Power. A word that sounded dirty when whispered and breathless when yelled. Hatred. A word that tasted like bitter pepper and was as thick as blood. Need. A word that trembled as it was spoken, a word that left behind a lonely taste on the tongue. Desperation. A word that crawled along the tongue, the lips, leaving behind a trail of slime. Shame. A word that that hummed and wept as it threw itself off the edge of the mouth. Pain. A word that slid across the teeth like fish oil, never quite disappearing however much a tongue was run over them.
These were the reasons that Sasuke had gone to Orochimaru. All were interconnected, all were the same to Uchiha Sasuke. He had been so close to Power with Kakashi, so close to reaching that goal, but Kakashi had abandoned him and had only served to add the Sasuke's second word. Sasuke's Hatred for his brother tasted like hot peppers that burned his tongue and his anger at Kakashi scalded his burning tongue like boiling water. The moments of his training with Kakashi, his fight with Gaara as everyone watched, listening to Sakura declare her love…such things had awakened Sasuke's Need, the word of weakness and softness that had no business in someone so hard. Being wanted by Sakura had made Sasuke tremble with something he dared not call hope. Being cheered by thousands had made him quiver with something he wished had been anything but blood lust. His moments of personal training with Kakashi had made Sasuke shake with joy at being recognized…as expected you are…no. Never again. Sasuke's Desperation had lead to his anger, his Hatred his betrayel. The need to destroy his brother, to rise above the monster who shared his family name, his need to be seen by everyone possible, to be better than everyone possible…Desperation had made Sasuke feel dirty and used and not like a person he didn't remember anymore. Sasuke's Shame was the suicide he'd committed in his heart and mind when he'd failed to save everyone as Naruto had done against Gaara. His Shame had killed him, had killed what was left of the word, person, being of 'Sasuke'. And such Pain came next. Pain that meant everything at once and nothing in the same breath. The Need and Hatred and Desperation had hurt Sasuke's heart. The Shame had destroyed the wounded psyche and Sasuke had died, waiting and never getting rebirth.
But then there had been darkness, angry, evil, whispering darkness and…finally Sasuke had found his new birth. Orochimaru had taken Sasuke's Pain with a poison that had made everything numb, so Sasuke wouldn't feel the Pain. He had taken Sasuke's Shame and had murdered it swiftly, not allowing it to remain lying in its death throes. He had fed Sasuke's Desperation until he had been drooling, foaming at the mouth for the Power offered. Orochimaru had given him Power and in that he had given the taste of Hatred a sweet, sweet taste, one that Sasuke hated nearly as much as the peppers. But something had changed then and Sasuke had seen new words with the same names and he had smiled. When Orochimaru had gathered Sasuke against his chest, standing nearly to his height because of his new body, when he had whispered 'I will give you all the Power you wish', Sasuke had gasped at the shiver in his spine. Power had felt good to hear, had felt seductive and not dirty at all. When Orochimaru had hissed his Hatred for his guards who had failed, had left Sasuke alone to come to his new master on his own, Sasuke murmured something that felt like laughter.
Hatred had tickled him against his neck, his stomach, twitching muscles that made Hatred pleasant. Pain had disappeared as Orohimaru had pressed cold lips against Sasuke's cheek. But then…nearly three years later…Orochimaru had come back, had told Sasuke of a 'present'...had regaled his battle against Naruto, had spoken of a demon creature demanding to have Sasuke returned to it, laughing as he shared of Naruto's mistake, of how he'd hurt his own dear friend, 'the girl with pink hair'. For a moment Sasuke had seen differently, had felt differently. For a moment…one single moment Shame had touched him, had whispered to him, had brought all the bitterness, all the slime, all the oil back into Sasuke's mouth. But then Orochimaru had told Sasuke to go and fight them and he had remembered….remembered who he was now, why he was here. And then…Sasuke had put Shame back, setting it in a closet, refusing to look into the blue eyes staring out from behind a shock of blonde hair. Sasuke had, as he'd set out to meet someone who was now a stranger, that he would never again look at Shame again….no…never again.