Yay, my first House fan fiction! Set this mid season four, pre-Amber death. (What with the writer's strike, we didn't get nearly enough time to play with that dynamic.) When House's team gets suspicious after he brings a pizza delivery girl to the hospital, he decides to have a little fun. With the girl hiding things, and House being House, what else is the team supposed to think? But can House quit the games long enough to figure out what's wrong with her?
__________
Tanya drove down the busy street, windows down, screaming the lyrics of a Motley Crue song as she sped along. Mostly, she was screaming out of frustration. It had been a long night of delivery, and the last customer had stiffed her out of a tip. Plus, the windows were down to try to get rid of the smell of that spilled garlic sauce from her floorboards. She looked at the clock on her dashboard and frowned. She was supposed to have been out of work a long time ago.
Tanya gave a deep sigh as she pulled into the parking lot of the pizza place. Even with the stiff, it had still been a good money night, so she really didn't have that much to complain about. She leapt out of her car, pulling the empty pizza hot-bags behind her. She slammed the door, and pulled the magnetic sign off her roof. She juggled her burdens as she opened the 'Delivery Drivers Only' door and entered the restaurant. The noise of phones, ovens, and chattering employees slammed into her ears as she walked in.
Tanya dropped the bags on the drivers' table and called for the manager. "Robert! I was supposed to be out of here a half an hour ago!"
The short manager finished cutting a pizza with what looked like ten different toppings on it. "Sorry, can you do one more?" He closed the pizza box and turned it to Tanya so she could see the label. "He asked specifically for you."
Tanya started to protest, but she looked at the label on the pizza box. She knew the address, but not the name. The guy had a habit of giving weird or funny fake names to the worker on the phone, but he always asked for her to deliver the pizza, for some reason. Tonight it was "Morrie Artie."
"Moriarti," Tanya laughed out loud. "Okay, but only because I know I'll get a $5 out of this guy."
The sign went back on her car, and the pizza landed in the seat next to Tanya. She took a moment to lean back and rub her temples before she started the car. A slight wave of dizziness came and went. She needed to go home and get some sleep.
Tanya's concentration slid out of focus as she automatically drove down the streets. She barely remembered the drive, and suddenly found herself outside of the apartment complex. She shouldered the pizza, and walked in the door.
She ran up the steps, almost taking them two at a time. As she stopped, another wave of dizziness came over her. She grabbed the wall for balance. "What the hell," she muttered to herself.
Tanya straightened up, and walked to the door. She could already hear the loud music from inside. She tried to pound on the door over the noise. As she knocked, her legs started to tremble, as if she had just run a marathon. She looked down at them.
The door opened, and Tanya looked back up, still a little disoriented. The man at the door leaned on a cane, and looked out with a slightly amused smile. The sound of the Rolling Stones flooded Tanya's eardrums.
"Umm, hi. $15.08?"
The guy was staring very intently into her eyes. Tanya blinked at his eyes a few times. Were they blue, or gray? Why were they blurry? The music swelled behind him. "You're going to want to hand me that pizza," he suggested.
Tanya blinked a few times, still confused. "Why?" she asked, but started to hand the bag over anyway.
"Because you're about to pass out."
Somehow, Tanya was aware of House's free hand snatching the pizza from her before she fell and blacked out.
*****
Taub balanced his coffee cup on his briefcase to grab the office door handle. He opened, to let Kutner and Thirteen file in behind him. He barely took a step when a voice startled him, and nearly sent his coffee flying.
"19 year-old female," House had been sitting in the office in the dark. Leave it to him to finally show up on time on a Monday morning just to prank them.
"What are you doing here?" Taub snapped, then quickly sipped at the top of the Styrofoam cup to prevent any more spilling.
"What is Foreman not doing here?" House responded, with a suspicious look.
"I'd ask his boss," Taub stared back at House.
Kutner noticed the box in the middle of the table. "Ooh, pizza." A quick snap of House's cane stopped his hand in mid-reach. Kutner pouted slightly as he took his seat.
"19 year-old female?" Thirteen tried to steer the conversation as she grabbed for the file.
"Dizziness, blurred vision, disorientation, and fainting," House elaborated. "Which narrows it down to any number of neurological problems. Too bad our neurologist isn't here."
