JAGgy McBeal
by Sarah Brown
sbrown@slbrown.com
JAG and the characters are the property of Donald Bellasario, Paramount and CBS.
Ally McBeal is © 1997 by FOX and is a David E. Kelley production.
No copyright infringement intended.
Sequel to Ally McJAG
This takes place before the season four finale.
Mac leaned her head into Harm's office. "The Admiral wants to see us," she told him.
"And I assume he wants to see us ASAP," Harm sighed, putting down the file he'd been looking through.
"Of course," Mac said. "Have you ever know him to say, 'I need to talk to you whenever it happens to be convenient?'"
"Now that you mention it, no. Any idea what's up?" he asked.
"Your guess is as good as mine," she said. "Have you destroyed any government property lately?"
"Nope. Anyone suddenly appear out of your past that I don't know about?"
"Nope. And I haven't seen Webb floating through here, so I guess we're not headed off on some top secret mission to some undisclosed location."
"Well then, we're flying blind," he said. "And we'd better use afterburners – ASAP's about up."
They walked down the hall to the Admiral's office, and Tiner waved them in. They stood at attention in front of the big man's desk.
"Reporting as ordered, Sir," Mac said.
"At ease. You two have a good time in Boston last month?" he asked dryly.
Harm and Mac looked at each other. Was this a loaded question? Of course it was. They both wracked their brains for something they might have done wrong in Boston. Shrugging at her, Harm said hesitantly, "Uh, yes, Sir."
"Great, because you're going back."
"Sir?" Mac asked.
"The lawsuit against Ensign Tate has been reinstated," he informed them. "Same law firm is representing him. I want you both to be there. This is very important to the Navy."
"Yes, Sir, but . . ." Mac hesitated.
"But what, Major?" the Admiral barked. "Your caseload is light, Bud can fill in for you. Are you too busy to defend the honor of the United States Navy?"
"Uh, no, Sir. Of course not, Sir," she stammered.
"Good. Take the first shuttle out tomorrow and report to the law offices of the defendant's attorneys." He looked at them both. "I don't have to remind you what's riding on this," he said sternly. "If this case gets anywhere, if it even survives pretrial motions, we're opening up a mighty big can of worms. I'd hate to see that happen."
"Of course, Admiral, we understand." Harm said.
"Good. Dismissed," he said, and looked back down at the papers on his desk.
The two officers saluted and wheeled around to exit the office. By unspoken agreement they walked back down the hall to Harm's office. Carefully shutting the door behind him, Harm met her eye. The trepidation he saw there matched his own.
"We're going BACK to that loony bin?" he said.
"I felt lucky to get out in one piece the last time," Mac commiserated. "I'm not sure I'll survive a repeat visit. I mean, nice people and all but . . ."
"Better pack extra uniforms," Harm advised.
The partners of Fish & Cage sat around the conference table and discussed that week's cases. First up was the return engagement of the Tate/Stanley sexual harassment (or lack thereof) case.
Richard turned to Ally, who had been the lead on the case the first time around. "Ally, any idea why Cruella has reintroduced the case? New evidence? The client agreed to bump up her fee?" he asked.
"No new evidence," she replied. "And I'm sure it has NOTHING to do with that little remark you made about her at the bar luncheon last week," she added sourly.
"You think she took that seriously?" Richard asked, bemused. "I can't believe she'd reintroduce a case out of spite. That's just bad ethics," he said self-righteously. "Lawsuits should only be brought for money."
"I guess she just doesn't have your high moral standards," Georgia said, rolling her eyes,.
"Guess not. Anyway, I think we need to change the line-up this time around," Richard continued.
"You're taking me off the case?" Ally asked in dismay. That would take away her chance to work closely with that sexy JAG lawyer, Harm. She'd been looking forward to going over some briefs with him . . . or maybe under some. She sighed. Not that it mattered. After seeing him slow dance with his partner at the bar, she knew he wouldn't be interested anyway.
She brought her attention back to Richard, who was saying, "Not you, John. I think she feels competitive toward him – she'll be less likely to cave if she's up against him. Besides," he added, "I think an all-chick team will help our case."
"Richard!" Georgia, Ally and Nelle all protested at once. Ling narrowed her eyes at him.
"What?" he asked in surprise.
"'All-chick?'" Georgia repeated in disgust.
"Sorry, bygones," he said smoothly. "Nelle, you'll take his place."
Ally groaned. She was NOT thrilled to be working with Sub-Zero. To be fair, Nelle had not turned out to be the total bitch she had been advertised to be, and she was a damn good lawyer. Still, Ally didn't always understand what motivated her. And she suspected Nelle wouldn't accept the role of second chair gracefully. She offered Nelle a thin smile, and Nelle reciprocated with a patently false one. Nothing like starting out on the wrong foot, Ally thought.
After the meeting, Ally headed back to her office. Elaine jumped up as she passed and followed her into her office.
"I heard that hot JAG lawyer is coming back. When does he show up?" Elaine asked breathlessly.
"They arrive tomorrow morning," Ally said, too busy feeling sorry for herself because she had to deal with Nelle to concentrate on what her secretary was asking.
"I could meet him at the airport, help him get settled in," Elaine offered.
Ally glared at her. "I'm sure THEY'LL manage fine by themselves," she said dampeningly.
"Oh, he's bringing HER along again?" Elaine asked, disappointed.
"Yup, they're partners, so it's a package deal," Ally said. "Don't you have something you need to be doing right now?" she asked pointedly.
"You're right, I need to call my manicurist for an emergency appointment!" Elaine exclaimed and dashed off.
Ally took a break from her self-pity party to feel sorry for Mac. The marine had better be prepared to fight for her man, she thought, because Elaine on a man-mission was about as easy to stop as a runaway freight train.
Mac's and Harm's eyes were glued to the elevator's floor indicator. As the bell dinged for their floor, they turned to look at each other. Mac squared her shoulders, and Harm looked grim as he followed her through the doors. He trod on her heels as she came to an abrupt halt. She cried out and dug her elbow into his ribs in response. He grunted and peered over her head to see Elaine, who had been lying in wait for them right in front of the elevator. The determined woman detoured around his partner and latched firmly onto his arm, guiding him to the conference room and leaving Mac to trail behind.
In the conference room, Mac saw Ally and the statuesque blonde they'd met at the bar last time. For a panicked moment the only name Mac's brain could pull up was "Sub-Zero." Thankfully "Nelle" popped into her head just as the woman extended her hand about one inch in greeting. Mac stretched her arm out to shake it. Harm followed suit, and Mac noticed in passing that Nelle's hand didn't extend any further for him than it had for her.
