Need You Now
By: amkp
This story is dedicated in loving memory of my dad, who passed away on September 22nd. I miss you, Daddy!
Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own the rights (or the royalties) to the characters of the JE Plum Series or Lady Antebellum's Song, Need You Now.
Author's note: I have laughingly titled this story The Stalking Songfic among my friends. This thing just wouldn't leave me alone! I'd hear it on the radio, my MP3, and my kids even called out, "Mom, I need you now!" So, here it is. Hopefully, this will end it! LOL.
Special thanks to my very talented beta, JenRar. She's the best!
Setting: Immediately following Finger Lickin' Fifteen.
Warning for language.
SPOV
What had happened to me? I wanted to be Wonder Woman. I wanted to fly. I wanted to leave the 'Burg. And what had I become instead? A big, fat—not literally, though I did have more than my share of donuts the past couple months—chicken. Yep, chicken.
Instead of taking a risk, throwing my heart on the line, and grabbing a chance with the one man who lets me chase all my dreams, I chose to stay with the man who holds me back.
Joe Morelli was a good, solid, and boringly predictable man. The predictable part had just been shattered to hell about twenty minutes ago.
**flashback**
As soon as I arrived, we settled ourselves on the couch with the game, Bob, Pino's pizza, and beer: the 'grand life.'
The game was drawing to an end, when we heard the locks tumble on the kitchen door at the back of the house. I instantly jumped to my feet, but Joe didn't move, didn't reach for his gun.
He sat where he was, casually drinking his beer, seemingly unconcerned by an intruder in his home. Before I could process this unusual behavior for a cop, I had my answer. The intruder had a key, and that's about all she had with her.
In the doorway of the kitchen stood Terri Gilman…naked.
My mouth fell open. I was frozen in shock. I could feel my eyes bugging out of my head. I turned to Joe and was surprised to see a little smile tugging at the corners on his lips.
I screamed, nearly at the top of my lungs, "Joe, what the hell is going on here?"
Terri piped in with, "Didn't realize she'd come back to visit you. How about a three-way, Joseph? I'll share."
"A what? Oh. My. God!"
Joe unfolded himself from his seat and stepped directly in front of me, toe to toe.
"Get off your high horse, Stephanie," he said in a low, threatening tone. "You're not the most moral person in this room."
"I'm not? And why would you say that, Joe?"
"How many nights have you spent in Manoso's bed? Where have you been the last week?"
"That was work. Nothing happened. He wasn't even there at night. I hardly saw him."
"I'm not stupid. I've seen the way he looks at you, heard about the encounters in the alley at the bond's office." Joe leaned in close; I could feel his breath against the skin of my face. "You know what else? A guy 'knows' when another man has 'had' a woman."
It was time to come clean. Past time, actually. No problem. I'd built up a full head of steam and was reacting, lashing out at his accusations.
I blurted out, "Yes, I've had sex with Ranger!" There! I said it. Didn't I feel better?
At Joe's smug, 'I knew it' expression, I dropped my tone and added out of spite, "It was fantastic and only happened one time… two years ago."
Terri had pulled on the trench coat she'd obviously worn into the house and had come to stand directly behind Joe. She whispered, loud enough for me to hear, "Think he'd come over now? I wouldn't mind getting a piece of Ranger."
I couldn't believe the gall of this woman, but when I saw that Joe was contemplating the possibility of Ranger joining this little party, I lost the fragile grip I had on my temper. I snapped.
"Un-fucking-believable!" I roared. Before I could stop myself, I hauled off and slapped Joe hard across the face. "This is over! I won't be back! Ever! So when your 'boys' get tired of playing with Mob-girl Barbie, don't call me! I'm gone!"
With all the dignity I could muster through the red-hazed sea of my anger, I turned and stomped towards the door. Laying a patch of rubber on the street, I threw the cab into drive and headed back to my apartment.
**end flashback**
When I arrived at the place I'd called home for nearly four years, the anger had subsided slightly. I slammed the door shut, greeted Rex, threw my purse on the counter, and shrugged out of my coat. Then I crossed the room to the closet.
House cleaning had never been among my favorite things to do, so I shouldn't have been surprised when I opened the door to the closet and a myriad of items fell out at me. It was a wonder the door had even closed to start with.
Great! Just one more pile of crap in the mess of Stephanie Plum's life. I bent to begin picking up several of the things, when a box from the top shelf decided to do a cannon ball into the pool of debris on the floor. It connected with my head on the way down. Oww!
As I rubbed the sore spot on top of my head, I looked at the contents of the box scattered all around the floor.
Picture perfect memories
Scattered all around the floor.
The 'Ranger box' of memories. Even though he'd never been a boyfriend, I still had a box of things that reminded me of him and our times together.
