Reject Me Properly
A LeviXSasha One-shot
Disclaimer: I don't own either Shingeki no Kyojin or its characters, except for this story plot.
Warning: Contain some spoilers from the manga, mainly from the Marley Arc.
It all started during that stormy night three years ago. The Special Operation Squad led by Captain Levi was stuck in an abandoned house in the middle of the Titan forest. It was raining heavily and trees were uprooted by the strong wind and thunderstorm. Usually, when the sun set, it posed a perfect opportunity for the soldiers to roam around the area without fearing that a titan would appear. However, halfway through their mission, Levi had to temporarily stop the operation and led his squad to that small dilapidated house for shelter.
As soon as the squad entered the house, the thick layer of dust that seemed to pile up on the long untrodden floor over the decades was disturbed by the strong wind and their footsteps. It flew upwards in a haphazard manner, entered their noses and made some of them sneeze uncontrollably. It seemed that the latest residents residing in that house were the spiders. The walls and the rags were laced with cobwebs, even the mugs on a wooden pedestal table had webs beautifully woven inside them. The dull wallpapers with dark yellow stains were peeling, and a warm old sepia photograph of a young boy that was hung on the wall was dangerously swinging on a piece of hook as the cold wind entered the dark house. There were small cracks on the roofs and window. Cold rainwater seeped through these cracks, falling onto the warped furniture and cupboard in the small living room.
There were also two other rooms which they decided to explore. There were a single bed, a small table and a cupboard in each room. Not surprisingly, they were equally worn out and warped so badly due to the high humidity in the forest. The house wasn't exactly in good shape but it at least provided some shelter for the soldiers for the night. They could ignore the water dripping from the ceiling and the annoying creaking sound coming from a broken window hinge as the wind blew. Even Levi who could not stand the sight of the thick layer of dust and cobwebs had to close an eye and not say anything because of the situation they were in.
They had lost sight of the Jaw titan who had infiltrated into Wall Rose and taken Annie away. Annie had been put in a custody by the Survey Corps for at least five years, and she had been living in a state of coma in a crystallised cocoon. Never had they thought that the new recruit was another titan shifter sent by the Marleyans to claim back their imprisoned warrior, which was undoubtedly known as their lost weapon. Queen Historia, including the Special Operation Squad members, was heartbroken and furious upon finding out who the Jaw titan was. They knew that Ymir would not be coming back as she had followed Reiner and Bertholdt to their hometown at her own will. They held small hope that she would be still alive somewhere in the hometown. But it seemed that her titan shifting ability had been passed on to a Marley warrior instead.
"You brats can take a rest in the rooms. I will keep a lookout here," Levi said. "We will set out immediately once the storm has stopped."
"We don't know how long the storm will last. Maybe we should take turns to guard the house," Jean proposed to his squad leader.
Eren raised his hand. "Captain Levi. How about after two hours, I will take over?"
"Oh, I don't mind doing it after Eren's turn," Jean interjected.
"Maybe after Jean, I can do it," Armin volunteered with a small smile.
Levi silently nodded at their proposal and once again called them to take a rest. Armin and Eren chose to stay in the living room with Levi. Jean and Connie entered one of the bedrooms while Sasha and Mikasa entered the second bedroom. Sasha left the door of the bedroom slightly ajar as they started to remove their soaked green cloaks, brown jacket, vertical manoeuvring equipment, and sash to let them dry on the bed. Mikasa walked to the side of the bed near the window and sat down next to it. She looked over to Sasha who was still standing at the other side of the bed, looking rather uncomfortable at the window.
"Sasha, go to sleep," Mikasa said.
"Yes! I will, of course!" Sasha responded with a forced laugh to hide her fear of something which Mikasa did not know about.
Mikasa turned to look at the window curiously. The window was closed.
"Sasha, do you need something?" Mikasa asked, still looking at the window.
A quick reply came back to her, "Nope! I will go to sleep now! Goodnight, Mikasa!"
Sasha quickly plopped down on the dusty floor next to the bed and brought her knees close to her chest. She hugged her legs and closed her eyes tightly. Suddenly, something bright flashed, followed by a loud thunder. Sasha opened her eyes in fright and glanced at the window. She cast her eyes to the dark sky as a few golden streaks made their way from the heavy clouds to the ground. Sasha had always been afraid of thunder and lightning since she was a child. She hated them and would always seek comfort by hiding under her blanket and covering her ears to block out all the scary noises. However, the bed had no blanket and the only thing she could do was to cover her ears and her eyes tightly again and pray that the storm could be over quickly.
Another loud thunder could be heard. Sasha looked at Mikasa and wondered how this girl could calmly sleep next to the window. She lowered her head and hid her face behind her knees, whimpering softly to herself as the storm outside the window continued. Twenty minutes had passed, yet Sasha could not bring herself to sleep in this frightening condition. Just then, she heard something hard hitting against another thing outside the bedroom. It sounded like a stick hitting against the couch. Did something happen in the living room? She got on fours and slowly crawled towards the door, wanting to take a peep outside the room to see what was happening. But before she could even reach the door, the room brightened and the shadows of the tree branches were reflected against the walls for a split second. Instantly, Sasha crouched down and covered her ears to block out the thunder that would come next. The thunder did come a second later and she still could hear it behind her palms. Her breath was staggering and it felt very uncomfortable to have dust flying up to her face each time she breathed out. She wanted to crawl back to her usual spot and probably seek comfort behind the bed.
While she was so immersed in her own thoughts, Sasha failed to notice a soft creak near the doorway. The door opened and something warm and slightly heavy landed on top of Sasha's head and back. Her eyes flew open in fright. She immediately sat up, pushed the thing off her head and looked up. Her eyes widened at the sight of her squad leader whose eyes were also staring down at her.
"Captain Levi?" her voice croaked as her fingers traced the soft thing on her back, feeling the slightly rough and thick cloth material.
Realising what it was immediately, Sasha pulled the cloth slightly to the front and looked down at it. Is this a quilt? She wondered to herself. Where did he get it?
She brought her attention to him again, not knowing why he had given her a quilt. The room was so dark and she could not see him properly. She wondered if he was giving her a weird look for crouching on the floor like a wimpy kid being scared of the storm. Oh wait. She was actually that wimpy kid who was scared of the storm. A wimpy 20-year-old soldier.
"I can hear you from outside," he muttered and turned to leave the room, pulling the door close behind him.
Before he could leave, Sasha straightened her back and called out to him in a soft voice, not wanting to disturb Mikasa who was already asleep, "Captain Levi!"
Levi stopped. He turned his head slightly and looked at her at the corner of his eyes.
Sasha wrapped the quilt around her body and smiled at him. "Thank you."
Levi was a man of a few words. He just nodded and pulled the door close behind him. Sasha crawled back to her original spot next to the bed and covered her head and body with the quilt. The quilt smelt so homely and had a strong wood smell as if it had been kept untouched in a wardrobe for many years. Another thunder was heard but her mind felt at ease as she hid under this quilt. Her heart was beating rather fast. Instead of the terror she was in earlier due to the storm, she could not comprehend this weird feeling inside her. It was a type of feeling that gave her small butterflies in her stomach, just like those times when she was nervous. Yet, she felt so happy. However, to be a little more precise, it was a different feeling of happiness too. She had never felt this way before and could not put her mind together. She did not know what had happened to her and decided to stop this weird feeling inside her so that she could go to sleep.
The next morning, the storm was cleared and the squad set out again to continue their mission. Sasha did not forget about what had happened that night whenever she stole subtle glances at her squad leader during the operation. Seeing that Levi was just like his normal self, ordering and talking to her and the others as usual, Sasha pushed the thought aside in the midst of the mission and did not think about it till much later.