Mac greeted Ally and smiled. She sidled closer and whispered, "What's Nelle doing here?"
Ally grimaced. "Richard wanted to go with an 'all-chick team.'" she explained.
"Guess we'll have to put Harm in a dress," Mac giggled, trying to picture her partner in drag, with a funny blonde wig, red lipstick, and big hairy legs sticking out from a skirt. She saw Ally eye him thoughtfully and then turn to meet her gaze. They both burst out laughing. Harm and Nelle turned to look at them curiously.
"What are you two giggling about?" Harm asked.
"Nothing," they chorused, then broke down laughing again. As the other two continued to stare, they cleared their throats and tried to settle down.
Harm and Mac took a seat across the table from Ally and Nelle, and all four opened their files.
"What's your strategy?" Harm asked Ally.
"I think we should argue the motion to dismiss strictly on the point of law," she began. "The statute requires an affirmative action, or a toleration of action by those under the defendant's supervision. Obviously neither of those apply in this case."
"I disagree," Nelle countered. "Of course we should argue the legal point, but I think we should also discuss the merits of this particular case. Even if it were possible to harass someone through inaction, this man did not do so. That way we have a chance to win dismissal even if the judge rejects our interpretation of the law."
"Wouldn't that be an issue of fact to be decided by a jury?" Ally asked sharply. "We could end up encouraging her to send it to trial."
"The judge can decide if the facts in this case meet the minimum standards for the statute," Nelle argued.
"I'm surprised you're so familiar with the facts in the case considering you've been on it for less than 24 hours," Ally shot back heatedly.
"I'm a quick study," Nelle said with a sugary smile.
Mac's and Harm's heads were swinging back and forth like spectators at a tennis match. As the two civilian attorneys continued arguing, Harm leaned over to Mac and whispered, "Geez, they fight worse than we do."
"I dunno," Mac said. "There was that time during the Peterman case when I tried to put you in a headlock."
"'Tried' being the operative word," he grinned.
"Hey, you try putting a headlock on someone eight inches taller than you with one arm without spilling the folders you're holding in the other," she protested. "It's not easy."
They finished their discussion just in time to hear Ally remind Nelle rather loudly that SHE was the lead on the case, and they were only going to argue the point of law.
"For the record," Harm offered, "the Navy would prefer that the case be dismissed on the law without ever getting to the merits of this particular case. We don't want a precedent set that would seem to broaden the reach of the sexual harassment laws this way and open up the way for more cases like this."
"With all due respect, Commander," Nelle said icily, "I don't think you're qualified to make a recommendation in a civil case."
Mac stared at her in shock. True, they were experts in military criminal law, not civil torts, but they were at least qualified to have an OPINION for God's sake. And did she have to be so damned rude?
"Nelle, I'm not telling you how to run the case," Harm said, remarkably calm given the circumstances. "I'm just telling you the Navy's position on this. After all, we do have a vested interest in the outcome of this case. That's why we're here."
"You're right, I'm sorry," Nelle said a little sheepishly. Mac was surprised she had backed down so quickly. "I'm just a little distracted right now"
"Let's hope you get UNdistracted in time for the motions tomorrow," Ally muttered, somewhat mollified. "Look, it's almost lunch time. Let's take a break and meet back here in two hours, okay?"
They all agreed and stood. Harm reached the door first and pulled it open firmly, launching Elaine, who'd been leaning on the door listening, into the room.
"Elaine!" Ally said sharply. Her secretary ignored her.
"Lunch break, huh?" Elaine said, latching onto Harm once again. "I know a great little cafe a few block from here that I'd love to take you to." She began dragging him off. "I'm sure Mac will want to go to lunch with Ally and Nelle for some girl talk, you know how it is."
Harm looked over his shoulder at Mac in alarm, but she was still steamed about that "tried" remark, so she just smiled and waved good-bye.
"You two go ahead," Nelle said. "I think I'll, uh, just catch up on some work." She walked down the hall to her office.
Ally stared after her for a moment, then turned to Mac. "Mind if we go downstairs to the bar?" she asked.
"They do serve food, right?" Mac asked. "I don't like to drink my lunch."
"Sure do," Ally answered, and led the way to the elevator.
Fifteen minutes later the waiter brought Mac a cheeseburger and fries and Ally a caesar chicken salad.
Ally looked at Mac's selection and asked, "How can you eat that and stay in such good shape?"
"Well, I run at least 60 miles a week, and I kickbox," she answered, used to having her eating habits questioned after years of meals with Harm.
"Oh, kickboxing," Ally said glumly. "I tried that for awhile. Renee is an expert. It was too much work for me. I stayed in it just long enough to take Georgia on."
Mac remembered Ally's confession about her former relationship with Georgia's husband. "Did you win?"
"Well, I didn't exactly win, but she was a lot more sore than I was the next day," Ally said. "I took that as a moral victory."
"So tell me, about Nelle. Is she always . . . " she searched for the right phrase.
"Such a bitch?" Ally supplied helpfully. "Well, yes and no. She's always tough to deal with, but I was a little surprised she was so sharp with Harm. I don't think she likes being second chair. She's a hotshot lawyer in this town." Changing the subject, she asked Mac, "So, how are things with Harm?"
"Things?" Mac asked evasively.
"Yes, THINGS," she said firmly. "You know what I'm talking about, don't try to play dumb."
"Things are exactly the same as they were last time I was here – nonexistent," Mac answered truthfully.
"Too bad," Ally said. "You two get along so well."
Mac chuckled. "You're definitely catching us on our best behavior," she said. "A lot of times we fight like cats and dogs. Although we've gotten a little better lately." She plucked up a french fry as she thought about her sometimes-turbulent relationship with her partner. "For a long time I felt like he didn't respect me as a lawyer, that he didn't have any confidence in me. It really hurt me. But I think I finally figured out that he is so supremely self-confident in his own abilities that he subconsciously discounts any suggestions that go against his. Whereas I am usually supremely unconfident in myself, so I take it personally. Or maybe he's just an ass," she added reflectively.
"Mac!" Ally laughed. "I'm sure your first theory was right."
"Well, I hope so, anyway," she smiled. "We damn near tried to kill each other a few months back, until someone beat us to it. Then we came together to protect each other." She stopped, embarrassed by her revelations.
