Note: Hey there! My first fic for this series, but certainly not the last! I'm late to the Servamp train (but maybe I'm just in time since the movie will be coming out soon? Who knows!) but I'll make up for it in due time. If you're curious, this is a two-chapter work, so I'll put up the last part for it sometime this week!
That being said, this takes place in a somewhat AU where after chapter 39 (where Hyde gets "killed" and the Greed pair stay with the Sloth pair) instead of three days of resting, the four of them stay at Mahiru's apartment for a longer time than that. It's important to know that because it gives them time to interact with each other and stuff, not to mention it might explain some of the things that happen here...
I'd appreciate it if you could let me know what you thought of this chapter, but a review isn't necessary! (Although it's greatly, greatly, greatly appreciated!) Enjoy!
He doesn't know how it happened.
He doesn't think about what it took to get here.
He just sees.
Mahiru Shirota can only understand what he sees, and what he sees isn't very pretty at all. No, he's nothing but a poor soul that's forced to bear witness to something horrific and soul-wrenching all at once. He's only a victim kept in a particular type of torture, that which bars him from comprehending things beyond his reach and that which wraps him up like a child in a forcibly snug blanket. It's warm, sure, but there isn't anything else to gain aside from that basic warmth and creature comfort.
Mahiru Shirota is very confused when he sees Kuro, Sleepy Ash of Sloth, reach out in front of him with an almost disparate look on his face. His eyes widen, widen, widen—but it's all for naught, since nothing they do will ever help him see clearly. He is earthen amber incarnate, dripping honey-gold in dual irises that reflect light and confusion back unto the world. His soul is the fire, the sun, and everything else with a humming pulse beneath its outer surface.
When Mahiru meets eyes with Kuro, he feels cold and dead much too easily. As the Eve of Sloth, it's Mahiru's responsibility to look his own servamp in the eye and bear all the emotions found in the crimson irises at once. Also as his eve, Mahiru has an obligation to Kuro, in which he has to understand him when the rest of the world can never hope to do such a thing. Yet he fails him in more ways than one, and it shows when neither of them say anything about the situation.
Mahiru glances from Kuro, to the shattered cat-bell that falls off the vampire's neck in a broken snap. It rings hollowly in his ears, and almost drowns out the weak "Mahiru…" that escapes Kuro's chapped lips in bated breaths. He stares at the fragmented pieces of metal before him, those that have been cut up by some unknown force that Mahiru can't even think to name now. All he knows—sees—is the broken bell, and Kuro's shocked expression which borders on despairing.
The bell is broken.
Kuro has been defeated.
These thoughts are all Mahiru has time for, because once he becomes aware that Kuro is painfully falling to his knees, the world around him erupts in pure white. It isn't like any explosion of jinn that Mahiru had seen before. It's not like the storm of butterfly wings that came out of Snow Lily in lying little batches, nor is it like the storm clouds that escaped Hyde in curtained spirals that half-obscured one's vision.
Kuro's jinn leaves his body all at once, like a freight train crashing into concrete after it disconnects from the rails. The white spirits fill up Mahiru's eyes, mouth, and ears. They drown him in their sorrow and they empty his power in one full sweep. His screams die out on his tongue, and his body feels feather-light even though he's trying to ground himself to any surface that isn't obstinately white. His eyes squelch out hot, angry tears, and he's apologizing to Kuro and cursing at himself simultaneously. Nothing he does, however, gets noticed by Kuro or anyone else that happens to be there.
He doesn't know how it happened.
He doesn't think about what it took to get there.
He just sees, but even then, his poor vision is stripped away from him in a moment's notice. And with little protest, Shirota succumbs to his exhaustion as all the white in his vision suddenly darkens to black.
Then he doesn't see, think, or do anything for a long, long time.
.
.
.
