Why do you always do this to me? , I asked myself as I sat on my bed. My eyes were swollen and my face was hot. I looked at my clock; the bright red letters glared 3 AM.
"Oh shit." I said out loud in the realization that I had been crying for 5 hours because of him. The reason I always cried. The reason I constantly felt like dying inside. Craig.
Yesterday, it all came out. Ashley found out about me and Craig, she realized he was a cheating, lying bastard. But she wasn't the only one who made that realization. I myself finally took in what I already knew. I hated it so much, when he came up to me after talking to Ashley. I wanted so badly to run into his arms, give him a kiss and tell him everything was okay. That I completely understand, and that im so happy because we could be together. It took so much strength for me to do what I did. But now, I find myself regretting it. Plaguing myself with could of, would of, and should ofs. I wonder what would have happened if I just would have just would have done what I truly wanted to do, and just hold him.
I get myself up from bed, I just can't sleep anymore. I look around my eyes fixate on the computer in the corner of my room. No one will is going to be on, but I might as well, for something to do. With any luck, someone has got to be on; after all it is winter break. I walk over to the computer, turn it on and plop down in the chair and quickly cover myself with a blanket. As soon as it's loaded I go and check my email.
:: 5 NEW MESSAGES::
As I look through them, its mostly junk mail. Except for two, the first one is from JT
TO: smileygurl
FROM: theJOKER
Hey Manny!!
Just wanted to tell you that I hope you have a great vacation!!!!!!!!! I'll miss you!!
JT
The email brought a smile to my face. JT is such a sweetie. But after that thought, I thought about what I did to him, Ditched him, ditched him for an asshole like Sully. Because suddenly JT was just too young for me? What the hell is wrong with me? I'm going to end up just like Craig. Ah, speak of the devil, the little Lucifer sent me an email…
TO: smileygurl
FROM:overxposed
Manny,
Listen, I know that right about now, you have to hate me. I fully understand, I wouldn't like me right now either. But you have to understand why all of this happened. And its kind of hard to explain things to someone when they are avoiding them. I went to Ashley's that night with all intentions on breaking up with her. But when I got in there, she gave me her grandfather's guitar that had been in her family and passed down and all that stuff, and I just didn't know what to do. The only reason why I didn't tell you earlier was I don't know... I have no excuse. But you were right; I didn't think that you would find out about my lies, which was wrong of me. I know I was an asshole Manny. But you don't understand, I do love you, I love you more then anything. You never criticize me, or judge me. Your funny, sweet, beautiful, and I love being around you. I know I hurt you, and honestly, that was the last thing I ever wanted to do. I hope that you might be able to forgive me, because honestly, you're all I want. I'll do anything for you, just name it. This time im serious. You want me to tell off Ash? You got it? Want a diamond? You got it, anything girl, anything….
I love you, more then you know…
Craig
I stare at this email in complete shock. I read through it a couple more times, just to take it all in. Oh god? What should I do? I mean should I believe him? I don't want this to end up like last time. But damn I love him so much. Oh god.
Without even realizing what I was doing I pick up my phone and dial Craig's number.
Ring… ring…
"Hello", A tired voice say
"Ah, Craig?" I stutter out
"Yea? Manny?" He says
"Yes, its me. Listen Craig I just got your email and I wan-" I begin to say before he cuts me off.
"Manny, I need to see you before you leave tomorrow, so we can talk about all this? Can you come here?" He rushes out
I stop to think for a second, this could end up being really good. But what if he wants me over there to try and have sex with me? He would not do that though.. at least I don't think so..
"Okay, Craig, I'll be over in a little bit" I say as I hang up.
I run over to my mirror, I stare at my pathetic reflection. My hair isn't too bad, but my face is make up tear stained. The puffiness in my eyes has gone down some. But my wardrobe… eh, I am wearing a pair of grey sweat pants that I scrunched the bottoms up to my calves, and a big white shirt. I go over to my closet but quickly change my mind. If Craig really loves me, he is going to love me no matter if I am wearing a cute little outfit, or sweatpants. I quickly put on some mascara and a little bit of eyeliner, grab my shoes and quietly sneak out the door.