Ally didn't seem to mind. "There's nothing worse than thinking that someone you care about doesn't respect you."
After that exchange they detoured into less personal areas, discussing the case, Boston vs. DC, and so on. As they walked out of the bar into the lobby of the building, they ran into Harm and Elaine, who were just returning from lunch.
"Mac!" Harm said, eyeing her like a drowning man eyes a life preserver. He strode to her side and took her arm, steering her back toward the bar. "I have to discuss some important JAG business with you. Why don't you come have a cup of coffee with me? And some dessert. Maybe some chocolate cake. I know you love chocolate cake!" he said, hauling her determinedly toward the bar's door. Mac thought it must be the first time in history he had ever encouraged her to eat something unhealthy.
"I could go with you," Elaine offered desperately. "Maybe take some notes for you . . ."
"Uh, no, sorry, this is all classified. Top Secret. Above Top Secret, actually," Harm improvised as he tugged Mac back into the bar.
"Whew!" he said as they sat down at a small table. "I didn't think I'd get away that easily."
"Above Top Secret?" Mac teased. "You know there's no such thing!"
"Look, if it got me away from her, I would have said it was a matter of national security," he said. "That woman has locked onto me like a heat-seeking missile!"
"Are you sure it's not your flyboy arrogance that makes you think she wants you?" Mac asked, trying to keep a straight face.
"I am POSITIVE," he said.
"So what did you two talk about at lunch?" she asked as the waiter set two cups of coffee in front of them.
"She kept talking about something she invented called the face bra. Said she's going to make a lot of money with it. She said she knows us 'military types' don't make a big salary. She came right out and offered to make me a kept man! Can you believe that?" he asked indignantly.
Mac couldn't hold back the laughter any longer. After she managed to recover, she said, "We'll ask Ally for help. She must know some way to call Elaine off."
"I hope so," Harm said fervently. "So what did you and Ally talk about?" he asked curiously.
"You," Mac said with a mysterious smile as she set down her empty cup and stood.
Harm hastily threw down some money and followed her out the door. "Me? What about me?" he called after her.
Ally stepped out of the elevator with one last glare at Elaine and walked down to Nelle's office. The door was open, and Ally paused in the doorway. Nelle had a thick file open on her desk, but she wasn't looking at it. Instead she was facing the window, staring out. Ally cleared her throat and rapped on the doorframe, and Nelle spun around. For a moment her face held a vulnerable look, but the expression was quickly replaced by her usual impassive mask.
"Yes?" she asked Ally.
"At the risk of sounding like I care about your feelings, is anything wrong?" Ally asked cautiously.
"No. It's like I said, I'm just a little distracted," she replied defensively.
"Nelle, Richard could stroll in here and light himself on fire and it wouldn't distract you," Ally said, "so if you're distracted, there must be something wrong. You might as well tell me what it is . . . I'm better than nobody," she offered.
"Barely," Nelle said under her breath. After a pause she said, "It's really nothing. John and I just had a fight."
"About what?" Ally asked curiously.
"About Cruella . . . I mean Caroline Poop."
"What about her?"
"Well, I guess I sort of . . . I mean I may have implied that . . ." Nelle hesitated.
"WHAT?" Ally demanded.
"I accused him of having an affair with her," Nelle admitted. "Before, I mean. And I may have told him I thought he still had feelings for her."
"Good Lord, Nelle, first you accuse him of wanting me, now you think he had an affair with Miss Poop?" she exclaimed. "How can someone who looks like you have so little confidence in her ability to hold a man? Especially John. I mean, he's not exactly Don Juan."
"Why does everyone belittle John? I hate that!" Nelle cried. "Anyway, I know you're right, it was a stupid thing to say, it's just . . ."
"Just what?" Ally asked quietly.
"It's just . . . I mean, I know I'm Miss Wonder Attorney Woman, but when it comes to men . . . to relationships . . . "
"I hear 'ya," Ally said sympathetically, flopping down in a chair across from Nelle's desk. "Men can give the strongest woman fits. It's just not fair."
"Am I interrupting anything?" Mac asked, leaning her head in the door.
"Just a rant on the problem with men," Ally said. "C'mon, join in. I know you have some opinions on the matter."
"Oh, MEN," Mac sighed, taking a seat next to Ally. "Can't live with 'em, can't put 'em in a half Nelson and snap their necks," she said sagely. The other two stared at her in shock. "I mean, can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em," she corrected hastily. They all nodded. "So what brought on this discussion?"
"Nelle and John had a fight," Ally explained.
Nelle was embarrassed at having her personal problems laid out in front of someone she barely knew, but she decided to ignore the feeling. Hell, maybe between the three of them they could figure something out.
"So what was the fight about? If you don't mind my asking," Mac added.
"She accused him of having an affair with opposing counsel," Ally supplied when Nelle seemed disinclined to answer.
"John?" Mac asked skeptically. "Gee, he doesn't really strike me as the Casanova type. Now HARM I can see doing something like that, but John?"
"Why does everyone say that about John?" Nelle asked angrily. "He's VERY romantic! At least he was before I said he slept with Cruella. Now he's not talking to me," she said glumly.
"Who's not talking to you?" Ling asked, coming in and taking a seat.
"John," Ally and Mac answered in unison.
"Why isn't he talking to you?" she asked her friend curiously.
"Because I accused him of having a thing for Caroline Poop," Nelle admitted.
"Caroline Poop, have you ever SEEN that woman? How can you think he'd pick her over you?" Ling asked in disbelief. "Besides, John isn't really that type."
"WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK JOHN ISN'T ROMANTIC??" Nelle yelled.
"I didn't say he wasn't romantic," Ling soothed. "I just meant he seems to think less with his dumb stick than most men."
"Dumb stick?" Mac repeated to Ally in confusion.
"You know, DUMB STICK," she replied, wiggling her eyebrows for emphasis.
"Oh, DUMB STICK," Mac said in understanding.
Just then, Harm came to stand in the doorway. "Are we ready to get started?" he asked. He paused as four pairs of eyes glared accusingly at him. What the heck had he done? he wondered.
"Yeah, let's go," Ally said, standing up. She walked out, glowering at Harm as he stepped back to let her pass. She was followed by Ling, who narrowed her eyes at him and growled under her breath. Nelle was next – she just shook her head at him and moved down the hall. Mac started to follow but Harm stopped her with a hand on her arm.
"Uh, Mac?" he asked tentatively.
"Yeah?"
"Do I smell or something?"
"No, you're just one of THEM," she said and moved down the hall.