Mahiru wakes up and sees Hyde standing over him. The vestiges of hostility and disinterest that Lawless of Greed once had for the Eve of Sloth have long since disappeared, ever since the incident with Tsubaki at the Tokyo Tree Hotel where—at the cost of being defeated and losing all his jinn himself—Hyde had become a much nicer, more stable person. While not all of his demons had been cleansed just then, his current eve did wonders at helping him move on, so the expression in Hyde's eyes is one full of sympathy and worry. He doesn't look like he hates Mahiru or Kuro anymore, and the ugly gleam of hatred has disappeared from his eyes entirely. Rather, Hyde looks quite charming this way when his brows are somewhat furrowed and his mouth is slightly agape—showing bare hints of his sharp fangs at the corner of his lips.
If you have time to notice weird things like that, then you're just fine, now! Mahiru's voice of common sense scolds him. His cheeks flush red at the discovery of his own faults, and he sputters as he tries to sit up on his own. "Oh, Mahiru," Hyde speaks to him in an expressly worried voice. "Take it easy, okay?"
"Hyde," he addresses the Servamp of Greed in a tired manner. His own voice sounds like gravel in his ears, and he takes a minute to clear his throat before talking again. "W-What happened…?"
"Brother got defeated," he relays the information rather sadly, his usually sunny disposition withering like a flower. "Angel and I brought you back to your apartment."
He means Licht, Mahiru thinks silently. Of course, there's no one else in the world that the vampire would regard so lovingly, but that revelation leads to another. It means that the Greed pair have saved the Sloth pair, even if they're weak and out-of-commission themselves. For them to go through so much trouble on Mahiru and Kuro's behalf is so gratifying, but so embarrassing all at once.
Mahiru simply shouts his gratitude into existence. "Thank you!" His voice becomes a bit unsteady, but he calms himself from the sudden spike in volume as he continues to talk. "We ended up complicating things, huh? Wait, where's Kuro?"
"Mister Cat is sleeping," Licht cuts in the conversation here, the low tones of his voice doused in something much more docile than he's known for being. He must also be worried and saddened by this situation at hand, if his mild disposition is any indication of such. He sighs before continuing. "As in, he's literally sleeping in his cat form. He's resting over here."
Things piece together in Mahiru's mind. With Hyde hovering over him just now, he discovers that he's been sleeping on the couch in his own living room. This is fine, because it reminds him that before whatever catastrophe lead to Kuro's contract item getting destroyed, the four boys had been staying at Mahiru's apartment in order to recover from the incident earlier, as per the request of C3 (the group that wanted nothing to do with the Greed pair, which is fine because the Sloth pair wanted everything to do with them). It reminds him that for a short time, the four of them had been living life in a strange but mundane way, and that after weeks and months of struggling with Tsubaki's forces, they finally had a peaceful break for themselves.
If Mahiru had slept on the couch, then Kuro had slept in his cat form on the little bed-basket that Mahiru bought for him early on in their relationship. He looks so calm and peaceful there, like he had been playing video games all day instead of getting killed and getting all the jinn released from inside of him.
Mahiru shivers at the thought of it. The memory of Kuro's wide eyes and shaking figure—the sight of blank white essence escaping his lips in sad puffs before exploding everywhere and drowning everyone else out—is permanently etched in his mind. It's cold, hurtful, dead, and all the things that Mahiru hates. He likes the simplicity of life, but he finds none of the usual comfort of that within his servamp's body.
The black cat curled up on the bed looks tranquil, sure, but there is an undercurrent of weakness buzzing around him. There is something heavy in Mahiru's chest, but he knows it's not the usual notations of sickness or anxiety that he's had before. That weight within him now is the one he shares with Kuro. It's his power as an Eve of Sloth becoming diminished bit by bit as his ability matches his servamp's defeated condition. Because Kuro really had been defeated, so Mahiru joins him in this state of pathetic uselessness.
