This Story takes place 8 months into the apocalypse, and the motor-Inn group has (for lovey dovey plot reasons) stayed mostly unscathed. This AU also keeps Larry and Mark alive. Hope you all enjoy and review!
"Clementine!"
As soon as I heard Lee call me I was up and moving to see him. I had been quite upset this morning when I found out that Lee was filling in for Larry on a supply run when it wasn't even his turn to do so. Apparently, Larry was "too weak" to go out into town, and Lily had said that she couldn't let him go and do something so dangerous.
I got mad, I'll admit it. I got upset when I was informed of his extended absence from the motel. I hated the fact that Lee is always the one who is tasked with everything, so as soon as I heard that he was on another run I turned tail and ran back to my room.
I couldn't let them see me panic.
I do this every time he goes out. I stay huddled in our room, bunched under the covers of his bed and hoping to any sort of god that might be out there to please 'let him be lucky'. I didn't even get to give him a goodbye hug this morning. I just woke up and he was gone. My mind had been racing with possibilities all day; of all the things that could kill him...
Take him away from me.
Usually I'm not able to stop myself from freaking out and I just pass out from exhaustion. Then, later in the day I'd get woken up by him. I'd open my eyes and see him sitting there, smiling at me and my heart soars.
Today though, he'd decided to call me down from our room instead...why? I guess it's a good thing I didn't fall asleep, otherwise I wouldn't have heard him. I quickly jumped out of bed and scurried over to where I had carelessly thrown down my clothes earlier in the day. A yellow dress with black stockings and flats: my favorite outfit. I had taken it off because during my little...episodes...I get incredibly hot and sweaty and just end up pulling them off anyway. So I decided to just start pre-empting it. No sense in getting my clothes all dirty and sweaty, right?
It also happens to be an incredibly comfortable way to sleep, so I guess I'm hitting two birds with one stone.
And no, if you think it was awkward for either me or Lee when he'd wake me up, then you'd be wrong. He's already seen me in the nude. Living in the apocalypse comes with the harsh reality that sometimes you might have to give up personal space and privacy to preserve safety. We wash together, down at a stream we found in the woods nearby the Travelier. Lily has each "family", (like Kenny, Katjaa and Duck, Lily and her dad, and Lee and I.) go down there on our own terms each week to get cleaned up. The people who don't have close relations all decided they could bear going together, but just agreed to stay spaced and have weapons nearby for any sort of danger that could be lurking.
At first Lily wanted us to just go based on gender, have it be all girls then all boys, but after a few people, like Kenny, Larry, Carley and, admittedly myself, voiced our disapproval with having so many relatively unknown people looking at us like that, she conceded and said that everyone would just choose the person they wanted to go with. I personally hated the idea of going with a bunch of girls because I had never done something like that before. The closest I had ever gotten to something like that was when my dad would give me baths when I was much younger and less inclined to be so private. Plus, in that situation he wasn't washing with me, But rather bathing me. I guess I was so comfortable with it because he's my dad. Plus, He only ever did it if I was upset about something because it would always calm me down. and...for whatever reason...I still remember the distinct feeling of his hands combing through my hair…
...Oh daddy...I miss you so much...
Why...what was I talking about…? Oh...right...after her statement I almost immediately went and asked Lee if it could just be the two of us; since he was, in my opinion, the most capable of protecting me, and was really the only one I would even be remotely okay with seeing me like that. I guess...I look at Lee the same way I look at my real father, because in any other situation I doubt I would have wanted a boy to come with me to take a bath. But regardless of anything, he agreed, saying he was just glad that he didn't have to look at Larry, to which we both laughed, then got ready for our first bath in weeks...
Ah, anyways, that's a story for another time. Back to the present.
After I finished messing with the hem of my dress, I practically tore the door open and rushed down the stairs stopping only when someone caught me as i made it off the last step. I was stricken with surprise, but after a quick glance I knew who had grabbed me.
Lee Everett, the one and only.
I immediately wrapped my arms around his neck, allowing him to lift me up and carry me towards the area behind the RV, and once I was done burying my face in his chest, I looked up to see him staring back at me with a wide smile.
"Hey, Sweet-Pea. How've you been? Hope you weren't too upset by me havin' to leave while you were asleep. You just looked so comfortable, I wanted you to have that...you know?"
He finished with an uncomfortably guilty glance towards the wall we had built up.
"Its okay...I know you're just doing your job. I did get upset though...when i found out you were gone. Please don't leave without telling me first...okay? I got so worried...I didn't even get to give you a goodbye hug…"
I leaned back into him, giving him a squeeze to make up for the missed opportunity from earlier in the day. He looked back at me with a confirming smile.
"Alright baby. I won't leave without lettin' you know."
I wanted to complain to him about how hard he works. That he shouldn't have to carry all of us on his back. But every time i have ever expressed those sympathies he just tells me to not worry and that he loves taking care of me.