Harm shook his head as he followed her. Women, he thought. I'll never understand 'em if I live to be a hundred.
The four lawyers spent the next three hours in the conference room, going over strategies, devising arguments, anticipating questions the judge might ask. Ally had the firm's research team digging through LEXIS to find any possible precedents or related cases.
Harm called JAG's "research team," a.k.a. Lt. Bud Roberts, and told him to scour military cases and regs for any relevant information. After hanging up, he assured Ally and Nelle, "Don't worry, if there's anything there, Bud will find it. He's the best." Mac was pleased to hear him praise Bud. The young lieutenant's baby face and bumbling manner made it easy to underestimate him, but under all that he had the makings of a first-rate attorney. It was good to know that Harm recognized that.
As it got close to five o'clock, the four decided they'd covered all the angles. They agreed to meet at nine o'clock the next morning to go over any last minute details before the 10 o'clock hearing.
"We'll probably head down to the bar for an hour or so tonight," Ally told Harm and Mac after Nelle had walked out.. "Will you join us?"
"Uh, sure," Harm said, after glancing at Mac for her approval. "We'd better go back to the hotel and change out of our uniforms first, though. Say, Ally, we were wondering if maybe you could help us out with something."
"I'll try, what is it?" she asked.
"It's sort of a personal thing," Harm said hesitantly.
"He wants to know if there's any way to get Elaine off his ass short of surgery," Mac explained helpfully.
"Ah. I knew this was coming," Ally said. "Well, as you may have noticed, Elaine is not one to take subtle hints."
"Yeah, we kinda picked up on that," Harm said.
"I think the only way you're going to get rid of her is to convince her that you're seriously involved with someone else," Ally advised.
"How do I do that?" Harm asked. "I guess I could start calling Jordie every five seconds and showing her picture around."
Ally looked over at Mac and raised her eyebrows. "Jordie?" she mouthed. "Tell you later," Mac mouthed back.
"Hmmm . . ." Ally mused, "I don't think that'll do it. After all, you haven't mentioned her once either of the times you've been here. She might think you're just making up an imaginary girlfriend to throw her off the scent." Mac choked back a laugh. Stealth girlfriend, she thought. If only that were true.
"So what do you suggest?" Harm asked in frustration.
"I think she's going to need to see some physical proof," Ally said. "Such as you kissing someone passionately. And since the only person around that you've known for any length of time is Mac . . ." she trailed off.
Mac looked startled. "I don't think I like where this conversation is headed," she protested. Truthfully, the thought of kissing Harm under any pretense was pretty tempting, but she didn't want HIM to know that. She'd never hear the end of it.
"Yeah, isn't there some other way?" Harm asked. Privately he admitted that he'd use any excuse to kiss Mac, but obviously SHE didn't feel the same way. She was acting like she'd just been asked to kiss a slug.
"I guess you have to decide how badly you want to get rid of Elaine," Ally said sternly. "Because honestly, I don't see any other way."
The two partners eyed each other warily. They were each trying to figure out a way to agree without APPEARING to love the idea.
"Well, I'LL go through with it if Mac will agree," Harm said, pretending a reluctance he was far from feeling. "I'll do ANYTHING to get Elaine to back off," he said, as if kissing Mac ranked right up there with flying into enemy fire without weapons.
Mac was fuming. He didn't have to make it sound like kissing her was the most valiant sacrifice a sailor had ever been asked to make. This was for his sake, after all. With an exaggerated sigh, she said, "I AM supposed to be watching my partner's six, so I GUESS I can make the sacrifice." Like she'd make the sacrifice of accepting a $10 million check from Ed McMahon, she thought. "It's not as bad as taking a bullet for him," she added, making it sound like a fine distinction.
"Wise decision," Ally assured them. "Here's what we'll do. I'll go back to my office, and then tell Elaine I left something in the conference room and send her to get it. You two stay here and, you know, start kissing." She set her briefcase down on the conference table and scurried out.
"Okay, you ready for this?" Harm asked.
"Ready as I'll ever be," Mac told him.
"Okay, so we just . . ."
"Maybe you should . . ."
"Would it be easier if I . . ."
"Oh, for God's sake, Harm, we're not 12, come here," Mac exclaimed and pulled his head down to hers.
The moment their lips touched electricity shot through them and a song began blaring out of thin air.
This kiss, this kiss... it's criminal...
This kiss, This kiss
It's the way you love me
It's a feeling like this
It's centrifugal motion
It's perpetual bliss
It's that pivotal moment
It's (ah) subliminal
Harm figured he might never have another chance to kiss Mac, so he'd better make this one count. He wrapped a strong arm around the small of her back and pulled her to him as tightly as he dared. He plunged his other hand into her hair, leaving his thumb to trail across the corner of her mouth to her cheek. She didn't seem to object to that, so he took her lower lip between his and sucked gently. She moaned and opened her mouth as he slid his tongue between her lips. Gasping, she met his tongue with hers and wrapped her arms around his neck, pushing her body even more closely against his.
Suddenly Harm could see himself pressing her up against the conference room wall with his body. He'd be lying if he said it was the first fantasy he'd had about his partner, but it was sure as hell the first one he'd had while holding her in his arms. He pictured ripping that ick green uniform top right off her beautiful body. Then he'd kiss his way down until he could reach the zipper of her skirt and then those sensible black shoes she was wearing . . .
Mac slid her tongue along Harm's lower lip, slowly, ever so slowly. Then she met the next thrust of his tongue and dueled with him. She couldn't resist sliding her body against his and felt a surge of feminine power as he shuddered in response. After all, this kiss was a one-time deal, might as well play out some of her fantasies.
Fantasies . . . she was having one right now. She could picture Harm sweeping Ally's briefcase out of the way and laying her across the conference table. Then he'd rest his length atop her until she could feel every inch of his sexy body pressing against her . . .
This kiss, this kiss... it's criminal...
This kiss, This... SSSCRREEEECHHHH
(Faith Hill, "This Kiss," Faith, 1998,
Warner Bros. Records)
The conference room door swung open and Elaine walked in. The pair jumped apart.
"Am I interrupting something?" Elaine asked calmly.
Harm tried to jumpstart his mind, which had been short-circuited by that unbelievable kiss. God help him if he and Mac ever actually made love – they'd probably have to declare him brain-dead afterwards. "Oh, uh, no, you know, just, uh, trying to get some private time with my sweetie here," he said, putting an arm around a befuddled Mac and pulling her to his side. "Right, Baby?"
