Title: Black Dawn (previously Llove/Loveless)
Pairings: none
Warnings: illegal experimentation, human mutation, graphic violence, minor language
Music: Welcome Home by Coheed & Cambria
Disclaimer: Final Fantasy X doesn't belong to me (aside from my PS2 disc). Square Enix gets those awesome rights. ;c
Re-written as of May 21, 2015.
Walking through the Calm Lands on a sweltering hot day such as this one could only be described to Tidus as boring. Nothing was changing in their routine. Every morning it was the same: wake, eat, walk as far as possible until night fell, eat, sleep, then awake the next day to start it all over again. There were the occasional fiend battles, but they were starting to grate on his nerves. There was no challenge when the same enemies would attack every few hundred paces. It was repetitious and very exhausting work.
He trailed last behind their group, his arms folded behind his head as he walked. "Hey, Auron! Why do we have to travel through here, anyway? It's freakin' boring!" he complained, loudly enough that he knew the old man would find it obnoxious.
"It's for Lady Yuna's pilgrimage. You know that, Tidus." Auron deadpanned.
Tidus groaned. "But it's so boring! Why didn't we take the scenic route?"
Wakka slowed his pace and fell into step next to the youngest guardian, blitzball tucked underneath his arm. "If you want to, brudda, when we find water and we take a break, we can play blitzball, ya?" he offered, jubilant. He chuckled then, twirling the spiked ball on one finger. "But not with this one. It'll take your eye out!" He laughed again, reaching over to clap the teenager on the back. "Don't be so down, ya?"
The blond grinned, beaten. "Alright, alright!" he relented. "I guess I can deal with this little trip through Grassy Meadows." He winked at Yuna, who smiled back before she continued talking with Lulu and Rikku.
As the afternoon came, Tidus began to feel something strange in the pit of his stomach. He was sure he wasn't sick, but he just felt... strange. He couldn't place his finger on what it was. After some time mulling over his gut, he questioned the others. "Guys, do you feel that?" he asked quietly. They stopped and turned to him, all shooting him weird looks. "What?"
Auron took a step closer to him, looking over the rim of his sunglasses to scrutinize the distraught teenager. "I feel nothing. We're safe out here, Tidus," he said.
"Are you sure? I mean, what if-" His question was cut off as the ground beneath them rumbled and shook, the vibrations so powerful it knocked Yuna and Rikku to their knees. A chasm opened beside them and a large, shadowy hand burst out, wrapping long fingers around Tidus' middle and hefting him up like he weighed nothing. "Let me go!" the blond shouted, angrily pounding and kicking in its grip. It squeezed him tighter, forcing the air from his lungs. "Auron, help me!" he cried.
The swordsman ran forward and brandished his sword, swinging powerfully at the hand. His attack ghosted through it, not leaving a single mark. He grunted in frustration and attacked again, but it simply dodged out of the way.
"Sir Auron, are you not supposed to be using brain over brawn? Such heedless violence..." a soft voice crooned.
The man looked around for the intruder, but no one was in sight. The rest of their group tensed in anticipation. "Show yourself," he commanded.
The hand, still clutching Tidus in its fist, moved to the side, revealing the hole it appeared from. From those depths an elegantly robed figure stepped out, striding with smug confidence towards the summoner party. He came to stop beside the shadow hand, watching them with interest.
"Maester Seymour!" Yuna gasped, quickly standing with Kimahri's help and offering the Yevon prayer. Lulu and Wakka did the same, while Rikku just stared at the Maester funny. Auron glared at him with his single eye.
A smile touched the Maester's thin lips as he turned toward Auron, but it was far from pleasant.
Creepy much? Tidus thought as he watched them from above, continuing to struggle against the hand that was slowly gripping him tighter and tighter so he couldn't escape.
Auron's hand clenched around the handle of his sword as he stared down the Guado. "What do you want with him, Seymour?" he growled.
Seymour chuckled and shook his head condescendingly at the elder guardian. "I only wish to steal dear little Tidus away for an... expedition of my own enjoyment," he replied, gazing intently at Yuna as he spoke.
She blinked innocently, completely misunderstanding what he had implied. "You want to borrow my guardian for personal purposes?" Yuna questioned, glancing uncertainly between Auron, Seymour, and Tidus.
The Guado smirked. "Of a sort, yes."