It's rather saddening, seeing as Mahiru had just gotten used to being a little more powerful himself. He just got his broom to become a spear, instead, and he just got familiar with combat training. But he feels like his weapon won't even begin to materialize if he tries it now, and that the inky black wings that Kuro once summoned from his back will no longer form anytime soon. Neither will his black lion form, something that would take a lot of energy out from him—energy that he no longer has since he's been reduced down to a husk of his former glory. Understanding this all, Mahiru tries to distract himself from the situation by looking at the Greed pair.
They've been a little bit quieter than he expects them to. Part of him wishes that the two of them would tease him, somehow, and make light of the situation that threatens to throw him into a dark abyss. But they're stone-quiet and respectful, probably because they're very familiar with the pain of this process—much more familiar than Mahiru can ever hope to be, anyway.
And now he joins them in that state of knowing. To commemorate this loss, he curls up on the floor next to the cat-Kuro. Gently, Mahiru runs his fingers through the black fur, and tries to forget all the pain that hampers him and makes him feel like lifeless weight beneath his brain. He tries to ignore the piteous stares he gets from Hyde and Licht, and he tries to ignore the demons of Kuro's mind, those that try to invade his own mental fortress with taunting words.
This is all your fault, they tell Mahiru. You're the one at fault, here. You killed us.
You killed us, and Kuro is weak now because of you. Kuro will change because of you.
It's all your fault.
.
.
.
Kuro wakes up at last and effectively sends the other three into a frenzy because of it. At first, he stretches and yawns in his cat form—to which Licht cries out "Mister Cat is awake!"—and in response to the triad of voices that run lines of unintelligible words at once, he turns back into his vampire form without any hesitation.
Sleepy Ash now sits cross-legged on the couch in the living room, and he scratches at his head which looks the same as it had before. From his tattered coattails to his black-fur lined hood, everything about him appears as it usually would, and there's little evidence that he had been destroyed in a life-taking battle at all.
The only proof of it all ever happening lies in the broken cat bell at his side. Together with the frayed thread it had once been hanging on, the damaged objects sit listlessly on the surface next to him. Kuro doesn't look at either of these things, though, as his darkened gaze is aimed directly at the floor, instead.
"Kuro," Mahiru almost whispers. "Kuro, are you okay?"
He doesn't respond. Mahiru panics internally, but tries to keep his calm on the outside. "Kuro, can you hear me?"
"He should be able to hear you!" Hyde insists. "The bonds are weakened, not broken. So he should be able to respond and whatever."
"Then why isn't he doing so?" Licht asks. "Didn't you once say that a servamp won't be able to tell if an eve is calling their name when their bond is broken? Do you think that's the case right now?"
"Oh no," Mahiru groans. Kuro doesn't see it, but the boy staggers backward out of shock. His earthen eyes go wide at the harrowing possibility. "D-Did our bond break? Can he not hear me anymore? Kuro, can you hear me? Don't tell me that you can't!"
"I can hear you," Kuro finally speaks. His voice sounds like sand and paper rubbing against each other in lopsided motions. It sounds as if he's talking for the first time in his long-lived life. "I can hear you," he repeats.
"Oh, thank goodness! I was so worried that you—"
"—The new question is this," Kuro interrupts. He glances over to Mahiru, and the blood-red color of his eyes seem almost black and accusing in every manner. Those eyes stare at him with such intensity that Mahiru wants to wither and die underneath their gaze. "Who are you, exactly?"
.
.
.
Sleepy Ash of Sloth speaks, but his words hang in the air like an unanswered plague. One of his younger brothers, Lawless of Greed, can find no witty quip or Shakespearean line that will be appropriate in a situation like this. Lawless' eve, Licht Jekllyand Todoroki, is equally stunned into silence. Not even a rude shout or technical attack on his end would remedy the situation now.
Worse than them is Mahiru Shirota, the Eve of Sloth and he who is entirely broken over the realization that his bond with Sleepy Ash has been destroyed. That must be the only explanation for this, because when have vampires—masters of the mind and memory manipulation themselves—have ever been known to suddenly garner amnesia?
When have servamps ever been unable to recognize their eves, unless their bond had been severed in two?