"Oh, er, right, Pumpkin," Mac said. Why were they doing this again? she wondered dazedly. Oh, yeah, to get rid of Elaine. She tried to pull herself together. "I just can't get enough of my Harmiekins," she simpered.
"Oh, please, you two," Elaine said in disgust. "I INVENTED the 'let 'em catch you kissing someone else so they'll think you're not available' routine. Didn't Ally tell you? Nice try, though. If I didn't know it was a trick I would have sworn you were really getting into it." She picked up Ally's briefcase and headed back out.
Mac and Harm stared at each other. Mac said firmly, "You go back to the hotel and change. I'll be along right after I kill Ally."
"Got it. Don't worry, I'll handle your defense."
Ally looked up and saw a dark storm headed her way in the form of one really ticked off Marine. Anxiously she wracked her brain. Was it Marines that knew ten different ways to kill you with their bare hands, or was that SEALs? No time to figure it out – Mac was almost here. Ally pinned on her most wide-eyed innocent look.
Mac stalked into Ally's office and slammed the door shut behind her. "What were you thinking?" she demanded angrily.
"What do you mean?" Ally asked, playing dumb.
"You knew Elaine wouldn't buy the whole kissing thing," she said accusingly. "Why did you tell us to do it?"
"Oh, that's right! I forgot Elaine knows about that little ploy," Ally said, trying to sound convincing.
"Ally . . ." Mac said warningly. She wasn't buying this innocent act.
"Oh, all right. I thought you might enjoy an excuse to kiss Harm," she admitted.
"Ally! I told you nothing was going on between us."
"I know. That's why I thought you might enjoy an excuse to kiss him," Ally said, employing her own unique logic.
"Hmmm . . . . Well, I'm still mad at you, but I'll let it go . . . THIS time," she said.
"By the way, who's this Jordie person?" Ally asked, saying Jordie's name in the same tone of voice she might use to mention a particularly nasty virus.
"Harm's girlfriend," Mac said, rolling her eyes. "She's a Navy shrink. Harm defended her on a DUI charge."
"His girlfriend?" Ally asked, shocked. How could he have a girlfriend the way he was always looking at Mac? "And I bet she just loves you," Ally guessed.
"Let's just say there's a little tension there," Mac said wryly. "She seems to think I'm a threat for some reason."
"Smart woman," Ally said.
"Very funny," Mac said with a laugh, turning toward the door.
As she grabbed the handle, Ally stopped her. "So, what was it like kissing Harm?" she asked.
"I think my panties melted," Mac said, then walked out the door, leaving Ally gaping after her.
Back at the hotel, Mac quickly slipped out of her uniform and hung it up. She could hear Harm moving around in the next room. What was he thinking about? she wondered. Had the kiss affected him the way it had affected her? Namely, had it made him want to rip her clothes off and make wild, passionate love to her? Because that's definitely what she wanted to do to him.
There were times when her feelings toward Harm were laced with tenderness, filled with wonder at the closeness that had grown between them over the last few years. This wasn't one of them. This time, her thoughts were strictly in the gutter. She wanted to see every inch of that gorgeous body up close and personal. And after she'd seen it, she wanted to lick it. Tenderness didn't come into the picture.
Phew, it was hot in here, she thought. She consulted her internal clock and decided she had time for a quick shower before they left. Better make it a cold one. As she moved toward the bathroom, she heard the water in Harm's room start up and smiled.
Harm turned the water as cold as he could stand and let it pour over him. He was surprised it wasn't turning to steam as it hit his overheated body. He'd always wondered what it would be like to kiss Mac, really kiss her. Now he knew. It was like touching a volcano, all that heat waiting to burst out and dissolve him. What a way to go, he thought. He wondered if she had felt it, too. Judging by the way her body had moved against him, she hadn't been immune.
The cold water wasn't helping because he kept letting his mind wander over the possibilities. What if Elaine hadn't interrupted just then? What if he walked next door to her room and kissed her again? Would they both go up in flames like before? He'd known for a long time that he cared about her, besides which she was his best friend. But he wasn't feeling like a friend toward her now. He was feeling like a lover. He wanted to see her standing before him, gloriously naked. And when he could tear his gaze away, he wanted to pull her against his equally naked body and feel her skin touching every part of him.
He shook his head to clear them of the thoughts. This was his partner, not some sex kitten. He couldn't act on these feelings, so he'd better get them out of his head. It took twenty more minutes of freezing water to bring his thoughts under control. When he finally turned off the water and stepped out of the shower, he heard the water going in Mac's room. He smiled – apparently he wasn't the only one at war with wayward thoughts.
By the time Mac stepped out of the shower and toweled off the freezing water, she had managed to bring her wicked thoughts under control. This was her partner, for God's sake. She couldn't go around . . . well, she just couldn't.
She fixed her hair and got dressed, then went next door to collect Harm. She knocked on the door and nervously waited for her first glimpse of him. When the door swung open, she could tell he was as embarrassed as she was.
By mutual agreement, they headed straight to the bar instead of stopping to grab something to eat on the way. Spending time alone together did not seem like a good idea right now.
Their plans to keep their distance were dealt a blow as soon as they sat down at the table with the lawyers from Fish & Cage. The singer began a sultry ballad, and Ally urged the JAG lawyers to take advantage it. They tried to object, but Ally said, "If you don't dance, I'll think you're fighting. You're not fighting, are you?" she asked.
Reluctantly they got up and headed for the dance floor. Mac threw a look over her shoulder at Ally that told her she could expect severe reprisals later. Harm took her lightly in his arms and for awhile they danced stiffly, but eventually the sexy song and the slow, rhythmic beat lulled them, and they slipped closer into each others' arms.
Lover I don't know who I am
Am I Barry White?
Am I Isis?
Oh baby babe babe babe
Lover I'm laced with your unconscious
I will be your Desdemona
Take your time
You make me feel loved, loved, loved, loved, loved
Loved, loved, loved, loved, loved
You make me feel loved, loved, loved, loved, loved
Loved, loved, loved, loved
(Paula Cole, "Feelin Love," This Fire, 1996,
WEA/Warner Brothers)
Harm tried to lighten the atmosphere between them, which was starting to get distinctly steamy. "So I couldn't help but notice that Ally is still alive," he said.
"Yeah, I thought it would be a bad idea to kill her the night before the hearing," Mac said glumly.
"Oh, right. Good thinking," he said. "Well, anyway, it wasn't THAT bad of an experience," he continued teasingly.