Auron bristled with anger. "You won't have him, Seymour. He needs to remain on this journey to protect Lady Yuna!" He glared with undisguised hatred at the Maester.
Seymour shrugged. "Then I will take him by force," he said simply.
Tidus cried out in pain when the hand suddenly squeezed him with tremendous force, falling limp in its grip. With a violent shudder he spat out a mouthful of blood, staining the fingers around him dull crimson. "Lemme go!" he demanded weakly, pounding his fist against the tightening fingers. He met Auron's eyes, silently begging him for help.
The guardian had only taken one step forward before Seymour's voice made him pause.
"I wouldn't do that, Sir Auron. You have no idea what I'm capable of," the blue-haired Guado said smugly, shooting Tidus a look of amusement. "I could crush that boy into dust, but he's caught my attention. And I don't plan on letting this little bird get away from me so easily." Seymour laughed mirthlessly at the irritation written all over Auron's face. "I bid you and your guardian safe travels, Lady Yuna."
The young summoner hastened to bow a second time as the maester turned on his heel and disappeared into the crevice he'd come out from, the hand following after him. Before the ground swallowed them up, the party could hear Tidus yelling.
"Auron!"
A/N: The next handful of scenes are meant to be short and somewhat sudden, and they may be a tad confusing. I'm sorry if they don't flow well, but they're supposed to be part of the story. Each is a brief insight on what happened to Tidus during his capture. Please be aware that they will be OOC, and the gore level depends on where my mind takes this story. Please keep in mind: this story was rated Mature for a reason!
IF YOU CANNOT HANDLE WHAT HAS BEEN STATED IN THE WARNINGS AT THE START OF THIS STORY, YOU MAY SKIP THIS SECTION.
There will be another A/N when these are finished. You don't have to read the next scenes for the story to make full sense (though you miss how Tidus gains wings - oops, spoiler!) but they do explain some of what goes down inside Seymour's creepy (and non-canon) basement torture room. Enjoy the story! :)
He had no idea how they had gotten down here. For most of the ride he was unconscious or in too much pain to really focus on the path they took, but it didn't matter. Everything was dark, black as night, and seemed to press down on him from all directions. From the smell of wet rock and the thickness of the air he could tell they were underground, most likely beneath the city of Guadosalam.
He was coherent as soon as they entered the small cavern, but everywhere he looked he just saw black rock and bits of silver. Seymour was carrying him most of the way; when he felt himself being jostled and then a hard coldness pressed into his back, his eyes shot open and he stared around the room, fighting vertigo. The Maester was over him, blocking the light from his face and making his surroundings all the more difficult to see. His attention came back to the Maester as he felt him tightening leather binds around his body, ensuring that he couldn't escape. Not that the guardian could, even though he wanted to.
A clatter beside him announced the thin table Seymour pulled up next to Tidus' prone body, gleaming silver instruments winking dangerously at him from its surface.
"What are you going to do to me, Seymour?" Tidus asked, the pain forcing his words to slur. His eyes were alert, wide and full of fear as he watched the Guado poke at the tools almost lovingly.
The Guado smirked viciously at the teenager. "I'm turning you into the most fearsome creature Spira has yet to lay their eyes upon," he purred.
"W-What?"
At first he had complained. Then he tried to threaten. Somewhere along the way he remembered screaming. Once he saw how much that pleased the sick-minded Guado, he forced himself to be quiet. But it was so hard to stay resilient when he was stabbed and cut into more times than he could count.
Initially he had struggled, and put up such a fight that Seymour could barely handle him. The Guado had fled the room and closed the stone door behind him, ignoring Tidus' angry yells and the violent tugs at his binds. For a long moment as his rage smouldered in his gut, Tidus thought he might have scared off the Maester. Several minutes passed and nothing happened. Tidus cleared his head and tried to come up with ways to escape.
Then the gas came.
Blue-grey and as silent as Death, it crept toward him and reached out with snaking fingers that burned his skin and left a pinkish rash in its wake. It poured from a vent on the far wall, pooling beneath the table and curling around the low-lying structure. The sudden lack of oxygen made him dizzy and the room spun, before snapping into sudden focus when the gas enveloped the whole table.
