DISCLAIMER: Resident Evil is owned by Capcom Co. Ltd. All these characters and materials are used without permission, and I'm not profiting from this piece of fan fiction.

Additional Warnings: Slash sex; monster sex; rape; non-con; sexual torture; unconscious partner sex; rape aftermath.

Pairings: Chris Redfield /Leon S. Kennedy; Albert Wesker/ Leon S. Kennedy; Others/ Leon S. Kennedy; Ada Wong/ Leon S. Kennedy; Jake Muller/ Leon S. Kennedy;

Love's Regrets - Part 1

By firewolf
December 2012

"Chris, just call him." Jill glared at him exasperation. "Come on! Wesker's gone for real. There's nothing holding you back now.

"So, call him!"

"He won't welcome me to after all this time between us..."

"How do you know that?" Jill turned his swivel chair around so that she could force him to face her. "Jesus, Redfield. You *still* have feelings for the man. I got it from Nivans that that single encounter and exchange of words with Leon S. Kennedy snapped you back to your senses. You didn't remember any of us, but you remembered *him*.

"Chris, even I couldn't get through to you. And you never forgot or gave up on me when I disappeared for over two years because of Wesker. Nevertheless, this time, you didn't recognise me when I cornered you, and only one Leon Kennedy finally got through to you.

"Call. Him."

That actually was very good advice from someone he regarded as one of his dearest friends in the world. He had no argument to counter that observation.

When the person he'd fought in that China warehouse had turned out to be Leon, it had sent a shock straight through him down to his boots. And later when he'd heard that Leon was in the city where the virus laden rocket was heading, the fear in his guts had turned glacial.

The relief he'd felt when he heard Leon tell him that he was still all right after the rocket struck the city had been palpable. However, when he'd had to tell Leon that the woman they'd both thought was Ada Wong was dead...

"He loves her now..." Chris told Jill quietly, remembering the pregnant pause and Leon's very soft 'copy' in response to his news.

"Who? If you're talking about Ada Wong, they've had this complicated relationship since Raccoon City. But it never interfered with what you had before." Jill threw her hands in the air with her frustration. "You *should have* got back together when you first thought Wesker died with me. I'd expected you to, dammit!

"There was another good time when you freed me and you and Sheva killed Wesker for real this time with *rocket launchers.* Yet you still didn't call him. I thought you fell out of love with Leon, but that's a *lie*. You *still* love him, Chris.

"Now, you've met again in China. The whole mess has been behind us for two months. *Call* *him*. Or hell, *go* to see him.

"Claire did say he and Sherry came back to China to make sure that the Neo Umbrella base she'd been held at was dismantled. He can't be too far away from where we're set up?"

"I pointed a gun at him, Jill."

"And he pointed one back at you over an imposter of Ada Wong." She cuffed him over the head. "I'm sure he'll forgive you."

"Rape isn't something one forgives and forgets..."

"And we're back to this argument again...

"Chris, it *wasn't* you who raped him." Jill stared him straight in the eyes. "You couldn't have done anything to help him back then. *No one* has ever blamed you for what happened to him, except you. There's no denying you were one hell of dickhead to Leon after what happened, but you didn't arrange for his abuse.

"And the one responsible? Wesker's dead, Chris. And this time, there's no coming back from this one. We personally put him in the throat of a volcano and blew him apart."

That may have been true, but Chris never got over the harm he did. The memories still lingered...

Over ten years ago, they were young and in love.

Claire found the opportunity to introduce Chris to her BFF shortly after Leon had returned from South America and his superiors put him on medical leave to recover from various minor injuries. Leon was to be taking the time to rest and write his detailed report on Operation Javier while staying with Claire in DC. Chris just happened to be in as well, setting up the North American brunch of the Global Pharmaceutical Consortium funded and soon to be UN recognised BSAA office.

"So, I finally get to meet the practically infamous Leon Scott Kennedy?" Chris stood in the doorway and watched in amusement as Claire bustled about doing last minute spot cleaning and straightening of their home.

"Don't lie and say you're not equally excited." She rounded on him brandishing her feather duster. "Oh my god. We've managed to keep in touch with letters and email, but I haven't seen him since Raccoon City! I wonder if he's changed much?"

Chris couldn't deny that his sister had called it right. He had been very interested in this young government spook who'd given so much behind the scenes support to his then fledgling anti-umbrella efforts. To finally meet him in person...

"Is there *also* something you'd like to tell me about him, sis?" Chris asked teasingly. "Like- Am I expected to be interrogating him about his intentions?"

