Three Seconds
James Potter
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
A/N: For Cheeky Slytherin Lass' 'Potter Games' Round Two. The prompts this week were, "Goodbyes are always tough- especially if you think there's still a lot to be said before parting."- Rachel Summers (X-Men), hide, dandelion, damaged, and 'so thoughtless, so careless'.
It's strange, the number of memories and thoughts that can speed through your mind in the few seconds before you die.
Everything you regret, everything you're proud of… Mostly, though, thoughts of loved ones take over. At least, that's what I found.
…...
Three seconds was all I had. Three seconds to hold him off, to save Lily and Harry.
Three seconds to fail, I feared.
I screamed the words; "Lily, take Harry and go! It's him! Go! Run! I'll hold him off-"
Little help that did.
I wanted to save them, that's all I could think of. I didn't care about myself at all. I wanted my son and my beautiful wife to live. I didn't matter.
Lily ran, of course. But where could she hide? There was nowhere to go. We were so thoughtless, so careless… We were never prepared.
I'd known we could trust Sirius, but then we switched to Peter. I could trust him too, but I wondered how badly He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named tortured him to make him give up his best friends so easily. It must have been awful. I couldn't blame Peter, though. He wasn't as strong as Sirius. I just never suspected that You-Know-Who would get him so quickly. Poor Peter… The pain he must have been through, for us. I tried so hard not to think of his broken, damaged body, beaten and bloodied… No.
And what about Sirius? He would rather have died that give us up, but I would never have allowed that. For my friend to die to save us? I would rather I died a hundred, painful deaths than have any of the people I cared about be killed for us. I just hoped Peter was okay. Did He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named let him live? I'll never be able to forgive myself if Peter died at his hands.
…...
They were brief thoughts, but each one seemed so elongated in the three seconds that lasted a thousand in my head.
…...
Lily…
I couldn't save her now. He was raising his wand, and he was laughing. Like our lives meant nothing to him. Well, I knew they meant nothing to him. What foul creature could want to kill a one-year old baby? He was more than foul though. He wasn't human. I wondered if he ever was?
Harry…
He'd barely had chance to live, and now he was likely going to die. My only son, so young. I couldn't let that happen. But what could I do? I was about to die, of that much I was certain.
What would Lily and Harry do? How would they escape? I needed Sirius, Dumbledore… anyone! They needed to save my wife and son. I was useless. All my years of training and defiance, and all it came down to was three seconds of certainty.
…...
Green light poured from You-Know-Who's wand, seeming so slow in the last two seconds of my life.
…...
More thoughts, more memories.
I can remember one summer with Lily… A field full of dandelions; their fluffy seeds dancing in the breeze. They kept getting trapped in Lily's hair, and she would gently entangle them and blow them away. We were so carefree that day, escaping the war for but a brief moment. It had been peaceful, and so serene.
She was always so beautiful, with her flaming hair and emerald eyes. I have never loved anyone so much, except for little Harry of course. Him, with his perfect Lily-eyes.
They would both die with me. That thought saddened me more than knowing I was going to die. My little prince, and my beautiful queen. All Gryffindors, through and through. I knew that's what he would have been if he had been able to go to Hogwarts.
He would never hold a wand, or ride a broom. He would be gone in a flash of green, just as Lily and I will inevitably be. But I know Lily will do everything she can. I can imagine her duelling with the Dark Lord, with fierce determination in her eyes, and her wand gripped in her perfect hands. But could she win?
I wasn't so sure, but she wouldn't let it be so easy.
Not like it is for me. I want to hold him off, but there's nowhere to run. I can't dodge the spell.
…...
One second, and the light was in front of my eyes now. It was green, but nothing like the warmth of Lily and Harry's eyes. It was a cold, eerie and sickening green. It was my death, and Lily's and Harry's.
…...
There was no hope.
I'm about to go, and Lily will soon, and then…
It was hard to think about Harry dying. So young, he never even had a chance. My only respite is that maybe, just maybe, if there was any kind of existence beyond death, we'd all be together. I would be with my parents again, finally, and I'll exist, forever, with my Lily and my Harry; the Potters, the last of our line, together for the rest of time.
It was tragic, I knew that, but it was what it was.
We would look after him, in the afterlife. We will give him everything we can.
I just hoped it was enough.
…...
Out of the corner of my eyes, I could see Lily, cradling Harry, running up the stairs. She caught my eye, for the last time, and all I saw was fear, and love. An everlasting, pure love.
It struck me that there are a million things I wanted to say. This goodbye was hard, and I needed to tell her, and to tell my little man, that I loved them, and that I hoped they'd make it. I tried to say it all in that second, but there was no time to speak. I opened my mouth a fraction, but I realised then that you knew it all anyway. How could you not? I told you both every single day.
With that thought it mind, I strengthened my resolve. There was only one thing I could control now. I was going to die, certainly, but I refused to die staring at the cold green light.
As the spell hit me, I smiled.
My hazel eyes were locked on Lily's, and I died, lost in her perfect, warm-green gaze.
It was actually quite comforting. Who knew death could be so painless?
If only I could have said goodbye…