"Or kidney or blood pressure," Kutner chimed in. "She is running a slight fever, it could be an infection."
"White count isn't that elevated," Taub commented. "Disorientation could mean psych, instead of neuro."
"With the vision, it's probably damage to the head. Any recent trauma?" Thirteen started with the most obvious.
"No history, she hasn't woken up yet," House replied.
"Why did you sign her intake form?" Taub looked up from the file. "At…two in the morning? You didn't beat us in; you've been here all night."
"Regardless, she should be waking up soon," House began to give orders. "Start her on amoxicillin for infection."
"Wait, you think I'm right?" Kutner was surprised.
House continued as if he hadn't spoken. "Somebody get a history, and some better contact information. Her driver's license only had her school address. Then go re-do her blood work, urinalysis, and BP, make sure her white count is actually elevated. Then, sign her up for a head scan."
The trio stood and started down the hallway. Kutner piped up with the question on everyone's minds. "So if she hasn't woken up yet, how did he know she had blurred vision and disorientation? That's hard to notice without asking."
"It's House," Thirteen gave the cryptic answer.
"I'll double-check her vision after we do the head scan," Taub nodded. "And if Foreman never bothers to show up, we can handle this one without the babysitter."
"Unless…" Thirteen stopped walking.
Kutner perked an eyebrow. "Not going to share?"
"House brings a mysterious young woman here at two in the morning. What could they have been doing together?" Thirteen questioned.
Kutner suppressed a laugh. "I'll order an STD test, too."
*****
Tanya was blinking a lot as she looked up at the doctors around her. Why were there three of them? Did she need a whole team of people to figure out what was wrong with her?
"I just passed out, it's not that bad," Tanya voiced her concerns.
"Do you pass out a lot? Do you have a lot of gaps in your memory?" Thirteen jumped on the downplaying of her symptoms.
"No. I don't think I've ever fainted before." She looked up at the doctor pulling blood from her arm. "Where's the guy that brought me here?"
"Don't know his name?" Taub questioned as he capped the vial.
Tanya shook her head, then grabbed at the rail on her bed as the dizziness got to her. "Whoa, that was a bad idea."
Thirteen grabbed her light and looked inside Tanya's ear. "You got dizzy just shaking your head?"
"Only a little," Tanya downplayed again. "But, the guy? Older, late forties, walks with a cane?"
Kutner stood up from the catheter laughing. "Late forties? That's generous of you. Dr. House, he's in charge of your case."
Tanya's eyes widened. "Oh, he's a doctor. Oh, that's what he was trying to tell me!"
Thirteen pulled the light out of Tanya's ear. "Trying to tell you?"
"He uses lots of fake names. Last night, it was Moriarty, the doctor from Sherlock Holmes? Oh, geez, he's been doing this for weeks, how didn't I pick up on that?" Tanya laughed, oblivious to the team staring at each other, and Thirteen's ears getting a little red. "Leonard McCoy was the guy on Star Trek; Ben Pierce…oh, Hawkeye from MASH!"
"We get the idea," Taub cut her off.
"So he knew I was sick? He knows what's wrong with me?" Tanya looked up, hopefully.
"Not yet," Thirteen admitted. "You do have slight inflammation in your ear canals, so it might just be an ear infection."
"Three doctors for an ear infection?" Tanya sounded skeptical.
"Just in case, we'll run some more tests," Thirteen replied.
*****
Thirteen called the number that Tanya had given her as her parents' contact. "Is this…Darian?"
"Yes." A black male voice came through the phone. Thirteen paused.
"Your daughter is at Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital." Maybe she was adopted.
"Daughter?" Darian sounded confused.
"Do you know a Tanya Adams?" Thirteen let her suspicion creep into her voice.
"Tanya? Is she all right? She's…I'll be right there."
Thirteen bit her lip on her question. Who was Darian? Boyfriend? Something…else? She settled for replying, "We'll see you soon."
Thirteen caught up to the others in the lab. "This keeps getting better and better. She gave us somebody else's phone number. He knows her, but I'm betting he's not a parent or guardian."
"The university might have that stuff on file," Kutner didn't even look up from the printout.