Every part of him seared with an explosion of pain. The gas filled his lungs and he choked, gagging on the thick substance as it seemed to slowly eat away as his insides. He couldn't think straight anymore. All he felt was the scorching touch of the poison and the subconscious sense of weightlessness as he slipped into half-baked delirium. His lips moved soundlessly, his spasms growing weaker as he fell off the edge of consciousness.
Somewhere far away, Tidus heard the Maester laughing.
Labored breathing was the only sound in that dark room. Tidus had been graciously given some time to recuperate and try to fix his broken mind piece by piece while the Maester took a break from the experiments. Going over results didn't take long, and he knew the respite wouldn't last.
If he had the courage to ask, Seymour would tell him he'd been in Guado custody for over a month. Tidus had tried counting the days going by, but it was impossible to know for certain so far below the surface. In the time he was gone, there was a new routine for him: wake from forced sleep; endure hour after hour of tests, needles, and the Guado's new torture weaponry; simply exist in the blackest space while Seymour left him for his political duties, praying to gods he didn't believe in for any help possible; then re-entering the sequence of tests and lasting as long as he could before Seymour deemed him finished for the time being and gassed him to sleep.
He was kept on the brink of starvation; the Maester didn't want his precious subject to die from malnutrition before he'd made any progress, but could care less that the vessel could be too weak to stay together. Muscles built on from years of athletic training and blitzball matches were stripped away bit by bit until he was barely more than a pile of bones. Through everything he floated in and out of consciousness, the pain too overwhelming for his body to handle.
Where his mind suffered, his body grew and changed, strengthening and preparing itself for the transformation. Soon, it would be complete.
Artificial magelight pierced beneath his eyelid, bringing him to full consciousness. He didn't flinch away as Seymour came closer and smirked, gaze raking up and down the mutated guardian's body with a look of pride and almost child-like excitement. Tidus saw everything differently than before, felt the world in another way. His blue eyes had burned orange and couldn't focus on anything through a mass array of flashing colors and distorted shapes. Trying to make out the hulking silhouette standing in front of the exam table hurt and he closed them quickly.
Icy fingers trailed down the curve on his gaunt cheek, the touch sending shivers through him. He gave no facial reaction and Seymour's mouth warped into a snarl, his claws tearing into his skin and leaving three bloody furrows in their wake. The teenager barely twitched, his eyes opened to half mast and staring past Seymour. Pain was no longer a concern. He had grown accustomed to it; it definitely wasn't a good thing, but he knew he had already lost his body to the Guado before him.
Something changed in Seymour's eyes. Instead of aggravation, he radiated satisfaction. As he stepped away from the table and picked up a small device from his pile of tools, Tidus took a deep breath and closed his eyes again. He didn't want to witness the moment his entire self was taken from him and fed to the monster he was soon to become. As if reading his thoughts, the Maester smiled cruelly before securing the device over Tidus' mouth and nose.
The muscles in his back writhed and he arched off the table, his mouth opened in a silent scream. His entire body trembled as he blindly fought against the restraints, his cries unheard through the metal cover that filled his lungs with searing gas; gas that would force his will to break and completely give himself over to the Guado's control. Tears leaked down his cheeks as he flailed, unable to stop his back from ripping itself apart.
Seymour watched with perverted anticipation as his project finally came to life. Tidus jerked uncontrollably on the cold steel table, his breath coming in short, rapid gasps. His hands clenched around the leather bindings and he cried out again, body shuddering as the fresh scars on his back were torn open and a set of dark wings protruded from his spine. Warm blood dripped off the ebony feathers, the new limbs quaking as the guardian's eyes rolled back in his head and he fell limp, his breathing hitching as darkness came over him.
And Tidus knew no more.
A/N: Alright, the bad parts are over! You can start reading here again. :)
Over two months passed since the summoner party had seen Tidus disappear with Seymour. In that time they had crossed the Calm Lands, skirted around the capital of Bevelle, and finally reached the northern edge of the Macalania Woods. The landscape was as breathtaking as the first time through, but it affected their mission more than anything. Everyone wanted Tidus back, all for the same reasons but with different speculations.
Wakka and Lulu believed the Maester had kidnapped the youngest guardian and turned him into a sex slave, having his way with the teenager any time he wanted. Yuna wasn't sure what to think, and Rikku thought Seymour was giving Tidus special training of some kind. Kimahri and Auron feared the worst, but neither voiced their suspicions. It was with heavy hearts that they trekked on, wondering exactly how they would rescue their friend.