Sure, he might like taking care of me. But what about everyone else…? And how can I not worry? I know he's exhausted. Every day I can see it in his eyes, but it seems like he always wants to shield me from his real emotions.
Pff. I can see right through it.
All I want is to help him. Like he always does for me, but I can't do that when he never allows me to. I feel like he doesn't trust himself to keep everyone safe. To keep me safe. But that's what he seems to be best at, and I want to let him know how much I support him.
But that line of thought was dashed as we rounded the corner of the RV, and I suddenly remembered what today was.
A few weeks after all of this started, Lee and Carley came up with the idea of having a little get together to cool off from all the stress. We set up a campfire and then sat around it, telling each-other stories and reminiscing of a life long lost, and it brought about a joy that we hadn't experienced since the beginning.
This is how I began to learn about the people I was surviving with….How we all became a family.
Everyone agreed after that first party that this was something we wanted more of. This is what made us feel human, when the rest of the world had already made us so monstrous. So, we decided to do this every month. To lift our spirits in the fight for our life. Lee and I began to really bond that day.
So here we are, our 8th month of survival and we are all still somehow intact. Larry had a close call though...If Kenny had been able to get past Lee with the salt lick...
We're all safe now, though. That's what matters. Lee finally put me on my feet so he could help Kenny get the blankets and pillows to help people relax. I decided to sit down in Lee and I's usual spot, leaned up against the side of the RV, while the rest of the group got the last bits of comfort set in place.
Katjaa came over to the fire pit, along with Duck, who shot a funny face at me when he finally saw me for the first time that day. I guess he was trying to get me to cheer up and smile, seeing as just about everyone here knows how upset I get when Lee is away. I humored him and gave him a genuine grin, patting the spot next to me for him to sit down so we could talk.
He practically flopped down and began his usual rant about nonsense, which gave me a warm sense of familiarity. I've never had a close friend like him before. or even… a friend at all for that matter.
I was always kind of an outcast at school. I never seemed to be able to hold a conversation with other kids like I could adults. I never liked talking to other kids. Adults just seem more able to conversate. I know that may sound weird, coming from a little girl and all, but it was true. That's why it's great to have someone like Duck. He just talks and talks so that I don't have to say anything at all.
I love it.
After a little while of one-sided conversation, Lee had finally finished with all of the arrangements and slid in beside me against the RV.
"Hey Ducky, come over here."
Katjaa called Duck away once she noticed that Lee wanted to talk to me, and that Duck wasnt letting up with his endless stream of very interesting information. He quickly uttered an "I'll finish telling you later!" before making his way a few feet over to where his family was. I could see a playful gleam in Kenny's eye as he looked from his son to me, and I could only wonder what he was thinking about.
As i wondered, my thoughts were interrupted by Lee wrapping an arm around me and leaning back into the bedding he had placed earlier, regarding me with a loving glance and enticing me with a question.
"So clem, what did you do today?"
I gave him an incredulous look, clearly demonstrating my disbelief that what he asked was a genuine question.
"Hah, yeah, I guess thats a dumb question huh?"
He looked away for a moment, before beginning again with a somber, quieter tone,
"I...Listen Clem I...ah, shit…"
"Swear!"
He gave me a light chuckle when I teased him about his use of language, but I could tell he wanted to be serious with me in that moment, so after we both gave a laugh I turned my expectant eyes on him once again, awaiting his rehearsed words, and wondering just what he wanted to say.
"Listen Clem, I just want you to know that you can always count on me. 8 months ago, my life ended. In multiple ways...You already know what happened with my life before…"
I nodded, already knowing what he was talking about. His wife had cheated on him with another guy, and when he found them, he went berserk and...killed...that man. I didn't quite understand then, but after some explanation I knew what had gone on, and how he had earned himself a life sentence. Then, the apocalypse started. Talk about a double whammy.
But now...I'm sittin' here, protected by strong walls, well fed, surrounded by friends, with the most wonderful little girl I could ever hope to take care of in my arms...and I just…"
He stopped speaking as he thought about his next words, looking down so no-one could see his face.
I saw it though, and I also saw the tears brimming his eyes.
And right then, my worry spiked. I've only ever seen him cry one other time, and that was about 3 months ago, during our food-shortage. I was kind of shocked at first, having never seen my guardian do such a thing. But, I knew I couldn't just leave him to be sad on his own, so I hugged him to make him feel better. I knew what I had to do then, and I know what I have to do now. Time to enact a plan…
"Lee? Can you come with me to get some drawing stuff? Its really dark...and I'm scared to go alone…"
I figured even if he thought I was being serious, I could at least get him away from everyone else before he made a scene that I know he definitely doesn't want to make, at least...not here, in front of everyone.