"But if she's…" Thirteen skipped part of the statement, and just finished with, "she's going to college."
"Ever heard of 'working your way through school'?" Taub snidely commented. "Her vision's fine, and we have a hit on the STD panel."
Thirteen grabbed the page and looked at it for a long moment. Kutner spoke up while she took in the news. "We could be totally mis-reading this, you know. Plenty of patients have hidden their pasts from us before."
"I'm getting to the bottom of this." Thirteen stormed back up the hallway. She stopped and knocked on Wilson's door.
Wilson was having a private lunch with Amber, snuggled on the couch. "Come in," he called out. Amber gave him a look. "They knocked, it can't be House."
Wilson was surprised to see Thirteen. "Dr. Hadley? You need a consult?"
"Sort of." Thirteen stayed standing in the door. "How does House know a…'Tanya Adams'?" Wilson looked puzzled. "19 year-old college student, red hair."
Wilson thought for a moment, then started laughing. "She's an…acquaintance, you could say." He finished his sandwich and stood up, brushing crumbs off his lap.
Thirteen rolled her eyes. "Great. Then you might want to get House a herpes test, too." She slammed the door slightly on her way out.
There was a brief pause as both the room's occupants took in Thirteen's news. Amber's eyes widened. "Ooh, I get to tell him!"
Wilson shook his head. "No-ho-ho. This one's mine. He can't fake his way out of this one." He leaned back down to give Amber a quick kiss, then uncharacteristically went out his balcony, taking the 'House route' across the offices.
Even House was surprised to hear the knock on his balcony door. "Coming over for a lunch-time booty call?"
Wilson double-checked in the conference room and out in the hallway before speaking. "Okay. You've got the team treating our pizza delivery girl, but they don't know it. What's the game here?"
House rolled his eyes. "Leave it to you to actually know the name of the pizza girl."
"She's the only pizza delivery driver you haven't somehow pissed off or made run away crying. And, besides, you know her name, how else would you ask for her?" Wilson leaned in close. "But that doesn't matter. What do you have your team chasing?"
House stared. "You're actually going to let me get away with wasting their time?"
"Well, it's actually not a waste." Wilson sat down across from House. "See, Thirteen thinks she's your hooker, so they did an STD test. They think I'm in here now telling you to get tested for herpes."
House leaned back and laughed. "Oh, this is good."
"Amber will ruin it," Wilson started playing out the drama in his head. "We'll both have to keep a straight face in front of Cuddy. God help us if Cameron finds out."
House smiled for a long moment, but stayed silent. He hadn't been sure if Wilson would want to play along on this kind of thing any more. Maybe Amber wasn't all that bad for him. She was manipulative, needy, and jealous, but if she would still let him out to play, House couldn't really argue.
The team was coming up the hallway, Foreman in tow. Wilson shook the smile off his face, and put a hand on House's shoulder, the picture of friendly support. Thirteen stopped in the doorway, clearly unsure of how to continue.
House looked up at Wilson, "I'll talk to you later, Jimmy."
Wilson had to bite his lip. The 'Jimmy' was probably over-selling it. He just nodded and grunted out an, "Okay."
Wilson walked back to his office the normal way, trying not to laugh as he walked. It was safe to laugh in front of Amber. She would get the wrong idea why he was happy, but that would only make this whole thing more perfect.
*****
Amber pulled her ear from the outside balcony door and hopped over the divider back to Wilson's office as fast as her heels would take her. She fell back down on the couch and re-composed herself just before Jimmy opened his door. She saw him pretending not to be laughing, and she couldn't help but smile, herself. So it was a game? Maybe it was time to show the boys that she could play, too.
*****
House hobbled back to the whiteboard. "So, did we scan her head yet, or what?"
"Side effects of valcyclovir would explain the dizziness and blurred vision. The blurred vision, itself, was only temporary, anyway. Maybe it was a bad reaction to meds," Thirteen explained.
"Good guess, but she's been in here for too long. Unless she took her last dose at midnight, that should be out of her system by now. Only other explanation would be an over-dose," House pulled out the urinalysis results, "but since it's not coming out of her system…"
"Unless her kidneys aren't getting rid of it," Kutner insisted.