Very, very much later when they returned to their military base after failing to bring Annie back.
-:-:-:-
Since that day, Sasha could not stop herself from having this weird feeling whenever she was near Levi. It felt so wrong and she did not understand how and why she could feel this way towards her superior, yet she did not mind feeling this way. Every small thing he did seemed to be very interesting in Sasha's eyes. His voice could make her feel jumpy inside. Even though his exterior still intimidated her to a certain extent, she actually felt less scared approaching him than before, tending to his wounds after some of his missions and confiding to him while treating him. He quietly listened to her talk most of the time. Sometimes, if Sasha was lucky, she could see a small smile on his face, looking slightly amused by her sharings. The smile was very brief though, only lasting for a second or two. Yet, it could make her heart race upon knowing that he was listening and at least responding to her no matter how small his response was. She would talk to him about almost everything, topics ranging from their mission trips to people. She did not talk about food to him although it was her favourite topic to talk about. Mainly because he had caught her stealing bread in the pantry once a few years back, and she did not want to bring this embarrassing incident up again. Levi had let her go without punishing her, except that he issued a warning to her, telling her that he did not wish to see her stealing food again.
Time flew very quickly and a year after the incident in the abandoned house had just passed by like that. Sasha felt a little sick for harbouring such feelings for Levi. She had finally come to understand what these strange feelings were after accidentally coming across a romance stage play during a street festival. The actor and actress portrayed and verbally described their love for each other, and Sasha could exactly relate to their words. The heart racing moments. The butterflies in the stomach. That moment of bliss after seeing his brief smile. That sense of relief upon knowing that he had come back safely when she saw his silhouette on a horse from afar. However, everything was extremely wrong. While they had lost many comrades in battles and everyone was mourning and fighting for their own survival, here she was slowly and hopelessly falling in love with her squad leader who might not even reciprocate her feelings.
She wanted to stop these feelings but she could not no matter how hard she had tried. She should have killed it long ago during that time in the Titan forest so that she would not harbour any ounce of it and let it accumulate over time. It seemed that she was a little too late to stop herself anymore, but she still did not give up in trying to suppress these feelings towards him by waking up every morning and mentally chanting that she would feel nothing for that man. She had to call him that man in her mind to make herself feel more distant from him, thinking that it would help her to get rid of him in her thoughts. Furthermore, she stopped confiding in him. They had basic conversations which were totally work-related every now and then, but never spoke about other topics anymore. She would sometimes enter into his and Hange's office to submit her reports but would immediately leave without making eye contact with him. She did greet her superiors though. Tending to his injuries was something she couldn't avoid doing so as she was one of the few soldiers who knew First Aid. Luckily, Levi who was also widely known as the Humanity's Strongest Soldier rarely got serious injuries from battles. So, that, of course, did her some favour in reducing the time spent with him.
However, another incident happened months later which brought Sasha close to Levi again. She did not dislike it. Rather, she would want to avoid it if she had known better than to be a busybody. It first started with Jean and three Military Police cadets arguing over something outside the barracks. Armin was next to Jean, telling Jean to save his breath and trying to pull him away from the Military Police cadets. A few other soldiers, who were just passing by with their horses and equipment, stopped and watched the four of them involve in a heated verbal argument. Sasha was happened to be one of the passers-by. Wanting to know what the ruckus was about, she headed towards their direction and stopped at a distance so that she could hear the conversation without being involved in it first.
"You think you guys are so good, huh? How dare you say those things about us?!" Jean yelled, clenching his fists even tighter as he glared at the Military Police.
"Well, there's a reason why you guys land up in the Survey Corps, right?" a Military Police cadet said in a mocking tone. "It's about the survival of the fittest. Basically, the weaker ones will be sent to die first since they will be dead first anyway. We can't waste our resources on such weak people."
"Shut up, you bastard!" Jean shouted at the top of his lung as he broke away from Armin and launched himself forward.
His fist landed on the cadet's nose and the cadet fell on his bottom. The young cadet immediately bent his body forward towards his knees, covered his nose and groaned loudly. The other two cadets stepped between Jean and that injured cadet. One of them sent a fist flying towards Jean's face, but Jean swiftly dodged it and pushed Armin behind him to prevent the fist from hitting his friend.
However, Armin did not want Jean to get in trouble and urged on, "Hey, Jean. Let's go, okay? We can't stoop down to their level. They are just being… jealous."
"We're not jealous, shorty. Who would be jealous, huh?" the cadet retorted with a snort. "Oh wait. You guys think that you have your Humanity's so-called Strongest Soldier in your section so you all are better than us? Give us a break. Don't make us laugh. Just cower at our feet and called your prized possession… oopsie, I mean, your prized strongest soldier to save your sorry arses."
Sasha felt herself fuming in anger at the Military Police cadet's words. How dare he use that name on her squad leader! How dare he treated him like an object they possessed! Without thinking twice, Sasha stormed towards the Military Police cadets and roughly pushed one of them from his side, causing him to stumble and crash on his accomplice.
Sasha took on a fighting stance and glared at the cadets. "Take back what you said about Captain Levi."
"What did we even say, woman?" one of them shouted angrily and lunged at her.
Sasha dodged his attack, but she failed to notice a palm flying towards her direction and it slapped across her face. The blow was so hard that she fell on her side, causing mild abrasions on her right palm as she tried to break her fall on the rough sand. She heard Jean's loud furious voice throwing insults towards the Military Police but his ramblings stopped suddenly as loud piercing screams were heard instead. Still on the ground, Sasha turned her head to look at what was happening next to her feet. Her eyes widened in shock. The three Military Police cadets were cowering on the ground, hugging their stomachs with tears in their eyes. Standing in front of them was Levi. Jean and Armin were behind him, looking equally shocked too.
Levi's eyes bored into the young cadets before shifting his attention to Sasha from the corner of his eyes. They exchanged a brief glance and she could his eyes suddenly flicker with madness. His jaw clenched as he looked at the groaning cadets again. Without warning, he sent a flying kick across the face of the cadet who had slapped Sasha. The cadet was thrown to his side too and he started whimpering, saying sorry and telling Levi to stop. Sasha was trembling, not very sure herself if it was because she was in pain or in fear. She wanted Levi to stop hurting the cadets, but she too stunned to say anything. Armin rushed to her side and helped her up.
"Wait, Sasha, you are hurt." Armin took out a white handkerchief from his pocket and held it in front of Sasha. "Your face is bleeding."
In response, Sasha touched the side of her face that was hit by that cadet earlier and wiped something that seemed to be trickling down her cheek. She pulled her hand away from her face and saw a red stain smeared across her fingers. That cadet must have accidentally scratched her face with his fingernail when he had slapped her. Before she could take Armin's handkerchief to wipe her blood off her face, Levi took her extended hand and tugged her behind him.
He gave one last look at the cadets on sandy ground and bellowed, "If you dare hurt any of my soldiers again, you little pieces of shit won't be seeing the next daylight next time."
Then, he turned to Armin and Jean, and instructed them, "I want to see the both of you outside my office. I will be there in fifteen minutes."
After saying that, he pulled Sasha along with him as he walked into the building, heading towards the infirmary. He was walking so fast that Sasha found herself stumbling a little and trying to catch up with his speed.
"Captain Levi, wait…"
He continued walking, not letting her wrist go. Finally, when they entered the infirmary, Levi let her go and closed the door. He opened a cabinet and took out a bottle of antiseptic, a packet of cotton wools, a pair of tweezers, and a pair of rubber gloves. He placed them on the table and started putting on the gloves. Sasha who was still standing next to the entrance slowly made her way to the table and sat on the chair next to it. She looked down and turned her injured cheek away from Levi, feeling extremely conscious by the ugly bleeding wound on her face. Her face was in a mess. Her uniform was dirtied and covered with sand. Her palm was also bleeding but it wasn't as bad as her cheek. In sum, she was a total mess and she knew Levi hated mess and dirt.
