A/N: This is my first Faberry story. :D I haven't edited it overly much so the writing could be a little clunky, but I'm pretty happy with it. Please review!
It has been two months, five days, seven hours and fifteen minutes since Quinn Fabray went into labour and gave birth to her first child.
The date is imprinted on her memory, the day that the Glee Club went to Regionals and she spent the hours in a cold sweat, fearing the worst. The birth is hazy now, a blur of drugs, and she likes to pretend as if it never happened, as if it were just a bad dream brought on by the disappointment of losing. But whenever she looks down at her thighs and sees the stretch marks there, or puts a hand on her once flat stomach and feels the baby weight she hasn't worked off yet, she can't help but calculate how long it's been.
She never thinks of the child. She looks at the other cheerleaders and their toned abs, and can't help but feel inadequate. She feels selfish sometimes, but when Coach Sylvester smirks and hands her a shake to replace her lunch she feels a burning anger that has nothing to do with the adoption of her baby. It is the burning of envy and pain, pure pain at the loss of her life. Her popularity, her father, her boyfriend: it's all been lost and there are only stretch marks and love handles left.
Rachel tries to comfort her. The brown eyed girl had cornered her in the choir room a week before Regionals and had asked to sing a duet with her.
"Why would I want to sing a duet with you, man hands?" Quinn snapped, her hormones spiking all over the place and making her want a cheeseburger. Rachel moved in closer, her disgusting owl sweater bunching over her hips, and her eyes were so sympathetic that Quinn wanted to punch her.
"Because you don't have anyone else", she responded quietly. "And I see how lonely you are. I can see it in your eyes". Quinn snarled and pushed her out of the way, but the next day she found herself singing a sappy duet with Rachel, even though she had no idea how she had gotten there. Sparks flew through her skin and for the first time since the birth, she let herself smile. Rachel smiled back, a bright grin flashing out as she took the higher register. Mr. Shue clapped and the others looked at each other in bemusement. Quinn felt the flush of victory and clasped Rachel's hand in hers.
"Thank you", she whispered. Rachel shook her head and smiled mysteriously.
"Thank you", she answered.
So by her count, it has been two months, twelve days, ten hours and twenty-seven minutes since Quinn first looked Rachel in the eyes, and she hasn't looked away since. Instead she focuses on the girl in front of her, her perfect skin and her large, dark eyes and her smooth, cellulite free body. She turns all her mirrors around on the wall and plasters photos of them together on the dull frames. They make love with the lights off, under the covers with her eyes closed. She wears sweatpants and jerseys at home, covering up her body in shame as if she were afraid of it. Rachel doesn't say a thing, but sometimes Quinn thinks that she understands.
It begins in such a subtle way that Quinn doesn't even notice that it's happening. Just a small sandwich for lunch, just one apple before Glee club to keep her going, and then it becomes a carrot for breakfast, a small salad for lunch and as little dinner as she can get away with. She has a good gag reflex, and pops breath mints between classes. Her weight drops almost overnight, and when she graduates to the top of the pyramid she feels good, better than she has in a long time. One night she kicks away the duvet when Rachel's hands are gliding over her, and another she lets herself come with her eyes open, Rachel's eyes shining in the gloom, smiling down on her like stars. She starts to walk with more of her old swagger; she lets her skirt climb up her thighs until her underwear shows through the peats at the sides. And Rachel copies, restricting her diet even further until she starts to rival Quinn in how flat her stomach is. They are the perfect couple; popular, thin and oh so beautiful. They graduate to leaving a night light on.
Until one night when Quinn is sliding her hands underneath Rachel's shirt, when she flicks a thumb and forefinger over a nipple, she feels something different. She doesn't say a thing, but as she draws her sweater over her head, she takes in the sight of her girlfriend's protruding ribs and can't stop a gasp from escaping her lips. Rachel looks confused and then brightens.
"I've done so well, haven't I?" she gushes, running a hand over her non-existent breasts. "I'm nearly as small as you, now". She falters, her eyes shining in the artificial light. "Aren't I?"
Quinn knows that she is freefalling, and fast. But for the first time she takes in her situation and realises that there is another girl beside her, just as feather light and just as fragile.
"I even managed to reverse my non-existent gag reflex", Rachel continues to babble. "And I discovered a new detox diet that I might try, do you want to..." Quinn slaps a hand over her mouth, too large for her face as her cheekbones flex under the pressure, and slips a hand between Rachel's legs. Rachel arches up underneath her and latches onto her neck, and as she works her way to climax, Quinn lets a few hot tears drip onto her cheeks, a silent apology.
The next day, she buys a burger and fries from the cafeteria and spends three dollars on a can of cola, ridiculously over priced but just the right amount of sugar content. Her stomach churns as she chokes it down, and Rachel's eyes are horrified as the grease meal disappears into Quinn's mouth. But when Quinn picks up a fry and offers it to her, her eyes flashing and forbidding refusal, she takes it and nibbles at the end with only the smallest amount of guilt. Because if Quinn is eating, then maybe it's okay for her to, as well.
Quinn knew from the beginning that Rachel has always been desperate for love, so desperate that she would stop eating just to keep up with her girlfriend, regardless of the consequences. Quinn knows because she is that way, too. But she knows the extent of her addictive personality, and can't, won't, inflict it on the girl she loves. Rachel is too good for that, too beautiful and special.
When Quinn steps on the scales a month later and sees that she has gained five pounds, she doesn't freak out. She quits the Cheerios and throws her skirts away. She sits in Glee Club and lets her arm snake around Rachel's waist, ignoring the glares from Finn. That night she strips off all her clothes in front of the mirror. Rachel watches her and mouths beautiful, and she feels, for the first time, like one day she might come to believe her.
It has been eight months, three days, seven hours and thirteen minutes since Quinn Fabray went into labour and gave birth to her first child. The stretch marks remain, her popularity is still ruined, her father and boyfriend are still missing, but she has finally moved on.
She is in love and she is beautiful, and nothing, nothing, can bring her down.