Half an hour into the woods did one of them break the silence. "Kimahri sense new presence," the elder guardian growled, making the group pause.
"You're right, Ronso. I've returned to your little band of merry misfits."
Everyone tensed at once, Auron dropping into a battle stance and fixating the trees behind Lulu with a fierce glare. "Come out, Seymour," he snarled.
The Maester did just so, coming out from the ghostly forest to stand before them. He held himself differently than last they had met; his head quirked at an odd angle, his lavender eyes gleaming with amusement and haughty disdain as a smug grin curled his lips. As he came closer he spread his arms wide, as if offering an embrace. Yuna didn't perform the Yevon prayer this time.
Seymour lowered his arms after a long moment and simply smiled at them, studying the group for a moment. "Ah, such good company. Rather idiotic, but good nonetheless," the Guado said. "Now, if only you could rid yourselves of that awful wet animal stench?" He looked directly at the Ronso as he spoke.
Kimahri's tail lashed violently through the air behind him, but he said nothing.
Yuna took her chance and piped up, "Where is Tidus, Maester Seymour?"
He laughed at her, eyes wild with excitement. "You wish to see my little pet? Well, here he is, Lady Yuna." He stepped to the side, allowing them to see the huge, startling mass of darkness that floated behind him. Everyone pulled out their weapons in fear of a fight, but they all froze when the darkness parted into two large, dark wings, revealing the young guardian they belonged to.
"Tidus!"
Collectively the summoner party gasped or looked sick to their stomachs at the state the teenager was in. Donned in silver-blue robes that mocked Seymour's style, the cocky blond they all knew stared at them with dead orange eyes, face showing no sign of recognition. Beneath the cloth, white bandages were wrapped around his upper arms and around his torso, ending in a small ring around his neck where several minor wounds were hidden. His face was hollowed out and he seemed to sway in the breeze, his feet hanging almost a foot above the ground. His wings twitched every so often, the grass beneath him already dotted with black feathers.
"He's insane," Lulu murmured softly, disturbed. She held her Cait Sith close to her chest, resisting the urge to step backwards. Yuna and Rikku looked horrified, the younger Al Bhed having fallen to her knees in shock.
Wakka took an unsteady battle stance, glancing fearfully between Maester and guardian. "W-What did you did to 'im?" he asked.
The Guado smirked deviously. "That would be telling, now wouldn't it? I should have done this long ago, you all would have never tried to get in my way." He pointed a clawed finger toward the party, aimed directly for Auron. "Fight for me, Tidus!" he commanded.
In a flurry of loose feathers the teenager leaped into the air, soaring high above the clearing in a slow circle. His hands glowed as fire formed in his palms, concentrated into a tight mass that was flung towards the elder guardian. Auron took the Firaga head on, his shoulders hunched against the blast as burns washed over him. Yuna was quick to cast Cure on him, and the man shot her a grateful look before he turned back to the fight. Far above, Tidus was a dark shape against the blue sky, almost invisible to them in the direct sunlight.
"Hey, wait a second! We're gonna fight back?" Wakka cried out, his eyes wide with confusion. "Tidus is practically family to us, ya? Why we gotta hurt him? That's not right!"
Auron sighed heavily, his gaze kept firmly on the airborne guardian. "He's turned against us, Wakka. Once we knock him out of the sky, we can take him from Seymour and attempt to put his mind back together." His voice dropped lower and his expression turned sour. "He isn't there anymore." He's not the same loud-mouthed brat I spent ten years raising.
The ex-blitzer looked unsure, but he readied World Champion in one hand. Beside them, Lulu channeled spells through her Cait Sith and sent the little doll into the air after Tidus, who dodged the magic with uncanny ease. Neither Wakka's spiked blitzball or Rikku's hand grenades could do much damage, and as long as Tidus continued flying around, they wouldn't be able to attack.
Seymour cackled, thoroughly enjoying himself. "You can try all you want, Sir Auron, but I made Tidus powerful. Stronger than the Aeons, and as capable as a summoner! I pity you," he sneered.