"That's a lot of valcyclovir," Foreman contributed. "I'd still shoot for neurological."
House pretended to be startled that Foreman was there. "Oh, I guess I just missed you earlier."
Thirteen stood her ground. "Standard dosing for valcyclovir is a gram a day. If she's taking it every day, not just during outbreaks, that's a lot of drugs."
"Here's a thought," House commented. "Has anyone told her she has herpes?"
"She lied about how to contact her family, but wouldn't have hid having herpes?" Taub shook his head.
Kutner interrupted, "Speaking of which, I finally got in contact with the father, he's on his way."
"No mother?" House questioned.
"Father said she died two years ago," Kutner replied.
"He say of what?" House pushed. Kutner just shook his head. "MRI the kidneys," House ordered. "We'll finally get a history once he gets here."
"Can't we scan her head, too, while she's in the machine?" Foreman objected. "She has no high blood pressure, potassium levels are fine, no other indications of kidney damage."
"Oh, fine, now that the head specialist is actually here," House rolled his eyes. "But kidneys first."
*****
"How can I have herpes?" Tanya looked to her bedside for reassurance. The mysterious Darian was there, a short, middle-aged African American male. Tanya had insisted he stay in the room when Taub showed up, but he got the feeling she was regretting that choice now.
Taub sighed and frowned. Here we go again, by the script: surprise, anger, tears, sudden revelation about her promiscuous past, begging the 'boyfriend' to forgive her. "We tested multiple times. We think a buildup of valcyclovir would be contributing to your problems." Couldn't we just skip this part?
"What's valcyclovir?" And here comes the pretending not to know the drug name…
"The drug you take for herpes," Taub tried to at least act patient.
"But I don't have herpes," Tanya insisted. "Why would I take a drug for herpes if I don't have it?"
"What's going on in here?" The unfamiliar voice came from the doorway.
Perfect timing! Enter stage left, angry father! Taub spun around to face the larger man. The scene was playing out perfectly. "Mr. Adams?"
"Yes?" he spoke up.
"How did you find him?" Tanya shrieked from the bed.
Taub had to suppress an eye roll. House could consent to sedating her just to stop this, wouldn't he? "We called the university," Taub explained.
"Why did they have to call the university to find me?" Mr. Adams barged past Taub into the room. "And why is he saying you have herpes?" The man's eyes shot to Darian. "What are you doing here?"
Taub was suddenly acutely aware of Tanya's BP and heart stats shooting up. "My…my head," Tanya gasped. This wasn't part of the script.
"You called him first before your own father?" Mr. Adams shot an accusing finger at Darian. "What did you do?" Mr. Adams grabbed his daughter by the front of her scrubs. "Answer me!"
Taub slapped the button on the wall as Tanya's eyes rolled back. "Crash cart and security!"
Before Taub could enter the fray, Darian reached out and grabbed Mr. Adams' hand. Darian squeezed in an odd manner, and Mr. Adams' hand flew off of Tanya. "Let go," Darian calmly ordered. Mr. Adams suddenly seemed to realize what he was doing, and let go, backing away to the wall. Nurses rushed in around the fighters to help stabilize Tanya.
Security officers stopped at the door and eyed the room suspiciously, unsure of who to remove. "Dr. Taub?"
"No problem here," House's voice floated in from the hallway. "The dad can stay, but I think this gentleman should come with me."
Darian shouldered his way out of the room, but he shot the much larger Mr. Adams a dirty look on his way out.
"Why…"Darian stuttered a little. "Why does Tanya have herpes?"
"I'm Dr. House, I'm in charge of your…friend's case." House very rarely opened so diplomatically, but the angry father almost choking his daughter prompted House to lean towards caution.
The short man followed House down the hallway. "Darian Stokes. I'm Tanya's sensei."
"Sensei?" House stopped dead in his tracks. "She's a martial artist?"
"Yes, she does judo with me. Is she going to be all right?"
"Judo. There's a lot of falling in judo, isn't there?" House continued on his train of thought.
"Yes," Darian answered. "Judo is just a grappling martial art, with throws and ground-fighting, no punches or kicks."
"How long has she been doing judo?"
"She was one of my first students, she's been practicing since she was five years old."
House tapped his cane on the floor. "Looks like we do need that head scan."
