CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR THE END OF TOOLS OF DESTRUCTION! But be assured, there are no A Crack in Time spoilers.
Author's Note: If you have never heard the song whose title is the title of this fanfic, listen to it on YouTube NOW. It's suuuuch a good song, and it inspired this oneshot. :3 I present this as a gift to Kirmon64 (and to lombnut, since he's such a RxC fan XD – anything RxC related is a gift to him).
All right, so this song (by the same title, by Yellowcard) inspired me to write something like this, because it reminded me so much of how Ratchet would be thinking while being separated from Clank. It sounds a bit slashy, too, so I got in a slash writing mood.
(Don't think I support RxC just because I wrote this! I don't. But I will write pairings I like on occasion. :3)
I tried to keep a minimum on the italicized words so I could transfer this easily to DA. –crosses fingers-
(Also, Kirmon… what's taking you so long to reply this time, hur?)
AND WHY MUST ALL OF THESE DRAMATIC SCENES TAKE PLACE AT NIGHT? WHY CAN'T I HAVE SOMETHING TAKE PLACE AT DAY FOR ONCE? -/allcaps-
I also know that some passages here make no sense grammatically. That was done on purpose, and was inspired by a play I read, Waiting for Godot. It's done for a reason.
Disclaimer: I thought for an hour on this, to try to get a clever and funny disclaimer… I have none. So I'll just say Ratchet and Clank don't belong to me. Or anything else here for that matter, except for the fanfiction. Blagh.
--
They blinked at him, unimpressed.
He stared back at them defiantly.
They revealed nothing.
He wished that they could.
And there ended the silent conversation between Lombax and stars, the wishful will of the former's mind and the blankness and yet ominous future in the latter's ramming into each other in mental combat, in which there was no winner, and there were only losers.
The lonely creature fell on his rear end on the grassy plains, curling his tail about his legs and staring up at those unnerving stars. Placing his hands behind him on the grass so he could lean onto his wrists, he slouched backward, allowing his vision to be aimed more skyward that it was previously without so much as moving his head. His teal-green eyes were murky with not only deep thought, but with a raging storm that was not easy to quell.
The truth was, this particular Lombax wasn't feeling so… well. That's quite the understatement.
"Ratchet!" a voice called from across the plains – it was feminine, tinged with slight annoyance, and yet held a bout of concern as well. "Are we going to go or what? Aphelion's all ready and so are Cronk and Zephyr – we're all waiting for you!"
The Lombax didn't stir. Nothing could move him – the sound of the female Apogee's voice was not enough to work like a magnet, a Lombax magnet, and pull Ratchet toward her. The truth was, he didn't really have the will to move. He didn't have the will to do anything.
"Just… give me a minute."
He didn't have the will to get up and follow and go back to his sentient ship – he didn't have the will to try to fix Cronk's head yet again as it probably popped off – he didn't have the will to even pick up his wrench, which was lying peacefully beside him.
He didn't have the will to go on.
"All right," Talwyn responded uncertainly from a distance, not making an attempt to approach the Lombax. Whether it was because she understood what he was really feeling or it was just because she didn't have the will to fight with him at that particular moment, Ratchet didn't know. For whatever reason, she stayed where she was. Ratchet didn't know whether he preferred it that way or if he felt even lonelier because of it.
He didn't know what to feel anymore.
He thought he was imagining things.
They assembled a certain meaning up in sky.
The stars all lined up to create one coherent image, one that could be understood – but Ratchet was probably only imagining.
It was the face of a certain robot he had been longing to see for such a long time.
Ratchet lifted his gloved hand up into the sky, the brown coloration being doused with blue by the darkness surrounding him. Sticking his index finger out, he traced the image, being very, very careful, like as if he was creating a piece of artwork he was going to submit into the hall of fame. He closed his eyes as he finished the chin, waggling his finger randomly in the air, day—or would it be night, since it was night anyway?—dreaming, imagining the past.
The little creatures circled around the small robot, a blue aura humming around them. The Lombax's eyes widened as he gazed at creatures that he previously thought didn't exist—creatures he would never have imagined existing.
"Whoa! So these are the Zoni?" he asked Clank, looking to the robot. His best friend didn't respond, however, as the little creatures spoke to him in low tones, electrifying the area as they started to float and somehow managed to drag the small robot up into the air with them. The voices they used were frighteningly low, a symphony of terror dripping, dripping, and Ratchet did not even want to make out the words they were saying. He longed to hear Clank's comforting voice, not this… "Let. Him. Go." He leaped, but pain stabbed through him as a shock ran through his body, and he slammed into the ground hard.
"Yes, time to come with you…" Clank whispered, and the Lombax's eyes widened with horror as he sprang back onto his feet, desperately trying to get the robot back, get him back, but—
The robot disappeared, as did his little Zoni friends.