These questions are painful in Mahiru's ears. He can feel tears well in his eyes, and he tries very hard not to let them fall. But if he doesn't cry, then he's at a loss for what he can do in a time like this. What can he say that will help Kuro remember him? What can he do that won't paint him in an entirely desperate color in the other's eyes? What can he do, what can he do, what can he do—
"—Jeez," Kuro whines, in lieu of the silence that has filled up the room. "I was just kidding."
"What." the single word that come out of Mahiru's mouth isn't a question more than it is a statement. His eyes take on an indiscernible expression, and the weight of his shock is enough to drag down the atmosphere of the entire room. The Greed pair senses this sudden irritability, and they try not to look so helpless as they can do nothing but spectate this terribly awkward situation. A single question hangs in the air between them, though, one that's as silent as it is deadly.
What the fuck, Kuro?
"WHAT—"
"—I was joking," Kuro reiterates. It's strange because his voice sounds like it's smiling, but his face is as even and expressionless as ever. The only thing that gives him a semblance of emotion is the slight frown that tugs at the corners of his lips. "Do you seriously think I'd apply to the amnesia trope right now? If I could forget everything just by getting killed, then I'd have killed myself a hundred times over already."
"Kuro…"
"Could this be a side effect of his?" Licht speaks up again, unable to stay silent in the face of such a terrible situation. "The same way that Lust has lost his usual shine, that Pride no longer struts around, or the way that this shitty rat has become a crybaby—"
"—I am not a crybaby!" Hyde denies this, but the tears in his eyes and the broken high-pitch of his voice betray him. "I-It's not my fault if I'm suddenly so sensitive to everything, I can't even control it myself!"
"The same way that those three have changed, maybe this is how Mister Cat—er, Kuro— has changed." He turns slightly red at the affectionate title slipping in his words, one that was solely reserved for the vampire's animal form. He powers through the embarrassment, though, and gets his point across expertly. "This joke is part of the change, maybe. Do you understand what I mean, Mahiru?"
"I do," he admits. "I just can't believe it! I can't believe that you would joke around about something like that, Kuro! That wasn't funny—"
"—I know it wasn't funny, which is why I didn't go farther with it. Relax, Mahiru." He huffs tiredly, and falls over on his back as he spreads his whole body across the couch. Then, in a familiarly lazy tone, he adds on: "This is all so troublesome. Just forget anything I said before now, then."
"Fine, I will. Because that's simpler than dealing with whatever stunt you just pulled," Mahiru snaps, but the admonishment lacks its usual vitality. He feels groggy, still, and settles for a light lecture in place of what would have been a full-blown sermon. "But forget all that, you never answered my question. Are you okay?"
"I feel weird," Kuro says. "And I'm exhausted."
"Looks like you're joining the Defeated Servamp Club, now!" Hyde cheers loudly. "It's you, me, Hugh, and Lily! Although you'll have to fight Lily for the position of presidency, since he's the first one of us to get all his jinn washed out, and thus, the leader."
"That's a terrible idea for a club," Licht says. "Just 'cause Kuro joked about this situation doesn't mean that I'll accept it when you joke around, shitty Hyde!" He reaches forward and kicks his servamp in the back of his knee, but the blow lacks its usual force because Hyde just staggers instead of falling over completely.
"Alright, alright! I was just trying to lighten up the mood, sheesh!"
"If the mood's gotten worse, then it's completely your fault!"
"Don't be so mean to me, my sweet angel~ And hey, don't glare at me like that! This isn't even about us right now!" He gestures wildly in the Sloth pair's direction, ignoring the withering stare he receives from Kuro and the annoyed look on Mahiru's face. "I mean, they're fresh from getting their asses kicked, right? So why don't we be good older brothers and—"
"—You're younger than me, Hyde," Kuro reminds him. "Only Licht can say he's an older brother to Mahiru in this situation."
