I can't keep living this lie
I'm tired and sick
I... don't want to fight
maybe its best to say goodbye...
Penelope stood in the middle of the BAU hallway. Her mouth hung open and eyes watering. She'd told Kevin she wasn't ready... She finally got over one of the biggest things in her life hoping for some sympathy some understanding but Kevin just walked away leaving her behind. Her heart and her head said to different things. It wasn't that she wasn't ready as shocking as it seemed. That wasn't the case. She was almost at the end of her prime whether she wanted to admit it but Kevin wasn't who she wanted to finish her days off with.
He wasn't the one she wanted to grow old with have children with or even share a small space with. Yes he'd occupied part of her life for 3 + years he's been absolutely gentlemanly and uber sweet but for some odd reason only her heart could explain she didn't want that from him. She didn't want any of it. Her heart was screaming yes but her mind was doing a complete 360. some how it knew some how it predicted that Kevin was probably the closest she was ever going to get to happiness. Why? Because the 1 thing she wanted... the one person she wanted to share the life, kids and space with.. was the one person who she could never have.
She didn't know how long she was standing their but the sudden rush of people brought her out of her thoughts. She looked around a bit. Some what confused before making her mind up. She was tired of this game... Tired of pretending she wanted some one she didn't. Tired of not having what she wanted Dammit and she was tired of holding back. She turned rather quickly making her way to Derek's office instead of leaving like she intended. She was outside his door her heart beating in her throat all her bravado shot. Maybe it was the 10 second walk over that gave her time to think. Made her realize how crazy and irrational this was. NO. No.. She was going to do this. She had to do this. She rose her fist to bang on the brightly painted door that read SSA DEREK MORGAN.
She was frozen. She couldn't knock. Just because her life was out of balance did it actually call for her to ruin her best friends? To ruin what they had for her own selfish reasons? She shook her head to her self. The large dangling earrings making a jingle sound as she did so. She lowered her fist. She couldn't do it. She lowered her hand to her side taking one last look at the door before it opened.
"Penelope?" Derek had a somewhat confused look on his face. "Is everything ok I thought you were going to talk to Kevin and then go home." He stepped out his office with jacket in hand. Penelope thought for a minute...
"I umm..." Penelope avoided her eyes to him. Derek stepped a bit closer squinting as he did so. "Have you been crying? Penelope you need to tell me whats going on." Penelope looked around for an exit something anything that could save her from this confrontation. Derek watched her closely. "Oh no.. no your not leaving not until you tell me what has you standing out side my office or rather creeping outside my office and these tear tracks running down your face." Penelope fidgeted she felt like she was going to explode with pressure. She could feel herself heating up under his stare. This was wrong she shouldn't have come at all just went home watched some soppy TV show and ate ice cream like she usually did.
"Derek...I ..you see..." Penelope looked down the hallway noticing a tall caramel skinned woman waling their way. She had on a tight black fitting dress and white pumps. Her hair was pulled up classy like and her purse hung like a suitcase off her arm. Derek looked over at what Penelope was looking at. The woman raised her hand to wave at Derek a smile gracing her face. "Derek!" The woman squealed as she click clacked her way toward him. Penelope's eyes narrowed. He fist clenched at her side. She didn't know... she wasn't informed and here she was about to pour her fracking frack frickin heart out to him about how much she loved him and.. He had someone else. Derek smiled and waved before he looked back at Penelope. She had the confidence she needed now and whether it was anger or inner strength she didn't care.
"what were you saying?" Derek looked back at her with true sincerity in his eyes. Sincerity or guilt she over rationalized. Penelope took a step back away from him taking a moment before she spoke.
" I wanted to come tell you I'm engaged!" She jumped up and down with a fake smile and giggle. She threw her arms around Derek's neck. "These were happy tears! I just can't believe it and to think I was waiting on you to..." she stopped mid sentence and Derek eyebrows went up before the woman made their way over and hugged him ultimately dooming and saving her. " Well Derek I see you busy so I'm just going to go...you know rings and celebrating to do!" Derek just shook his head dumbly "Umm Congratulations P..." Derek had a small tremor of remorse in his speech. That just made Penelope all the happier before smiling at him... "Well Goodbye.."