Everything had changed since then. He felt a dull ache pound within his heart as he remembered it, the painful twist of fate that changed his (and probably Clank's) life. But it wasn't the Zoni taking Clank away that hurt him the most. It was the fact that Clank seemed to forget him. He watched Clank's face, a blissful lack of awareness at the time, that seemed to hold no recognition for Ratchet anymore, as the Lombax struggled to get his friend back.
Oh… he didn't want Clank to forget.
Because he was barraged by too many memories every day of the robot, and he didn't want to lose the reasoning behind it.
You see, he loved Clank… he loved him so much.
The Lombax placed both of his gloved hands on top of his chest, above his heart, as he opened his eyes and took a deep, sudden gulp of air. No, he wasn't going to lose himself, especially in front of Talwyn, Cronk, Zephyr… heck, even Aphelion. He only lost himself once, in front of Clank, and he wasn't going to go down that road again. He wouldn't bring his problems onto his friends who had been helping him find Clank – the love his life, the one he truly needed more than anyone else.
They saw his pain, but gave nothing away.
He was grateful toward them for that.
The stars never did say anything, but they showed him – how desperately he needed Clank.
Memory lane was a lane that Ratchet was now familiar with. He walked down the road many, many times, even more than once per day. In fact, he could never get his little robotic companion out of his mind. He didn't know what exactly what he was feeling – he knew it was love, but it was strange, it was unique, it was new. It was scary. And it was because of this feeling that he suffered, suffered, feeling so alone. He couldn't imagine anything without Clank anymore. In fact, he didn't feel real, because he wasn't with him. The memories were more real than what was going on now – and he wished to escape into them, as much as he felt terrible, as much as he felt all the more pained, all the more lonely – he kept falling back to those memories, because they were the only things keeping him going for one year and six months.
He didn't have a will to go on.
But he did have a will to dream.
And the dreams made more sense, seemed less far-fetched to him now, than reality. These dreams of being together with Clank again, beating robot skull, unlocking something with Ratchet's handy wrench, being talked off by Clank because Clank is always right, lying together on the ground on those days when it turned to night and Ratchet was too tired to keep up with the missions, kissing… kissing, they had never done that before, and yet it seemed much more desirable, in fact even more than just beating evil butt, than this – this reality, which he could no longer accept. Grasping hands within his mind pulled him through these memories and back again, through these dreams, holding them tightly – and as much as it nearly made his heart rupture, it made him feel whole.
And the thought of Clank not sharing any of these thoughts, not caring about the memories together, if Clank wasn't even still alive—
No, nonsense. Clank was still alive. But whether he remembered Ratchet or he was having too much fun with those Zoni – it remained the question. It remained the question of which Ratchet was afraid of the answer.
And that made reality even more gibberish, gibberish that Ratchet could not interpret.
He had to save the world Lombaxes Lombaxes he needed to find truth truth something he needed to keep so much he needed to do so much he needed to see Cronk Zephyr Talwyn Aphelion all relying on him all wishing him luck with the Lombaxes truth he didn't want to see truth that would scare him truth he could not listen to truth that exposed a thousand lies lies which pertained to Clank…
He was confusing himself.
Reality confused him.
He would rather keep dreaming.
The stars made no sense.
He didn't make sense.
Now his dreams weren't making sense.
Why didn't anything make sense?
The Lombax rocked to a seated position, gazing outward into the depth of the unknown, which he couldn't see due to the limited light that the moon provided. His arms wrapped around his chest, his fingers clutching at his shoulder blades, as he rocked back and forth in between his sit bones and the balls of his feet. He wanted to be holding not himself, but the little robot that touched his heart, that made him feel this way, that made him long to be somewhere else, in a different place… He wanted to feel the smooth, cold metal, just a reassurance that he was there, that he was constantly by his side. Too long separated, one year six months.
He wants to find Lombaxes Lombaxes hearing them in the distance but only if he he would be there, Clank his lover robot best friend who probably didn't return his feelings, that probably forgot about him, but he couldn't think he forgot about him he didn't want him to forget about him and that's how it would remain don't forget me he would think and it would all be that way Zoni Zoni they took him away they wish to separate the two of them he hates them yet he doesn't know them he doesn't know Clank yet he loves Clank he knows Clank better than anyone else yet can't understand him where is he where did he go why did he leave him.
Trails of gray were marked on the Lombax's cheeks, with depression but with resignation, with passion and with vigor, with new determination, and yet with sorrow.
'I will find him.'
Bitter hot yet cold cold cold yet blue and clear and yet murky murky too many mixed feelings feelings and too much lack of clarity but he would still go on, yes he would still go on because Clank was waiting for him or he hoped so at least. One year six months it wasn't going to put him off no matter the length of time since time was the essence time was something he wouldn't mind because he wanted to spend the rest of it with him.
'I will find him.'
The stars gazed down on him.
With approval.