The key chain from that first Porsche he gave me to drive, a napkin from Rossini's where he'd taken me to dinner and told me of Julie, rose petals from a bouquet he'd given me after I helped him find Julie, notes with just the word 'Babe' neatly penned in his uniformed print, and pictures from the scrapbook that Scrog had kept of us.
The anger I was feeling gave way to grief, frustration, and a touch of panic.
Why had I turned him down earlier tonight, and what would an affirmative answer to the invitation into his bed have meant?
I dropped to the floor, tears falling unchecked down my cheeks as I looked at the many pictures of us together and saw the love that I'd chosen to ignore or simply denied existed.
His eyes told of his devotion. If you looked closely, they spoke of a tenderness that didn't seem possible when you took in the whole fierce package that was Ranger. Obviously, Scrog had seen it as well. It was right there.
I stared at the expression on my face; took a good hard look at what I was seeing. Yep, same type of look, a softness smoothing out the stresses that I often wore and hated about myself in pictures. Ranger always made me feel safe, protected, and loved. Yeah, loved. It was right there.
Reaching for the phone cause, I can't fight it any more.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind. For me it happens all the time.
It's a quarter after one, I'm alone and I need you now.
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now.
And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now.
As I reached for the cell phone in my pocket, I wondered if I ever crossed his mind. If I was honest with myself—another of my not so favorite tasks—I'd realize that I thought of him all the time.
He was always in the peripheral of my mind. Speed dial number one on my phone. My best friend. The first person I thought to call when I needed something. I loved him, and I'd never told him.
Shame flooded me as I thought of all the times he'd told me he loved me and of everything he'd done for me through the years. His love was unconditional; no matter what I did, good or bad, he was there.
Tonight had been a night of revelations. First with Joe, and now with Ranger. Might as well get all the emotional talk over in one swoop. I stared at the cell phone I had in my hand.
This was not a conversation to be had over the phone. I needed to see him face to face. I owed it to him and myself. It was time for Stephanie Plum to grow up and be an adult, quit taking the easy, comfortable relationship route, jump from the ledge, and fly with Batman.
For all my earlier bravado and the sense of purpose I'd felt when I'd left my apartment and headed back towards Haywood Street, I still hesitated outside the gate of RangeMan's underground garage.
Was I truly ready for whatever relationship he was willing to offer? What if I lost him all together? Could I live with that?
RPOV
Another shot of whiskey, can't stop looking at the door.
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before.
I swirled the remainder of the whiskey I still had in my glass as I contemplated the clusterfuck that had been the last several hours, wishing I had played it differently with Stephanie earlier. Maybe she'd be here with me now.
**flashback**
The words had left my mouth before I could even think about what I was saying. I didn't normally make a practice of doing stupid things, saying stupid things, except when it came to a certain brunette girl from the 'Burg.
What was it about her that made me throw all my emotional training to the wind? And what the hell had possessed me to offer her my bed, basically a fuck-buddy arrangement?
No wondered she left, Manoso. In fact, you're lucky she didn't haul off and kick you in the balls for even making the suggestion. It was the least you deserved for treating her like that. Why couldn't I just lay it on the line with her, instead of trying to find way to lure her into my bed? When had I become such a damn coward?
Relationships scared me. That was the cold, hard truth. But whether I chose to accept it or not, I am emotionally attached to Stephanie, and if there was any doubt about it, the Scrog matter had resolved it.
When Scrog had Julie and Stephanie held at gun point in her apartment, I knew I'd easily trade my life for hers. There was no question, no hesitation.
I'd taken a step back after that, tried to come to grips with what I was feeling. I pretty much had it all worked out, and then she went back to Morelli. Again. I became frustrated.
When would she ever break away from him? Was he the better choice for her? For a while, I convinced myself he was... that is, until I started hearing rumors about an affair with Terri Gilman.
When Stephanie took the 'I'm done with men' attitude, I figured she'd heard about them, too. My plan was to give her some time, and then slowly ease into a romantic relationship with her.
As often happens when dealing with Stephanie Plum, the plan went to hell, thanks to two little fuckers that tried to destroy my business.
Stephanie was quick to help me, and honestly, had broken the case wide-open and allowed us to find them. Knowing she was sleeping in my bed every night while I was pulling extra security shifts to protect the business had nearly killed me.
She was right where I'd always wanted her to be, waiting for me in my bed, and I was unable to do a damn thing about it. More frustration.
Earlier tonight, when she left my apartment, I waited about fifteen minutes, and then went to pull up her tracker on my laptop from the couch to make sure she'd made it home okay.
It placed her directly in front of Morelli's. My first reaction was anger, which quickly gave way to betrayal. She'd told me she was 'off men,' but she'd gone straight to his house?
I'd bitten down hard on my temper and done something very out of character for me. I'd grabbed the bottle of Johnnie Walker Scotch Blue from the kitchen cabinet.