"Captain Levi, I can do it my-"
"Be quiet and face me," he interrupted her in a low voice.
She still refused to look at him, and an annoyed grunt escaped his lips. She felt his hand hold on the sides of her chin and turn her face towards him. She looked at him with bated breath. After looking at the bleeding wound on her cheek, he let go of her chin and opened the bottle of antiseptic. Sasha unconsciously turned her face away from him again while glancing at other things in the room. Just then, she felt his hand on her chin again and forcefully turned her face towards him. She saw his eyes narrowing at her, looking rather impatient.
"It's going to hurt a little," he said in a soft low voice as he brought the antiseptic-soaked cotton wool closer to her cheek with the tweezers.
Instinctively, Sasha closed her eyes and anticipated the pain that would follow next when he dabbed the cotton wool on the open wound. A cold sensation was felt on the skin and wound at first, but was soon followed by a sharp stinging pain that made Sasha hiss and move away from the cotton wool. Her face left his grasp and she quickly covered her cheek with a hand to stop him from carrying on.
She opened her eyes, stared at him with knitted eyebrows and said, "I will do it myself!"
The line between his eyebrows also appeared as he asked, "Why are you being so difficult?"
"Me? Difficult?" Sasha looked at him in disbelief. "I don't need your help."
"Avoiding me as always?"
"Avoi… ding?" the girl repeated the word that he had used, suddenly feeling a pang of guilt in her chest as it seemed that he had caught on her avoidance behaviour. She looked away from him and laughed weakly. "Since when?"
There was silence. She did not notice that her wounded cheek was facing him at this moment as she was still focusing on the guilty feeling mounting within her chest. She saw him move even closer to her from the corner of her eyes, and his hand reached out to her chin again. This time, it was a gentle touch. He lowered his face a little to have a closer view of the wound and started dabbing the cotton wool on it. Again, Sasha flinched in pain and started moving away.
He held on her chin tighter to prevent her from moving away too much and instructed her in an irritated voice, "Don't move. Let's get this over and done with quickly. I have got things to do, Sasha."
Choosing to be obedient and not wanting to get on his bad side, Sasha closed her eyes tightly and bit her lower lip as she allowed him to continue cleaning up her wound. His face was so close to hers, and it made her heart pound so hard that her head was becoming dizzier at each second. She could hear his breathing in this quiet room and she wished that there were other soldiers around in this room so it would not be so awkward being in the same room as Levi. She also wanted to get this thing over and done with quickly, so she would not have to face him anymore… Maybe not. Despite trying to avoid him and telling herself that she would not be in love with him anymore, she actually missed talking to him. They saw each other almost every single day but she still missed him so much. Her heart was so ridiculous. How could it still beat so rapidly for someone whom she was trying to stop liking?
As she was in her deep thoughts, she did not notice that Levi was already done with cleaning the wound on her face and had put a plaster over it. He lifted up her right hand and took a look at her palm that had a slight abrasion. He used another soaked cotton wool and started cleaning it. Sasha absentmindedly watched him gently clean it, take another plaster from a small box on the table and placed the plaster over it.
"Okay, you can leave now. See me at my office with your two friends in five minutes," Levi said as he started keeping the tweezers, the bottle of antiseptic, and the bag of unused cotton wools in the cabinet.
"Uh, I can clean these up myself," Sasha volunteered as she started picking up the bloodstained cotton wools on the table with her bare hands.
After closing the cabinet, Levi narrowed his eyes at the cotton wools that fell on her palm as she picked them up with another hand. With a disgruntled sigh, he swiftly took the cotton wools from her, earning a shocked look from Sasha. Ignoring her, he walked towards the bin and threw the cotton wool inside it. He also removed his gloves and discarded them right away. Then, he turned to look at her with a frown.
"What are you still standing here for?"
"I…" Sasha put her hand over the other in front of her and hung her head low. "Thank you."
She glanced up at him and noticed his frown had ceased. He turned away and took a spray and a cloth that was hanging on a hook against the wall. Then, he headed back to the table and started cleaning the table. Sasha moved away to make space for him to clean it. She wanted to leave soon as instructed, but at the same time, she wanted to stay a little longer with him. She was being so hypocritical. Maybe ever since he had thrown that quilt at her, her life was filled with so much irony. It felt so wrong, yet so right. She liked him, yet she did not want to continue liking him any further. She knew he would reject her in the first place, yet she continued to stop her heart beating for him each time she saw him.
If she told him her feelings and he rejected her, would she stop? He would probably reject her so harshly and made her hate him. So, probably yes, she would definitely stop. All she needed his words telling her to stop. Then, she would stop and move on after that.
She took in a deep breath, mustering all the courage to tell him and preparing for the rejection. It would hurt, but since she had anticipated it, she guessed that she would not be hurt as much. It's now or never!
"Captain Levi."
Levi stopped whatever he was doing, and looked at her. "Why are you still here?"
"Captain Levi, I have something to tell you," she began, staring at him with unwavering eyes. "I have been wanting to tell you since a long time ago. And I think… I will tell you now."
He rose an eyebrow and asked, "What is it?"
Sasha breathed in again and exhaled slowly, trying to keep her cool. "I like you. A lot."
He stared at her expressionlessly. She waited for a facial sign on his face but it seemed that he was not even affected by her confession. For a moment, she thought that her confession did not sound like a confession at all. Maybe he did not understand her. Or perhaps he was thinking that she was being ridiculous for liking him.
"I li-like you ve-very much," she stammered, feeling her cheeks grow warm.
He still looked at her with an unreadable expression. Sasha felt so embarrassed. It would be better if he responded with something other than just staring at her like he did not know what she was saying. A 'thank you', a 'sorry', or a 'seriously' remark would be fine. Just say something, Captain Levi! Sasha mentally pleaded. She wanted to move on from here.
Finally, he opened his mouth and spoke, "Don't you think…" He paused for a while as a frown slowly made its way between his brows. "You should find someone around the same age as you."
"I…"
"You should be at my office in less than 2 minutes from now. Stop standing there and wasting time," he said in a low firm voice and turned his back to her.
Sasha swallowed hard at his order. While he was heading to the small sink to wash that cloth, Sasha hurriedly left the room and ran down the hallway with tears welling up in her eyes. She felt angry. She did not understand what he was trying to tell her. Sure, he wanted her to find someone else who was around her age. But she wanted him to directly reject her. He was a blunt person, so he could obviously reject her in the most direct and hurtful way ever. Was that even considered a rejection? Telling her to like someone else instead? Seriously? She wished she would like someone else, perhaps within the same rank as her, instead. So, she would not feel so terrible for liking a superior. Furthermore, it was her first time liking somebody. She did not know how to get over this feeling for him. Would time help her?
During the meeting with Levi, Armin and Jean, Sasha's mind was all over the place. While the other two were explaining what had happened to Levi, she spent most of the time keeping her silence and just nodding to whatever her peers had accounted. She was not really paying attention though. Except when Levi asked her why she joined in the fight, she simply replied that she wanted to protect her friends and the pride of the Survey Corps. She did not want him to know that she had cut in because of him.
The following day, the Survey Corps members and the Military Police members had a crossfire in the court-martial with the Military Police wanting to suspend Jean, Sasha and Levi temporary from their duties for hurting their cadets. It initially did not end very well as the Military Police had more control and influence over the other sections. However, with Hange's persuasion or rather, threats, the three of them were released without any penalty imposed on them. Despite that, Jean was furious about how those cadets could get away with criticising them and hurting Sasha. But Sasha tried to calm him down when they left the military court. She glanced over to Levi who was walking far ahead of her next to Hange with the scariest look she had ever seen on his face, like he wanted to murder someone with his eyes. Sasha shifted her attention away from him to the fuming Jean next to her, and started talking to Jean to calm his anger.
