Emmett Witnesses the Wrath of Alice Cullen
"Ha ha! Short little pixie can't get her precious credit cards, so very sad. Ha ha!" Emmett called to Alice, as he held her wallet just out of her reach. She was hopping up and down frantically, trying to get it back.
"Jasper! Help me!" she yelled.
"Oh, no. I'd rather see what Emmett's punishment will be for this feat," he replied to his wife.
"Ha ha! I don't fear Alice's rash!" Emmett boldly shouted through the house.
"Emmett! It isn't rash! It's wrath! And you've taken punishment from shredding her clothes before. Do you really want to take the consequence for cutting her cards?" Edward said. Emmett's face lit up.
"Edward! You just gave him the idea! Thanks a lot!" Alice fumed at Edward. Emmett flew into the kitchen, and came back out with a big pair of scissors.
"No! No please! Don't do it, I beg of you! Look, I'm on my knees! Please, dear brother!" Alice begged. She sunk down to her knees and looked up at Emmett.
"Well, okay, I guess since you care so much, I won't cut your credit cards," he walked back into the kitchen. They all heard the blender running.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! You DID NOT! YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS, EMMETT YOU, YOU! Gaaaaahhhh!" Alice yelled as she stomped upstairs.
"This should be interesting…" Jasper noted.
"You can say that again," Edward countered, "Emmett buddy, you're in for it this time."
"Oh, I'm not done yet. Every time I do this, she just orders new cards. But this time, I won't let her! I'll just be in the kitchen cancelling her accounts if you guys need me!" Emmett called, as he walked back into the kitchen. Edward and Jasper stared in surprise as he cancelled all Alice's accounts. Her Visa, MasterCard, American Express, even her bank account was terminated. Rosalie walked in the room.
"So, how much work is Carlisle gonna have to do this time?" she asked.
"Well, Rose. If you were human, I'd warn you that you'd never be able to have kids with him after this. She'll probably burn him at the stake," Jasper said.
"Ha ha! Now for the final step! Is Alice in her room?" Emmett asked as he walked back into the living room.
"No, I think she went into the forest to plot. What do you mean, final step? Wasn't cancelling her accounts the last straw?" Jasper said.
"Oh, no. You see, Jazz, to truly doom yourself, you must go beyond the practical. To Alice's closet! And make-up drawer! And hair accessory supply! And shoes, those too! And… no, wait, I think that's it. Oh wait! And to her Porsche! Dum, da da dum!" Emmett finished. Everyone stared in awe at him.
"No, wait. He'll probably be sent to the Volturi for his punishment. I wonder if Jane will be the executioner. Hmm," Edward muttered. Jasper shrugged, and turned back to the TV.
"Ha ha! Little pixie girl has no chance anymore!" Emmett retorted. He zoomed right up the stairs, and piled every item of clothing Alice owned, even, to his dismay, undergarments, and put them in a huge trash bag. Then he did the same with her make-up, shoes, and hair stuff. He took all the bags downstairs, and outside. Then he got in Alice's car, threw the bags in the back, and drove away to the Forks Community Dump. He walked through the piles of filth until he found a pool of swirling green goo.
"Ha HA!" he shouted, as he emptied the many bags into the gunk. Then, to finish it off, he took a rock and scratched every inch of the yellow Porsche. And then drove it through the garbage and into another pool of slime. Then he ran home, proud that his feat came through with success.
"EMMETT MCARTY CULLEN! HOW DARE YOU, YOU, I WON'T SAY WHAT I THINK YOU ARE BECAUSE RENESMEE IS PRESENT, BUT YOU ARE SOOOOOO IN FOR IT! YOU IDIOT! YOU IMBECILE! YOU…AAAAAAAHHHH!" Alice shouted as he walked up the steps into the house. Then a little streak of black zoomed into his gut, and knocked him into the driveway. He tried to run, but the pixie kept punching him, kicking him, and then he felt a blow to a place where the sun don't shine. He cringed, and rolled onto his side, balled up in fetal position.
"Well, there we go, if you were human there'd be no kids in you two's future," Jasper told Rosalie from inside the house. Emmett took Alice's distraction, and pinned her to the ground, arms behind her back.
"Ha ha! What now, pixie vamp? What you gonna do now? Muahaha! You will-" Emmett said, as a sleek car pulled into the driveway.
"Carlisle," Alice and Emmett whispered in despair at the same time.
"ALICE AND EMMETT CULLEN. WHAT IN HELL'S NAME ARE YOU FIGHTING ABOUT? YOU…OH NO. YOU DIDN'T." He saw the huge gaping hole in the wall in the front of the house.