*****
"So, kung fu prostitute?" Kutner joked at Thirteen in the MRI observation room.
"Okay, this blows the lid off the prostitute theory," Thirteen admitted.
"Just because your mind's in the gutter," Kutner commented.
"Had she come in with anyone else, House probably would have made that same connection," Thirteen defended herself. "Everyone's a prostitute, or cheating on their boyfriends, or is doing something wrong, to him. He always jumps to the worst conclusions."
"One problem with both our points of view: either way, where did she get the herpes?" Kutner countered.
Thirteen shot Kutner a glance. "Don't have to be a prostitute to get exposed."
Kutner frowned, then hit the microphone button. "Okay, Tanya, you're all done."
Tanya waited to get ejected from the machine, as the doctors came out of the observation room. She sat up from the MRI bed, swung her legs down, and tried to stand on them. The instant she put weight on her feet, her legs fell out from under her. Kutner lunged to grab her, but she crashed down to the ground. "What?" She shot an accusing glance up at Kutner and Thirteen. "What's wrong with me?"
*****
House barely made it two steps out of his office when he heard the clicking of the heels. He exaggeratedly pretended to look at a nonexistent watch on his wrist. "And here I thought our rendezvous wasn't until after hours. To the janitor's closet already?"
Cuddy already had her arms crossed as she walked. "So the patient's father and a visitor get into a fist fight in the patient's room, security gets called, and nobody is thrown out?"
"Hey, I wasn't even in there at the time. For once, they're not trying to hit me."
Cuddy sighed. "They can still sue us if we failed to intervene."
House pretended to think. "But, not being the one getting punched in the face, how is this my problem?"
"It's my problem. Which means I'm making it your problem."
House stopped before one of the doors. "Hmm. Good thing the problem's solved, then." House pushed his way into a coma patient's room.
Darian was sitting inside, on his cell phone, the television on to cover his noise. "See," House commented. "I knew there was a reason they put TVs in these rooms."
Cuddy actually took a step back and smiled. "You are the master of hiding from people. I should have known hiding one person from another would have come naturally. Okay, but I don't want another incident."
House held up his hand. "Scout's honor."
"You were never a scout," Cuddy retorted as she walked out of the room.
Darian was still talking into his phone, in a quiet, but firm tone. "You don't have to drop everything to come here, you have classes. I'll let you know when she's doing better." Darian paused. "It'll be okay. You really have to pass this semester." He put his head in his hands, but stifled the urge to sigh. Thank you. Love you, too." Darian shut off his phone.
House was intrigued. "You have a kid?"
"My son, Josh. Adopted," Darian explained. "I met him through the group home I used to work at. He went from one more strike until jail to college down at Duke. Judo changed his life." There was a hint of pride in Darian's voice.
"Judo for better health and college diplomas," House commented. "So, did you bring the tapes?"
"All here," Darian held up a bag. "All the footage I could find of Tanya's tournament matches. Why did you need these?"
"My team is off scanning her brain and doing other neurological tests, to see if the paralysis is systemic, or if we were right to think brain damage in the first place. They won't find anything."
Darian pulled a chair to the bottom of the bed and sat. "Okay. Why not?"
House's eyes twinkled as if he had been hoping Darian would ask that question. "Because, judo princess has been in constant training throughout her entire development. How can they tell if her functioning is impaired, when they don't know what the baseline was? Doubly so, since her reflexes and physical conditioning were probably higher than average. So, the best way to tell is to actually look at her development. Besides, this is cool."
Darian put in the first tape. After a little fast-forwarding, Darian stopped as a girl with bright orange hair and a matching orange belt on her waist stepped into the frame. "Here's the earliest I could find. Age 8."
House nodded. "Early enough to start. Now you get to be more than just a glorified remote control. Explain the rules here…"
*****
Hours later, the team was split up, scouring the hallways for House. When Foreman heard the commotion coming out of a marked coma patient's room, he figured he hit the jackpot. He sent a quick page to the others, and walked into the room with a puzzled expression.
House and Darian were sitting side by side at the foot of the coma patient's bed, their necks were craned upwards as they stared at the television as close as they could get. House was actually excited, cheering at the screen. "Her arm's sticking right out there, grab it!"
