A.N : This was written in
response to Jennifer's challenge. Hope you guys like it! :-)
[Thanks to everyone who reviewed
my previous story!]
Drowning
Don't pretend you're
sorry, I know you're not
It was difficult to be near, yet it was
also difficult to be apart from her. A part of him-the old Tristan who
didn't care about anything or anyone- wanted to play it cool as though
he wasn't at all hurt, that he wasn't affected by the fact that she despised
everything about him, that his heart didn't crumble into pieces when he
heard her declaration of hatred towards him. The other part of him- the
one underneath the swagger, the smirks, the leering looks- wanted to hide
in a corner, curl up into a ball and protect himself from any more hurt.
You know you got the power,
to make me weak inside
He couldn't give in to either of those urges;
hiding was too cowardly and Tristan DuGrey was no coward. He couldn't play
it cool either, not when it came to Rory, not anymore.
And girl you leave me breathless,
but it's ok
He was stuck between a rock and a hard place,
and each day he had to bear the agony of seeing her, wanting her yet wanting
to stay away. He had to clench his fists to stop from reaching out to her.
He had to tear his eyes away from her form and he had to stop his heart
from calling out to her.
It was an impossible task.
'Cos you are my survival:
Now hear me say
Each smile that wasn't directed at him,
each look that was turned away, each step that took her away from him stabbed
his fragile heart.
He realised he liked to torture himself.
Because each time he saw that smile, his
heart lurched. When she was discussing Shakespeare and her blue eyes came
alive, his heart stopped. And whenever she absently pushed her hair behind
her ears, caught up in a book, he had to stop and remind himself breathe.
I can't imagine a life
without your love
She had become such a big part of his life,
even without really being in it the way he wanted. It seemed like his eyes
always sought her out. He'd be walking down the hallway, and his eyes would
be pulled towards her. He'd be sitting in the cafeteria, and even though
he wasn't consciously looking for her, he'd see her. Before class.
During class. After class. There she was. Everywhere.
Even forever don't seem
like long enough
He was convinced that the image of her had
been burned beneath his eyelids. She was there, sitting in front of him.
Looking at him, really looking at him, for what seemed like the first time.
Seeing right through him. She was there, looking at him as though he really
mattered. She was there, kissing him.
The way she was, the way she looked that
night they kissed had been etched in his memory.
Every time I breathe I
take you in, and my heart beats again
He remembered every single moment of that
night. Those precious moments were like a movie reel that he had played
one too many times in his mind. He played it backwards, forward, in slow-motion,
savoring everything that he knew he'd never feel again.
Baby I can't help it, you
keep me drowning in your love
And just when he'd try to not think about
her, something would inextricably remind him of her. Like the time he was
staying up to study, to avoid dreaming of her, and he had gone to get some
coffee... which reminded him of her. Or the time when he switched on the
radio to pull his thoughts away and a PJ Harvey song had come on... which
reminded him of her. Or the time when...
And every time I try to
rise above, I'm swept away by love
'You are pathetic, Tristan DuGrey.'
he scolded himself, as he covered his face with his pillow and tried to
get comfortable in the bed.
'You'd think that being hundreds of miles
away from her would help you forget. Instead you remember every little
detail about her.'
Baby I can't help it, you
keep me drowning in your love
When his parents proposed spending the summer
in their villa in Nice, he had jumped at the opportunity. He had thought
that being an ocean away would dim his feelings for her. Distance and time-
that's what he thought he needed to get over her.
It was a foolish thought.
Maybe I'm a drifter, maybe
not
Cos I have known the safety
of floating freely in your arms
The distance made him realize one thing:
no matter how agonizing it was to be near her and not have her, it was
even more torture being away. Without the prospect of her smile, her laugh
or just knowing that she was there.
Time had ticked by too slowly, and it seemed
like a lifetime before school started again and he'd be able to see her.
I don't need another lifeline,
it's not for me
Cause only you can save
me.... Oh, can't you see
If he was scared before, he was petrified
now.
At how much she had come to mean to him.
At how much he cared.
At how much he loved her.
I can't imagine a life
without your love
And even forever don't
seem like long enough
Because that's what it was. Love.
Go on and pull me under
Cover me with dreams,
yeah
It couldn't be anything else. The intensity
of his feelings: the way his heart pounded whenever she was near, the way
he couldn't seem to form coherent sentences when talking to her, the way
his eyes gravitated to her, the way he wanted to be one who brought her
coffee every morning and see her eyes light up, the way he wanted to protect
from from everything and anything... and just...
Love me mouth to mouth
now
You know I can't resist
Cause you're the air that
I breathe
He just loved her.
Every time I breathe I
take you in, and my heart beats again
Baby I can't help it,
you keep me drowning in your love
He didn't how or why, but it didn't matter
to him.
And every time I try to
rise above, I'm swept away by love
Baby I can't help it,
you keep me drowning in your love
Distance and time did nothing but strengthen
his feelings. He couldn't escape her. Even now, as he tossed and turned
in his bed, he saw her in his mind.
Baby I can't help it
Keep drowning in your
love
She was there, sitting in front of him.
Looking at him, really looking at him, for what seemed like the first time.
Seeing right through him. She was there, looking at him as though he really
mattered. She was there, kissing him.
She was there, telling him she cared. Telling
him she loved him, and always had, and that she'd never leave him.
Drowning
He was drowning, in her.
He couldn't fight it; he didn't want to.
You got me drowning, drowning
in your love
He closed his eyes, and let the tide pull
him under.
Baby I can't help it
You keep me drowning in
your love
Song credit: Drowning by Backstreet Boys