"Well, YOU seemed to enjoy it, if your tongue was anything to go by," she parried.
"MY tongue?" he said incredulously. "What about yours? I thought you were going to take my tonsils out!"
"Well YOU were the one with the . . . you know," she said indignantly.
"I couldn't help it the way you kept wiggling against me!" he said.
Mac sighed and moved just a tiny bit closer. "Let's just admit we both enjoyed it and move on, okay?"
"Deal," Harm said, resting his head against hers. They danced on, slowly swaying. After a minute he said hesitantly, "Mac?"
"Yeah, Harm?"
"Do you think we should . . . I don't know . . ."
"Try it again sometime?" she asked.
"Yeah, like tonight."
"No."
"Oh," he said, stiffening.
She ran her hands down his back, soothing him. "It's not that I don't want to. But you know it wouldn't stop with a kiss."
He sighed. "No, you're right. And we don't want to go any further. We've got to work together."
"And the military frowns on that kind of thing," she added.
"So we'll just leave things the way they are," he said.
"Right," she agreed.
With that discussion out of the way, they continued to hold each other and dance without a word. The song ended and a new one started, but they danced on.
Back at the table, Ally and Elaine were watching the couple wrapped in each other's arms.
"So you think they really do care about each other?" Elaine asked Ally.
Ally turned to her in disbelief. "Elaine, they're slow dancing to 'Shout.' What do YOU think?"
"I guess you're right," she sighed. "It IS kind of romantic. Two people, working together, loving each other, but kept apart by circumstances . . ."
"Let's not go there," Ally said sharply.
"Oh, yeah, right, sorry, Ally," Elaine said.
After a moment, Ally asked Elaine tentatively, "You're not heartbroken, are you?"
"Nah," Elaine said cheerfully. "Half the fun was seeing how far I could go before I pushed him over the edge."
At just after 9:30 the next morning, Nelle, Ally, Harm, Mac, and a very nervous Ensign Tate were getting ready to leave Fish & Cage for the courthouse. They'd all left the bar early last night to be fresh for court. Harm and Mac hadn't spoken a word to each other the whole way back to their hotel, but Harm had kept her hand clasped in his as they rode along in the taxi. At her door, he had hesitated just a moment before giving her hand a last squeeze and walking down to his door. This morning they'd been all business.
Mac followed Ally back to her office when she went to retrieve her briefcase. "Ally," she began.
"Yeah, Mac?"
"I appreciate your efforts to kindle a romance between Harm and me, but it's not going to happen, okay?" she said.
"How can you say that after the way you two were dancing last night?" Ally asked in disbelief. "There's obviously something between you."
"Even if there were, we couldn't do anything about it," Mac said. "Being in the military isn't the same as working in a private law firm," she explained. "We could get kicked out for having a relationship with someone in the same chain of command."
"So why doesn't one of you move to a different command?" Ally asked impatiently.
"Neither one of us wants to leave JAG," Mac said. "It's been the best assignment I've ever had. And Harm belongs there, too. He's our ace lawyer. And besides, now that he can't fly, it's the only thing left for him."
Ally looked at Mac pityingly. "All I know is that I have been searching for true love ever since Billy left me. And if I ever find it, I mean WHEN I find it, I'm not going to let my job get in the way. Love's too, too, rare, too precious, to throw away for the sake of a career."
"It's easy for you to say that because you've always HAD a career," Mac said defensively. "If I hadn't joined the Marines, I don't know where I'd be today, but it wouldn't be pretty."
"Still, how can you sacrifice a chance at love for a job?" Ally asked.
"I guess you and I are just very different," Mac said. But she wondered if it were true. "Besides, just because Harm and I are attracted to each other doesn't mean we're in love." Ally looked skeptical.
Changing the subject, Mac said, "So are you ready? Think you can get this case tossed out?"
"Don't worry, I'll do whatever it takes," Ally assured her.
"I'm glad to hear it," Mac said, and turned to leave. Then she paused and turned back. "Um, Ally . . . you wouldn't . . . you wouldn't tap dance during the motions would you?" she asked, remembering her comments to Harm on their way to Boston the first time.
"Tap dance? What gave you that idea?"
"Never mind," Mac said sheepishly. "It was a silly question."
"Alright. Go ahead, I'll meet you at the elevators," Ally said. She watched as Mac left the office. Then she quickly popped open her briefcase and extracted a pair of patent leather tap shoes and slipped them into a desk drawer. She snapped her briefcase closed and caught up with Mac
In the courtroom, Harm clapped Ensign Tate on the shoulder in encouragement. The sailor, Nelle and Ally moved to the defense table, while Harm and Mac took a seat on the spectator's bench just behind them.
Across the aisle at the plaintiff's table sat two women: a brunette in a power suit who was pulling files from a briefcase -- clearly the lawyer, Miss Poop; and a nondescript blonde in a flowery dress -- Miss Stanley. The latter kept craning her neck to get a look at the defendant. Clearly whatever feelings she had for him hadn't been dampened by the legal proceeding they were now involved in. For his part, the ensign cast one nervous look over at his nemesis, started to wave, and then clearly thought better of it, turning his eyes straight ahead and keeping them there.
The bailiff called the courtroom to order and announced the presiding judge, the Honorable Whipper Cone. When she was settled and had let the participants regain their seats, the clerk called the case.
Whipper looked at the lawyers. "I have a motion before me to dismiss. I've read briefs from both sides. Ms. McBeal, would you like to begin your argument?"
"Yes, Your Honor," Ally began. "Clearly, the facts in this case do not meet the statutory standard for sexual harassment. Ensign Tate did not solicit sex from Ms. Stanley. He did not make sexually explicit comments to her, about her, or around her. He did not post sexually explicit material in the workplace. He did not supervise Ms. Stanley, and he did not supervise anyone else at their workplace. There is no evidence that ANYONE at the workplace sexually harassed Ms. Stanley, let alone Ensign Tate. In short, under no stretch of the imagination did Ensign Tate violate state or Federal sexual harassment laws. Therefore, there are no legal grounds for this case to proceed to trial. We ask that your Honor dismiss the case.
"Miss Poop?" the judge asked, turning to the plaintiff's attorney.
"Your Honor, the federal sexual harassment statute specifies that creating a hostile work environment is sufficient to invoke a penalty. Ensign Tate led my client to believe that he found her desirable, that he was interested in her, that he intended to initiate a relationship with her. But he didn't. My client was humiliated, devastated, and unable to continue her employment at the Naval Air Station. Ensign Tate deliberately led her on in order to mock her. He created a work environment so hostile and detrimental to my client's well-being that she was unable to maintain her gainful employment. The facts in this case clearly merit review by a jury, and both punitive and compensatory damages.