Darian laughed out loud. "I know, right? She totally could have finished it there!"
Foreman stood to the side of the bed and watched the progression of the home-movie quality judo match on the screen. It was clearly Tanya on the screen, grappling against a blonde opponent. There was a slight echo effect as the recording of Darian's voice was coaching Tanya on the tape, and Darian was making commentary in the room.
"They're gonna stand it up, she's not making any progress," Darian commented an instant before it happened on the screen. The recorded Tanya stood back up, tucking her uniform back into a black belt. The time stamp on the recording marked it as happening only a few months previously.
"Doing research?" Foreman commented during the lull in the action.
"What did you find?" House didn't move his eyes from the screen.
"No spinal atrophy or damage, no neurological impairment. There's a slight shadow by her right occipital on her MRI, but it looks like just an old concussion."
House nodded. "See, there's where you're wrong. Watch." He looked at Darian. "She's going to miss this throw."
As he spoke, the Tanya on the screen fired a mis-timed foot sweep at her opponent's ankle. It had been a setup for a bigger throw, but the missed action left Tanya out of position. The blonde took advantage to counter with a hip throw that lifted Tanya's feet completely off the ground, and then slammed her on her back. The referee on the screen raised his hand to indicate that the blonde had won.
Darian's jaw dropped, and he looked at House. "There's no way that you're this good."
"How does a lost match indicate neurological impairment?" Foreman demanded.
"Her favorite combination is a foot-sweep setup into a shoulder throw, right?" House looked to Darian as he pantomimed the hand action for the throw. His left hand looked like it was grabbing something, and he was making a strongman muscle with his right arm. Were there another person there, House would be holding on to the man's sleeve, and tucking his right arm into the man's armpit, with the body draped across House's back.
Darian nodded. "Yes. That was one of Tanya's favorite techniques."
"Foot sweeps are simple. Basically just a low kick to the opponent's foot." He held up a hand to wave off Darian's interjection, "I know it's more complicated than that, but compared to other stuff, that's easy. So if it's a combination she's been using since she was about 10," House pointed back at the screen, "why did she start missing almost every time once she got that black belt at age 17?"
Darian fell silent, clearly reviewing all the matches that he had just seen.
"There's a visible delay in when she wants to move her feet, and when they actually move," House elaborated. It's in microseconds, and it's not noticeable unless she's doing judo, and up against somebody that's as fast as she is," House indicated the blonde on the screen. "At least, it wasn't noticeable until now."
"But if there's no atrophying on the scans, how do we find it?" Foreman objected.
"What happened two years ago?" House directed the question at Darian.
"Tanya's mother died," Darian immediately replied.
"Leaving her in the care of her dad," House commented. "Is he always like that, or did he suddenly change two years ago, too?"
"I wouldn't know," Darian bitterly snapped. "I've only met the guy about three or four times, once at Michelle's funeral," Darian suddenly switched to referring to Tanya's mother by her first name. "And the bastard accuses me of sleeping with his dead wife. Who does that at a funeral?"
"But you were close to her?" House persisted.
Darian answered by switching out the tape for an older one. He rewound the tape a bit, and paused on a still frame. A short woman, mid to late fifties, was standing on the mat. A very worn black belt was on her waist, and her hair barely contained a faint shine of red, but looked more like a faded blonde. She was refereeing a match, rather than fighting.
"Michelle was an assistant instructor at the dojo," Darian explained. "She competed through college, medaled in the Pan-Am games, back in '82. She was too old to compete any more, but she's…she was still the most knowledgeable woman I've ever met."
House looked into Darian's eyes as he spoke, watched the beginnings of tears forming. Maybe Darian never did anything about it, but he loved her.
Darian shook his head and continued. "But, you're right. After her mother's death, Tanya changed."
"Why didn't you adopt her, too?" House asked. "Judo changes lives, right?"
"I asked, Tanya didn't want to. She said it would be too weird, change relationships," Darian sighed. "I've always been like a father to her, but I guess you need to stick with even messed-up relationships. Better than nothing at all."
House stared into space and thought for a long moment, then suddenly stood up and walked out of the room.
*****
Mr. Adams was standing in House's office. "So she has herpes, and her legs are paralyzed?"