Yuna's eyes widened in horror. Auron caught the look and placed a hand on her shoulder before she could panic. "Ignore what he says, Yuna. Summon Anima and Shiva, and have them charge their Overdrives while we wear Tidus out. Combined, they should do enough damage to take him down." He forced the summoner to look him in the eyes. "No matter what may happen to him, do not hold back. We have to free Tidus from Seymour's control, whatever the cost," he ordered.
She gave a shaky nod and walked a bit away from the group, hold her staff tightly in both hands. She began to summon as quickly as she was able, completely immersing herself in the spellcasting. The guardians formed a protective barrier between Tidus and Yuna, and kept the winged guardian at bay while she finished her task.
"Anima, Shiva!" the summoner cried as the two aeons appeared before her. "Please, help us fight Tidus!"
Both creatures answered her with cries of their own and stood over her, soft lights coming from their bodies as they began to charge their attacks. The others caught the cue and tried to lure Tidus toward the ground, but they only succeeded in pissing him off when one of Rikku's grenades detonated against his side. He let out an unearthly screech and flared his wings, shooting out small primary feathers that rained down on the guardians and combusted. Tiny fires popped up all around them and even on their clothing, but neither party stopped their attacks. Tidus swooped down low to the ground, charging the party with an angry snarl.
Lulu was the first to react, yelling "Watch yourself!" and shoving Rikku out of the way as Tidus barreled right through the spot where she'd just stood. The mage threw a Blizzara at the teenager, but he managed to twist out of the way and the magic dissipated. Dark red runes circled around him as he flew up in front of Seymour, forming a tight ring that glowed brightly when it touched his skin. The blitzer suddenly let out a cry and the runes entered his arms, burning black markings that mimicked the same ones into his flesh. From those markings erupted a torrent of fire, the magical brand channeling Firaga through Seymour into Tidus. Unbeknownst to the guardians or Tidus, marks akin to the winged guardian's appeared along the Guado's forearms, bonding Seymour magically to him.
"Go, my pet! End the lives of your friends in cold blood!" Seymour ordered with a wolfish grin, pointing at the others. Tidus shrieked at the guardians before him, his eyes wild with uncontrollable ferocity. He held his arms hand out, palms aimed directly at them. An instant later a pillar of fire shot from his fingers, striking Wakka in the gut and sending him flying. The red-haired blitzer was knocked unconscious as soon as he hit the ground.
Rikku rushed over to him and was about to give him a potion when Kimahri stopped her. "Return," he said gruffly, taking the blonde girl by the shoulders and pushing her back toward Lulu and Auron. "Kimahri take care of him." The corner of his muzzle twitched in a vague smile at her obvious reluctance, but she left him to help the other guardians.
From the opposite side of the clearing, Shiva let out a trill and flew into the air, Anima following soon after. Together they rushed Tidus, who broke away from Seymour and flew higher, trying to escape their reach. But his reaction was in vain; as he turned to look down at them, suddenly the two aeons smashed into him at breakneck speed, throwing him off-balance. Before he could right himself they released their Overdrives, and the two attacks hit him dead-on. He squawked in pain and dropped like a rock, the flames on his forearms dying rapidly. His wings wrapped around his body as he fell, as if trying to protect him from the unforgiving earth.
It was a beautiful, terrible, and saddening moment, all at the same time.
As their work was done, Anima and Shiva disappeared into pyreflies. Yuna and Rikku ran to where Tidus crumpled in a heap, closely followed by Kimahri, who held up an anemic Wakka with one arm. Auron turned toward a dumbstruck Seymour, hate and loathing in his gaze. "It seems your little 'expedition' didn't follow through so perfectly," he growled. The Guado stared at him, unresponsive. The elder guardian snorted and held out his sword. "Time to die."
Seymour's eyes widened imperceptibly before Auron's Banishing Blade sliced clean through him, effectively ending his life. The two halves of his body slumped to the ground, his skin already grown cold as the light faded from his eyes. Moments later a cloud of pyreflies erupted from the Maester's body, swirling in a thick mass above the corpse. Auron sheathed his blade and glared down at the disappearing body. "This is the least you deserve for ruining that kid's life," he said, watching the little lights eat away at the half-breed. When the last bit of Seymour was gone, Auron turned from the scene and strode over to where the others crowded around Tidus' body, each trying unsuccessfully to get him to open his wings. He observed them for a long minute before he pulled out a tuft of phoenix down and threw it on one of the guardian's wings.
