MORE THAN WORDS
Author: Cindy
Email: cindy.vandenplas@skynet.be
Disclaimer: Bla bla bla, not mine. I wish they were so they could have some fun on the show. LOL. CC, 1013 and the big bosses at FOX are responsible for their boring love life. Mmmm, do they owe me too?! Anyway, no fringe is intended and I'll be a good girl and return them when I'm finished. {{{{{{ Do I really have to??????}}}}}}}}}
Rating: PG. Is that enough? I use the F - word
Classification: VRA. Mulder POV
Keywords: Mulder/Scully romance. Is there anything else?
Spoilers: One Breath
Summary: Mulder, his mom and Scully have been in a car accident. Teena Mulder died, Mulder has just recovered recently and Scully is in a deep coma. Mulder is loosing faith, because his life has no meaning without Scully. But he keeps fighting for Scully's life and for his......
Feedback: Would be extremely welcome at the above address.
MORE THAN WORDS
What Scully and I have goes beyond words. We trust each other with our life and with what we are. We walk in the same direction, whether we agree or not. When I look at Scully I see myself. When I touch or hold her hand,I feel like we are one. We like to laugh and make fun together. I love to be with her, even if it's just for a minute. We are so much the same and yet so different. That's what makes us who we are.
Now I stare at the blinding white hospital room and listen to Scully's heartbeat. . This thing is driving me crazy and not a muscle in body thinks about moving. I need to stay with Scully even if it is the last thing I do. I have been through this before more than once. Scully should have listened to me and quit a long time ago. If she had done so, she wouldn't be living like a plant right now.
The accident happened a week ago. My mom was killed immediately and I suffered a minor head injury and some broken ribs. Oh yes and I have a broken finger. But who cares??? I would break all the bones in my body if that would make Scully feel any better. I have been out for a couple of hours, but was released from hospital three days ago. They should have kept me here, cause I spend all my free time here. Of course the doctors were too stupid to notice my mental state. I'm going nuts so to speak. As a psychologist I know I am on the border of a nervous breakdown. The only thing keeping me alive is the fact and the hope that Scully will recover...
********************************************************
I am walking outside Scully's room, while they get her ready. She has been moved to a normal room. Her mom requested it. Of course she's still on that f****** breathing machine.
The doctors finally come out and walk to me. I can go and see her. I thank the doctor and I go in. Room 711. I open the door and get in. Nothing has changed. Scully is still living as a plant. I take a chair and sit down next to the bed. I lay my hand on Scully's and stare at her. For the last three days, she hadn't moved an inch. Not an arm, not a leg, not even her little tow moved. The only sign of life is her heartbeat shown on the monitor.
I get up and smash my hand against the wall. I feel so helpless. The only thing I can do is wait and hope. And for once in my life I pray. I pray and I would do that any time if that could help Scully. Scully would say not to fight against what nature has decide. To put it in her words: "Let nature go its way". But I refuse to do that. I refuse to let a part of muself go without putting up a fight. I lean against the wall and stare at the ceiling. Someone knocks on the door and a young doctor comes in:
"Are you okay, agent Mulder?"
"I'm fine."
And then I have to smile at myself cause I realize how much I sound like Scully:
"I just spoke to Mrs. Scully and she wants to stop the artificial breathing and I guess that...
"She won't survive it.... You can't do that doctor. I am sure she will recover."
"Agent Mulder..."
"No!!!!!"
"It is her decision."
"I won't let you go through with it.I am sorry doc."
I am out of control here. I don't know what I'm doing anymore and I pull my gun out:
"I will protect her with my life. I have nothing to loose."
"Calm down, Mr Mulder. You don't know what you're doing."
"I know very well what I'm doing. I'm protecting the only woman I have ever loved in my life."
"Okay okay...."
The doctor walks out of the room and I realize I have just said aloud what I have been thinking the last seven years. I love Scully it is true. I just never allowed myself to say it aloud.
I sit down against the wall and put the gun in my lap. I look at Scully and talk to her for what could be the last time:
"What am I supposed to do now, Scully? I am lost here and there is no one to show me where I should go from here. Even your science could help me this time. I'm lost Dana. I need you to wake up and help me out. Please, Scully...."
Tears are falling down my face and I put my head on her arm in the hope to find some strength. Behind me, I hear someone come in. I turn around to see a concerned Skinner:
"Agent Mulder."
I look at him, get up and think about one thing. Leave this room right at this minute:
"I'm talking to you, Mulder!"
"I know!"