I rarely drank hard liquor. There was a time in my life where I drank way too much, way too often, and I'd disciplined myself to temper that now. Addictions weren't healthy, and in my business, muddled thoughts or slowed reactions could get you killed. A glass of wine at dinner, occasionally, but nothing beyond that.
Before I was able to even swallow one sip of the smooth liquor, my cell rang. It wasn't good news. Binkie had been shot and killed during a break-in at one of the accounts.
The next hours were spent dealing with the authorities and Binkie's family, especially his very distraught girlfriend, Melinda. She'd finally had to be sedated.
No matter how much you trained, how prepared you were, death was the undefeatable enemy. Losing one of my men, no matter what the circumstances, always hurt. It left a mark on my soul.
**end flashback**
Noticing my glass was empty, I poured another. It was nearly one in the morning. I had a slight buzz going, with plans to get full-on drunk. Again, not something I normally allowed myself to do, but I just wasn't in the mood to give a good fuck.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time
It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now
The laptop's screen blinked on when I bumped the table as I reached for the bottle to refill my empty tumbler. Stephanie's tracker had changed positions. I gave it a salute with my glass. Good for her.
Wait a minute. I leaned forward to check the coordinates of her location. She was sitting on Haywood Street, directly in front of my building, and she wasn't moving. What the hell is she doing parked outside the gates? Why is she here?
I reached into my pocket and pulled out my cell. I told myself I wouldn't call, but even though I was mad at her, I couldn't stop myself. Honestly, knowing she was here tugged at my heart.
The phone was answered on the first ring, and I was greeted with silence.
"Babe?"
Her voice was hesitant, soft and scratchy, like she'd been crying. "Yo."
"Are you coming up, or are you going to stay parked on Haywood Street?"
Stephanie began mumbling under her breath. I didn't catch all the words before the call was ended abruptly, but I got the definite impression that she wasn't happy about the trackers I always had on her. It was for her safety and my sanity.
A glance at the laptop screen found that she was now moving into the garage. Switching programs, I brought up the camera feeds for the building.
Several minutes passed before she got out of the car and crossed to the elevator. Stephanie gave the camera in the elevator a finger-wave, and from her red-rimmed eyes, my suspicion was confirmed. She'd been crying.
I walked over to the apartment door, opened it, and waited for the elevator to arrive.
Our eyes met, held, as the doors slid open. No words passed between us. Stephanie hesitated, didn't move until I held my arms open to her. In the next instant, she was in my embrace.
We stood locked together in the hallway. I could feel the tension, the hurt, start to ebb away. Having her in my arms was such a comfort. It felt good to be needed, and if I was truly honest with myself, I needed her now, needed the solace that only she brought me.
My solitary existence didn't hold the same appeal it had before she came into my life, and particularly since she'd been sharing my apartment.
Life was quiet and lonely without her, and after the last few miserable hours, watching Melinda weep over the loss of Binkie, the jagged edges of my emotions smoothed out with just Stephanie's presence.
She was the first to break the silence. "Did you know about Joe and Terri?"
I hesitated and didn't answer immediately, which essentially was an answer.
Stephanie stiffened in my embrace. She took step back and gave me a hard look, something not many people were brave enough to do. It just spoke of how mad she truly was at this moment and how she wasn't scared to go toe to toe with me, if the matter arose.
Instead of turning and running, which was often how she dealt with her problems, she shoved past me, walking briskly into my apartment, and clipped out on her way, "Why the hell didn't you tell me?"
Slowly, I shut the door. Neither of us was in the best position to talk about this right now, but it appeared it wasn't going to be put off. Better to just face it head-on.
"It wasn't my place to tell you, Babe," I responded, crossing to the kitchen to get her a glass.
When I sat down next to her on the couch, she was staring at me with her eyes wide and mouth slightly open.
"Are you drunk?" she asked with surprise evident in her voice.
"No, but I was getting there before you arrived."
"I've never seen you drink very much. What happened since I left here earlier?"
"You went to Morelli's," I said firmly, not giving her a chance to deny it to my face.
Stephanie's face showed obvious confusion. "My being at Joe's caused you to drink?"
I laughed harshly. "I'd be a drunk if that was the case."
I regretted the words instantly when the color drained from her face. Get it together, Manoso, before you blow the best thing that ever happened to you all to hell!
Stephanie slammed the glass down on the table and rose to leave. I seized her wrist before she could get more than two steps away. She stopped and jerked her head around to shoot me a red-hot look.
"I'm sorry," I said truthfully, mad at myself for causing her any more pain. "Stay. Please."
She sighed out a long breath and dropped back onto the couch.
"Can we try this again?" she asked, and I nodded.
"You're drinking straight Scotch, because…?"
"Because you lied to me," I stated simply.
Her face, which had calmed some, instantly filled with fury again. "I did not lie to you," she denied.