"I meant it metaphorically!" Hyde counters. "Oh, but Licht! Mahiru is younger than you, so that means you get to call him—what was the Japanese phrase for it again?—otouto-chan or something cute like that!"
Mahiru blushes at the thought, and perishes it in the same turn as he shouts out: "Don't joke around like that! And don't listen to Hyde, Licht! Calling me 'Mahiru' is good and simple!"
"I know that," he agrees. "I'll never listen to demons, let alone this rat demon over here!"
"Please don't ignore me, Lich-tan! C'mon, I'll be good!"
"I doubt that!"
The banter continues on, and it's actually quite comforting in Mahiru's case. It serves as a bit of normalcy in a time that seems so strange that he wishes that it was too weird to be true. But when Mahiru gazes at Kuro—and when he can just tell that something is off about his beloved partner—he knows reality and it hurts him mercilessly. The reality of the situation is that he failed his servamp, and he caused him to become defeated by the hands of whoever it was that wanted him dead. Their wish technically came true, because Kuro definitely died in a way, and became replaced by someone that looks like him, but isn't built exactly the same since all the jinn left and weird emotions went inside to fill their gaps.
Mahiru closes his eyes, and lets the darkness of his eyelids obscure his amber irises, those which have grown dull and weary ever since he woke up on the couch.
He pretends that his soul is still sunny inside as his temporary housemates continue to exist around him.
.
.
.
"I don't want to rest," Mahiru says. He denies Hyde's worried claims that as a "weaker eve than Licht", he should take it easy for a while. "Even if it hurts, I think it's simpler to keep going as I was before."
"That doesn't sound simple at all," Hyde resists. "You only rested for, like, a few hours since we brought you back from the whole fiasco! Take a page from Kuro's book and get some rest, yeah?"
"I don't think so, Hyde. I'm not so stupid that I'd overwork myself, and thinking simply, if I ever followed Kuro's example then I'd end up sleeping myself to death." A small smile appears at the thought, and he continues with a light fervor. "But it's just a few chores I'm thinking of doing, nothing that I can't handle!"
"If you're so sure about it, then do what you want! You humans are so stubborn sometimes!" Hyde leans forward after voicing his complaints, and in flourish he recites: "You lack the season of all natures, sleep."
"Wha—"
"It's from Macbeth! I thought about it since you mentioned not resting just now. I have a feeling that once you go full homemaker mode, there's nothing that can stop you. Not even me! So instead, I'll whine to you about how hungry I am and how I can only sustain myself on Angel's sweet blood for so long before it gets unbearable~"
"So, putting it simply, you're hungry? I was going to make dinner anyway!" Mahiru reassures him. He's really grateful for the idea, actually, because it'll give him another thing to distract himself with. "Ah, but I'm more tired than usual, so dinner won't be anything too complicated. Maybe some hotpot will be fine because I can just throw everything together at once, haha…"
"Aw, but I want ham and cheese for once! There's never any cheese in Tokyo! I want gruyere and gouda and—"
"—If you whine about the quality of free food, then I'll make you eat the dirt instead, you goddamned idiot!" Licht rushes forward, and slaps the back of Hyde's head with half-hearted malice. Hyde whines pitifully, but quickly retracts his statement in the same movement. He doesn't seem to be really ungrateful—the comment is just one of many used to comfort Mahiru, in some strange way that only the Greed vampire knows how.
Shirota is sure of this, which is why he doesn't take the words to heart. He glances at the other eve. "It's fine, Licht. Just try not to beat each other up too much while I'm cooking, okay?" A small laugh escapes him, and the Greed pair look satisfied with this response as they leave Shirota to what he does best. Within the next few minutes, he's gathered most of the ingredients he needs for the dish, with the exception of the most important component.
"Where's the soy sauce?" he asks aloud, staring at an empty cabinet. "It's not in its usual place…"
"Oh, while you and Kuro were sleeping, Licht and I bought some takeout and we used the soy sauce on the side. We put it in the top cabinet out of habit," Hyde says, and he smiles widely as he adds on: "I guess I forgot what a shortie you are, huh?"