I yell back at Skinner and leave the room anyway. He tries to hold me and I turn around furiously. I am loosing control and I almost start a fight with Skinner. I push his hands away:
"Don't you touch me, Skinner!!!!"
"Mulder!!!!!"
"Leave me alone....."
I push Skinner against the wall with all the strength left in me and run off. I hear Skinner coming behind me and he stops me in front of the elevator. He pushes me against the doors and I stare at him:
"You are going to listen to me now, Mulder. I know you are going through a hard time, but you act far too agressive. And what were you thinking when you threatened the doctor?"
"I don't want to talk about it."
"Listen to me, Mulder. You are making things worse by holding on to her. Let her go. There's nothing you can do to help her. She's suffering. Let her decide if she's ready to go."
"But..."
"No, Mulder. What is done is done. You can't turn the clock back. And now for your own safety, hand me your gun."
"No sir."
"I'll get it myself if I have to..."
"I can't..."
Skinner is holding his hand in front of me and I see myself handing the gun over. Everything is going in slow motion:
"Go and see her Mulder. Tell her what's on your heart. You'll feel much better."
I turned around and returned to Scully's room. Behind me I heard Skinner get in the elevator. I walked in Scully's room and Mrs Scully was sitting by her daughter's bedside:
"Hi Fox..."
"Hi Mrs Scully."
"I came to say goodbye to my daughter and you should do the same. As the guardian of her will you know she doesn't wanna live like this."
"I know, but..."
"Let her go to a better and happier place. I'll leave you alone, so you can say goodbye to her."
"Thanks."
I got up and hugged Mrs Scully. She felt the same as her daughter and tears were falling down her face when she looked at her daughter for the last time. I took Scully's hand in mine and looked at her:
"Oh, Scully... There is so much you haven't seen, so much you haven't discovered. And there are so many things you need to know. I would say the truth is still out there, but it really is. But I don't feel like searching for it, at least not without you. I have no life if it weren't for you and I would give all I have to trade places with you. You deserve your life more than I deserve mine. For one, you'd cope better than me, that's for sure. You're not only my partner, but you are so much more. You're my best friend, my sister, my support... You're my everything Scully. You can't leave me alone. You're all I have got now and there are so many things I need to tell you. There is so much you don't know. Wake up honey and I promise I will tell you everything you need to know. If you won't wake up for me, do it for you mother or for yourself."
I put my head on her arm, hoping to find some support. And I was trying to say goodbye in my own way. I took her hand on mine and gently caressed her with my thumb. I was crying like a little boy now and nothing could stop my tears from falling.I couldn't see clearly anymore and I was thinking about all the fun I had with Scully. My mind was filled with her memories and I realized at that moment she would always be alive inside of me.
I realize I must have fallen asleep, because suddenly I felt Scully's hand move under mine. I looked at her and she was trying to open her eyes. I was starting at her with an open mouth:
"Scully, I.... You... I'll go and get a doctor."
I got up and ran out of the room. I got a doctor and waited outside while he was in the room with her. About an hour later he came out and smiled at me:
"She wants to see you."
"How is she?"
"Fine. I don't believe in miracles usually, but after seeing this. We ran some tests and she's almost the old Scully. I think she will be able to go home in a couple of days."
"Thank you doc."
"Oh and agent Mulder?"
"Yes?"
"How about telling her how you feel?"
"Yeah.."
"Nice flowers by the way."
I had bought her some flowers and a nice little card. I got in and saw something I thought I had lost forever: A true, huge Scully-smile. I sat down on the side of the bed and handed her the flowers:
"Thanks Mulder."
I smiled at her, unable to speak:
"Say something Mulder, you are scaring me."
"Just read the card and you will understand."
She opened the envelop and started reading aloud:
"All through the day, all through the night
I think of you, wishing you were by my side
Seeing you on that bed
I can only remember the day we met
Your friendship, your comfort and your smile
I'm close to you, but it seems like 10000 miles
Now I'm only trying to hide
This strong feeling inside
I guess it's time for me to say
This feeling won't ever slip away"
Scully is looking at me, with that confused look on her face:
"What does it mean, Mulder?"
"I don't know myself, Scully."
I got up and left the room. I could feel Scully watching me from behind. I didn't doubt she was going to ask me thousand questions about the poem.
**************************************************
Scully left the hospital two days later. She was strong enough to recover at home and she had been boring the doctors to death with her complaining about going home. Doctors were indeed worse patients. I got at her place every day after she got home. On the fourth day of her release I knew it was time that I made a little confession. I knocked on her door and she opened with a big smile on her face. I got in and sat down on the couch:
"What's up Mulder?"
