CHAPTER ONE

Why am I even here? I thought to myself for the tenth time that day. My mind reeled over the answers to my unspoken question. I was here to make my mom happy. To make her paint that pretty picture in her head that showed me, perfectly fine. The perfect daughter. Isn't that what she had always wished for? Like my Three-year-old sister Anna was her second chance to make up for her first mess up.
So here I was, numbly sitting on one of the rubber swings at the little park that sat, barely noticed, a few blocks away from home. Home. I snorted. It now seemed weirdly ironic to call it that, since it felt less and less like a home everyday. It was more like a prison I couldn't get away from.
I tried not to think about that. At least here it was almost quiet, since no one came here anymore. A few years back the city had built a new playground area, on the other side of town. You know the ones with nice, yellow painted metal monkey bars and everything else that went with it, minus the chips in the paint and the graffiti covering every surface. They even had some high-class wood chips on the ground, replaced whenever more became even slightly necessary. They even had swings without rust, and even better, without the rhythmic noise that came with the slightest amount of pressure. I grumbled, listening to the constant squeak of the swing as it pushed forward just slightly, pushing my body back and forth as if in complaint as my feet dragged steadily across the dirt. I stilled my movements, but the rubber still moaned restlessly underneath me at my slightest movement.
Well, at least it was quiet here. I repeated in my head in my attempt to be positive. No one had a reason to come here anymore. The ground was all dirt and dead grass, the playground itself chipped and vandalized beyond repair. Anna was currently trying to climb up the steep, grimy slide, her little butt positioned high in the air as she crawled on her hands and knees higher, only every few seconds to slide down the few inches she had overcome. She squealed gleefully and continued in her efforts. I just shook my head, my lips curling at the edges for a moment.
I once again tried to think of something positive as I gripped the rusty chains of the swing tighter, knuckles white in my firm hold. The chain pressed hard into my skin and I welcomed the acute pain as I shifted on the rubber seat. I started moving again, barely an inch back and forth, and stared at my feet absentmindedly, only focusing on the slight creak the swing made.
"Are you alright?" a deep voice asked me softly. I looked up quickly, with hard, appraising eyes. I hadn't heard anyone come my way, and I was all too used to being the only one that came here.
A guy stood over me; he must have been around six feet tall. It was the only thing I had time to notice before staring onto the deep green of his eyes. His brow was creased with worry as he stared down at me. I stared back lightly, my eyes showing nothing.
"I'm perfectly fine," I replied, standing up swiftly, ignoring the swing's moan of protest. I turned my back to him and started walking away quickly, anxious to get back to my empty thoughts and away from this intruder, back to my safe-haven.
"Hey! Wait!" he called back from behind me. I heard the shuffling of quick footsteps against the dirt and I turned around, irritated.
"I'm Eric." He held out a hand, his curious eyes never leaving mine. I looked down at his hand mildly, my gaze lingering there until I once again met his eyes.
"Alana. Or Lana. Whatever." I said, expressionless. His hand dropped back to his side and his eyes danced with laughter as they continued to relentlessly stare into mine.
"What are you doing?" I questioned oddly, for he still stared at me with an expression of wonder. I felt uncomfortable under his scrutiny. His thin, serious mouth curled into a smile. He seemed to think about his answer, his gaze finally leaving mine to look behind me, into the distance. He looked back at me softly, his mouth still curved in a smile.
"I'm trying to figure you out." Eric answered me slowly as he analyzed my expression. My eyes narrowed slightly.
"There's nothing to figure out." I snapped, annoyed with him. I heard Anna in the background of our talk, her now angry squeals as she continued to slide down farther from her goal. Without a word Eric walked up towards her and gently pushed her forward, and she crawled faster up the slide. Anna squealed and clapped with joy as she reached the top, jumping up and down with obvious glee. She was glowing as she stared down at Eric, who smiled, his teeth shining in the bright summer sun. He carried her back to me, and I realized I hadn't moved, I was still standing by the swings. Anna was covered in dirt, but he didn't seem to mind as he put her down at my feet. Anna grabbed my hand in her own tiny palms and continued to smile up at Eric.
"My sister, Anna." I mumbled in response to his look of question as his eyes darted back to mine. He nodded. I didn't know what to say to him, my mind was blank. I suddenly wanted to get away more than ever.
"Well, we actually have to get home now, so yeah..." I trailed off, acting to be disappointed. Eric just laughed and flashed Anna a grin, who put her head shyly into my leg. I picked Anna up, not minding the weight. I tried to smile at Eric, but it came out looking more like a grimace. I turned around and walked the opposite way, and I once again heard Eric's humored laugh.
"I'll see you around!" he yelled to us as we distanced ourselves from the old park with each passing step.
"Bye-Bye!" Anna yelled out back to him. He hadn't moved an inch from when we had left a minute before. I dragged the little ball of sunshine farther down the road, carrying her up the hill. I turned at the top, looking back before the view of the destroyed park disappeared.
There, in the middle of the grass, was Eric. He stood in the same spot he had been in since I last laid my irritated eyes on him. I didn't get close to people. I knew what happened what you did, and tightly held memories threatened to emerge at this thought. I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping the image of Eric would go away. His muscled body, tousled brown hair. A strong, squared jaw and hard, thin lips. And deep green eyes that held you prisoner, surrounded by dark lashes. Glowing olive skin, a pointed chin.
I shook my head. No. I promised myself that was the last time I would think of him. I faintly remembered everyone that had walked away on me in my life. I put the walls of protection around my heart, cold and grey. I would never put myself in that position again.

I ran down the hill, Anna still in my arms.
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