I was exhausted. It was all I could do not to fall asleep at the wheel. It had been about thirty six hours since I'd last slept and about two weeks since I'd had more than five hours of sleep at a stretch. And it was still two days until my weekend off. In theory I could have snuck in a few more hours. But that would have meant being late for rounds or feeling unprepared for surgery. And I reasoned that I could sleep when I was dead. Didn't stop me from feeling like I'd been run over by a truck, though. And it didn't help that we'd managed to lose my last patient in post-op complications.
Pulling onto my street I was surprised to his car pulling up to the kerb ahead of me.
Wasn't he on call tonight?
Either way, I wasn't about to complain.

Accelerating, I drew up to my gate right behind him. Sighing as I turned off the ignition, I glanced down at my bare ring finger. We had agreed that it was too rushed last time, and that we needed to go back and not to skip steps. So we were going to try this again, the right way. Slowly. Taking our time. We had all the time in the world, we told each other. If nothing else, we needed to believe that for this to have any hope of working out. I knew i needed that and I needed to believe that he felt the same way. I think he did. Stretching my arms behind my head, I felt the day's tension still sitting in my shoulders. Pausing to take a deep breath, I closed my eyes and sat still for the first time in what felt like forever. When I opened my eyes, I noticed that he'd gotten out of his car and was leaning against it, watching me. Something about the way he was looking at me made my breath hitch. He looked incredibly exhausted but his eyes were simultaneously hard and gentle. I could tell from the way he was leaning that he'd been awake even longer than I had. But despite his exhaustion, his eyes were bright and alert. The slight crinkle said more than he could have conveyed in words, that he was going to be patient this time. That he blamed himself for rushing it the last time and that he'd give me all the time I needed and more. There was also a hard and determined look somewhere there though. A look that conveyed just how much he needed me in every way. A little bit of anger at himself as well as me for how close we'd come to throwing this away, to messing it up completely. A little bit of lust, battling with the exhaustion. An intensity that overwhelmed me every time.

As I slowly opened the door and stepped out, a wave of fatigue hit me. Rolling my shoulders and grabbing my bag, I shook out my hair as I shut the door behind me and walked towards him.

'Hey', I murmured softly, once I was within earshot.
'Hey you', he whispered back, his voice barely audible.

Stopping about two feet away from him, I look at him. 'I'm glad you're here', I managed, in a small and tired voice.

Looking intently at me for a moment he replied slowly and easily with a small smile creasing his lips, 'me too'.

Upstairs? I enquired cautiously. We hadn't been staying over much lately. Not from a lack of desire on either of our parts, more just a combination of logistics and wanting to take it painfully slow. I think we had both been more scared than we'd admitted to even ourselves by just how close we'd come to losing each other. Maybe he'd just come to say goodnight, I didn't want to presume things and make it awkward, just in case.

'I'd like that', he answered quietly, his voice low and husky. A little bit of the tension seeped out of my limbs as I inclined my head gratefully, too tired even to respond in words. He gave me a look that said he understood and that he was quietly relieved I wanted him. Of course I did, stupid man. Though I couldn't blame him for wanting to check seeing as I'd been too timid to presume the obvious myself. This felt right and good though, like we were finally making some sort of progress..

As we headed indoors together, I was tempted just to drop my stuff in the hallway and melt into him. Let him figure the rest out. But we were taking baby steps this time and I'd be damned if I was the reason we ended up back at square one.
We still hadn't touched, it was almost as though we wanted to savour just the closeness. Drawing out the moment when we'd get to hold each other, just to make the most of the anticipation. Now that we knew we had found our way home, we were trying to take as long as we could, just to maximise the sheer pleasure of finally being able to exchange even a simple hug or just to be able to inhale each other again.

I entered my place and finally let me stuff just fall to the ground not caring where it landed. Turning around to face him, I looked up at him and smiled. Thank you, I said softly, thank you so much. The intensity with which he looked at me was almost painful, and it was all I could do not to look away. He looked both vulnerable and happy and once again I was struck by just how much of himself he'd offered me. I was acutely conscious of just how much he wanted me and needed me and I could only hope he could tell I felt the same and that I'd do everything I could not to hurt him again.

Taking a step towards me, he said that I looked so beautiful right then. I smiled at this, 'if by beautiful you mean exhausted...'. He chuckled. 'That too'. Finally stepping so close that I could feel his breathing on my face, he placed both hands on my shoulders and ran them gently down my arms. Taking my hands in his, he kissed them both. Extricating them gently, I cupped his face while he closed his eyes and buried one hand in my hair, placing the other gently on my lower back. He leaned in, content just to rest his forehead against mine. 'Long day?'. I smiled, 'kind of'.

'You okay?'

'Honestly?'

'Yes'

'I've never felt better'

Something snapped in him as the hand in my hair tightened and his grip on my waist grew more possessive. He let out a low growl, drawing me into him possessively, holding me tightly as he tipped my head up and placed his lips softly against mine. Pressing down, he opened his mouth slightly and I reciprocated gratefully. Not having to support my own weight was a welcome change as he placed kisses all over my face. I let him, too tired to do much more than run my hands over his chest and neck. As if I needed a reminder of just how long it had been since I'd last seen him without his shirt.

'You're exhausted' he muttered, coming up for air. 'Shower and bed?' I asked. God knows I wanted him so much but it was all I could do to keep my head up, much less entertain thoughts of an enthusiastic session of lovemaking. Looking down at me for a minute as though making up his mind, he nodded gently. Letting go of me, he took a hand and led me to my bathroom. I normally wouldn't allow him to take over like this and he wouldn't normally try but right now we both needed it. I followed him in, sitting down at the edge of the bathtub while he stripped and tested the shower to make sure it wasn't too hot. Shattered as I was, I couldn't help noticing just how toned his chest was. He caught me looking and grinned, and I smiled back. This was nice. Stepping over as I stood up, he made short work of removing my sweater and shirt as I stepped out of my pants and underwear. Pausing for a second to search my face for permission, he reached behind me and unclasped my bra. Not that he needed to, but it meant so much that he did. I saw his eyes widen for a second despite his exhaustion. It really had been a while. As we entered the shower, the warm water began to draw the exhaustion from me. Eyes shut I just stood there letting it wash over me. Suddenly, I felt a pair of gentle hands lathering soap all over me. 'Owen, you don't have to do this, you've been on your feet longer than I have and I'm really fine and I feel bad...'

'Shhhhhh', he cut me off. 'Please? I want to.' He wasn't going to be stubborn. He was genuinely asking. He wasn't going to have to ask twice. 'Just stand here with your eyes closed. I've got this.' Groaning in agreement, I decided not to be contrary for once. Just to be. Leaning back against him, I allowed him to run his hands in circles around my abdomen, up my sides, over my shoulders, down my arms, through my fingers, over my buttocks, up my back, over my breasts, down my thighs, over my knees, over my pubic hair. I just stood there, the only sound was the sound of the shower. I felt better than I could remember feeling in a very long time. I hoped he felt the same way. As his hands moved slowly back up my legs, sides, shoulders and neck. I felt him gently draw me back under the shower. As we stood there together, he slowly put his arms around me and drew me backwards until I was nestled against him again. Lowering his head he began kissing up my shoulder as I rested my head against him, tilting slightly to give him better access. As I let out a small contented sigh, he held me tighter and whispered into my ears, 'I can't imagine a more perfect body than yours'. Tired or otherwise, I could feel myself beginning to get aroused. His arousal wasn't exactly subtle either, how could I not. 'Would you...' I trailed off, suddenly unable to finish or even to complete a coherent thought. He didn't say anything for a long minute. 'Yes', he gasped finally, 'oh my God yes.'

TBC..