"Look, it's that Dazai kid."

"Oh my god, he's so weird..."

"I heard he tried to strangle himself in gym class last week."

Cruel whispers stung Dazai's ears as he made his way across the school playground. At last he found his favorite spot: underneath a picnic table, where no one could see him and where he could plot the perfect suicide in peace.

He lay down on his back and let the fall breeze flit across his forehead. Maybe that tree up there could support his weight? At seven years old, he wasn't exactly that heavy. Dazai liked to try different kinds of suicide, though, to keep his hobby interesting. This time, perhaps he would try hanging himself from the monkey bars. He smiled to himself, imagining the satisfying snap of his own neck and the sway of his limp body...

"Hey, there's some little kid under here!" called a loud, abrasive voice from above the table.

"What the hell, kid!" said another big kid, kicking Dazai sharply in the side.

"It's that suicidal loser from the second grade! Hey dumbass, we wanna sit at this table and we don't want some baby crowding our space!" the first boy said.

Dazai felt tears well in his brown eyes. Why did they have to be so mean? He wasn't hurting anyone! And he had a right to lay under any picnic table he wanted to!"

"Hey! Leave him alone!" came a third voice, this one younger and higher. Dazai sat up and peered through the cracks of the table. There stood Kunikida-kun, the smart boy from the other second-grade class, hands on hips, glaring at the bullies.

"What the-" said one of the older boys. "Seriously? The little baby's friend thinks he's going to come to the rescue? What the hell!"

Kunikida pulled out his beloved marble notebook and ripped a sheet of paper. A huge blast of light, and the boy was holding a large gun. Dazai couldn't tell if it was a real gun or a toy, but either way, it sure was scary-looking.

"Holy crap! Is that a real gun?!" one of the bullies screamed.

"We're going to tell the teacher, little brat!" his friend called as they stumbled away in terror.

Dazai dragged himself up from under the table. Kunikida-kun was still there, but the gun was nowhere in sight.

"How did you do that?" Dazai asked. "I want a gun like that." He wondered how it would feel to shoot himself with such a sleek weapon.

"You can't have one," Kunikida said. "It's my special talent."

"Oh."

The two boys looked at each other in silence.

"Wanna play a game with me?" Dazai asked. "I made up this really fun one where you have to come up with cool ways to die."

Kunikida shrugged. "I'd rather just write in my notebook."

"Okay," Dazai said. "I'll just sit with you then."

"That's fine."

And the two new recess buddies sat in contented silence until the sound of the dreaded bell came to send them back to class.

(I don't own Bungo Stray Dogs or any characters mentioned.)