I know how much you guys all like Notes, she here is the Naitlyn text version with added Christmas cheer! Sort of. Okay not really. Dedicated to Kelly, and you should all read her fics. Now. On second thoughts – read this first! Haha.
Caitlyn
Nate
Nate, honey? The cat is peeing up the Christmas tree.
Caity, I love you and all, but I'm recording.
I'm your wife. I'm pregnant. I have mood swings. You tell Shane to shut up. I can text you when I damn well want.
How did you know that Shane was telling me anything?
I'm not stupid.
He's glaring at me.
Good.
You're mean.
Aw, poor Nate, his wife is a crazy pregnant lady who's about to burst.
Weren't you already crazy?
:(
Is the cat still peeing?
Yeah, it's like a peeing machine.
Caity! I just sung 'peeing machine' instead of 'love bug'!
I never thought I'd catch this peeing machine again.
Shut up.
I'm texting you – I can't 'shut up' genius.
Well stop texting then.
Caitlyn?
Hello?
Excuse me, Nate, but when someone say's 'shut up' the other person generally shuts up.
When do you ever shut up when I tell you to?
Apparently now! Shhhesh, make up your mind.
Did you just text 'sheesh'?
Shut up, Nate.
No!
Ohh, sooo stubborn.
When I'm the president, you're going to regret that.
When our son is born, you're going to regret ever telling me to shut up.
A BOY? You never said!
Oh, sorry. It's a boy.
Nate Jr.
HAHAAH. No. Way.
Bob?
That's almost worse at Nate Jr. How about Frankie?
Short for Franklin – no thanks. Darth Vader?
You're not serious. Darth VADER? I'm not naming our son after some freaky man in a mask.
Actually he got burnt.
Sorry, I'm not informed with Star Wars. How about Chad Michael Murray?
I'm not naming our son by your fantasies!
FYI, not my fantasy. I met him at a premier last year.
Oh dear.
He had gorgeous eyes.
Caitlyn, I'm your husband. If you want to leave me and hook up with Chad that's fine but remember that when Nate Jr is born I get rights.
I'm not marrying Chad. The affair was enough. And by the way – Nate Jr … sorry but it's not going to happen.
AFFAIR?
I was joking.
Nate, are you asking Shane if I'm lying?
Nate?
You aren't phoning Chad are you?
Nate I was JOKING!
Okay, I believe you.
Please tell me you didn't phone Chad.
I didn't phone Chad.
Yes you did!
What was the point of asking me to say I didn't when you knew I did anyway?
NATE! I can't believe you phoned CHAD MICHAEL MURRAY to ask if I had an affair with him! Are you seriously that stupid?
Well … I was dropped on my head when I was two.
I'm not surprised. Somehow it doesn't seem like a mystery that you're related to Jason.
I'm going to take the high ground and chose to ignore that statement.
I thought of another name for our son.
Uh oh.
Juan.
JUAN? Excuse me but I'm not giving my son a Spanish name.
Mitchie dated a guy named Juan once.
SO? I don't care! I'm not naming my son Juan. By the way – how much is this phone bill going to be? You're texting me non stop.
I'm the wife of a famous person, it'll work out.
I'm not paying!
I'm pregnant with your son. Yes you are – unless you want to be pregnant?
Is that even possible?
Yeah, I watched this documentary on TV yesterday.
Don't. Wanna. Know.
Shame, it was good. Kinda freaky though…
I think, dear wife, that we should name our soon to be son Shane after my awesome brother who, by the way, has amazing hair.
Shane, I know that's you.
Aw, how did you know?
You don't have awesome hair.
You did not just insult the hair.
… Can I speak to Nate please?
Can you build me a birdhouse!
Jason, I'll make you a birdhouse if you give the phone back to Nate.
Thanks, Caity! You're the best!
I'm also pregnant with your nephew…
Oh, right. I'll pass the phone over now.
Thanks.
Sorry about that Cait.
Nate, are you almost finished recording? I have Christmas Presents I need to wrap and I'm so fat I can barely lean forwards without crashing to the floor.
You aren't fat, I've told you a million times. Besides, only 9.5 days left until your due date!
You're counting down? Ella said giving birth was hell.
Jason said she almost crushed his hand.
Oh, something to look forward to then – crushing your hand.
It's Christmas Eve tomorrow yet still my brother is making me record.
I'll swap. You can be the heavily pregnant, hormonal wreck of a wife and I'll be the pop sensation who earns millions of dollars each month.
Now you mention it…
I'm going now. I need to pee.
Thank you for that lovely insight to your bladder timetable.
I'm peeing all the time. Is that normal?
I don't know, I'll just go and ask my other heavily pregnant wife.
Thanks, tell me her response.
Haha, good comeback.
Maybe your not-so-secret wife and Chad can get together at some point.
:(
Aw, don't sad face me! I love you!
I love you too.
(:
Sometimes.
Whatev. I really need to pee. I'll see you soon.
Love you.
Love you too.
Merry Christmas.
…I'm seeing you in about twenty minutes?
So?
-Insert eye roll here-
I'M ACTUALLY PROUD OF THIS! I'm never proud of any of my works but this made me laugh. I hope you guys like it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Two one-shots down, three to go (: