A/N: J.K. Rowling is a bit of a troll, don't you think? Written during the wait for the Pottermore clue. There may be typos, I'm running on caffeine, willpower, and 3 hours of sleep. I always appreciate any favorites or reviews, you guys are seriously THE BEST! :)
"Blaine! Stop refreshing the page like that! It will be on the page when it's good and ready to be on the page!"
Kurt and Blaine were sitting on opposite sides of Kurt's bed, laptops open, waiting for the clue to appear on Pottermore's main page. Blaine was pressing F5 every fifteen seconds or so, and it was driving Kurt mad.
"What if it doesn't? What if everyone gets to go to Hogwarts and I don't? I'd die, Kurt, I'd die." Blaine grabbed a pillow and hugged it to his chest. "You'd tell me if you got through, right? You wouldn't keep it all to yourself, right?"
"Oh my God Blaine," Kurt sighed exasperatedly, "of course I'd tell you! I'd rub in the fact that I got to go to Hogwarts and you didn't."
"You are such a Slytherin!"
"How many times do I have to tell you that Slytherin does not automatically equal mean? Seriously Blaine, one would think you would be anti-house stereotypes, being a Huffle-"
"I AM NOT A HUFFLEPUFF," he yelled, "I AM QUITE CLEARLY A GRYFFINDOR!"
"Shh," Kurt hissed, "it's 2:30am, and my dad will kick you out of the house if he knows you're still here."
"Okay, okay, but you'll see, I'll be a Gryffindor, and you'll be all sad because you're in the evil house."
"It is not the evil house. You're just jealous, badger boy."
"What did you just call me?" Blaine crossed his arms across his chest.
"You heard me badger boy," Kurt was crawling across his bed towards Blaine, "but you're my badger boy."
Kurt leaned in for a kiss, but Blaine turned his cheek to the side. "I'm not kissing you until you apologize," Blaine said indignantly.
"Fine, I'm sorry I called you badger boy. Do you prefer badger man?"
"You little bitch," Blaine playfully slapped Kurt's shoulder, "I suppose one kiss wouldn't-OH MY GOD I HAVEN'T REFRESHED FOR FIVE MINUTES!"
Blaine shoved Kurt over, who landed on the floor with a thud. He grabbed his laptop and hit F5.
"Oof, you shoved me off the bed! What is wrong with you?"
"Harry Potter," Blaine murmured, as if that explained it all.
"You need therapy," Kurt said, climbing back onto his bed, "we need to find you someone who can help you work through this obsession."
"Kurt, the clue will be posted at 3am, it is currently 2:45am. I am allowed to obsess over it at this point!"
"Hey guys," Finn appeared in the doorway, rubbing his eyes, "wait! What is Blaine doing here? It's almost 3! I'm gonna go get B-"
"Finn Hudson," Kurt hissed, "if you tell my dad, I'll show your mom your Playboy collection."
"How do you know about-I mean, I don't know what you're talking about!"
"Shut up," Blaine whispered, "it's almost 3-I'm gonna get the clue before you and then you'll be sad because I'll be able to be at Hogwarts before you!"
"I'm going back to bed," Finn said, looking confused, "I have no idea what you're talking about, so maybe I'm sleepwalking again."
"You are so lucky that I have dirt on him," Kurt murmured, settling next to Blaine on the bed.
"Only five more minutes!" Blaine was raising up and down on the bed. "Five more minutes and I could be a Hogwarts student!"
"You did read the FAQs, right? It may be a couple of weeks before-"
Blaine turned to Kurt, looking deep into his eyes, "I don't care, I just want to go to Hogwarts! I have been waiting for this chance since I was eleven."
They heard the distant chime of the Hudmel's grandfather clock. Blaine gulped and refreshed the page.
"Nothing," he squeaked, "no clue! What is happening?"
"Maybe the clock is fast, your computer only says it's 2:59!"
Blaine stared at the clock on his computer, begging it to tick down the seconds. It finally (and mercifully, Kurt thought) hit 3am, and Blaine hit F5 one more time.
"There's still no clue! She's messing with us, she's totally messing with us-"
"Blaine, Google Pottermore, I'm sure they'll have something."
Blaine reluctantly opened another tab, in addition to the ones he had opened to try his guesses at the clue. He typed in Pottermore, then waited for the results to load.
"They may not release it until noon London time? No, this isn't fair-"
"Hey, it'll be okay, we'll just take a nap and-"
"J.K. Rowling is a huge troll. She's a troll who trolls the internet, ruining countless lives. If Professor Quirrel were here, he would yell-"
"Blaine," Kurt said giggling, "I get it, she's a troll."
"But why? This is so unfair-I'm never buying anything Harry Potter again!"
"Blaine, it's not good to lie," Kurt replied, kissing Blaine on the cheek and taking his hand, "come on, let's take a nap. I'll let you be the little spoon."
"Fine," Blaine huffed, "this shouldn't have happened, I even wore my lucky snitch boxers!"
"You are seriously adorable when you're angry and tired," Kurt laughed, "but let's get some sleep."
Kurt closed the lids on both their laptops and set them on his desk. "We'll check and see if there's anything at 7, okay?"
"Okay, but get over here. I was promised cuddling, and you better deliver, Hummel."
"Oh, I don't know…you did call me evil."
"Come on-I may even let you call me badger boy again."
"Deal."
Kurt flipped the light switch, plunging the room into darkness. He crossed and snuggled next to Blaine. "Come on badger boy," Kurt murmured, "time to get some rest. Dream of snitches and quaffles."
"You too, my Slytherin prince."