"Not paralyzed. At least not fully," House elaborated. "She still has full range of motion, but the feeling in them is going in and out, randomly. We'll need to do more scans to figure out exactly where the problem is."
"But what about the herpes," Mr. Adams insisted.
"That's between you and her," House commented. Before the angry father could interrupt again, he continued. "But if she isn't taking any medicine for it, at least we know her kidneys are working fine. Now it's her legs that are messed up." House shifted gears. "So what did your wife die of?"
Mr. Adams shook his head. "Car accident. Drunk driver hit her."
"What about Tanya? Has anything traumatic happened to her?" House intentionally worded the question strangely.
"What?" The response was a snap, and the man's jaw tightened.
"I mean, head trauma, car accidents, something where the full damage might not show up for a while?" House backpedaled, having gotten the answer he needed.
The door to House's office swung open to interrupt the reply. "Dr. House?" Amber poked her head in.
House blinked in surprise. "What are you doing here? Lose track of your boy toy? Because he's not here."
Amber practically strutted over to his desk. There was a dangerous look in her eye. "I just wanted to drop off your test results in person." She slid a file folder across his desk. The name 'DR. GREGORY HOUSE' was printed in extra large letters on the tab.
What was she doing? The game was over.
And how did she know what he was doing, anyway? She couldn't.
Wilson.
House snatched at the folder and opened it up, already knowing what he would find inside. It was a photocopy of Tanya's STD panel results with his name inserted. He looked up just in time to see Amber beating a hasty retreat. Cut Throat Bitch strikes again.
House was suddenly alone in a room with a large, angry man with a penchant for violence. Mr. Adams' words fell on deaf ears. How was House going to get out of this without getting punched in the face? He should have kept that judo guy next to him. He flipped up the STD panel results to look at the other page in the folder. Amber had accidentally photocopied all of Tanya's lab work.
As Mr. Adams snatched at the folder, House stood up and hobbled quickly out of the room. It took about two seconds for Mr. Adams to come crashing into the hallway behind him. By sheer luck, Darian was running towards his office, the team behind him by a few steps.
"Let me guess," House shouted at the team. "Her kidneys are failing!"
"Tanya's in pain, her legs won't stop hurting…" Darian barely got that out before House ducked behind him.
House had been prepared for a punch. He was quite surprised as Mr. Adams launched a high round kick, and caught Darian right in the face. Darian dropped to the floor, and Mr. Adams pounced on him, starting to punch him in the head. Foreman was the first to react, with Taub behind him, both doctors trying to wrestle the larger man off the judo instructor.
"This is all your fault!" Mr. Adams screamed out.
"No!" House startled everyone. "It's yours." He looked Mr. Adams in the eye. "Somebody call security, I'll go fix the patient."
House hobbled past the officers, away from the chaos. He slid open the door to Tanya's room. "Judo-playing-pizza-girl."
Tanya weakly shot back, "Good-tipping-doctor-who-watches-too-much-TV."
"You look like you're having fun," House commented.
"The doctor…the short one. He gave me happy drugs." Tanya pointed at the added morphine drip.
"I am going to perform a miracle," House pulled Tanya's blanket off of her, and showed two latex-and-velcro straps. He poked her calves and shins. "Can you feel that?"
"A little," Tanya said.
"Can you move your feet?" Tanya waved her feet side to side. "Now, up and down." Tanya raised her feet off the bed and lowered them. "No, flex and relax your ankles, like if you were walking." As Tanya pulled her toes up towards her head, a flash of pain shot through both legs. "Ow!"
House picked up the straps again. He put one around each leg, wrapping the supports just below her knees. House raised his hands, standing in a faux-biblical pose. "Now, rise, pick up your bed, and walk," he proclaimed.
Tanya eyed him suspiciously. "No, seriously. Get up," House insisted.
House heard a rustling in the doorway behind him. It seemed that the entire party, minus Thirteen and Darian, had moved up the hallway with him. Mr. Adams was being held back by security officers, but he could see into the room.
Tanya got to her feet, and her legs were stable. She looked at him in wonder. "What did you do?"
"You've been doing judo for your whole life. How long were you doing kickboxing?" House questioned.