"I don't know. I didnt feel like being alone tonight. What have you been up to?"
"Not much. I've been thinking about my life. I feel like I'm missing something, but I'm not sure about what it is. How are you feeling?"
"I miss her, you know. I feel like I have lost a part of myself. I mean I wasn't that close with my mom, but still..."
"I know what you feel Mulder. I had the same with Melissa, but that is what life is all about."
"Yeah right. I can't stop thinking it was my fault she got killed."
"You can't blame yourself, Mulder."
"Maybe not. But I am so glad you are okay, Scully."
"Thanks."
I pulled Scully into an embrace and kissed her on the top of her head. She got up and came back with two cups of coffee. We drank our coffee and we got up from the couch. I looked at Scully:
"How about a movie, Scully?"
"Okay... You keep fading like a flower, Mulder."
"I know."
We left and drove off in my car.
**************************************************
A few hours later we came out of the theatre. We walked to the car and I looked at Scully:
"Did you like the movie, Scully?"
"I loved it. It was so sweet."
"I know. You almost drawned the popcorn."
"Idiot!"
She gave me a push in my ribs and laughed. I took her hand in mine and looked her straight in the eyes:
"I'm so happy you are okay, Scully."
Hand in hand we walked to the car. I took off in a hurry and drove to my place. Once I parked the car outside my appartment, Scully looked at me, questioning:
"What are we doing here, Mulder?"
"There's something I need to give you."
We got in and I got to my bedroom. I got my white velver jewelry box. I sat down next to Scully and gave it to her. She looked at me, questions in her eyes:
"It belonged to my mom. She wanted me to give it to someone I cared about."
Scully smiled at me and opened it. She took the golden keychain out, a little heart. And then she surprised me, by hanging it next to her golden cross, close to her heart:
"It was the very first gift my dad gave to my mom and I wanted you to have it. And I want you to know that I really love you, Scully."
"I know..."
I looked at her, stunned:
"How did you know, Scully. I never told you in so many words..."
"Because Mulder, love is so much more than words."
And for the first time I felt her lips on mine. Our first kiss was gentle, chaste and most of all tender. He lips felt like satin on mine and I thanked the heaven for giving me the one person I had dreamed about all my life....
THE END. Hope you liked it. Feedback extremely welcome at cindy.vandenplas@skynet.be. Thanks for reading.
Author: Cindy
Email: cindy.vandenplas@skynet.be
Disclaimer: Bla bla bla, not mine. I wish they were so they could have some fun on the show. LOL. CC, 1013 and the big bosses at FOX are responsible for their boring love life. Mmmm, do they owe me too?! Anyway, no fringe is intended and I'll be a good girl and return them when I'm finished. {{{{{{ Do I really have to??????}}}}}}}}}
Rating: PG. Is that enough? I use the F - word
Classification: VRA. Mulder POV
Keywords: Mulder/Scully romance. Is there anything else?
Spoilers: One Breath
Summary: Mulder, his mom and Scully have been in a car accident. Teena Mulder died, Mulder has just recovered recently and Scully is in a deep coma. Mulder is loosing faith, because his life has no meaning without Scully. But he keeps fighting for Scully's life and for his......
Feedback: Would be extremely welcome at the above address.
MORE THAN WORDS
What Scully and I have goes beyond words. We trust each other with our life and with what we are. We walk in the same direction, whether we agree or not. When I look at Scully I see myself. When I touch or hold her hand,I feel like we are one. We like to laugh and make fun together. I love to be with her, even if it's just for a minute. We are so much the same and yet so different. That's what makes us who we are.
Now I stare at the blinding white hospital room and listen to Scully's heartbeat. . This thing is driving me crazy and not a muscle in body thinks about moving. I need to stay with Scully even if it is the last thing I do. I have been through this before more than once. Scully should have listened to me and quit a long time ago. If she had done so, she wouldn't be living like a plant right now.
The accident happened a week ago. My mom was killed immediately and I suffered a minor head injury and some broken ribs. Oh yes and I have a broken finger. But who cares??? I would break all the bones in my body if that would make Scully feel any better. I have been out for a couple of hours, but was released from hospital three days ago. They should have kept me here, cause I spend all my free time here. Of course the doctors were too stupid to notice my mental state. I'm going nuts so to speak. As a psychologist I know I am on the border of a nervous breakdown. The only thing keeping me alive is the fact and the hope that Scully will recover...
********************************************************
I am walking outside Scully's room, while they get her ready. She has been moved to a normal room. Her mom requested it. Of course she's still on that f****** breathing machine.