"What?" She stared at him dumbfounded for a moment until understanding dawned on her. "Oh, no. Not Leon. I have the wrong body parts to in anyway excite him. Well most of the time anyway. And eeewwww. It'd be like me coming on to you."

Chris couldn't help lifting an eyebrow at that revelation. "You've been exchanging correspondence for- what? Nearly- about four years and there's not been a smidgen of interest?"

"BFF only, big bro." Claire frowned at him. "What? You think just because we're different genders we can't just be best friends? What about you and Jill?"

"Hey, I can't say we didn't try. But it felt too strange and we were a lot happier and comfortable just as friends and field partners."

"Then you should understand why me and Leon wouldn't work either." Claire pointed out. "We talked it out in chat. And ended up laughing so hard at the ridiculous turn the conversation took we knew the whole idea should just be shelved way out of reach and never dusted off and taken out again on pain of dying of laughter."

"Okay, okay, I was just asking." Chris held his hands up between them as if to ward off any further arguments. "By the way, how did you manage to spring him? I thought the government was pretty possessive about keeping him under wraps."

"Our hero came back from his last mission with cracked ribs and internal bleeding he didn't realise he had until he landed back at base camp and collapsed. He's okay now but Leon hates hospitals and they don't want him staying alone during the recovery period.

"Usually, his handler would take him home with him or arrange to have him stationed with another reliable family since they don't trust him not to go stir crazy and sneak into training prematurely. Unfortunately, there's been a sudden spate of hand, foot and mouth disease at a couple of child care centres in DC and the usual families all have young kids. The disease isn't wide spread right now, but Adam would rather not play Russian roulette with placing Leon when he's already vulnerable to infection.

"Adam?"

"He was Leon's recruiter and is his current handler. He's a real sweetheart." Claire smiled at a memory. "I've met him three times since l found out about him. He's a great guy. Probably takes care of Leon as good as any dad."

"So Leon's supposed to be resting while he's staying with us?"

"Pretty much." She pointed to the stack of five sheets stuck to their refrigerator. "Adam even sent a list of what he's not allowed to do. The only work Leon's allowed for the next eight weeks is to write his detailed report on the mission."

"Eight weeks? I'd be climbing the walls after two!" Chris was just too curious to not look at the purported list.

"Oh, I'm sure it'll be just as bad for him."

"Martial arts of any sort; runs of more than half a mile; shooting any type of firearm?" Chris grinned. "He sounds like trouble."

Claire faced him with a solemn expression. "Just be nice to him, please? He lost his partner at the end of the mission."

"Shit, the guy didn't make it?"

"His arm was crippled, so he was given a medical discharge. Leon's all choked up. He'd been looking forward to finding a permanent field partner, and he really liked Krauser."

Chris raised one eyebrow at her, which prompted her to throw her dust cloth at him. "Oh, stop it! I wasn't thinking that at all!"

"I've seen the shelf of doujinshi in your room, little sis." Chris waggled his eyebrows at her. "And I know you don't read or write Japanese."

"Okay! Busted! I asked and Leon sent me a picture of Krauser. He is a pretty buff military type and probably nearly a whole head taller than Leon." Claire huffed at him. "Leave me to my perverted dreams, why don't cha?"

The sound of a car pulling up in their driveway saved Chris the trouble of thinking up a response. Claire's head snapped over to the windows and back again at Chris.

"Don't give him a hard time, okay? He's not a boyfriend you need to intimidate and scare."

Chris raised his hands and spread them wide in front of him without comment. She frowned at him but said nothing else before heading to the door.

By the time they emerged from the house, the black SUV, which delivered their houseguest, was already pulling out of the driveway while the man waved it off. When he heard them approaching from behind, he immediately turned to face them and Chris finally got to meet in the flesh the man who owned the email address which originated the so useful emails.

The first thing Chris noticed about Leon was his warm smile as he caught sight of Claire rushing over to greet him. It made him swallow hard to realise he really wanted a smile like that directed at him too.

"Come meet my brother." Claire's voice intruded on his thoughts at that moment, making Chris realise he'd completely blanked out on all that had happened around him while staring at Leon.

"Hi, wanted to say thanks for letting me intrude and bunk in with you for a while." Leon extended a hand for him to shake which Chris did recover enough wits to grip and hold firmly.

"Oh, no. Really. The pleasure's all *mine*." Chris looked straight into his blue grey eyes.

