Title The simplest reason in the world
Series Hikaru no Go
Word Count 1,339
Characters/Pair Akira, Ashiwara, Touya Meijin, Ogata
Summary Ogata's game has been off lately, and he finally
realizes what's been troubling him in a game with Ashiwara. Warnings:
Gratuitous go game references.
"Ogata-san, is something troubling you?"
"Troubling me? Nothing but this heat." Ogata pushed up his glasses, using his hand to cover his expression while he recovered his equilibrium. In a game against Akira, and he had more trouble than he had in his last preliminary match two weeks ago. What was wrong with him? He's been like this since that game in Touya Kouyo's study session the day after the preliminaries.
"Then let's talk about the game."
That game that he--
"One and a half moku."
The black and white stones framed their respective territories. He had been certain he had a lead of twenty or so moku before yose, but the young man before him made no mistakes. He, on the other hand, failed to check that brilliance. Ogata glanced up at his opponent, and in passing saw the thoughtful look on the Meijin's face.
Ogata sat back, irritated. What had been in the game to bring such a look to his teacher? One of the few times he'd seen that expression was on the day Touya Koyo invited him to study sessions, right after the first young Lion's tournament of his professional life.
"It was just luck, right, Ogata-san?" Ashiwara looked chagrined from all the attention he was getting.
At that right moment the Meijin's wife came in with refreshments, giving Ogata time to compose his thoughts.
"It was that keima in yose that decided the game," Touya Kouyo said, from behind Ogata. Ogata turned to look at his teacher. "Your stones flowed erratically, Ogata-kun. There is something in your mind. The day after a match you often play better."
"I'll make sure not to disgrace you next time, sensei."
Touya Kouyo looked at him. "Games like these make you think about what could be done. This is the same situation from the seven matches in the Honinbo finals."
"I have to leave earlier, sensei. I have somewhere to go." Sometimes he should be glad of the dates with a woman he was seeing.
"We will see you during the next session then. And Ogata-kun?"
"Yes, Touya Meijin?"
"It was a good game."
"If it had been a good game I would've won," Ogata murmured as he walked to his car, tugging at his tie. The afternoon had been very warm, and with dusk settling the daytime summer heat promised to lead to a sultry night. He should go home and take a shower before his dinner date.
What did he do wrong? He missed the threat of that kaketsugi in the upper corners, yes, and didn't manage to check Ashiwara's claim on the lower right completely, but were those enough to ruin his game? No, was what he thought.
Akira covered his bowl of stones. "It was a good game, Ogata-san."
"I wasn't playing my game." As Ogata recalled their game he remembered his defenses had nearly fallen against Akira's attacks a couple of times, but he'd salvaged his territory by superior tactics and sheer luck. He clenched his fist, releasing it slowly. He was wound up tight inside, so tense he thought he could see his hands tremble as he played his stones.
I must calm down, he thought. If I continue playing like this I'll make mistakes in serious matches, and then I'll lose all that I have in my grasp.
"It's Akira and Ogata-san!"
"Ashiwara-san," Akira greeted. Ogata merely acknowledged his junior's existence with a nod. "How was the movie?"
"It was good. Next weekend we'll go to a horror film, or so Saeki says."
Ogata puffed on his cigarette, the only outward sign that he'd heard.
"What are you doing here, Ashiwara?"
"I sometimes go here to have a game with Akira. You just finished, Akira-kun?"
"Yes. But I promised Kitajima-san to play with him after this." Akira glanced from Ogata to Ashiwara, as if deciding something. "Ashiwara-san can play against Ogata-san, if Ogata-san doesn't mind another game."
He inclined his head to indicate he didn't mind before Ashiwara could react. Akira bowed to them before leaving, and Ashiwara took the seat he vacated.
"You're not in your usual suit suit, Ashiwara," Ogata said, as a way to break the tension that rose on Akira's departure. Ashiwara tugged at his shirt's collar and laughed, a little nervously, he noted.
"I did say I just came from the movies with Saeki. And in this weather, only an idiot would wear a suit!" Ogata raised an eyebrow, and Ashiwara grew aware of what the older pro was wearing. "Not that I mean that--"
He stubbed his cigarette, annoyed at his segue to mindgames. He'd never resorted to such before, but he obviously still hadn't recovered from the embarrasment of the last time. Once they've started the game he'd be fine. "Let's nigiri, Ashiwara."
"All right, Ogata-san."
Don't pay attention to his idle banter about the banalities of life. Don't answer anything but the easiest questions to sidestep or use the deepening silence to keep him mute. Don't look. Don't look at him. Don't pay attention to his stare at your hand moving over the board. Don't wonder what he's thinking of you whenever you make a move. Don't notice how he lightly bites at his lower lip when you attack his strategic pieces. Don't notice how his hair sways softly whenever he turns to greet someone or see what others were doing...
"Ogata-san, is something wrong with my face?"
Ogata sat back, made aware he'd been staring. "Nothing. My move, right?"
"It's so hot, isn't it? Just perfect for going to the beach or a vacation, but my latest schedule says I'll be stuck in Tokyo for a while more. Why, Saeki-san got a chance to play in Osaka, and he spent the day in the beaches, and--"
Saeki this, Saeki that. The student of Morishita's was Ashiwara's constant target, and Ogata was feeling irritated by this all.
"Ah, Ogata-san, that move..."
Recklessly putting everything before this game, his frustrations, his anger, his feelings of insecurity and jealousy. If he won, he'd know he was better than that damned Saeki, and he could be more than some vague figure in Ashiwara's eyes. Ashiwara wasn't playing him seriously. But he piled his stones thick to the left.
Why should Ashiwara talking about Saeki matter? Why should Ashiwara hanging around Morishita's student matter to him anyway? He wasn't interested in Saeki, and neither was he interested in--
Wait. Was he not interested in Ashiwara? Ogata paused, and played a move that cancelled all of Ashiwara's efforts at the lower right. Ashiwara was just his junior in the Touya Koyo stable, and he found the younger man energetic and too immature at times. But then the man was younger than he was, and not everyone could be as serious as he.
A few more moku to recover from that reckless mistake. Ogata stared at the board, reading every possibility. He lost eight moku and recovered with ten. Not bad.
"I have nothing."
Ogata looked up, and saw Ashiwara's smiling face. He hadn't realized he'd been sweating through the whole game until the other man took out his handkerchief and leaned over the board to mop at his brow. "It's really hot here even with the airconditioning, right, Ogata-san?"
It was then that Ogata found out why he's been so off lately. Ashiwara. Of course. It all made sense now.
Ogata nearly blurted out the words of his great discovery before everyone in the Go salon. Ashiwara started to babble on about the game at the exact moment he was about to speak, sparing Ogata from an embarrassing confession. As he recovered his sanity part of him knew he can play against Ashiwara from now on without breaking down so badly. He knew how to handle it from now on.
"Ashiwara, do you have any plans tonight?"
"Uh, no I don't. Why, Ogata-san?"
"Let's have dinner after another game. My treat."
"Thank you, Ogata-san. That would be wonderful."
"There's this restaurant I have heard of--"
-end The simplest reason in the world-