A/N: Hello, readers. This doesn't have much description in it. I originally wrote it without any at all, but went through and added enough so it wouldn't be confusing.
Featured Pairs: Dramione and Haron. Warnings: Suggestive themes, though there isn't really any confirmation as to what happened last time Ron and Harry were in the Head's common room. Draco curses, and there are a few annoying kisses provided by Ron and Harry to get on Draco's nerves. Draco mentions what that there's "a moment when she [Hermione] can't form words," and he's referring to something mature that involves more than just snogging. Interpret that however you may like. I allowed the wards in Hogwarts to be lifted so Hermione could Apparate in this. Deal with it. Disclaimer: I did not write Harry Potter, do I look like J.K. Rowling? I hope you enjoy!
Hermione Granger was standing in the middle of The Head's common room, a tape measurer in one hand and a pin cushion in the other. Standing slightly above her was Draco Malfoy, dressed in only his red and gold underwear, a white shirt, and a coat, standing on a small stool. Hermione was bent in front of Draco's crotch, getting the measurements for Draco's waist, her back to the door and Draco's hands on her head to keep his balance when Harry walked into the room through the portrait door.
"Hey Herm- Agh, my eyes! Give me a warning, please!" Harry's interruption caused Hermione to look up from Draco's waist.
"Harry, you didn't knock."
"That doesn't change the fact you're in the middle of a public place."
"Potter, this is our room," Draco cut in, frowning.
"It's the common room!" Harry argued.
"Harry, it's our common room. This isn't Gryffindor Tower," Hermione said, her hands on her hips.
"But Ron and I come here all the time."
"Not that you're invited," Draco mumbled.
"We come anyways."
"Like I haven't noticed. How did Granger live with you two for a year?"
"Draco, honestly, we've talked about this before. What did you need, Harry?"
"I left my textbook here the other-"
"Oh, hey guys! Harry…" Ron suddenly walked through the portrait, and immediately kissed Harry, who hummed appreciatively.
"Merlin, my eyes," said Draco, dramatically covering his eyes.
"See, Malfoy. Now you know how I feel," said Harry, putting his arm around Ron's waist.
"What did I walk in on? Why isn't Malfoy wearing pants?" Ron asked, eyeing Draco's half-nakedness. Draco made no move to cover himself.
"Ronald, why are you here?" Hermione said, her voice sharp.
"Nice to see you, too, Hermione. I left my textbook here-" Ron said.
"Weasley, Potter, your books aren't here," Draco interrupted.
"But we left them here!" Ron argued.
"Ron, maybe we should just leave them to each other," Harry said, his disapproval evident.
"Potter-" Draco started when Hermione shot him a look that said "Shut up."
"Your books aren't here, and what Draco and I do isn't your business," Hermione said non-nonchalantly, though she was only getting Draco's measurements.
"But, it is, Hermione," Ron said firmly.
"Ron, would you want me to know what you and Harry did last night?"
"..." Ron blushed and looked at his feet. Harry looked smug as he smiled at Ron, crossing his arms over his chest.
"That's what I thought. Now, please remove yourselves from The Head's Common Room," Hermione said.
"Right, sorry Hermione. We'll be going now, right, Ron?" Harry said.
"But Haaarry…. Hmmm," Ron's protests were cut off by Harry's lips.
"Why do you insist on scarring me for life?" Draco said, closing his eyes and shaking his head.
"Draco, they're just kissing," Hermione said over the slopping noises Ron and Harry were making with their kisses.
"But, I don't want to see that. I heard enough of them last time we left them alone here. I was just asleep, not deaf," Draco said, his face twisted to a look of disgust as he remembered the last time Harry and Ron were in their common room. He repressed a shudder.
"That's not fair! We didn't know you were here," Ron said, breaking off the noisy, slurpy kisses.
"Potter, could you please leave us, now? I don't want to have to throw out the pillows from this couch again," Draco said coldly.
"Draco!" Hermione scolded.
"No, he has a point, Hermione," Ron said with a sigh.
"Did Weasley just agree with me?" Draco asked, looking horrified.
"I'm regretting it already."
"Bye, Hermione," Harry said, grabbing Ron's hand.
"Bye, Harry. And take Ron with you, alright?" Hermione said, remembering when she found Ron lurking in the kitchens the night before.
"Heeeermiiiioneee!" Ron said, sounding like a three-year-old.
"Stop whining, Ronald," Hermione said.
"Come on, Ron. We know when we've overstayed our welcome," Harry said.
"You weren't welcome," Draco pointed out irritably.
"Draco, you're keeping them here longer. Bye, guys," Hermione said.
"Bye Hermione…. Malfoy," Ron said, hesitating before he wished Draco goodbye.
"Weasley." Draco nodded stiffly.
"Bye Hermione, Malfoy," Harry said kindly.
"Likewise, Potter," Draco said, not looking at Harry.
"See you two tomorrow?" Ron said worriedly.
"Honestly, Ron. It's not like Draco's going to kill me," Hermione said, rolling her eyes.
"How are we supposed to know that?"
"Ron-" Hermione started, an angry look on her face.
"Weasley, I'm good, but I don't think that I'm so good I'd kill her. Now, there's this moment when she can't form words and- Ow! Granger!" Draco said, rubbing his arm where Hermione hit him.
"Shut it! They don't need to hear that," Hermione hissed.
"Yeah, she's like our sister," Harry said, uncomfortable.
"That's just gross…" Ron trailed off, grimacing.
"Bye!" Hermione said suddenly, grabbing Ron and Harry by their ears. She dragged them to the door and all but threw them out.
"Ow-"
"Hermione!"