-:-:-:-
Another half a year passed. Neither did Levi nor Sasha bring up the confession. His attitude towards her remained the same, which was a good thing. It appeared as if her confession did not happen at all. However, what troubled her was the inability to let these feelings go. She thought that time could help her to get over him. A part of her felt that he had already rejected her with those words. Another part of her just could not get over him mainly because each time she wanted to avoid him, he would come to her in the most oblivious way ever. Sometimes, he would suddenly appear to be nice to her like that night in the abandoned house.
He seemed to know her fears, things that comforted her, and things that made her happy. She wasn't sure if he really knew them though. It could be just a coincidence that those things he had done were what comforted her and made her happy; no specific reason or special treatment was involved. Sometimes, he would bring up about her avoidance behaviour whenever Sasha tried to take the chance to escape from any situation that involved being with him alone, making her feel guilty. But that moment of guilt made her decide to prove to him that she was not trying to avoid him by dropping that chance to escape and staying on. It seemed like he knew how to stop her from avoiding him. But again, it could be just a coincidence or his way of handling people.
Everything he did up till then made it so difficult for her to stop liking him. In fact, it made her like him even more than she thought she should. She felt so screwed up by the time she realised that she had liked him for more than two years since that night. Since she could not stop these feelings, she had decided to seek help from a close friend of hers – Connie – who was the first person who brought up this whole thing to her.
Connie, her trustworthy confidante, had been noticing how Sasha acted towards Levi for a long time. Sure, Sasha was a very friendly and approachable person. She smiled a lot. Towards Levi, she smiled way too much… No, 'radiant' would be a better word to describe her smile. At first, he had found her behaviour weird. But soon, he had understood the reason behind her actions. Even those times when she had made obvious attempts to avoid Levi, she would steal glances at him but would eventually stay when Levi made some comments about her weird behaviour without directly asking her to stay. Seeing her acting this way, Connie could only shake his head, not knowing what to do with her – to help her with her avoiding act or to just let her be manipulated by Levi's words. Clearly, Levi knew how to make her go to him without even trying hard. If a dense person like Connie could tell that Sasha had a crush on Levi, then it was pretty obvious to any other people in their squad.
One fine evening, Sasha and the other soldiers were having their dinner in the mess hall. Connie decided to take this chance to state the obvious since the two of them were the only ones on the table at that moment.
"You like him, don't you?" he whispered to her.
Sasha stopped eating and looked at Connie blankly. "Like who?"
Connie furrowed his eyebrows and said, "Don't act like you don't know, Sasha. You know who I am talking about!"
"Who?"
"Captain Levi! If not, who else?"
Sasha's forehead creased. She immediately looked away from Connie and stared hard at the dark scenery outside of the window. It took her awhile to relax herself as she sighed in resignation after realising that she could no longer hide it from her best friend.
"It must have been very obvious, isn't it?" she muttered solemnly and lowered her head. "I know it is wrong. I have been trying my best to stop liking him. He told me to find someone else instead. But I… I just can't stop my heart from beating so fast whenever I am with him. I can't, Connie!"
"You have confessed to him?" Connie asked in surprise.
Sasha nodded. "Yes, last year."
"And he rejected you?"
"He told me to find someone around my age," Sasha answered, her voice dropping even further.
Connie deadpanned, "That's so… indirect."
Sasha tousled her fringe in frustration and let out a heavy sigh. The brunette clenched her fists and stared hard at Connie.
"Help me, Connie! Help me to move on!"
"I'm not sure if I can help you to move on, Sasha. I'm not good at this type of thing." Connie thought for a moment as he recalled an old friend of his back in his village before he joined the military. That friend had told him about how he had moved on from his first girlfriend. "Hey, Sasha. I got an idea. Not sure if it helps."
Sasha raised an eyebrow in curiosity. "What is it?"
"Heed Captain Levi's advice. Find someone else instead," Connie replied with a wide grin. "Maybe that will help you get over him. Who knows, you may like that new guy more."
Sasha looked at Connie in disbelief and protested against his idea, "But that is quite horrible, isn't it? Using someone else to get over another person, I think it is very horrible of me to do so. Besides, I don't think I can easily find someone. I mean, look, I don't think anyone is interested in me."
"Ah, that." Connie smiled. "I know of someone."
Sasha was surprised. Did he mean that there was actually someone who held that kind of interest towards her? She wanted to know who!
She leant slightly forward and asked in a demanding voice, "Who?"
Connie rubbed his chin thoughtfully and muttered, "Hmmm. Should I say? I promise him that I will not to tell a soul though."
"Break that promise and tell me!" Sasha said impatiently.
Oh boy, she was dying to know who her secret admirer was! Sasha had many questions about that mysterious guy running in her mind. How did he look at like? Was he cool? Was he nice? Had they met before? Did she know him personally? So on and so forth.
"That wouldn't be fair, Sasha. I promise him that I won't tell anyone, not even you. He's rather shy," Connie laughed.
"How about you give me a clue and I shall take a guess?" Sasha proposed.
"Nope."
Sasha pouted and glared at her friend. Geez. Why was Connie so adamant about it?!
"Is he someone I know?"
Connie crossed his arms and shook his head. "Uh-uh. I can't say."
"I will give you half of my bread," Sasha offered with a reluctant smile. "How about half of my lunch tomorrow?"
"I can't be tempted by food, Sasha. You know it," Connie deadpanned again.
"I will give you both my lunch and dinner tomor-"
Connie interrupted her, "Can you please stop?"
"Don't tell me…" Sasha paused and narrowed her eyes at him. "Connie, it isn't you, is it?"
Connie let out a loud choking sound and immediately covered his mouth as he started coughing. "What the hell, Sasha!" Connie coughed again. "Obviously not! We're best friends! I don't look at you like that!"
Sasha furrowed her eyebrows at him, and he quickly added with an awkward laugh, "What I mean is that I only see you as my closest buddy."
It was the same for Sasha. They had been very close for more than eight years, but never had she once thought about having a romantic relationship with him. She could not see him that way. It would feel very weird if Connie suddenly said that he liked her too. So, thank goodness, he didn't.
"Then, who?"
Connie shook his head again, hinting to her that he was very firm on keeping it a secret. Then, Sasha had an idea.
"I need to move on, you know. Maybe if you tell me, I can approach him and... maybe I will like him?" Sasha urged.
Still refusing to tell her, Connie pointed out, "You said so yourself that this is a horrible thing to do, using someone else to get over your crush. He's my friend too, you know."
"I won't go out with him," Sasha quickly said. "I will be his friend, talk to him, get to know him better, and maybe give him a chance to know me better. Whether I will like him or not, that comes later."
"You are already his friend, Sasha."
Sasha's eyes widened. So, he was someone she knew. The few male friends she had known and had always been together with ever since they had entered the military were...
"It can't be Jean, right?" she asked, certainly knowing that it wasn't him because she knew that he had a crush on Mikasa for almost ten years.
Connie shook his head.
"Armin?"
He shook his head again.
"Eren?"
Connie bit his lower lip and nodded hesitantly. Sasha could not believe it. Neither had she ever seen Eren showing any sign of interest towards her. That had to be a joke.
"Are you sure?" she queried doubtfully.
"Don't tell him that I told you if you are going to approach him and do whatever you have said about getting to know each other better," Connie said. "I hope you can move on from here. Eren doesn't seem that bad either. It's just that you may have to face Mikasa. You know how overly protective she is when it comes to Eren."
Sasha still could not believe Connie.
