Hello again, I started this fic a while ago (some of you may remember it) but I had technical difficulties with FF and ended up taking it down. But alas, here I am again to see it through! This fic takes place 6th year, and I am planning it on keeping it as cannon as possible- or at least as cannon as can be in a HG/SS fic! This story will get dark at times, so be warned.
Since I started this before, the next few chapters will be up very soon! Please leave reviews to let me know what you think! Enjoy!
Hermione did not mean to eavesdrop, she really didn't. The same however, could not be said for the Weasley's, or Harry, who had taken extreme measures to hear what went on inside the kitchen at Grimmauld Place during a meeting of the Order of the Pheonix.
Girmmauld Place was old and covered in dust and teeming with people. Between the Weasleys, the Order, and a few others, Hermione had buried herself in an overstuffed chair in the corner of the dusty library. The latest meeting had been going on for a while, well over two hours, when she first overheard the voices.
Hermione had picked up at random one of the dusty tomes that lined the walls of the library as prey for her next reading, and what she saw within its pages made her breath catch in her throat.
The pages of the book were not pages at all, but rather like a window. She could see the Order members crowded around the long, wooden table in the midst of a heated conversation. Hermione slammed the book closed sending clouds of dust up to her and squeezed her eyes, trying to recall anything she had read before that would explain this strange occurrence.
A Look Book! Hermione recalled with pride. The Look Book was the wizard equivalent of a two-way mirror, if she was correct, the sister book would appear as a regular book. From the perspective Hermione saw of the kitchen, the sister book must be sitting on the mantle. Guiltily, though not as much as she should be, Hermione listened closer and leaned in to the book.
The meeting was heated, for a while Hermione couldn't make out what the Order members were yelling at each other, each of their voices reaching higher and higher volumes and clamoring over each other's to be heard. She was appalled. The meeting looked closer to a rowdy classroom, certainly not the society that had taken on the extreme burden of defeating Voldemort.
Hermione continued to watch, equal parts intrigued and disgusted at herself and the Order. The chorus of voices continued until on deep, deadly voice made its first contribution to the chaotic choir. Hermione could hardly describe the abrupt change in atmosphere after she heard Professor Snape's low voice. If she thought the meeting was heated before, it was nothing compared to the cutting silence.
"The Death Eaters are growing bolder," Professor Snape spoke despite the smothering silence, "They do not care about discovery or exploiting their magic any longer. We cannot rely on the old rules now of propriety now. If we attack, we risk starting a war that we can't afford to fight."
"Listen to him," Sirius' voice barked out cruelly, "spoken like a death eater through and through."
"Sirius, perhaps Severus has a point," Lupin said, ever the mediator.
"Of course he has a point! He wants us to be sitting ducks for his accomplices on the other side," Moody growled.
Hermione watched as Moody paced the kitchen angrily while Professor Snape sat at the table. His pale fingers were clenched tightly together and his dark eyes were conspicuously calm. He was silent. The rest of the Order, strewn through out the kitchen, were conspicuously quiet as well at Moody's words.
"I trust Dumbledore, I would follow him to my grave, but the one mistake he has made is in trusting you," hissed the gravely voice of Mad-Eye Moody. Sirius gave a ruthless bark of a laugh and Hermione couldn't help the ice that settled in her stomach at Moody's harsh words.
Professor Snape was rude and vindictive, but he had proven time and time again his loyalty to the Order.
Hadn't he?
"It makes no difference to me whether or not you trust me. But if you foolish Gryffindors start a bloody war because you refuse to heed my words, then perhaps the mistake Dumbledore has made is in allowing the fate of the Wizarding World to rest in your hands," Snape's words were venomous and drawling.
The Order simultaneously drew in a gasp but Hermione held hers.
"If it were up to you, we would sit here and do nothing until the Death Eaters come 'round to finish us off, and probably under your guidance. If it were up to you we'd all be dead!" Sirius yelled, slamming his large hands down on the wooden table.
Sirius' face was a dark red and his chest heaved in anger. Snape had not moved.
"If I wanted you dead, you would be. Merlin knows how many opportunities there have been," Snape hissed, rising from his seat abruptly and leaning across the table toward Sirius.
Hermione watched the scene with wide eyes and a wild pulse. She could have sworn her heart beat so loud, she wouldn't have been surprised if they could hear it through the book.
"You've been picking us off one by one, attempting to is more like it. First Arthur, though you didn't get him, then Siruis," Moody growled crossing the room stand by Sirius at his full height, then let out a deep chuckle. It was full of malice and not at all pleasant to hear.
"You and your Death Eaters got James and Lily fifteen years ago, and we won't forget it. We'll attack you, and your kind, faster than you can say He Who Must Not Be Named if that's what we decide is best," Moody growled, his voice rising to a growl, "We'll fight for the boy, for James and Lily, and for all the others your Death Eaters got to. And even if we don't get them, we'll get you."
The kitchen of Grimmauld, once so heated, had become silent as a grave, even Sirius was silent at Moody's words.
Hermione watched as Snape's dark gaze bore down on Moody and Sirius with cold fury. Then he turned stiffly and exited the kitchen in a billow of robes and fury in the same brusque manner he did everything.
Hermione couldn't believe the cruelty in Moody's words, or that the rest of the Order had not spoken up in defense of Professor Snape. Surely Dumbledore wouldn't let the Order do something to Professor Snape? He wouldn't put Professor Snape in if thought they would. Right?
She barely had time to consider the scene she witnessed before the door of the library was thrown open. In a swirl of black robes, the intruder was none other than Professor Snape.