Describing their first meeting of eyes as 'sparks flew' would have been a gross understatement of the fireworks and inferno of attraction and lust that flashed between them. Much to Chris's delight, though rather obviously to Leon's embarrassment, the younger man blushed. They understood each other perfectly.

"Shouldn't that have been 'the pleasure's all *ours*', bro..." Claire's words trailed off as she looked from one man to the other.

It took the space of a breath before Leon tore his hand from Chris's grip to cover her mouth, immediately muffling her squeals of delight and excitement before they found voice. "Not out here, Claire.

"And look, whatever scenario you're imagining from picture reading your yaoi DJs, *we* only *just* met."

Leon was blushing quite adorably harder now and Chris couldn't help but laugh as he gestured towards the house while he reached for and grabbed up Leon's duffle bag and lap top case. "Come on, Claire. As the man said, let's move this inside."

After releasing an obviously trying hard not to continue squealing Claire, Leon attempted to retrieve his bags from Chris, but Chris wasn't having it. "Forget it, Kennedy. You're still on the injured list and these weigh a ton.

"The government security gear weighs this much?"

"You can call me 'Leon'." The younger man bit his lower lip as his earlier fading blush reddened again. "There's more, but I.T. will come in later to set up the rest of the gear. The government can be pretty paranoid, you know?"

Chris laughed, "It's 'Chris.' And don't I know it; if Claire didn't already identify you to me, I wouldn't have the name of the government spook who we've been receiving so much covert assistance from."

Leon shrugged then winced as he obviously pulled at something painful, making Chris frown. "If you don't mind my saying, your injuries seem a lot worse than Claire made it sound."

Claire stared at Leon rather fiercely at that pronouncement. "Leon-?"

Leon squirmed under their scrutiny as the Redfield siblings quickly ushered him up the stairs to their guest bedroom. "I may have- neglected to mention that- one of my broken ribs was poking at a lung, hence the internal bleeding..."

"Broken? You only said you cracked a few ribs." Claire growled at him.

"Well, that too. I- sort of didn't notice the pain until the adrenalin wore off..." He looked up at her guiltily as he carefully sat himself on the bed.

"Should you even be out of the hospital so soon?" Claire immediately laid the back of her hand over his forehead. "You only just got back three days ago. And you're still a bit warm, Leon."

Leon swatted her hand away. "Hey, the minor surgery went all right and Doc Harvey would have left me knocked out and strapped to the bed if he wasn't satisfied that it was safe to let me leave."

"He knows you hate hospitals. Even unconscious it would have stressed you out more if he made you stay."

"You know me too well."

At Chris's inclined head of expressed curiosity, Leon shyly elaborated. "Doctors in white coats make me nervous. I didn't realise I had this phobia until that time I woke up in the hospital not long after getting out of Raccoon city.

"The secret service guys assigned to me were lucky I was still recovering from shoulder surgery to remove a bullet because I- sorta freaked out when I woke up with Doc Harvey bending over me with a posed needle..."

Claire snorted. "Yeah, Ol' Doc told me you made a very enlightening first impression on the SS guards who had delivered your unconscious ass to his care."

She looked over to Chris. "They were lucky that he was already disarmed and his weapons were nowhere near him. Leon here knocked the needle out of Harvey's hand with his uninjured hand and kicked him into the two SS guys who'd stepped forward to help the good doctor.

"By the time they untangled themselves, Leon was out the room and running armed with the scalpels and scissors he'd taken from Doc Harvey's equipment table."

"It's not like I got very far." Leon was blushing rather adorably again from embarrassment. "Adam and his squad happened to be next door debriefing when they heard the commotion. I ran right into his arms and was too weak from fever and exhaustion to struggle free.

"Was fortunate I wasn't so out of it that I didn't recognize him. He calmed me down again and brought me back to properly meet Doc Harvey. We established the protocol after that that doctors needed to be in plain clothes when introduced to me for the first time and that they needed to tell me what they were going to do before taking out knives or needles around me."

Chris shook his head in amusement. "Never a dull moment around you, eh? Leon?"

The younger man let out a long exasperated sigh. "Yeah and it all started with my first and last day as a police officer in Raccoon City."

Chris couldn't help himself, he reached over to ruffle Leon's hair, and received a playful swat for his presumption before he could draw away. Claire quickly snagged Chris's arm and dragged him towards the door before he could think to do anything else.

"You go ahead and settle in and rest a while, Leon. We'll send your I.T. guys up when they arrive." Claire pushed Chris towards the stairs without giving him a chance to protest.

"Claire?" Chris stumbled into the living room with her guiding pushes.