"Some when I was a kid," Tanya answered. "A little more for about a year before I went to college. Why?"
"Your dad insisted that you start it up again after your mother died, didn't he?"
"Yeah," Tanya replied. "I just didn't want to make him mad."
"Why did you quit?"
Tanya weakly replied, "I…didn't like it any more."
"Why didn't you want us to call your father?"
Tanya sank back down to sit on the bed.
"Shut up!" Mr. Adams roared from the doorway.
"Your condition is simply known as patellofemural syndrome." House abruptly switched gears. "It's an inflammation inside the kneecaps that can occur due to wear and tear on the knees. It can happen gradually, over time, or it can happen suddenly, like when a grappling martial artist suddenly starts kicking. Even stopping the original activity that caused it, doing something still active and on your feet, like running up and down stairs doing pizza delivery, can still aggravate things. It was only a matter of time before your knees couldn't take it any more. The wear and tear led to blockages in the blood flow to that area, leading to…" House dramatically gestured to the team standing at the door.
"An infarction," Foreman sighed deeply.
House continued. "Sitting around in a hospital bed, not stretching the knee ligaments, and any pressure was going to set them off, leading to alternating loss of feeling and pain in your lower legs. The stress on your system from over-working was the perfect timing for the herpes virus to attack at the same time with its initial outbreak."
"But where did she get it?" Mr. Adams asked.
"Well, not from you, in case you were worried," House shot over his shoulder at Mr. Adams.
Before the man could start another violent outburst, Tanya pushed past House and got right in her father's face. "It was Josh. Your darling little girl slept with Darian's son. And I love them both."
"You…" Mr. Adams got cut off before he could scream any more.
"No, you! You did this!" Tanya stood back and gestured to the medical equipment around her and the bands on her legs. "You crippled your own daughter, because you're such a terrible teacher! Get the fuck away from me." Tanya stumbled a little as she moved back to her bed. Taub shouldered past the crowd in the doorway to get a hand on her and help her lay back down.
"Start her on blood thinners, and keep up the valcyclovir," House instructed. "Watch her kidney function for any more abnormalities."
The security team dragged Mr. Adams away as the hospital team began to clean up after his mess.
*****
Tanya was moved to a double room with Darian in the other bed. He had a concussion, and was only being watched for precautions. Tanya turned her head and shot him a half-embarrassed smile. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Josh. He didn't want…" Tanya cut off that idea. "We weren't sure how you would react."
Darian chuckled. "Of course I'd be fine. I just wish I had known."
"We thought…" Tanya paused. "If there had ever been anything between you and Mom…"
"But there wasn't," Darian sighed. "I loved your mother, but not like that. Never. You and Josh, that's good. You could be a good influence on the knucklehead." Darian smiled.
Amber was watching from outside the room as House walked up. "So," he began, "was this some test, some message to back off of your boy?"
"No," Amber replied. "But if you two are going to keep playing around, you might as well let me play, too, or I might just invite myself into the game."
"You know, not everything's a game," House remarked. "Just because I played one with you, and play them with Wilson, and my team, and Cuddy…"
"I know you well enough to know when you're serious, House. This wasn't it."
House turned from the room to face Amber. "So, was it an accident that you copied both pages, or did you catch her creatinine kinase levels, when we missed it, and know that I needed to look at them again?" House left the other question unsaid. Had he hired the wrong fellows?
"Didn't I just say?" Amber winked at him as she walked away, "this was just a game."
*****
Wilson and House leaned on the balcony overlooking the lobby as Tanya and Darian were being led out. A younger black boy, presumably Josh, was pushing Tanya's wheelchair.
House frowned. "So much for pizza for the next month."
"Well, who knows? There could be one other pizza delivery driver in the city who is up to your standards…but we all know how much you hate change," Wilson sniped.
They both watched as Tanya stood up out of the wheelchair, and took the cane that Josh offered to her. House smirked as she put it in her left hand, then leaned on it to support her same leg as she walked.
"Dear god," Wilson dramatized. "We've just created another bitter handicapped person angry at the world."
House shook his head. "She'll be fine." He watched as Josh leaned over and gave Tanya a kiss. House exaggeratedly leaned on his own cane as he hobbled away.