"Whatever!" Mahiru scoffs, and hides his red face as he turns his back on the other, staring at the top cabinet with a look of fear. His height has never really bothered him, but it's a pain to put things on the top shelf when it's much easier for him to get them off the bottom shelf. Yet, when he opens the top cabinet door, he can see the soy sauce sitting on the higher shelf. He can see the bottle placed somewhere that taller people like Hyde and Licht would find more convenient, but someone shorter like Mahiru—who's five-foot-five on a bad day and five-foot-six on a good day—would find it annoying.
He can feel a rush of wind and a shadow looming over him, and in the time it takes him to blink he sees another hand reach up for the sauce. Kuro is right behind him, he realizes, and his arms brush over his in practiced movements as he grabs the bottle from the shelf. Then he takes a step back, and hands it over to Mahiru with a patient sigh. Mahiru then turns around, and the second he lays eyes on Kuro he thinks that something is wrong.
He can't see Kuro's eyes in front of his for once, and Mahiru has to crane his neck upward just the tiniest bit so he can see his servamp's tepid gaze. He stares at him for a moment and thinks obliquely: Did Kuro get taller? Because he certainly seems taller in this moment, and he towers over Mahiru in a way that he hasn't done so before. He looks just as worried about the situation himself, however, because Mahiru's prolonged silence and wondrous stare don't stop until he finds his answer.
"Kuro," he begins to say. "Are you...are you standing up straight?"
"Huh?" the vampire turns around, and realizes that there's no use in doing that, since he can't inspect his own back to make sure. But the truth is exactly as Mahiru put it. He's standing up straight for once, the lazy and noncommittal slouch in his back ironed out like a wrinkle in a shirt. And when he stands at his full height, he's nearly five-foot-ten and decidedly taller and stronger looking than Mahiru in the moment, who has to tilt his head up ever so slightly to meet his gaze.
"I guess I am," Kuro answers. "I didn't think about it before, but there's no use in slouching. It would be troublesome, right?"
No, that's not it. You just changed again, Mahiru amends the answer to his own question inside of his head. The same way that Lily doesn't strip anymore and the same way that Hugh only wants to drink tea and eat old people food...you've lost your slouch, Kuro.
Although he's sure that he said all of that internally, Kuro stares at him decidedly and says: "Maybe you're right," like he heard everything just now. And it makes sense that he did, considering that his mind and soul are connected to Mahiru's in the most personal way. For the umpteenth time that day, Mahiru face flushes with embarrassed red—this time at the sudden loss of mental privacy—and he forces himself to think about cooking dinner and nothing else.
He takes the bottle from Kuro's hands, and almost drops it in the same motion. Thankfully, his servamp seems merciful as he doesn't tease him further for his efforts, and he retreats back to the couch and television in the living room, instead.
Mahiru sighs, and continues his work with a slow hand and slower mind. His thoughts are grim and numerous, however, and they drown him with their impending negativity. They echo nonsense into his head, saying that things are different now, and that cooking dinner for everyone is the least he can do because he's failed in every aspect of being an eve possible. He let the enemy get away with this heinous act—he let the jinn swarm out of his beloved servamp without so much as a protest. He didn't even have the strength to bring Kuro back to his apartment by himself. If it weren't for Hyde and Licht, then the two of them would have stayed collapsed on the pavement in the city somewhere.
There is a familiar but loathsome darkness swirling around Mahiru now, one that's naked and unknown to everyone's eyes but his. And he knows it's sitting there, perched on his shoulders like a blackbird while whispering songs of madness into his ears. He knows that he should be stronger than this, and that the simple way out is just to ignore all of these feelings and go on with his life. But he can't do that so easily, and the reason why is because everything is different.
The realization hits him in full, and he almost drops the kitchen knife in his hand as a result of it.
Things are changing—Kuro is changing—and there's nothing that Mahiru can do about it.
Nothing at all.