Title: Freak
Author: Kamel
Theme: Quote
Genre: Angst
Version: Anime, during Sailor Moon S
Rating: PG

Pairing: n/a

Words: 915

Notes: Written for the April third theme at smmonthly.

Sometimes people carry to such perfection the mask they have assumed that in due course they actually become the person they seem. -- W. Somerset Maugham

Far from the first time, nor would it be the last time, Hotaru would be finding herself curled up on the cool sheets of her neatly made bed, hugging her fluffy pillow close to her chest as tears streamed from her confusion crazed lavender colored eyes. It did not matter anymore whether or not she ran to her father for comfort; his repetitive speech automatically began to play back to her when the tears first emerged onto the scene. Dr. Tomoe would wrap his arms loosely around her delicate figure; she would cry into his chest and ramble about what the other kids at school had told her about her wicked ways – the way she could not even remember being to begin with. He would stroke her hair gently, reassuring that it is not her fault, that the other kids simply did not understand, that everything would be alright and she would soon see that it would be.

The same speech repeated multiple times in her mind, in an echoing manner, until her small, shaking sobs and mostly whimpers were finally able to drown them all out. How many more times would she have to hear the same speech over and over again? Every time her father tried to reassure her she was normal, Hotaru pulled herself away from that sick, twisted sense of logic. The young girl buried her tear stained face deep against her soft pillow in an attempt to make them stop, in an attempt to seal her off from the world, to silence her. The feel of the cool cloth pressed against her pale cheeks did calm her slightly. Surely, if one of her father's assistants heard the ruckus she was currently creating, they would only bicker at her – tell her to grow up. Hotaru was tired of being uselessly bickered at – for things she did not even do. At least, for things she thought she did not do.

"They called me a monster," Hotaru murmured to herself, arching her head back from the pillow, her redden eyes now staring at the different lamps within the usual mysterious darkness of her bedroom. Her faced scrunched up, her nose wrinkled as her eyebrows furrowed. The reoccurring speech was useless now. Tears only continued to pool over the brim of her eyes. Another sob managed to escape her, all the crying had made her stomach a bit upset. "They say I'm a freak," she said quietly, eyes squinting as she bit down on her lip. "That's what I am, isn't it?" she whispered into her now damp pillow, half-heartedly expecting it to speak back to – whether or not to agree or disagree with her, she was no longer sure.

A freak.

A monster.

What else could explain the numerous and random black outs and seizures she suffered from? She would lose conscience, someone would take over her conscience, and she would do horrible things to people. Literally, the weak fragile girl would become someone fearful, someone she did not like. Hotaru did not understand why they happened as often as they did, they started after the accident that claimed her mother's life; she was aware that it was probably due to the accident she was this sickly, she had been in such a critical condition at such a young age. She had also discovered having the power to heal others; even Hotaru could not begin to understand why she could be able to do so. Her classmates saw this has weird behavior in addition – naturally, she would black out, harm a friend, and then want to heal them. Of course it was suspicious behavior. Hotaru was the weird girl in school, nothing good could come from the weird girl after all.

But she never meant to hurt anyone intentionally. Hotaru would not even hurt a housefly if it came to that. On the contraire, she wanted to one day be a nurse herself in order to help people. How could they accuse her of purposely harming her fellow classmates? She knew she was not the culprit, she just was not, but others had seen her, they claimed. They had seen her physically harm someone one, a menacing look upon her face during the whole ordeal.

It was because she was a freak, was it not?

She was different. She did not know why. The more she heard of the term, the more... bearable it became. This is how a majority of others saw her, except Chibi-Usa, who apparently saw good in everyone, including Hotaru. Even to Chibi-Usa, as sweet of a girl she was, Hotaru had introduced herself as a freak. That is what she was. Who else in society became another person almost without recalling sometimes long periods of time, who else became someone so hurtful that it resented potential friends?

Their voices were overwhelming, she could see each one of their faces clearly throwing insults at her over and over again. Her slender shoulders fell slightly, she was caving into them; she was giving them exactly what they wanted: her defeat.

A freak, Hotaru concluded. Only a freak.

"Like me," she uttered softly into her pillow.