"Let's be serious, big bro."

Chris lifted an eyebrow at her. "Are you about to deliver a 'what are your intentions speech' to me?"

"And if I am?" Claire challenged him. Then she sighed before pulling him to sit on the sofa with her. "Look, I'm a bit more protective about Leon than I am of you because no matter what, you're my brother; we'll always have each other. Leon has no family. His grandfather raised him after his parents were killed in an accident, and he died just before Leon entered the police academy.

"He had lousy luck with friends too, apparently, cause the reason I chanced on meeting him in Raccoon City was because he was late from being hung over after a night of drowning his sorrows when his girlfriend broke up with him; all because he'd accepted the posting to Raccoon City rather than taking up the one in New York. Leon told me he picked Raccoon City because he was interested in the Spencer case and was hoping to work on it. The bitch kept their group of shallow friends too, so he was looking forward to getting to Raccoon City as a fresh start...

"Remember the little girl we rescued? Sherry... She had to go into government custody because she was infected with the G-virus. But Leon bargained for her to be allowed as normal a childhood as possible if he took up the government appointment. Unfortunately, her new guardian's a homophobic ass hole, so he won't let Leon have any contact with her. The good thing is, she understands and I do my best to slip letters between them during my weekly visits.

"His handler, Adam, has been nice. And from what I can see, he really does his best to do right by Leon. But he's still Leon's boss.

"I'm about all he has for any sort of no strings attached 'family', Chris..." Claire told him solemnly. "So if you're just thinking this is a 'summer romance' sort of situation? Back. Off. Leon's messed up enough by his recent loss of his assigned partner and he really can't handle casual right now."

Chris looked away from her for a moment and closed his eyes to think about what he wanted to do. "Sis- l really don't think-don't want this- thing between Leon and me to be casual."

He turned to face her. "I'm actually- l have butterflies in my stomach just thinking about him, Claire. I've- I've never felt like this about anyone else at all... And it's both frightening but- exciting? l don't know if that's exactly the right word..."

Claire smiled at him encouragingly. "Good answer. Just take it slow, all right? He is still recovering from injuries."

"Promise to, Claire."

Taking it slow was actually quite easy. As Chris unfortunately prophesised, there was never a dull moment. Leon developed an escalating fever later that evening and they'd had to call Doctor Harvey to make a house call. He would have hospitalised Leon, except the man protested so vehemently in his fevered delirium Chris and Claire volunteered to offer the care the doctor demanded he needed.

This had necessitated them taking turns staying up with Leon and sponging him off with cool cloths to help keep his fever down. Fortunately, the fever broke in the early hours of the morning.

With the crisis over, Chris had sent Claire to bed saying he'd sleep in the chair beside Leon's bed. Maybe that was his honourable intention. However, the next morning found Chris waking up to his sister hissing in outraged anger at him.

"Chris! How could you?"

"Wha-" Chris blinked up at her blurrily. It took him a short while longer to register his position.

He kept presence of mind not to freeze and inadvertently awaken the man lying comfortably in the encirclement of his arms and tucked under his chin. Taking in his look of utter astonishment, Claire relented to soften her accusatory expression.

"Do you even recall how you ended up lying in bed with him?" She mouthed more than whispered, but he understood her plain enough.

Chris closed his eyes and thought hard to try and recall the events of the previous night. In the end, he had to shake his head. Claire rolled her eyes at him and carefully reached over to lay the back of her hand on Leon's forehead. He stirred slightly but didn't wake; his continued unconsciousness clearly attesting to how poorly he must still be feeling.

"He's still a little warm." Claire mouthed to Chris with a worried frown.

Chris carefully eased himself out from under Leon and arranged his limp body comfortably hugging a pillow in his place while Claire got a towel and a bowl of water from the bathroom. The gentle brush of a cool towel over his face, neck and chest drew Leon to sigh contentedly in relief again.

The burning want to cherish and protect this vulnerable man thundered through Chris's senses. His sister's warning hand on his shoulder stopped Chris from trying to move closer where Leon's slack lips seemed to beckon him to try a tiny taste.

Taking the cloth from Chris's hand, she gestured to the door with her chin with a mouthed 'breakfast'. It figured that she wasn't going to trust him to be alone with Leon after what she'd just seen.

Chris walked almost regretfully down the stairs. The lingering warmth of having Leon in his arms almost tingled in their longing to have him there again. Chris knew he was in trouble for falling in love so hard and so quickly with the government man.

~TBC~

Thanks for reading.

firewolf