"When did he tell you that he likes me? Maybe he was joking. You know, he is forever thinking about killing all the titans, revenge on the Marleyans," she argued. "I don't think he has ever crushed on anyone."
"Why not?" Connie defended his friend. "He is already 22 years old. He's not like that time when he was a little brat. Yes, he has his own problems and all. But surely, he desires a woman."
Sasha blushed. "You're making him sound so perverted!"
"Okay, not desire, but an innocent crush. How about that?" Connie smirked. "Actually, it wasn't long ago he told me his little secret. We were bunkmates, remember? He suddenly asked me one night if you like anybody and when I asked why he had asked that, he just confessed. But then, he is kinda shy about romance stuff so he didn't want me to tell anyone about it."
"I'm still not convinced."
"I'm surprised that he didn't even notice that you like Captain Levi when it was so obvious!"
"Can you please stop? It's not that obvious, alright?" Sasha narrowed her eyes at Connie as she tried to deny.
She picked up her untouched bread on her plate and started eating it quickly. As she chewed, she thought that maybe, just maybe, she should just heed Levi's advice and move on. If that was what he wanted, she would do it. She had always fulfilled his requests without fail. She felt horrible for thinking of using Eren to get over her first crush. But since when was she not a horrible person? In the midst of life-and-death, here she was thinking about love.
"Will you give him a chance?"
Sasha swallowed the food in her mouth and looked at Connie with a sad smile.
"I will try."
She tried to approach Eren after that day although it was very difficult because of his childhood friend and adoptive sister, Mikasa. He was his usual self when Sasha started speaking more to him, oblivious in so many ways except for things related to his military work. This made her doubt Connie's words even more. Maybe Connie had said all those things to help her move on from Levi. However, she had always thought that her best friend was a very honest person. People had always called him 'stupidly honest' for a reason, mainly because he was the type of person who wouldn't even tell a white lie to save himself. Could it be, this time, he had lied to her so that she could take a step forward and save herself from drowning in a sea of emotions that would never be reciprocated?
In the end, Sasha still could not bring herself to forget Levi because of the same old reasons.
-:-:-:-
"Has Noir Hoover woken up?"
"That traitor? Nah, she hasn't. It has already been three days."
"I wouldn't call her a traitor. In the first place, she doesn't belong to us. She's an Eldian devil."
"We will start interrogating her once she's awake."
"It's a blessing that we have Reiner's and Anne's memories. If not for them, we would have fallen into that devil's trap."
"She is a good fighter though. Such a waste."
Sasha could hear men's voices and laughter echoing in the underground dungeon. She had been awake since moments ago but she had kept her eyes shut most of the time, except when she felt no presence around her would she then steal a quick glance around the cell to see where she was. She could not remember how she had landed up in the dungeon. Before she came here, she remembered that her fake identity was busted by a young warrior who had claimed to hold Reiner's memories. Then, she was being chased by a group of warriors before someone jumped in front of her and hit her hard on top of her head, paralysing her in an instant and also resulting her to fall into unconsciousness.
When one of the warriors had checked on her earlier, she pretended to be unconscious and had to hold back a headbutt when the warrior had caressed her face and thighs. She felt disgusted but she had to buy some time before help could come her way. She trusted her accomplice, a younger member of the Survey Corps, who was not caught by the Marley warriors to make find ways to report back to Commander Hange. Her chances of surviving as a 'traitor' in Marley or as a spy seemed very slim. Knowing the history of the tension between the Marleyans and the Eldians, the Marleyans would not only torture her physically, but would also give her an endless nightmare like what Ymir had gone through for sixty years. She hated titans but she might be going to be one of them next.
"Are you sure that Noir is the only spy? She can't be doing this alone, right?"
"Definitely alone. If not, someone would have come here to get her out by now. Gilliard has thrown the bait."
"Ah, that notable warrior who had infiltrated into Paradis and saved Annie Leonhart."
"Man, seriously, who would have thought that this woman is the devil? All I know is that she is a monster when it comes to eating."
"She has stolen food, not to mention."
"Yeah, and she doesn't look like a bad person."
"Duh, that's why she was sent here by the Eldian people. Either she has that natural innocent look or she is good at acting innocent all these while. Speaking the obvious."
"She's pretty too. You know what? Let's have fun with her before letting her go in the wild."
"Heh. Good idea."
Sasha squeezed her eyes tighter in fear. She just hoped that someone would untie the rope around her body and legs so that she could get out from this dark place. Just then, she heard footsteps becoming louder and a loud creaking sound of the cell gate opening. Someone had stepped inside her cell. Sasha immediately relaxed the muscles around her eyes and anxiously waited for the person's next move. The person walked towards her and his hand ran up against her forehead, pushing her fringe upwards. Sasha was very scared as the person tilted her head upwards by pulling her fringe. She tried not to move her eyes behind her eyelids and prevent herself from frowning too much. After what it seemed like an eternity, the person still did not let go of her fringe. The anxiety and nervousness were eating her slowly inside. Her fingers trembled slightly behind her. The more she tried to tense her finger muscles to stop them from trembling, the more they trembled against her will.
"Cut it out," she heard the man say.
Sasha remained unresponsive. The man clicked his tongue and pulled down her fringe forcefully to her left side, causing her head to tilt and her right neck to be exposed. Before she knew what was happening, she felt something cold and sharp against her neck. Sasha immediately knew what it was and cringed on instinct. She was busted again and she needed to face the person without holding back anymore. Her brown eyes flew open and she glared at the man in front of her.
"Finally awake now, huh." The man pressed her knife harder against her skin. "Call the guards!"
"Let me go," Sasha snarled at the person.
But the person gave her a sly smile and said, "We will only let you go when we are done with you."
Then, she saw two armoured guards running and entering into her cell. They bowed to the man and reported their presence to him. The man finally removed the knife from her neck and turned to the guards.
"Inform the others that I shall start the interrogation now."
"Yes, sir!" the guards responded with a salute before running out of the cell.
Sasha and the man were left in the cell. Being trapped in this situation where there was minimal hope of survival, Sasha felt her mind was beginning to fail. She could not formulate a thought or a plan to get out of this place alive. Regardless of her fear, her glare did not leave the man's face. She had to remain strong and keep her mouth shut no matter what kind of torture he would do to her. She would rather die than be a betrayer. While she was telling herself that, the man faced her again with a menacing smile and pointed the knife at her throat.
"What's your name?"
Sasha sealed her lips tight. However, the man pressed the tip of the knife against the throat, startling Sasha. When Sasha swallowed, the skin around her throat hurt.
"Noir Hoover," she said the name which she had assumed when she had first taken up this mission assigned by Commander Hange a few months back.
"Really? Is that really your name?" he asked in a mocking tone. "Not… Sasha Braus?"
Sasha furrowed her eyebrows, flabbergasted to hear her real name from the enemy's mouth. She had not heard anyone call her Sasha Braus for a long time. Usually, hearing someone called her by her name was natural and normal. But this time, her name felt so foreign in her ears. Hearing her name gave her a sense of insecurity and danger, especially in the enemy base. For the first time, she hated being called by her name.
"I am Noir Hoover."
"Don't lie!" the man barked as he pressed the tip even further into her skin, causing Sasha to gasp in pain and start coughing.
However, that cough made her neck move forward and a sharp pain erupted, blocking her vision. Her head was spinning, and the area where that knife was felt like it was on fire. She could feel something trickling down from that area as well.
"I have the Eldian blood in me… But…" Sasha panted as she trembled profusely under that threatening gaze of her enemy. "I have sworn to serve Marley."
"Answer my question, woman. Are you Sasha Braus, a spy sent from the island of Paradis?" the man bellowed while withdrawing his knife a little after seeing the blood flowing out of her neck.
