?" she asked bitterly.
"That's not what I meant," Harm protested. "Look, Mac, you're very important to me! You know that. You've been my partner for so long, and we've been through so much together. You've been there for me a million times, and I . . ." He realized he had been about to say ' and I love you for it.'
Mac was starting to get mad. All her grief and anger from the day before came pouring back. She decided she had nothing to lose by being blunt. After all, he was already leaving her -- what could happen that was worse than that?
"Look, Harm, as of 1600 hours yesterday we aren't partners anymore. So if that's the only relationship we have, then I guess we don't have a relationship anymore."
"What are you saying?" he asked, shocked.
"Harm, I know you want to fly again," she said more quietly. "I know I haven't been very understanding the last few weeks, but I do understand that. If it makes you happy, then I'm glad you got a new assignment. I don't want you to stay with . . . with JAG because you're forced to. It has to be your choice. And you've made your decision. I don't know what else there is to say." Except that I don't want you to leave me, she thought, but you don't want to hear that.
Harm realized that she was talking about more than him leaving JAG. She was talking about him leaving her. It gave him a curious feeling inside. He had gotten so used to pushing aside his feelings for her, putting a different label on them. Friendship, loyalty -- anything but love. The excuse had always been that they were partners and they were in the same chain of command. It suddenly occurred to him that there was nothing stopping him now from admitting to her -- and to himself -- how he really felt. Nothing but fear.
He started out by telling her a smaller truth. "I do want to fly. Next to finding my father, it's been my biggest dream for years. When I realized that dream was within my reach, like a miracle, I grabbed it. But yesterday . . . everything happened so fast. All of a sudden, I had a new assignment, the Admiral was shoving me out the door, and Mick was measuring my office for curtains, and then I saw you . . . I know I was a jerk," he smiled ruefully.
"Yeah, that about covers it," she agreed, smiling a little.
"And I'm sorry for that, but like I said, I was in shock. Thinking about leaving JAG in theory and actually doing it are two different things."
Mac felt a small surge of hope. "Do you think you made a mistake?" she asked cautiously.
"I don't know," he said. "I think I'm just not as prepared to leave as I thought I would be. But mistake or not, I'm committed, and I'm going."
The hope Mac had felt flickered and died. But she was touched that Harm had let her see his uncertainty. "Hey, how bad can it be?" she said, trying to cheer him up. "You'll get to fly all day . . . and night."
Harm looked into her beautiful face. He had come here trying to ease her hurt, and instead here she was, trying to cheer him up. A surge of love rose up inside him. He reached for her hand.
"Mac, can I make a confession?" he asked.
She stared at him. "What kind of confession?" she asked.
"That I'm a jerk," he said.
"You already admitted that," she said breathlessly.
"I mean an even bigger jerk than yesterday. All the time I've been thinking about going back to flying, I just assumed that when I came back every six months or so, you'd be here waiting for me. You're such a big part of my life, that I never pictured that changing. I figured I'd come back into town for leave and you'd be here and everything between us would be the same. That you'd be the one constant in my life. I never even realized that I was thinking that way until yesterday. Suddenly it hit me that I had no right to assume that. And that shook me."
"Well, I guess I'm just as bad," she admitted shakily, stunned by his admission. "I've been assuming that you'd always be at JAG, that we'd always be partners, that you'd never leave. And now you'll be gone in a little more than 24 hours, and I've never told you . . ."
"Told me what?" he asked urgently, staring into her eyes.
Mac looked away, afraid to say anymore.
"Told me what?" he demanded, pulling her head back around to face him.
Mac hesitate for an eternity, searching his face, and then made her decision.
"I never told you that I love you," she said in a rush. "I never even admitted it to myself until I realized I was going to lose you."
"Sarah," he said, pulling her tightly against him, "I may be leaving for a new assignment, but you're never going to lose me. I love you!" He pulled back a little so he could see her reaction and realized that she was crying.
"Wow, I reduced a Marine to tears twice in less than 24 hours. That must be some kind of record," he joked, trying to make her smile.
"Shut up, Flyboy!" she said, laughing and crying at the same time. Then she made him shut up by putting her mouth on his. For long minutes there was nothing more to say, only their love to show each other.
Finally they pulled apart. "Sarah, you know I still have to leave tomorrow morning," Harm said seriously.
Mac put her hand to his cheek. "I know," she said sadly. "But I can handle your leaving if I know you're going to come back to me. And come back to me not just as a partner, or a friend, but as all of those things and as the man I love, that I know loves me. Knowing you love me will get me through a lot of lonely nights."
"I can't believe it took my leaving for us to be honest with each other . . . and ourselves," he said. "And there's so little time left before I leave."
"What time does your plane leave tomorrow?" she asked, suddenly all business.
"1000 hours," he answered.
"Are you all packed and ready to go?" she asked.
"Yes, I finished last night," he said, wondering what she was getting at.
"Well, good, because I've only got 25 hours, 52 minutes and 17 seconds left before you go, and suddenly I'm not in the mood to spend any of that time sorting through all the cases you dumped on me or watching Mick redecorate. I'm calling in sick," she said firmly, getting up and walking to the phone.
After a brief phone call to Harriet, Mac walked slowly back to the couch and reached out a hand to him. He took it in his and stood.
"Why don't you show me how much you're going to miss me, Sailor," she said seductively.
"Yes, ma'am" he said, moving with her into her bedroom.
"Oh, and Harm, one more thing," she said, stopping his hands, which were undoing the knot on her robe.
"What's that?" he asked.
"You know that saying about sailors having a girl in every port?"
"Yeah."
"Don't even think about it," she said sternly. Then she released his hands and wrapped her arms around his neck.
"Sarah," he whispered.
"Shhh . . ." she said gently. "There's nothing more to say." She raised her lips for his kiss.
THE END
This story copyright 1999 by Sarah Brown, all rights reserved.