"I never even asked her out!" Ensign Tate exclaimed.
"At ease, Ensign!" Harm barked from behind him just as Nelle turned to shush the sailor. Between the two of them, they managed to quiet him down.
"Exactly my point," Miss Poop continued. "He teased her but never followed through. He made her work life hell!"
"Your Honor," Ally said, jumping back up, "The statute does not extend to include NOT asking someone out. Whether Ensign Tate did or did not lead the plaintiff to believe that he was interested in her, he was not . . . not REQUIRED by the sexual harassment statute to ask her on a date. If that were the intent of the law, half . . . half the men in America would be hauled into court by women who THOUGHT they liked them. I'd have a few guys in here myself!"
Miss Poop interjected, "The defendant created a reasonable expectation of action which he failed to fulfill, thereby creating an untenable work situation for my client and in effect depriving her of her livelihood by making her unable to continue at her place of employment."
"That's ridiculous, Your Honor! By no stretch of the imagination was the intent of Congress to require every person who . . . who . . . who SMILES at another person at work or says a friendly word to ask that person out. In fact, if they DID ask that person out, they COULD be liable for sexual harassment You can't tell people they CAN'T act in a sexual manner AND tell them they HAVE to act in a sexual manner toward coworkers under the SAME statute. It's just, it's just not workable. It's not fair!" Ally finished.
"I tend to agree with you, Counsel," Whipper said. Turning to Miss Poop, she asked, "How do you reconcile your claim with Ms. McBeal's argument?"
"In my view," Miss Poop claimed, "there is no conflict. The statute requires people to refrain from behaving in a way that creates a sexually hostile work environment. Ensign Tate violated this requirement by deliberately and maliciously leading my client to believe that he was interested in her, and then not following through with his implied promise to begin a relationship with her. He made her a laughingstock among her colleagues. She was unable to continue working there."
"How did he do this?" the judge asked.
"Your Honor, it is for a jury to decide if they agree that Ensign Tate's actions rise to the level of harassment. I am simply arguing that the case does fit under the definition of sexual harassment and therefore should be allowed to go to trial."
"Hmmm . . . she makes a certain point, Ms. McBeal," Whipper said thoughtfully.
Nelle stood up. "Your Honor, if I may . . ." she began.
"Nelle, what are you doing?" Ally hissed. "I told you . . ."
"Ally, cut me a little slack," Nelle whispered. "You laid a solid foundation. I think I can finish the bi . . . the plaintiff off."
Grudgingly, Ally agreed. After all, she'd yet to see Nelle lose a case, as much as she hated to admit it.
"Your Honor," Nelle began again. "We all know that the course of true love never runs smooth. There are false starts and dead ends along the way. What one person sees as simple politeness, another might interpret as signifying interest, even a crush. If everyone saw things just the same, there'd be a lot fewer broken hearts in this world."
Well, she's right about that, Mac thought. Even Ally was nodding her head.
"For instance," Nelle continued. "Say I'm standing in a bar. Maybe I've had a long day, and I decide to take down my hair." She suited actions to words, unleashing a torrent of beautiful blonde, curly hair. "And as I'm doing it, I maybe catch the eye of someone standing nearby." She locked gazes with the bailiff. "He smiles, so I smile. I think, 'What a nice man.' But maybe he thinks, 'She wants me.' A simple misunderstanding. Single life is full of them. That's what we have here, a simple misunderstanding."
"Objection, Your Honor," plaintiff's counsel shouted. "She's using her hair as a weapon."
"Ally, say something!" Nelle muttered to her co-counsel.
"Well, you do tend to . . ." Ally began. "Oh, alright!" she said as Nelle continued to glare at her. "Your Honor, the plaintiff's lawyer is just trying to distract you from the facts of the case."
"Point taken, Ms. McBeal. Objection overruled."
"Your Honor!" Miss Poop continued her objection. "That places me at a disadvantage! Just because I can't wave a round a bunch of blonde hair doesn't make my client's case any less valid!" she yelled. Possibly not the wisest choices of argument, given the judge's own full head of long, curly blonde locks.
"That's enough, Miss Poop," Whipper admonished.
"You're just jealous!" Nelle exclaimed.
"Nelle, shut up!" Ally hissed. "You won the point!" Nelle gave no indication that she was listening.
"Jealous!" Miss Poop exclaimed. "Jealous of what? Some bleach-blonde hair and a couple of fake boobs? It takes a lot more than that to be a successful attorney!"
"Miss Poop!" the judge exclaimed.
"I'm a better attorney than you'll ever dream of being! And for your information, the hair and the boobs came factory-installed!"
"Ms. Porter!" Whipper said to Nelle.
Mac and Harm looked at each other, aghast. Then they turned back to the fireworks, fascinated. Ensign Tate looked like he was in shock. The court reporter was typing as fast as she could.
"Just because you flaunt your body around the court doesn't make you a better lawyer," Miss Poop retorted.
"You're just mad because John didn't want you but he wants me," she exclaimed. At this point, she had pretty much forgotten what case they were arguing.
"Oh, yeah?" Miss Poop shot back. "Well, I'll have you know I didn't WANT John." Her client was tugging at her sleeve, but she ignored her. "He wasn't romantic enough for me!"
"WHY DOES EVERYONE SAY JOHN ISN'T ROMANTIC? JOHN IS VERY ROMANTIC!" Nelle yelled. She'd had enough. She ran over to opposing counsel and pushed her hard enough to send her reeling backwards. The judge was pounding her gavel for order, but neither lawyer paid any attention. Miss Poop recovered swiftly and came flying back at Nelle, grabbing a handful of hair and yanking for all she was worth. Nelle screamed and tripped the other lawyer, sending her to the floor. Then she dove on top and began scratching and biting. Miss Poop was hanging right in there, giving as good as she got. It took two officers to break up the catfight.
"Miss Porter, Miss Poop, I am appalled," Whipper said. "I cannot tolerate this kind of foolish, unprofessional conduct in my courtroom. I am citing you both for contempt." The two looked down at the floor, abashed. "You will each be fined $1,000, and you can spend the rest of the day in a cell together, working out your differences. You can have someone come bail you out at 5:00 tonight, not a minute sooner!"