"EMMETT RUINED MY LIFE! HE BLENDED MY CARDS, AND HE PUT ALL MY CLOTHES AND SHOES AND MAKE-UP AND HAIR STUFF AND EVEN MY CAR IN GOOP IN THE DUMP! HE MUST BURN AT THE STAKE!" Alice complained, in shouting, to Carlisle.
"Well, kids, you are going to get Esme's wrath, not mine, because you just ruined the house. Good luck surviving that. Have a nice flight to Volterra," Carlisle told them. Just then Esme walked out. She came up to Carlisle, gave him a quick kiss, and then grabbed Emmett and Alice by the ears.
"OW OW OW OW OW OW OW!" the culprits yelled. Jasper, Bella, Edward, Rosalie, Jacob, and even Renesmee were completely cracking up inside the house.
"DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO MY HOUSE? DO YOU, ALICE AND EMMETT? YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS! Rosalie, would you get Aro on the phone please?" Esme yelled, and then quieted down as she instructed Rosalie. Rose just nodded, and ran off to the kitchen to call the Volturi.
"Okay, Aro was busy, so I talked to Marcus, he said to send them ASAP," she said. Alice and Emmett both death glared at her. That just made her laugh harder.
"Well, you heard her. Go get on a plane! And if you try to run, they'll just send Demetri to hunt you down. You must learn to take punishment, my dearest children. Oh, and I'd bring a nice fire extinguisher, and some needle and thread. And some Aspirin, just in case they let Jane at you," Esme explained. Alice and Emmett stared in disbelief at their "mother". Ha. Some mother she was now. Esme shooed them out of the house, and they took Emmett's Jeep down to the airport.
------------------------------------------Later, on the plane--------------------------------------------------------------------
"Emmett! This is all your fault! If you would've just left my poor, defenseless closet alone, none of this wouldn't have happened. We wouldn't have to move. And, most importantly, our own mother wouldn't be willingly sending us off to our doom! This is all your fault, you imbecile!" Alice complained to her brother.
"Well, this sucks. Me and Rosalie didn't even get to have-"
"Oh, I don't think so! Don't even ruin my last hours with that image!" They sat for the rest of the plane ride in silence.
--------------------------------------------------Later, outside the entrance to the castle---------------------------------
"Are you sure your plan will work?" Alice said, perfecting the straw doll she was making of herself.
"It's flawless! All we do is, throw these mimics into the main room, and make a run for it! They'll kill these stupid little dolls instead of us, call our family, and we'll be off free! Of course, we'll have to make up a new last name, and pose as brother and sister in Russia for the next hundred years, until they forget about us, until we can move back to the U.S., but we'll survive! Oh, that gives me an idea! Oh, wait, that just put a song in my head. Never mind," Emmett explained. They finished the copies of themselves, and proceeded to follow through with Emmett's "fool-proof" plan. Then they got on a plane.
------------About five minutes later, whilst the Cullen siblings are running away on the plane, watching the Volturi's judgment------------
"Well, we truly are sorry, at least to you, Alice, but this is what your family has asked of us. Please forgive us," Aro told the dolls, as he tossed a match into the shredded pile of "Emmett and Alice". Then Aro, Caius, and Marcus, along with the Guard, walked away, to call the Cullens.
-------------------------Alice and Emmett still on the plane, watching the Cullen family------------------------------
"Well, it is very sad, they deserved it though. Let us bow our heads in sorrow, for our family members just recently past. Let them be peaceful in whatever afterlife they have now entered," Carlisle said. They all bowed their heads, some sobbing for the "loss".
-------------------------------------On the plane, with Alice and Emmett--------------------------------------------------
"Oh my God, Emmett! Your plan actually worked! They thought it was us, and already called the family with the news! We're free! Ha ha! You know, I never thought for once in your life, you might actually come up with something brilliant!" Alice said, as she hugged her brother.
"I always told you guys that I could be smarticle!" Emmett said. The plane soon landed.
"Well, dearest sister, in a hundred years, maybe we can go back to our family. But now, we must live among the Russians! Hey, Russia has lots of bears, right?" Emmett said. They got off the plane, and drove to buy a house and enroll in school.
---------------------------------------A hundred years later, watching Emmett and Alice--------------------------
Alice skipped happily into the Cullen's house, in NYC. It had been a hundred years since she and Emmett supposedly died, and they figured it was long enough, and they could go back to their family. She continued through the house, until she came upon Jasper's study, where he was reading.
"Oh, Jazzy! Can I come in?" she asked.
"Oh, no! I'm going insane! I'm actually hearing her voice now! Aaaaahhhh!" Jasper told himself. Alice shrugged, and let herself in.
"Hey, Jazzy! I'm back! How's life been without Emmett and I? Well, probably good without Emmett, I suppose, but how much pain did I put you through when I left?" she said. Jasper looked in disbelief at her small form.