Sasha shook her head weakly. "I am Noir Hoover… from Marley."
She thought that she just had to keep playing this role to see how long she could continue assuming her fake identity. Sasha hung her head low. Her face was crinkling as her throat area was hurting so much that she did not want to talk anymore. Each time she swallowed her saliva, her throat would move and the movement caused her neck to tense up at the sudden shot of pain as a result.
"Then, care to explain to me why I was told that you resemble Sasha Braus in so many ways?"
Sasha interjected, "I don't know what you are talking about, Sir."
"Yes, you do. Porco Gilliard had confirmed this with the Jaw Titan's memories," the man continued in a low scary voice. "Your friend's memories doesn't lie, does it? Ah, I remember something." The man lowered himself to Sasha's eye level and chuckled. "Your polite speech irks me a lot. Why can't you speak more naturally?"
Sasha's eyes widened. That was what Ymir had said to her when she was still a trainee soldier. That was the exact same thing that had driven her to charge towards a titan with only an arrow while saving a little girl in Dauper village. Remembering how her confidence was boosted after recalling Ymir's harsh words, a laugh escaped her lips. The man looked at her, shocked.
"What's so funny?!" he yelled.
"Was that what Gilliard said?" Sasha looked at him with a smirk. "However I speak is none of your business!"
With that, Sasha spat her saliva on the man's face. The man let out a loud grunt and cringed in response as he immediately moved his face away from her.
"Take that, ya lil' piece of shi-et!" Sasha shouted and started laughing crazily, not realising that she had adopted her superior's vulgar language and used it for the first time in her life.
She was so afraid this whole time. But the moment she started laughing at the dirtied man's face, she felt the engine in her mind started turning its gears again. Was this the feeling of adrenaline which Armin had once felt eight years ago when he had first threatened Bertholdt to release Eren? It felt like she had to win this man no matter how scary and intimidating this whole situation was. She would definitely stand up and fight for herself.
"How dare you!" The man slapped her hard against her left cheek and slapped her again on her right cheek. His slapping continued until Sasha let out a sharp cry of distress. "Why did the Eldians sent you here? Care to explain to me? To spy on us? To plant something here? To steal information? Which is it? Or all of the above, Sasha Braus?"
Sasha's body was leaning heavily on her left after the last impact fell on the side of her face. Her messed up hair fell all over her face, covering her angry eyes and gritted teeth. She continued staying in this position while panting heavily and perspiring profusely, refusing to look at the man and tell him anything about her purpose for infiltrating into Marley. The man in front of her let out an impatient growl as Sasha was not responding to him at all. She felt his hand grabbed her hair again and pulled her head upwards, facing his face that was filled with anger and madness.
"Answer me in three seconds! Or else…" The man held the knife in front of her face. "I will stab this thing into your beautiful thigh."
"Fine, I will tell you," Sasha said hoarsely and paused for a moment as she observed the man's face which was beginning to smirk in triumph, probably thinking that he had finally gotten her to tell the truth. But, of course, Sasha would never betray her nation. She plastered a smirk on her face too and blurted, "Just kidding. In your dreams!"
The man's eyes flickered with anger as he raised the knife high above her, and he yelled, "You shitty wo-"
"They have taken the bait! Corporal, they have-aaccck!"
Suddenly, the gate of her cell crashed open and the man in front of her immediately turned around after being startled by the loud screaming and crashing sounds echoing within the dungeon. Sasha and the man saw two soldiers in green cloak rushed into the cell with blood oozing down their blades in thick droplets. Sasha could immediately recognise those two people who had come for her.
"Mikasa! Captain Levi!" Sasha called out to them.
Levi lunged towards the man and swung his blades at him. The man dodged the attack, however, the tip of Levi's blade struck his arm and the man screamed in pain as his blood began spreading across his sleeve. Meanwhile, Mikasa came to Sasha's aid. With two strikes on the ropes around her body and legs, Sasha was freed and she quickly stood up from the chair that she was previously bound to. As she did so, many other warriors started to appear outside her cell and the three Survey Corps were outnumbered. The man in the cell, who was probably known as the Corporal in the warrior unit, charged towards Levi with his knife but Levi skillfully dodged it and kicked the Corporal at his side. The man fell down and the knife dropped out of his hand. Taking this chance to escape this cell, Levi signalled Mikasa and Sasha to the gate which was already surrounded by the warriors.
"I will make the way. And Mikasa, you will then take Sasha out of this place," Levi instructed.
Without waiting for Mikasa's response, he charged out of the cell and began fighting the other warriors. Mikasa held onto Sasha's body and pulled her out of the cell with a blade in front of them as they ran out after Levi. Mikasa struck a few men along the way too to clear a path for them to escape. When the two girls finally left the crowd, Mikasa let go of Sasha's body and grabbed her wrist instead. Then, they started heading for the stairs that led to the exit.
"The others are up there. Once we reach the ground level, we have to retreat immediately," Mikasa informed Sasha.
Sasha nodded at first but suddenly realised that there was something not right with it. She turned her head around and stared worriedly at the small figure fighting against the warriors outside the cell. Some warriors tried to chase after Mikasa and her, but was quickly brought down by him.
She turned to Mikasa and asked exasperatedly, "What about Captain Levi?"
"He will join us later."
Sasha turned around to look at him again and a tight feeling hit her chest. Why wasn't he advancing forward with them? He should stop fighting. More warriors were appearing and she was so scared for him. Sure, he was the strongest soldier. He had killed many titans by himself. He was very brutal. But even the strongest soldier has his own limit. The people whom he was fighting against weren't mindless titans that were not skilled in fighting. He was fighting against warriors. Warriors that were trained in war and combat.
"I'm sorry, Mikasa."
Mikasa glanced at her while Sasha gave the girl a look of resolution which Mikasa immediately knew what that apology meant.
"Don't be stupid, Sasha. We have to leave this place!"
"That's why I am sorry!" Sasha pried her wrist off Mikasa's grasp and snatched the extra blade from her comrade. "I'm borrowing this from you. I need to help Captain Levi."
"Sasha!"
Ignoring Mikasa, Sasha dashed towards the advancing warriors and slashed the blade across their bodies. Blood flew everywhere and splattered on her clothes and face. She kept swinging her blade at whoever was blocking her way, and kept running and running… towards where Levi was.
"Captain Levi, I've come to help you. Let's leave together, okay!"
Upon hearing her voice, Levi turned to look at her with a pair of wide eyes. However, he quickly shifted his attention back to the enemies and continued striking them down with his blades. Meanwhile, Mikasa managed to catch up with Sasha and the both of them began fending the warriors off as they made their way towards Levi. Before Sasha could reach her squad leader, she felt a tug on her shirt and she was immediately pulled back by a strong force, causing her to stumble and fall onto the ground. Her blade fell off her hand and slid a distance far away from her reach. As her attention was on trying to retrieve her blade, she had failed to notice that the soldier which had pulled her down was just standing next to her with a sword ready to plunge into her abdomen.
"Sasha!"
She heard a loud cry of her name, followed by something heavy landed on her back and a strong push against her body which caused her to roll a few times on the ground with that heavy thing wrapping around her body. She saw a pair of hands held around her and instantly recognised them as a pair of hands that had once treated her wounds a long time ago. She heard a loud groan behind her as that sound vibrated against her back where his chest was pressing on. Prying his hands off her, she sat up and turned to face him. What she was seeing made her face drained of colour.
