I need an out I need an escape
I need to grow I need to expand
cant take anymore the way my life is being run
how every lil thing gets controlled
not letting me grow but just keeping me at a standstill
I'm not longer that lil girl that needed to be taken by the hand
that needed help in everything that needed to be done or told what to do
that person is gone; been gone for years but yet they seem to be blind
do they not realize that they did me right there should be no worries
do they not see that I know what I want how I want it and when
do they not see that I no longer need their help or to be told what to or not
do they not see that they can no longer run my life but just let me be let me be myself
I need an out I need an escape
I know what they want; for me to go back
back to being a hermit; a loner; submissive in doin whatever they want
I've thought bout doin that; goin back
but I cant that's not me that's not for me
but yet sometimes I fear that I might end up that way
end up how I was before which is why I need an out an escape
what is my out what is my escape I've thought of this many a times
maybe if I were to sleep and never awaken
maybe if I were to pack up and take off
maybe if I were to find someone to take me away
but none of those seem reasonable enough
what is my out what is my escape
sleep and never awaken always seems to be in my mind ever since I can remember
remember doin damage on myself so I wont hear anymore, listen anymore, feel anymore
was young back then but yet that thought always comes back
but now older I don't think I can do it like I use to
can I do something knowing that in the end it'll just cause pain to those who are close to me?
I cant that's not me now that's not who I am I'm not one to inflict pain on anyone
dark thoughts; result of many years of keeping silent no one know of cause I keep it locked away
not even the one who knows me well enough knows of these
these thoughts lookin for an out lookin for an escape
are they gone now have they left is there still some left over will they ever leave?
They say that by writing out or voicing what is really being felt helps; is this helping me or hurtin me?
Jaw clenched; thoughts jumbled; fingers going; I don't know if this is helpin or not;
much rather to voice this but will I be able to voice all the words that are coming?
Where are all these words coming from; is this what I really feel what I really think?
Is this what I hide from people is what I put off just a façade;
no I cant be this cant be what I really think what I really feel are these words what I want in life
need an out; need an escape; need to grow; need to expand
I know now what my out is what my escape is
this will help me grow; this will help me expand
what is left what is stopping me? Nothing
I know what I want what I need to do
action needs to be taken; action will be taken; action has already been taken
what is my out what is my escape I know now what that is
action is set in motion full force and now there is no stopping it
I've found my out….I've found my escape…..