When the weight of the world bears down so strong
You leave footprints on the street
And there's too many miles to face
Without a few more hours sleep
The storm clouds overhead won't shed
Any rain to quench your thirst
I wanna be the one you reach for first
He wasn't sure when it had started. He didn't know when his life had taken that subtle turn into the unknown. What he did know was that his future was steady. His future- dim and ambiguous as it may be- included her, somehow. It was like a whisper, a faint shadow. She was included. Never before had he thought of someone like that: as a completely sure thing. No one other than Parker, of course. It astounded him that his Bones was just as much a given as his own son. His Bones. That was rubbish. She wasn't his. And yet, somehow, he knew she was. "We are the center." He knew it was foolish, but replaying her words, her unintended, intimate actions- a touch of their hands, a soft, sweet smile, a gaze held just a moment too long, a light kiss on his cheek… it kept him going sometimes. It soothed him. And it agitated him at the same time. But how was that possible? Logically, soothed and agitated were opposites, how could something have both effects on him?
When your faith is stretched so thin
That you can see straight through your soul
And you can't find a nickel to buy a smile
'Cause your pockets all got holes
You wanna shut the door and hide
Before the day can get much worse
I wanna be the one you reach for first
His desire to be everything to her was staggering. He knew she relied on him. To her, he was steady and unchanging, protective, caring. He loved that- loved that she knew she could trust him, always. Trust was not easy for Mighty Temperance. She wasn't like other people, she didn't wear her heart (or hurt) on her sleeve. He knew that she played things close to the vest, so when she confided in him he felt honored, like he was a real man. How amusing- he truly felt like a man when this beautiful, aloof scientist told him her secrets. Somehow that seemed… backwards, but he didn't care. Maybe that was a sacrament to the ways she changed him. He was a real man in her presence, and he liked himself for it. Even more than that, he liked her because she brought that out in him.
Fall into me
My arms are open wide
And you don't have to say a word
'Cause I already see
That it's hard and you're scared
And you're tired and it hurts
And I wanna be the one you reach for first
The things he knew about her, the things he adored- they were not common knowledge. It wasn't the silly tidbits- daffodil, Jupiter- although those mattered too. It was deeper, he believed that firmly. The expression on her face when she was agitated- he knew that one well. He was all too familiar with her lack of faith in heaven and the "so-called higher power" he himself clung to. He knew her disbelief had more to do with her skepticism that anyone with control over the universe could love her and simultaneously let awful things happen to her. The way she felt about the world around her, about humanity- there was more than what met the eye. He knew she believed in black and white, but he knew why- the ambiguous grey areas scared her. Uncertainties were not her friend. She held onto science because she knew it was steadfast, fact was fact. He knew she buried things, desires, hopes, fears. To most who knew her she was a strong, independent, deeply fulfilled woman. Intelligent, unashamed, confident, certain- she was these things, and she also wasn't. She was scared, and he knew it. She had her quiet moments of uncertainty, perhaps more than other people. She possessed a vulnerable quality, something that drew him to her like an invisible force. He needed to protect her, needed it as much as he needed oxygen.
I wanna be the bottle
You've been drinking with your eyes
Or the road you run away on
You've been running all your life
The third row pew
That you last knew as a child in church
I wanna be the one you reach for first
Was this what love really felt like? He believed in love, he always had. He realized that what he had mistaken for true love in the past- with Rebecca, and one or two others- was not this. It was different, he knew that. Something about wanting to hold her entire world in his hand, and knowing she held his. Something that said as long as she was okay, so was he, no matter what. That if he could just be near her, know her, see her, his life would have purpose. He felt her fingerprints all over him, metaphorically, of course- proof that she had touched his life and altered his being forever. Something that told him no matter what he did, she would remain in his heart until he died, maybe even after that. He knew she didn't believe that was possible. Was he fooling himself? He didn't think he could feel how he felt right now without some sort of divine capability bestowed upon him by someone greater than he. It just wasn't possible- his tiny human heart just couldn't hold such enormous things in it on its own. He knew what she would say about that, that it was silly, irrational, illogical. But maybe, just maybe, she could let go of her science, of her logic and reason and rationality, and love him back. She could do it. He knew that, somehow. Science and reason, yes, admittedly that was part of who she was. But there was another part of her, a part she couldn't deny. A part that inspired her to devote her life to giving hopeless victims their identities back. A part that spurred her to let a jury believe she could viciously murder a man, in order to save her father from condemnation. Yes, she was capable.
He believed in love, and he believed in her. They went together. It made perfect sense. In a world full of disorder and chaos and hurt and pain and betrayal and mistrust, there was love. And there was Temperance Brennan.
Fall into me
My arms are open wide
That had to be it, the only real possibility: love. Nothing else existed. In this world, it was what kept them real, when everything was spinning; what remained when everything else was torn to pieces. He had told her this once, in an uncharacteristic speech about humanity and breaking the laws of physics. He believed it, with his entire being. Believed that no matter what, it was important to try.
And you don't have to say a word
He wouldn't act, he never had before. He knew that he would not change, he would remain constant in her life. He couldn't tip the delicate scales. He had to be there, it was too important. He couldn't survive without her, that much he knew. He would keep his brain in drive and leave his heart in neutral, defying his own advice. No matter what his heart screamed, he would not act.
'Cause I already see
That it's hard and you're scared
And you're tired and it hurts
She needed him to be who he was: Sir Seeley, the gentleman, the partner, the friend. And that is who he would be, always, if that's what she wanted.
And I wanna be the one you reach for first
He would wait for a miracle.
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I don't own Bones, or the song (Fall Into Me, by Sugarland). This is my first fic, any feedback is appreciated, thank you. -Hanna