The doctors finally come out and walk to me. I can go and see her. I thank the doctor and I go in. Room 711. I open the door and get in. Nothing has changed. Scully is still living as a plant. I take a chair and sit down next to the bed. I lay my hand on Scully's and stare at her. For the last three days, she hadn't moved an inch. Not an arm, not a leg, not even her little tow moved. The only sign of life is her heartbeat shown on the monitor.
I get up and smash my hand against the wall. I feel so helpless. The only thing I can do is wait and hope. And for once in my life I pray. I pray and I would do that any time if that could help Scully. Scully would say not to fight against what nature has decide. To put it in her words: "Let nature go its way". But I refuse to do that. I refuse to let a part of muself go without putting up a fight. I lean against the wall and stare at the ceiling. Someone knocks on the door and a young doctor comes in:
"Are you okay, agent Mulder?"
"I'm fine."
And then I have to smile at myself cause I realize how much I sound like Scully:
"I just spoke to Mrs. Scully and she wants to stop the artificial breathing and I guess that...
"She won't survive it.... You can't do that doctor. I am sure she will recover."
"Agent Mulder..."
"No!!!!!"
"It is her decision."
"I won't let you go through with it.I am sorry doc."
I am out of control here. I don't know what I'm doing anymore and I pull my gun out:
"I will protect her with my life. I have nothing to loose."
"Calm down, Mr Mulder. You don't know what you're doing."
"I know very well what I'm doing. I'm protecting the only woman I have ever loved in my life."
"Okay okay...."
The doctor walks out of the room and I realize I have just said aloud what I have been thinking the last seven years. I love Scully it is true. I just never allowed myself to say it aloud.
I sit down against the wall and put the gun in my lap. I look at Scully and talk to her for what could be the last time:
"What am I supposed to do now, Scully? I am lost here and there is no one to show me where I should go from here. Even your science could help me this time. I'm lost Dana. I need you to wake up and help me out. Please, Scully...."
Tears are falling down my face and I put my head on her arm in the hope to find some strength. Behind me, I hear someone come in. I turn around to see a concerned Skinner:
"Agent Mulder."
I look at him, get up and think about one thing. Leave this room right at this minute:
"I'm talking to you, Mulder!"
"I know!"
I yell back at Skinner and leave the room anyway. He tries to hold me and I turn around furiously. I am loosing control and I almost start a fight with Skinner. I push his hands away:
"Don't you touch me, Skinner!!!!"
"Mulder!!!!!"
"Leave me alone....."
I push Skinner against the wall with all the strength left in me and run off. I hear Skinner coming behind me and he stops me in front of the elevator. He pushes me against the doors and I stare at him:
"You are going to listen to me now, Mulder. I know you are going through a hard time, but you act far too agressive. And what were you thinking when you threatened the doctor?"
"I don't want to talk about it."
"Listen to me, Mulder. You are making things worse by holding on to her. Let her go. There's nothing you can do to help her. She's suffering. Let her decide if she's ready to go."
"But..."
"No, Mulder. What is done is done. You can't turn the clock back. And now for your own safety, hand me your gun."
"No sir."
"I'll get it myself if I have to..."
"I can't..."
Skinner is holding his hand in front of me and I see myself handing the gun over. Everything is going in slow motion:
"Go and see her Mulder. Tell her what's on your heart. You'll feel much better."
I turned around and returned to Scully's room. Behind me I heard Skinner get in the elevator. I walked in Scully's room and Mrs Scully was sitting by her daughter's bedside:
"Hi Fox..."
"Hi Mrs Scully."
"I came to say goodbye to my daughter and you should do the same. As the guardian of her will you know she doesn't wanna live like this."
"I know, but..."
"Let her go to a better and happier place. I'll leave you alone, so you can say goodbye to her."
"Thanks."
I got up and hugged Mrs Scully. She felt the same as her daughter and tears were falling down her face when she looked at her daughter for the last time. I took Scully's hand in mine and looked at her:
"Oh, Scully... There is so much you haven't seen, so much you haven't discovered. And there are so many things you need to know. I would say the truth is still out there, but it really is. But I don't feel like searching for it, at least not without you. I have no life if it weren't for you and I would give all I have to trade places with you. You deserve your life more than I deserve mine. For one, you'd cope better than me, that's for sure. You're not only my partner, but you are so much more. You're my best friend, my sister, my support... You're my everything Scully. You can't leave me alone. You're all I have got now and there are so many things I need to tell you. There is so much you don't know. Wake up honey and I promise I will tell you everything you need to know. If you won't wake up for me, do it for you mother or for yourself."