"Your Honor," Ally began tentatively.
"Yes?"
"Despite the, the, er, contremps here today, I still believe that a ruling of dismissal is in order. In fact, the events would even REINFORCE my colleague's arguments. True love never runs smooth, and there are plenty of misunderstandings along the way. We . . . we can't hold people responsible for what other people THOUGHT they meant by their actions, at least not when it comes to romance."
"Point well taken. This case is dismissed. Now all of you clear out of here before I throw the rest of you in jail."
At 5:01, John stood in front of the a cell containing two bedraggled lawyers. Nelle did not look her usual crisp, professional self, and Miss Poop was definitely worse for the wear, too. There had been a couple more screaming matches when they were first thrust into the cell together, but at least it hadn't gotten physical again. Then came a prolonged bout of tense silence. Eventually boredom drove the two women to start discussing the situation more rationally. By the time John showed up, Nelle was convinced that Miss Poop had never had anything going with him, and Miss Poop in turn had upped her private estimate of Sub-Zero's internal temperature by a few notches. They probably wouldn't be going to any Longaberger basket parties together anytime soon, but at least they wouldn't be getting each other thrown in jail again.
"Are you ready to go?" John asked.
"Yes," Nelle said sheepishly. She turned to the other lawyer and shook her hand. "See you around court," she said.
"Not if I see you first," Miss Poop joked.
The walk back to their office was a quiet one. Nelle was too embarrassed to say anything, and John didn't know what TO say. Secretly he was a little flattered by her jealousy, but he didn't think it was a good idea to let her know that.
"Nelle, this behavior on your part is unacceptable," he stated gravely.
Nelle turned an anguished face on him. "I know, John, I don't know what got into me. I just . . ." she trailed off, at a loss.
And that was the end of the conversation. But John reached over to take her hand and held it the rest of the way back.
Seven o'clock found all the principals gathered at their usual spot. Mac was chatting with Ally; Harm was holding a whispered conversation with Fish; Ling was talking to Nelle, while Nelle kept casting anxious glances at John, who was sitting silently next to her. Georgia and Billy were on the dance floor, as was Renee, who had brought a date.
All conversations stopped when Miss Poop approached the table. She was looking considerably better than the last time Nelle had seen her. The plaintiff's attorney looked somewhat awkward, but she said, "I just wanted to stop by and say I hope there are no hard feelings."
The others shuffled in their seats and remained silent, but Nelle spoke up. "Of course not. After all, I did throw the first punch. Why don't you join us?" she added, earning glares from her colleagues.
"Thanks, but I'm meeting my client here. I told her I'd buy her a consolation . . . Oh my God." she finished, looking past Nelle toward the door. The others craned their heads to see what had caught her attention.
Nelle gasped. "I don't believe it!" she exclaimed. She stared at the couple that had just walked in, arms around each other, faces close together, talking and laughing. "After all that . . ."
Mac glared. After all their work, after TWO trips to Boston to defend Ensign Tate for not asking the woman on a date, there he was, staring at her like he'd found the promised land. Apparently the lawsuit was enough to make him really look at Janice Stanley for the first time. MEN! she thought. You just about had to hit them over the head with a hammer to get them to notice what was right in front of them!
Harm started to stand. "I'm going to go talk to that sailor. Or maybe just kick his . . ." he said.
"Leave them alone!"
They all turned to look at Ally in surprise.
"I can't believe you're taking his side," Ling said. "You're the one that just got done defending him from her in a lawsuit."
"It's like I said in court today," Ally said. "The course of true love never runs smooth. If it took a lawsuit to help them find each other, so what? We should be happy for them."
Harm look unconvinced, but he subsided back into his seat when Mac reached out and touched his arm.
Nelle looked up at Miss Poop. "Looks like you need a place to sit after all."
"She can have your seat," John told Nelle. It was the first thing he'd said to her all night. "Come with me, please," he continued, standing up and pulling Nelle after him.
"John, what are you doing?" Nelle asked as he dragged her behind him up to the stage. He just put his finger across his lips in a shushing motion and said nothing.
When he reached the stage, he stepped onto it and pulled Nelle up beside him. The band had stopped playing mid-note. John leaned over and whispered in the singer's ear. She smiled and nodded, then handed him her microphone.
John cleared his throat and then spoke. "Attention, everyone, attention. Can I have everyone's attention?" He waited until the room fell silent and then continued. "I'm sorry to interrupt the music, but I need to make a very important announcement." Nelle stared at him. "I want everyone in the room to know that I love this woman, Nelle Porter," he went on in his usual measured tones. "I am not seeing anyone else, nor do I have feelings for anyone else. Nelle Porter is the only woman in my life. Thank you, you may resume your evening now." He handed the microphone back to the singer. There was a stunned silence for a moment, and then the whole room exploded into cheers and applause.
Nelle threw her arms around John, tears running down her cheeks. "That is the most romantic thing any man has ever done for me!" she exclaimed. "I love you too, John." He put his arms around her, holding her for a long moment. The singer began a slow, bluesy ballad, and John broke away and stepped down from the stage. He reached up to help Nelle down, then opened his arms. "Shall we?" he said. She moved into his arms, and they began to sway to the rhythm.
Back at the table, Mac and Ally sighed. "Now THAT'S romantic," they said in unison. Harm just rolled his eyes. Ling backhanded Richard across the chest. "How come you never do anything like that for ME?" she asked accusingly.
That night, Harm followed Mac into her room to make plans for their return trip to Washington the next day. After settling which shuttle they'd take and what time they needed to leave, they started talking about the strange turn of events the case had taken.
"Well, I think this place is cursed or something," Mac said. "Or maybe just the law firm. Weird things always seem to happen them. I mean, strange stuff like that never happens at JAG."
Harm stared at her with a raised eyebrow.
"Okay, maybe strange things do happen," she admitted, "but not stuff this wacky. The strange things that happen at our office seem more serious, more dignified somehow."
"I for one think we can learn from these guys," Harm stated firmly.
"Learn from them? What did you learn from them?" Mac asked curiously.
"Well for instance, Richard was telling me about this thing called 'knee-pit' tonight, and I found it VERY educational."
"'Knee-pit?' What's that?"
"Come here and I'll show you," Harm said.
Outside in the hallway, a bellhop was delivering some late-night room service. As he passed by one room, he heard a woman moan feelingly, "Oooohhhhhh, Haaaarrrrmmmmm!"
THE END
This story copyright 1999 by Sarah Brown, all rights reserved.