He must have understood what I meant by the tone in my voice because he quietly agreed and proceeded to get up, walking towards our room with a noticeable haste. I immediately started following as to not cause anyone to question our behavior, proceeding to make my way up the stairs behind him and into our room.
Once I had quietly closed the door behind us, I turned around to see him sitting on our bed, hands on his knees, with a somber look about him.
I approached, trying my best to form something resembling a comforting tone, even if it was shaky.
"Its okay to talk now Lee...it's just us…I'm here."
I placed my hand on his, and he finally looked up at me with the sense of realization in his eyes, like he hadn't quite realized that before. Then, before I even knew what was happening, he had lifted me up into his lap, holding onto me.
I could hear the emotion behind his words as he spoke to me, in full this time,
"Clementine...I want to let you know just what you've done for me. When I first met you, I was...unsure of everything. I had no clue what was going on, or just how bad all of this was, and as far as I knew, my entire life was over. All because I made a split second decision that took not one, but three people's lives only a month before."
He cleared his throat before continuing...letting his emotions swing in full effect.
"I had nothing left Clem. Nothing. My family hated me because of what I did. That's why I didn't want to talk about it with you back at the beginning, in my parent's drug store."
I remember that conversation. It was one of many bonding sessions of ours. He was a lot more distant then, and clearly didn't know how to take care of a child. He has gotten so much better since then, however.
"But, you gave me a reason to keep going Clem. When everything else had fallen apart and failed, you showed up, like a beacon of light in complete darkness. And honestly, I've shared some of the best moments in my life with you."
I was enraptured my his speech to me at this point. All this time I've been wondering how I could possibly help him, but little did I know that I had been keeping him going all this time.
He tilted his head up to the ceiling for a moment before regaining his composure, turning it back to me.
"Do you remember when you asked if I had ever wanted kids?"
Of course I remember. It was a question that was at the forefront of my mind for a long time. When I finally asked it, he just...didn't answer. Instead, he looked out into the field with a sad look.
"Uh-huh. You...didn't answer though…"
He gave me a guilty look before continuing, "Yeah...Im sorry about that Clem. I was quiet because, at the time, I just didn't know how to confront the predicament in my mind, let alone tell a child about it."
I guess that makes sense. I figured based on how he acted that it was something personal, so I let it be at the time and hadn't asked since.
"Well, the reason why I was so silent was because…"
He took a moment to compose himself before he began, and I could tell that this was very serious for him.
"My wife had a job that took her all over the country. I...started to get upset because of that. I wanted to start a family with her. I wanted to have a child with her. So...she backed down from her job. I took up a promotion at work and we started trying for our own baby. After a while…"
Slowly, his eyes brightened, reminiscing about something from a world long past.
"It happened. She became pregnant, and I was the happiest man in the world. We made sure to take every precaution, every possible thing we could do to make sure our baby came happy and healthy. I was so ready to become a father...but..."
Suddenly, his gaze stretched to a far away place. Like he was trapped in a horrible memory, until he finally uttered out,
"It didn't matter."
Oh…
oh no…
"When it was finally time for the baby to come...My wife...she...she just couldn't...the baby wasn't…"
This is so much worse than I could have thought.
He was practically openly crying by this point. Which I couldn't blame him for. I began to shed my own tears as he continued his tale, hugging close to him and trying to comfort to the best of my ability.
"...By the time the baby got here...it was…"
He looked me in the eye and didn't have to say anything else. I just continued to hold him, hoping that would be enough, even though I knew it never could be.
But...
What else can I do?
He turned away, closing his eyes and breathing, trying to muster up the courage to continue.
"It was...a beautiful baby girl...She...she looked so…"
He turned back, opening his eyes and exhaling, as if letting go of something he had been holding onto for so long.
"Peaceful."
He developed a sour look as he finished:
"Then she cheated on me."
After this, I had no clue what to say. I had no idea he had went through something like that, so I figured the only thing I could do is communicate through action, Hugging myself as close to him as possible.
"I...Im so sorry that happened to you Lee...I never even knew…"
"Dont...dont be sorry baby...it ain't like you had anything to do with it. It was just...horrible, horrible luck…"
"But...Clem, the reason I told you this...is because you're my second chance."
I looked up at him with confusion at first, but then he made what he meant clear.
"You've given me a chance to raise my own child, even if only for this little while, you've allowed me to live a life I never thought I would have a chance at, and while I'm not sure if you could ever accept me as a father, I just want you to know…"
Both of our hearts slowed as he uttered his next statement.
"You're like a daughter to me, Clementine."
And with that, we shared a moment in eternity together, before finally deciding it was time to make our way back to the party. We were slow and deliberate with getting up, allowing our feelings to keep us tied together for a few moments longer, before opening the door and descending the stairs.
"Oh, hey Lee?"
"Yeah Sweet-Pea?"
"You're a great daddy."