I put my head on her arm, hoping to find some support. And I was trying to say goodbye in my own way. I took her hand on mine and gently caressed her with my thumb. I was crying like a little boy now and nothing could stop my tears from falling.I couldn't see clearly anymore and I was thinking about all the fun I had with Scully. My mind was filled with her memories and I realized at that moment she would always be alive inside of me.
I realize I must have fallen asleep, because suddenly I felt Scully's hand move under mine. I looked at her and she was trying to open her eyes. I was starting at her with an open mouth:
"Scully, I.... You... I'll go and get a doctor."
I got up and ran out of the room. I got a doctor and waited outside while he was in the room with her. About an hour later he came out and smiled at me:
"She wants to see you."
"How is she?"
"Fine. I don't believe in miracles usually, but after seeing this. We ran some tests and she's almost the old Scully. I think she will be able to go home in a couple of days."
"Thank you doc."
"Oh and agent Mulder?"
"Yes?"
"How about telling her how you feel?"
"Yeah.."
"Nice flowers by the way."
I had bought her some flowers and a nice little card. I got in and saw something I thought I had lost forever: A true, huge Scully-smile. I sat down on the side of the bed and handed her the flowers:
"Thanks Mulder."
I smiled at her, unable to speak:
"Say something Mulder, you are scaring me."
"Just read the card and you will understand."
She opened the envelop and started reading aloud:
"All through the day, all through the night
I think of you, wishing you were by my side
Seeing you on that bed
I can only remember the day we met
Your friendship, your comfort and your smile
I'm close to you, but it seems like 10000 miles
Now I'm only trying to hide
This strong feeling inside
I guess it's time for me to say
This feeling won't ever slip away"
Scully is looking at me, with that confused look on her face:
"What does it mean, Mulder?"
"I don't know myself, Scully."
I got up and left the room. I could feel Scully watching me from behind. I didn't doubt she was going to ask me thousand questions about the poem.
**************************************************
Scully left the hospital two days later. She was strong enough to recover at home and she had been boring the doctors to death with her complaining about going home. Doctors were indeed worse patients. I got at her place every day after she got home. On the fourth day of her release I knew it was time that I made a little confession. I knocked on her door and she opened with a big smile on her face. I got in and sat down on the couch:
"What's up Mulder?"
"I don't know. I didnt feel like being alone tonight. What have you been up to?"
"Not much. I've been thinking about my life. I feel like I'm missing something, but I'm not sure about what it is. How are you feeling?"
"I miss her, you know. I feel like I have lost a part of myself. I mean I wasn't that close with my mom, but still..."
"I know what you feel Mulder. I had the same with Melissa, but that is what life is all about."
"Yeah right. I can't stop thinking it was my fault she got killed."
"You can't blame yourself, Mulder."
"Maybe not. But I am so glad you are okay, Scully."
"Thanks."
I pulled Scully into an embrace and kissed her on the top of her head. She got up and came back with two cups of coffee. We drank our coffee and we got up from the couch. I looked at Scully:
"How about a movie, Scully?"
"Okay... You keep fading like a flower, Mulder."
"I know."
We left and drove off in my car.
**************************************************
A few hours later we came out of the theatre. We walked to the car and I looked at Scully:
"Did you like the movie, Scully?"
"I loved it. It was so sweet."
"I know. You almost drawned the popcorn."
"Idiot!"
She gave me a push in my ribs and laughed. I took her hand in mine and looked her straight in the eyes:
"I'm so happy you are okay, Scully."
Hand in hand we walked to the car. I took off in a hurry and drove to my place. Once I parked the car outside my appartment, Scully looked at me, questioning:
"What are we doing here, Mulder?"
"There's something I need to give you."
We got in and I got to my bedroom. I got my white velver jewelry box. I sat down next to Scully and gave it to her. She looked at me, questions in her eyes:
"It belonged to my mom. She wanted me to give it to someone I cared about."
Scully smiled at me and opened it. She took the golden keychain out, a little heart. And then she surprised me, by hanging it next to her golden cross, close to her heart:
"It was the very first gift my dad gave to my mom and I wanted you to have it. And I want you to know that I really love you, Scully."
"I know..."
I looked at her, stunned:
"How did you know, Scully. I never told you in so many words..."
"Because Mulder, love is so much more than words."
And for the first time I felt her lips on mine. Our first kiss was gentle, chaste and most of all tender. He lips felt like satin on mine and I thanked the heaven for giving me the one person I had dreamed about all my life....
THE END. Hope you liked it. Feedback extremely welcome at cindy.vandenplas@skynet.be. Thanks for reading.