"Leave!" Hermione said, slamming the door in their spluttering faces.
"Okay, we're gone. Bye, Hermione," came Ron's muffled reply through the door. Hermione turned and saw Draco smirking at her, his arms crossed on his chest.
"Stop smirking, Draco. I'm not done with you," Hermione said. She stalked over to him
"I don't think I want you to be," Draco said in a low voice.
"You- Ugh, just let me ward these doors," Hermione said. She pulled out her wand and started to put up wards.
"I love how we're at the point in our relationship where you know we need to have a silencing charm whenever we're left alone," Draco said, his tone teasing.
"You're disgusting, Draco." Hermione shook her head at her boyfriend's words. He chuckled.
"You know you love me," Draco said without thinking.
"I do?"
"You do," he sounded so sure of himself, despite the unease he was feeling.
"Well… If you say so," Hermione shrugged.
"I do say so."
"Why do you care so much, huh?" Hermione looked over her shoulder at him, a joyful gleam in her eyes.
"Because I love you, too, Head Girl," Draco said, exasperated.
"Oh, Draco," Hermione said softly, lowering her wand as she walked to the coffee table. She bent over strategically, giving Draco a full view.
"Granger, what're you doing?" Draco said, quirking his head to the side innocently.
"You'll see," she said, walking slowly towards him.
"Merlin please cleanse her soul," Draco said, looking at the ceiling.
"I don't want cleansing," Hermione purred, and Draco looked down at her.
"Dirty." Draco smirked and raised an eyebrow.
"That's the idea," she smiled as she said it.
"I like this new Granger," Draco said, smiling, too.
"Shut up and stop squirming," said Hermione, as she resumed her work from earlier and Draco shifted his weight.
"Sorry, I'm not used to this," Draco apologized.
"That's obvious," Hermione said, her hands working at the hem of Draco's coat.
"I love you, Hermione."
"I know that, but seriously just stop moving!"
"What's that?" Draco asked, eyeing the needle in Hermione's hand.
"It's a needle, Draco," Hermione explained.
"What's it for?" Draco asked. Hermione snorted; he reminded her of a child, sometimes.
"Sewing," she said simply.
"You're sewing this while it's on me?" He asked incredulously.
"Well, yes. Not stop moving or I'll poke you with this." Hermione waved the needle threateningly.
"Do what you must," Draco said somberly.
"You make it sound like you're going to a wake in an hour," Hermione said, cutting the thread and tying it as she admired her needlework.
"This is uncomfortable," Draco said, tugging at the color of his shirt.
"You should have told me that before I bought the fabric," Hermione scowled.
"Could you please just finish with the coat so I can put on my pants?" Draco asked, his head back so he was looking at the ceiling.
"Stop moving," Hermione scolded.
"Hey… Why do I have to be in my underwear while you're mending my coat?" Draco asked, his eyebrows scrunching together as he looked back down at Hermione.
"Because I like seeing you in your red and gold underwear," Hermione shrugged.
"But I'm not wearing red and gold…." He trailed off as he looked at his new gold and red silk boxers. "You charmed them didn't you?"
"Yes." Hermione smirked.
"What's worse is that Potter saw me in these. Change them back," Draco demanded.
"No."
"Granger-" He warned.
"Show some house unity," Hermione smiled at him.
"But I want my silver ones back," he pouted.
"Draco, really. Stop being a baby," she said, and jabbed the needle at him.
"Ow! What the hell, Granger?" Draco asked angrily, noting the blood droplet on his thigh.
"I told you to stop moving."
"Fine, fine. You win," he backed down.
"Thank you," Hermione said and continued to work in silence. "All done," she said, straightening.
"Thanks, Granger."
"Now get your pants on," Hermione said, handing him his black trousers from their spot on the armchair.
"No fun," he pouted.
"Draco." She narrowed her eyes at him and he sighed.
"Fine," he resigned, sliding his legs one at a time into the pants.
"I'll change your underwear back if you're good," Hermione said, pecking him on the cheek as he stepped off the stool and into his shoes.
"I'm always good," Draco said proudly, grabbing a glass of water from the table and taking a drink.
"You're meeting my parents," blurted Hermione, watching as water came out from his nostrils as he choked.
"Argh!" He coughed.
"Calm down!"
"Don't tell me possible heart-attack inducing news when I'm drinking, Granger," Draco gasped, wiping his face on a nearby piece of fabric. Hermione winced; that was her favorite cat t-shirt.
"Hermione. My parents won't get why you call me Granger," Hermione corrected as Draco set her shirt on the coffee table.
"You couldn't have warned me?" Draco asked, frowning a little. Her heart melted.
"Can you say you wouldn't have locked yourself in your room for three days if I did?" Hermione asked sharply. She smiled smugly as Draco averted her eyes and a small blush tinted his neck. "That's what I thought."
"Let's get this over with." Draco sighed.
"That's my Draco," Hermione chirped, sliding on her shoes.
"If I didn't love you I would hate you right now," Draco told her seriously, lightly kissing her lips.
"I know."
"You have me wrapped around your little finger, Hermione."
"I know."
"Let's go."
"Alright, Draco. If you insist," Hermione smiled.
"Damn you, Hermione." Draco was starting to wonder if he was rubbing off on her.
"You know you love me," Hermione gave Draco a wink as she said it.
"Probably more than I should," Draco admitted.
"The feeling's mutual," said Hermione, offering her arm for Draco. He led her against him tightly.
With a crack, Hermione and Draco Disapparated, leaving Harry and Ron outside with their ears pressed against the door, listening for a reason to burst through and beat the daylights out of Malfoy.