"A-Alice? Y-you're a-alive? B-but that's…the V-Volturi k-killed y-you! H-how…?" he stuttered.
"Oh, Emmett came up with a plan to distract them. We sent in these dolls that looked like us, so the poor cotton dears were burned instead of us. I know, amazing one of Emmett's plans actually worked. But here we are! Perfectly alive!" Alice told him.
"Wait, we? You brought him back with you?" Jasper asked. Alice nodded.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! How could you! Life was actually normal with him gone! Rosalie will be the only one happy about this, and who gives a flying damn about her? You have ruined out lives, Alice!"
"Oh, no. You see, whilst we were in Russia, I trained him. He behaves now. And you never really said hello to me." Jasper understood, and pulled his wife into a long, passionate kiss. Meanwhile, Emmett began disturbing the peace, and interrupting Esme and Carlisle from some very important business.
"OH, CARLISLE! WE'RE BAAAAAAAACK!" Emmett yelled, as he barged through Esme and Carlisle's bedroom door.
"Eeeaaaaahhh!" he squealed, and it came out very girlish, when he saw what they were doing. Carlisle and Esme were sitting on their couch….doing strange things. They had something…orange?…and were doing something to it. They were poking it…with a stick.
"WHAT IN HELL ARE YOU TWO DOING???" he demanded. They looked up, smiling.
"Well, hello, Emmett. We thought you were dead. What a pleasant surprise!" Carlisle exclaimed.
"WHAT IS THAT ORANGE THING?" Emmett yelled. Carlisle and Esme's eyes got big, and they hid it behind their backs.
"CARLISLE AND ESME CULLEN! I SOLELY DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT THAT…THAT THING IS! YOU WILL NOT DISOBEY ME!!!!!" Emmett insisted.
"EXCUSE ME, EMMETT MCARTY CULLEN? HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO YOUR PARENTS IN SUCH MANNER? YOU WILL GO YOU YOUR ROOM, RIGHT THIS INSTANT!" Carlisle countered.
"I JUST GOT BACK! I DON'T HAVE A ROOM!"
"YOU WILL SHARE A ROOM WITH ROSALIE, AS YOU ALWAYS HAVE!"
"FINE!"
"FINE!" And then Emmett stomped out of the room, and in to greet Rosalie.
"EMMETT! YOU'RE ALIVE!" his wife shouted.
"NOT ANYMORE, I'M NOT! I JUST GOT YELL-" but then he stopped. His face went blank.
"I am deeply sorry, ma'am. I shouldn't have yelled at you. I apologize. I have just been very frustrated lately," Emmett told his wife.
--------------------------------------Alice and Jasper-----------------------------------------------------------
"Told you I trained him. It just took a little for it to kick in once we got home. I can't believe it took a whole hundred years for him to learn manners," Alice explained to Jasper. Then she continued kissing him.
-------------------------------------------Renesmee's POV--------------------------------------------------
"No, Mom! I can't leave!" I pleaded.
"We're sorry Nessie. But with Uncle Emmett back, we can't risk his influence," Mom told me. But I was soon forced into the car with Jacob.
"Jacob, take care of my little girl. We'll call you when Emmett's gone. You should be prepared to take care of her forever, because chances are, Em will never leave. Goodbye, Renesmee…bye, dog," my father said, before Jacob and I drove off to Switzerland.
----------------------------------------------Five years later------------------------------------------------
Emmett ran through the house, waving Alice's credit cards behind him. Alice was chasing after him, frantically. Then, Carlisle swiped the wallet from Emmett, and handed it to Alice.
"The Volturi said they wouldn't rekill you two. Emmett, you aren't allowed to mess with your sister, or you will be put through the worst pain you'll ever experience. And it will last forever. You will never change, will you?" Carlisle warned. Everyone laughed, and Edward called Jacob to bring Nessie back.
-----------------------------------------Present time---------------------------------------------------------------
Alice screamed as her vision ended. Jasper came running in.
"What's wrong, babe?" he asked.
"WHERE'S MY WALLET?" she demanded.
"I think you left it out on the kitchen counter…" he said, confused. Alice had run out before he finished. She ran over to the counter, to see Emmett about to grab her wallet. She growled, very menacingly for such a small pixie. Emmett turned, saw her expression, and handed her the wallet. His face was filled with fear.
"If you ever touch my wallet again, you will witness the wrath of Alice Cullen," she said, her face still scowling. Emmett nodded, and Alice smiled and walked out of the room. It was very lucky that Emmett never had to witness the wrath of Alice Cullen. Because Mary Alice Brandon Whitlock Hale Cullen was a deadly force to be reckoned with.