From Hermione's place in the corner of the darkened library, she watched as Professor Snape silently lit the fire place and began pacing in front of the flames muttering obscenities that made Hermione blush further. Hermione held her breath, praying silently that he would not notice her presence. Professor Snape continued to pace angrily, his figure casting long shadows across the room with his movements.
"If I were you, Miss Granger, I would leave now." Professor Snape hissed, not missing a step. Hermione's heart stilled in her chest then started back at a painful pace. Her breath was caught in her throat and her voice was no where to be found.
"As you are obviously unaware, the fault of a Look Book is that it works both ways. Those oblivious Gryffindors did not notice your mess of mane in the book, but I did."
The malice and anger in his voice spread guilt through Hermione's veins.
She rose from her chair, clutching the book to her chest like a shield. Slowly, she made her way across the room all the while keeping her eyes on Professor Snape's pacing form.
As she neared, Hermione could hear the profanities that escaped from her Professor and he did not try to quiet them. She racked her brain desperately for something to say. Something to make him understand; she believed the Order to be in the wrong. They wouldn't hurt him, he wasn't like the other Death Eaters.
"Dumbledore trusts you," Hermione blurted as she passed the Professor. Her cheeks flushed hotly at her words but it was too late to take them back. Professor Snape stopped pacing. Hermione had the horrible feeling of watching a predator decide how to attack his prey. His back was turned to her and even in the flickering light of the library, she could see the tension and dangerous stillness in his figure.
"If Dumbledore trusts you then I do," Hermione couldn't stop the words from spilling out from her even if she wanted to, "It may not count for much, probably not anything at all, but I think they was wrong to say what they did. Sirius is a good man, but he's reckless and rash. And Moody. . . Well, he's Moody. But without you, the Order would be blind."
Hermione couldn't tell if her words were helping or only digger a deeper hole she would be forced to crawl out of. Professor Snape's form remained tense and still while she spoke and did not change when she finished.
Quietly, Hermione left tiptoed out of the library, scared to make even a whisper. As she closed the old wooden door, she took one last look at Professor Snape's rigid form. His muscles, once tense and tight, now sagged heavily under an invisible weight.
Severus Snape considered himself a realistic man. As a spy, it was imperative that he be keenly aware of his every thought, emotion and instinct in order to know what to show, and what to keep buried inside. The only way to survive his life of duality was to be honest with himself.
However, at the moment, honest was the last thing Severus wanted to be.
If he were honest, he would admit that Moody's words had cut him to the bone and Sirius' taunts crawled under his skin and deep down into the carefully buried pains he tried so hard to conceal. The years of servitude and sacrifice he had given Dumbledore, and the Order of the Phoenix, meant nothing in their eyes. To the Order, Severus would always be the weak and sniveling boy, joining the dark side and betraying his only friend
If he were honest, he would admit how much he yearned to change their minds about him. To prove to the Order, and to all, that he was all too aware of the mistakes he made and the consequences of his actions. That he was now a stronger man.
If Severus were honest with himself, he would admit that the Granger girl's soft words were a deep breath of air to a drowning man. They replayed in his head, a relentless refrain, as Severus stared at the flames. He had lost track of time since Granger left him alone in the library, but he guessed it had been hours.
Forcing himself to rise from his place before the fire, Snape exited the library and descended the creaking steps of Grimmauld Place. Halfway down, he felt the familiar burn and tingle of his Dark Mark. Oh sodding hell, Severus thought, quickening his steps.
As he neared the bottom of the stairs, Severus heard footsteps nearing, but the ever-increasing burn of his forearm forced him to continue onward. He had almost reached the door when a soft voice behind him spoke.
"Professor? I was hoping we could talk about earlier, well I mean talk about what I said in the library. Its not that I didn't mean it, I did but-"
"Miss Granger, there is nothing to discuss," Severus hissed, forcing himself to ignore the burning that spread up his arm.
"Well, you see its just that-"
"Miss Granger! Now is not the time," Severus growled, spinning to face the door. He had to leave now. The increasing burn of his forearm spoke of anger and unrestrained emotion from the Dark Lord.
Severus threw open the door and reached the front steps of Grimmauld Place. He withdrew his wand and pressed his wand to the grotesque mark, focusing on its summoning to direct his apparating. When he had the direction, he apparated, not noticing the slender hand that had reached out to touch his arm at the moment of apparition until it was too late.
The added body made the apparition distorted and painful. He barely had time to take in his surroundings, they looked to be in a field, before he spun around to confront the uninvited intruder.
"Miss Granger! Do you have any idea the danger you have put yourself- the both of us - in?" Severus roared, Granger's wide brown eyes peered up at him. They were full of fear and confusion.
"I . . . I didn't mean to . . ." Granger stuttered out. Severus had no time to hide the foolish Gryffindor, for all around them the gleaming masks of the Death Eaters emerged from the darkness.
"Well, well, Severus. What have you brought me?" Behind Severus, a cold voice was carried in the wind. It was a voice that haunted his darkest thoughts, that sounded like his deepest regrets. The voice of the Dark Lord.
Severus magically brought forward his own mask and put it on with precise movements. The brown eyes of his student watched his movements. They were wide with fear, so much fear. They searched him for any sign that he could save them from whatever dark fate they were now destined for.
Severus turned to face the Dark Lord. There was nothing to do now but face him, and hope that whatever happened, he could find a way out of it.
Thank you so much for reading! Please Review to let me know what you think -the next few chapters will be up very soon!