"Ahh!" the blond cried and immediately spread his wings, showering the group in a bunch of ebony feathers as he tried to shake off the revive. One hand was clenched over his heart as he panted heavily, staring at the people surrounding him with wide, fearful eyes. "S-Stay back!" he said loudly, his voice cracking from lack of use.
Yuna stepped forward and knelt beside him. "Tidus, it's me, Yuna! Do you recognize us?" she asked. She reached toward him in an attempt to calm him down, but Tidus gave a bird-like shriek and backed away from them.
"Get away from me!"
Auron rolled his eyes, already sick of Tidus' theatrics. He motioned for the summoner to cast Esuna, and they watched as the boy's eyes glowed sea-blue before sinking back into dulled orange. "Damn," the man cursed. "We'll have to resort to smacking him."
Lulu sauntered up, her Cait Sith in her arms. With a quiet word vines sprung from the dirt and wrapped themselves around the guardian's hands and feet, restraining him. He struggled instantly and tried to scoot away as she got close, too close for his comfort. "I got it," she said, drawing back her hand. Everyone aside from her and Auron flinched when a harsh smack! resounded in the clearing, Tidus' head whipped to the side from the force of the blow. When he slowly turned back to them, he stared slack-jawed at Lulu, complete shock written all over his face. The blitzer lifted a hand to his cheek and rubbed at the growing red splotch for a moment before crying out. They all jumped back, fully expecting him to attack them.
But Tidus kept himself in check, and as he looked at them with recognition, they saw his eyes had changed back to their normal shade. "What the hell was that for, Lulu? You didn't have to hit me so hard!" He glared between her and Auron. "Old man, this was your idea, wasn't it?" he growled.
The adults shared a smirk. "I regret nothing," the swordsman replied.
The black mage nodded. "And neither do I."
Tidus shook his head, his frown breaking into a grin. "I'm not happy that you hit my face, but thanks for getting me out of that," he said with a wink. "Seymour was a nutjob. I'm thankful none of you had to deal with him." As he spoke, he looked at Yuna, who flushed and turned her gaze.
"Ha! Deal with him? What about you, huh?" Wakka laughed, still leaning heavily against Kimahri. "When you weren't all there, you sure did a number on me. What's gonna happen to my looks?" he wheedled, one hand stroking his chin. "A blitzer's face is one of his best assets, you know!"
The youngest guardian chuckled. "What looks? All I see is a ginger who thinks he's a hotshot."
"Hey!"
The blond chuckled to himself as he stood, brushing grass from his robes as he did so. He winced when his fingers struck a sore spot near his collarbone, and pulled the cloth tighter around his chest. "So, wings, huh? I don't really remember when he managed to make that happen... kind of happy about that." He gave Auron a hopeful look. "Can I still keep them?" he asked. He shook out the feathered limbs, letting out a sigh as the taut muscles relaxed.
Yuna bent over and picked a feather up from the ground, playing with it between her fingers. "Well, they are physically attached to you. I don't think it's possible to remove them without killing you," she answered, offering him a sympathetic look. "I'm sorry."
He smiled back and opened his mouth to reply when Rikku suddenly tackled him from the side, almost knocking him back down again. She ignored his indignant yell and squealed, "It'll be great, Tidus! You can be undercover as our totally awesome, super-secret weapon! No one will ever know!" She giggled like a little girl, squeezing him around the waist with a huge grin on her face.
Tidus patted her head, like she was a chocobo. "Sure thing, Rikku. Whatever you say," he replied, and poked her in the side, making her shriek.
"Noooo!" she cried and bolted, Tidus chasing soon after her. The two were laughing as Tidus flew behind her through the silver trees.
Wakka heaved a sigh and rubbed his temple, already feeling a headache coming on - and not just from when Tidus sent him into dreamland. "Kids, ya?" he said, cracking a tired grin.
The adults made similar noises of agreement and, deeming the situation dealt with, continued back toward the trail. Yuna stepped up as the mature one in the group and approached the devious blondes, who smiled up at her and began chattering about a little butterfly Rikku had just caught. They didn't get time to finish before the summoner smacked their foreheads together, and she hid a small smirk at their simultaneous "ouch!" that had them clutching their heads in pain. She didn't give them time to recover before she trotted off after her guardians, giggling to herself.
It seemed that life wasn't quite as bland as Tidus had thought.