"Steph, you left here and went straight to Morelli's, after you told me you were 'off men.' Was it just a friendly visit or something more?"
The expression on her face gave me the answer. The thought of her in bed with him made me want to throw the tumbler in my hand against the wall.
Silence filled the next several long minutes, before she finally spoke again.
"I guess, looking at it from your point of view, I did lie to you. Yes, I went to Joe's for something more than a friendly visit."
Her eyes met mine and were brimming with tears. I started to reach out to pull her into an embrace, but she stopped me by placing her hands in the center of my chest.
"Let's just get this all out in the open first, okay?"
It was past time for us to have a serious discussion about what had been happening between us for the last several years.
"I agree, Babe. We should talk first."
She poured herself a swallow of the Scotch, drew it back in one gulp, and went into a coughing fit. I thumped her lightly on the back until it subsided. She gave me a little grin, before her face got serious and she started talking.
"When you offered your bed earlier, I got scared."
"Stephanie, I should apologize for how I said that…"
She interrupted me. "No, please, let me finish what I was going to say. This isn't easy for me."
I nodded, and she took a deep breath.
"Anyway, my first reaction was to accept your invitation. I really wanted to, but I was afraid of getting hurt, of losing one of the best friends I've ever had and ending up alone."
Stephanie looked down at her lap, shaking her head slightly. "That sounds pathetic, doesn't it?" she sighed. "So I went to Joe's house, because he's comfortable, and I thought, predictable. Boy, did he blow that all out of the water tonight."
Anger was the clear emotion in her voice, and I felt myself tensing up and wondering if I'd finally have a valid reason to beat the shit out of Morelli.
"I'll make the long, ugly story short by saying: Terri was there, mean things were said between all parties, and Joe and I are officially over. Forever."
"Babe, I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the rumors I'd heard."
"No, it's okay, you're right. It wasn't your place to tell me."
I inclined my head in acknowledgement of her statement.
"Somehow, I doubt you came over here at one in the morning to discuss Morelli."
She wouldn't look at me, remaining silent, so I reached out and tipped her chin up. "Stephanie, why are you here?"
At first, she chewed her lip nervously, and then she whispered, "I needed to be with you."
My heart skipped a beat. This was the first time that she'd admitted she needed me—Carlos, not Ranger or 'Batman'—to save her from some disaster or help her with a work related problem.
Even though I'd told her numerous times how I felt about her, loved her, she'd never returned the sentiment verbally to me.
Deciding to give a little and see where this led, I said, "I'm glad you're here. I needed you, too."
She studied me carefully, her face softening as her eyes darted back to my bottle of Walker's. "So it wasn't just the situation with me that prompted the drinking?"
"The first reason, but no, not the only one." I dropped my eyes to the floor and hesitated, my voice rough. "Binkie was killed tonight on the job."
Her startled yelp had me whipping my head up to find tears spilling from the corners of her eyes. She was in my arms in the next instant. "I'm so sorry," she said softly.
The smell that was uniquely Stephanie engulfed me, and I closed my eyes to savor the feeling of holding her. This was what I needed now, tonight, tomorrow…
We were quiet for a long time, neither of us loosening our firm grip on the other. Both of us were lost in our thoughts.
When she finally spoke, it was barely a whisper, and I had to strain to hear it.
"I love you," she breathed into my neck.
I completely stilled, unsure I'd heard the words correctly. She pulled back and looked at me with an adorable little smile tipping at the corners of her mouth.
"That's the main reason I came over here. To finally say the words." Her smile got a little bigger. "But you already knew, didn't you?"
Sure, I'd suspected, and on some level, I was pretty confident she loved me, but one can never know for sure with Stephanie Plum.
The one thing you could take to the bank, though, was that these words carried a lot of weight for both of us. This was the beginning of our someday. We were finally ready!
I didn't stop the smile that broke out on my face. "I guess I did, in a way, but I like hearing the words. I love you, Stephanie."
Our lips gravitated towards each other, desperate to seal our love with a kiss. As soon as her soft lips touched mine, my body ignited into a raging fire. I needed her now! The kiss kicked up in intensity, as each of us claimed possession.
We paused for a moment to catch our breath. With our foreheads resting together, she gave a nervous little giggle, and then pulled back to look into my eyes.
I noticed her cheeks had colored to a cute shade of pink. I lifted my eyebrow in question, and she shyly said, "There was one more reason I came over tonight."
"Babe."
"It's about that place for me in your bed."
The End!
End note: Thanks for reading! I am working on the sequel to Best Wishes, though it's still going to be a bit before its ready. I won't start it until I can keep up with weekly postings. Thanks for all of you that have encouraged me and sent messages, especially you, Isabella! Love you all! Have Happy Holidays, whichever ones you celebrate! Please review. Thanks. ~Angie