Dark red blood oozed between the space of Levi's fingers as he covered his wound on the side of his abdomen with a hand. The cut was deep and his originally white shirt turned a darker shade of red as the red stain on the cloth grew rapidly. Panicked, Sasha placed Levi's free arm over her shoulder and lifted him up. She saw the warriors heading towards them, and she started retreating backwards with him. Both Levi and Sasha had no weapon on them at this moment and Sasha thought that it was best for them to make a run. She called out to Mikasa, telling her to retreat. Mikasa nodded and with a final slash on her opponents, she made a dash towards Sasha and Levi, and the three of them ran towards the staircase together. While running, Levi removed his arm from Sasha and pressed his hands on his bleeding wound. Warm blood gushed out of his exposed wounds and dripped on the ground. He stumbled a little as his body leant slightly forward due to the sudden sharp pain that paralysed one side of his body and leg. With a deep frown, he hissed through his gritted teeth and continued running to catch up with Sasha's and Mikasa's pace. Nevertheless, Sasha wrapped her arm around his to support him as they ran.
When they had made their way to the ground level, Commander Hange and a few other soldiers who were fighting against the enemies quickly hopped on their horses and made their way towards Levi, Sasha and Mikasa. Mikasa shared a horse with Armin while Levi got on an available horse with Sasha's help. After Sasha had gotten on Levi's horse, the Survey Corp members and the Military Police escaped, heading towards where they had come from. By the time they had crossed the border, the Marleyan warriors had stopped chasing them, much to everyone's relief.
During the ride back home, Sasha was trembling with her arms wrapping around Levi's waist while being careful not to lower her arm further down where his wound was. Her eyes were fixated on the deep red stain on his shirt and the oozing blood that starting to stain his brown sash as well. She felt a pang of guilt in her chest. Levi had injured himself while protecting her from that warrior's sword. If only she had paid more attention to her surroundings, she could have avoided the warrior and Levi would not get hurt.
Seeing that they had entered a forested area, Sasha knew that they still had a long way to go before reaching Wall Rose. But the blood did not seem to stop flowing out of his wound and she was very worried that he would lose too much blood even before they could return. She wanted to ask Hange if they could stop halfway to treat the injured soldiers' wounds but she was reminded of the fact that they were in a very vulnerable position. It was still daylight and titans were definitely lurking in the forest. Hence, they had to keep going and try to avoid any titan encounter. Having no choice, Sasha removed the top article off her body, leaving her only in a thin white vest covering her top. She could hear loud gasps from a few soldiers behind her.
"What the hell, Sasha! What are you doing taking off your shirt like that?!" she heard Jean shouting at her from behind.
Ignoring Jean's exasperated shout, she tore the fabric at the centre. Then, she brought the fabric to Levi's front and spread it wide.
"Sasha, what are you doing?" she heard him ask in a slightly breathy, weak voice.
The brunette kept her silence as she wrapped the fabric around his waist and inserted her clean handkerchief between the fabric and the wound. Then, she leant forward against his back, wrapped her arms around him again, and pressed both hands snugly against the wound in hope to stop the blood from surging out. His breath hitched at her contact with his open wound and she could see him bend his body slightly forward.
"I'm sorry, but please hang on. Please, Captain Levi," Sasha said in a soft quivering voice as she pressed her forehead against his shoulder.
Hot tears began flowing out as soon as she hid her face behind Levi's shoulder. All the stress that she had been feeling since she was busted by the Marleyans came pouring out heavily like a fountain of water crashing on the rocks from a great height. At this moment, she only had one thing in mind, which was to get home safely with Levi. She would then treat his wounds and thanked him properly for saving her.
On the way back to the gates of Wall Rose, they did encounter some mindless titans. Hange instructed everyone to carry on moving forward unless they had no choice but to fight them. They took down three titans that were advancing towards them from the direction where they were heading to and finally made their way back home. Upon reaching their military base, the injured soldiers were brought to the infirmary to get their wounds treated by the other soldiers knew First Aid.
Meanwhile, Sasha led Levi into another room with some medical supplies and told him to lay on the bed to which he complied. Once he lay on the bed, Sasha untied the fabric around his waist and took out the blood-soaked handkerchief that was already sticking on the wound. The action of pulling it out was understandably painful and caused more blood to gush out from the open wound. She heard Levi groan and her eyes squeezed shut in response. Her heart was already in pain just by looking at the wound. Hearing him suffering in pain made her want to break down again. Sasha took a deep breath and opened her eyes again, telling herself not to waste any more time. Levi had lost a lot of blood on the way back to the base and he was already looking pale and tired. She knew that he had been withstanding the pain throughout the journey as he did not say or speak to her about the crying mess she had made on his shoulder. He just kept his silence and concentrated on riding that horse and keeping a lookout for titans.
Just then, Hange came into the room with a medical doctor. The doctor came to Levi's side and started his examination of his wound. After checking that his internal organs were fine, the doctor stitched the wound up with Sasha's assistance and told Hange to excuse Levi from his duties for at least two weeks to let the wound heal. The doctor would come to check on Levi again the week after next to certify if he was fit to return to his duties. When the doctor left, Hange turned to Levi who was resting on the bed with his eyes closed. Knowing Levi, he would probably be tired of resting in his room or sitting too long in his office and would probably be walking around on the training field after a few days of rest. Then, Hange glanced at Sasha who had a bandage around her neck. She was sitting next to Levi's bed and wiping his perspiration off his forehead and his exposed chest with a towel. The commander's lips curled into a smile upon realising that her presence in the room was no longer necessary and would only be a bother to her poor friend on the bed if she stayed any longer.
"Sasha, I will be leaving now. Please take care of Levi, okay?" Hange said with a small wave.
Sasha stopped what she was doing and nodded at the commander with a smile. "Sure, I will take care of Captain Levi. See you later, Commander Hange."
"See you, Sasha."
With that, Hange left the room, leaving Sasha and Levi alone together. Sasha continued wiping away the beads of perspiration on Levi's face, still feeling that she had owed him a lot because of what he had done for her. He was no longer frowning or crinkling in pain like earlier when the doctor had stitched up his wound. Seeing him asleep with a relaxed face and not wanting to disturb him further, Sasha decided to stop cleaning his perspiration and just stay beside him till he was awake. She shifted her chair closer to the bed and rested her chin on her palm with her elbow on the bed, staring at Levi's sleeping face with a small smile. After three years, her feelings for him still did not subside no matter how hard she had tried. Her three-month mission in Marley had made her miss seeing his face and hearing his voice even more. She also had missed the way he had called her name. For the past three months, she did not look forward to the day when someone called her by her name because that meant that her mission had failed and she would die. Slowly, she felt herself become the fake identity which she had assumed and become the character which she had created to fool others. Sasha Braus was an unfamiliar name to her as days went by. However, that moment when Levi had shouted her name before jumping in to rescue her was a reminder that she did not have to act as Noir Hoover anymore. A reminder that she could go home with him as Sasha Braus.
"Sasha."
Startled by the call of her name, the brunette removed her chin from her palm and straightened her back as she looked at the person who had called her. His eyes were opened, staring back at her with his usual calm look.
"Yes, Captain Levi? Is there anything I can help you with?" Sasha asked worriedly as she leant slightly forward to check on his stitched wound.
"This time..."
Seeing that the bleeding had stopped, Sasha shifted her attention back to Levi and looked at him in puzzlement. Why did he stop speaking?
"This time, what?" she prompted him, finding herself becoming more anxious than worry as she waited for him to speak again.
"This time," he started again with a long pause before continuing. "You didn't avoid me."
"Ah..." Sasha looked away with her lips pursed. She remembered those times she would try to avoid him whenever and wherever possible, but his words would always bring her close to him again. She doubted that he even knew how his words could have a huge impact on her behaviour and mind. "Since when did I ever avoid you, Captain Levi?"
Levi narrowed his eyes at her and said, "Stop pretending that you don't know."
"You know no matter how much I wanted to avoid you, I would always come back, right?" Sasha stated with a chuckle and looked at Levi again. "This time, I can't avoid you anymore because of so many reasons."
"What are the reasons?"
"Because you saved me. And for that, I want to thank you," she replied with a smile.
Levi looked away. She saw his hands move across the bed sheets and before she knew what was happening, he started pushing himself up. When Sasha tried to stop him from moving around too much because of his wound, Levi pushed her hands away from him and told her to just let him be. He did show signs of pain as he shifted his position but since he did not want Sasha to touch him, she obediently complied and just watched him sit up on the bed with a pair of worry eyes. Then, he looked at her again with a serious look.
"Then, what are the other reasons?"
"Huh?" Sasha stared at Levi blankly.
"You said there are many reasons. But you only told me one."
"What if I say that those reasons are something that I would rather keep to myself?" Sasha said in a softer voice as a small blush crept to her cheeks.
Sometimes, things were best to be kept silent. He did not need to know about her lingering feelings for him. The relationship between them could just remain the way it was, and Sasha thought that it would be better this way. However, her heart wanted otherwise. She wanted his answer to her previous confession. A direct 'no' and she would stop looking at him that way. In her eyes, he would only be her squad leader and nothing more.
Still with a serious face, he replied, "Then, all the more I want to know."
"Things meant to be secrets should never be told, Captain Levi."
"Then, why did you tell me all those things in the past?" he went on asking her.
Sasha looked confused by his words. "What things?"
"Everything."
Sasha furrowed her eyebrows at him, not understanding what he meant by that. Since when did she tell him anything? Was it her confession? Was it…
Her eyes widened in realisation. All those times when they were together, he had noticed everything. Connie was right. She was obvious. The only oblivious person was her. Feeling extremely awkward after knowing that Levi had found out the main reasons why she wanted to stay with him, Sasha pushed her chair backwards away from the bed. Even though her eyes were already on the concrete floor to avoid looking at him, she could feel his eyes boring into her. She lowered her head with a deep frown, contemplating if she should hurry up and leave this room for awhile to recollect herself again.
"Are you going to leave again?"
Sasha's eyes flickered to Levi upon hearing his question. As usual, the question hit her like a bullet train, causing her to feel all guilty again. Did he seriously not know how much he had affected her? But if he had known everything without her telling him earnestly, this meant that he already knew that his words could make her stay longer with him. The only time she could not stay longer with him was that day when she had to set out to Marley for her mission. If he had known that much about her feelings, yet why didn't he do anything about them? Making her stay with him just by using his words was just as bad as playing with her feelings when all she wanted was to stay away from him. She felt mad after thinking about this. Did she look like a toy without feelings to him? He could not even reject her properly and he had even made her feelings dance to however he wanted.
"Yes, I am and I will leave," Sasha said as she glowered at him. "However, provided if you tell me earnestly to leave."
"If this is what you want-"
"No. To be honest, I don't," Sasha cut him off with a hard glare. "For a long time, I have been waiting and waiting for an answer to something I have said. I have been stupidly waiting. I have been stupidly blinded by everything. All I want is to put a stop to it and move on."
"Then, why aren't you stopping?"
"That's because… because…" Sasha pressed her lips together as a thought came to her. Tell him again even if he knows. Tell him so that you can move on again. With a look of resolution in her eyes, she stood up abruptly, causing the chair behind her to tilt and fall onto the floor. Her fist clenched tightly as she looked down at him, preparing herself to face him with the truth which she had been trying to avoid. It reminded her of that time when she had first confessed to him.
"I like you, Captain Levi. For three years, I couldn't stop myself from falling in love with you. I couldn't stop my heart from beating so much for you. I am happy whenever I am at your side. I must be foolishly grinning when you told me not to avoid you. I am really-"
"Didn't I tell you before?" Levi interrupted her again. His serious, calm look began to falter. "Find someone else that is around the same age as you."
Sasha's nose flared up at that familiar statement which she hated very much, and she bellowed, "I did! But then what? Don't think that I didn't notice that each time I was with Eren, you would be calling me to help you out. You would be using your trump card on me whenever I wanted to avoid you."
Levi shook his head and sighed tiredly, "You are looking too much into it, Sasha."
"You are confusing me, Captain Levi. I really hate you for that!" Sasha shouted as her eyes began to glisten. "If you have known everything and have no intention to reciprocate them, then you should have stopped confusing me with your words. You are contradicting yourself. Telling me to find someone else while trying to make me not avoid you? What are you thinking? That's ridiculous!"
"Sasha, look-"
Sasha waved his words away, not letting him continue. And she spoke again in an angry voice, "If you are going to reject me, do it properly! Make me stop having feelings for you. If you can…" She thumped her fist against her chest and continued, "Make me hate you so my heart will stop beating for you!"
"Sasha, do you really want to know my answer?" Levi narrowed his eyes at her as he reached out for her hand. "If yes, you going to regret this for the rest of your life."
She felt his hand wrapped around her wrist. She nodded firmly at his question. Of course, she wanted to know his answer badly. If not, why would she want to confess to him twice? As she was preparing her heart for his obvious rejection and telling herself that she would not be regretting anything since she had waited long enough to hear his answer, she felt herself being yanked down by his hand and her upper body fell over his exposed chest. Before she could register what was going on, she felt a pair of rough hands cupped her cheeks and pulled her face down towards him, slamming his lips against hers. The kiss nearly knocked all wind from Sasha's lungs as she stared into his close-up eyes.
He removed his lips from hers, tilted his head to another side and kissed her lips again, and again, and again. It was slow, soft, and comforting in so many ways that no word could properly describe it. All Sasha knew that she was slowly being pulled into this forbidden kiss, partially enjoying this heart-racing moment with him while being partially shocked that she was being kissed by him. His thumb caressed her cheek as his hand rested below her ear. Her hands went up his chest to his shoulders and pulling him closer until their chests were dangerously touching each other. Their breaths mingled as they exchanged butterfly kisses. Her heart fluttered inside her chest and she could also feel the rapid beating of his heart against her chest.
Finally, she removed herself from him, letting herself calm down and catch her breath. Her face was flushed with lots of emotions welling inside her. She meekly looked away from Levi and a smile slowly made its way to her reddened face.
"How is this going to make me regret for the rest of my life?" she muttered with a soft laugh, not noticing that the right side of his lips tugging upwards creating a small smirk on his face.
He pulled her close to his chest again and pressed her forehead against his. "That's because you can't say that you hate me anymore."
Sasha held her breath as she looked into his eyes again.
"You are going to stay next to me from now on," he added in a gentle voice as he encircled his arms around her waist and the smirk continued to play on his lips. "And this time, I will take back the thing I have said about finding someone else instead. It's too late to back out now because I have warned you twice already."
Sasha pursed her lips and quietly chuckled. "I don't think that is considered as a warning, Captain Levi."
"You are going to date a guy who is 14 years older than you."
"I don't mind that." Sasha wrapped her arms around his neck and smiled tenderly at him. "I have never once thought about our age differences. I like you for who you are. The man who is so kind and always looking out for me. Captain Levi, I-"
Levi's lips captured hers again, stifling Sasha's surprised gasp. Sasha shut her eyes and felt a rush of euphoric bliss envelop her, making her heart pound rapidly against her chest in pure joy. Her body flushed with heat and the lovely heat seemed to course through her veins, warming her as she returned a kiss that was deeper and more passionate. A kiss like this was a beginning. It held many words that had yet to be shared, and a promise of much more to come.
"I love you too, Sasha." Way before that night three years ago.
My first one-shot! I was very excited when I wrote this and temporary put aside my other SnK fanfic to complete this story. Didn't regret writing this though because it features my favourite pairing! By the way, thanks for reading this story till the end! Please let me know if you like it or not too! I am open to criticisms, but they have to be constructive. :)
Alright then, see you again next time!