E.H.
Written for a Prompt-challenge. Prompt was Voltaire – When You're Evil (look up on youtube or listen online somewhere.) All credit goes to Voltaire for his music and Masashi Kishimoto for Naruto.
This is rated M for Language and Violence. NOTfor romantic situations!
This is…well…I'll let you decide. Without further adieu…
Evil is Simply Divine
Voltaire – When You're Evil
When the Devil is too Busy
And Death's a bit too much
They call on me, by name you see
For my special touch
Blood pooled around the prone figure in the middle of the red circle. To any passing by, the figure would appear to be dead. After all, who wouldn't be dead with a spear sticking straight out of their heart? Shuffling footsteps came to a stand-still just outside the red circle's edge. The figure twitched and then sneered, opening violet eyes to glare up venomously at whoever came near the circle.
"Are you about finished?" Drawled the man standing over the undead figure.
"Tch! Do I go 'round pissin' and moanin' and bitchin' on your goddamned parade?! Fuck off! My religion is fuckin' divine bitch!" Hidan snarled and spat blood toward his partner's feet.
Kakuzu merely rolled his eyes before moving away from the psychotic priest. "When you do finish, we have a job."
"Fuckin' shit. I'm done when Jashin-sama fuckin' says I'm done." Hidan then grumbled a string of curse words before he finally unstabbed himself and rose from the circle.
To the gentleman I'm Miss Fortune
To the ladies I'm Sir Prize
But call me by any name
Anyway it's all the same
Laughter; maniacal laughter split the air as Hidan rushed in to attack the damn turtle that seemed to elude them. Kakuzu was beginning to grow weary of his partner's tactics as he set out to finish his job. After Hidan fucked up once more, Kakuzu merely lost patience. His hand flew off course, away from their target and straight through Hidan's heart. He tore the beating muscle from other man's chest. Hidan yelled and cursed, spinning to pin a rather hellacious glare on him.
"That fuckin' hurts! Did you fuckin' watch what you were doin' fuck-head?!"
"Of course." Kakuzu replied evenly as they subdued their target. Hidan pointed at him.
"You're nothin' but a goddamned hethen! Jashin-sama knows your ass is fuckin' numbered!"
"I don't believe in Jashin."
That was it. That was all it ever took. Hidan charged and swung his scythe blade at the other man with a scream that was borderline psychotic. Kakuzu easily evaded him before one of the masks emerged from his back. The lightning element attacked him back and wrapped around Kakuzu.
"Fuck you! Jashin-sama will see to his reve-AHHHHHHH MOTHER FUCKER!" Hidan fell to his knees as the electricity jolted through him repeatedly until Kakuzu was satisfied he was mostly dead. The darker man hauled the turtle bijuu over his shoulder, leaving behind a comatose Hidan.
I'm the fly in your soup
I'm the pebble in your shoe
I'm the pea beneath your bed
I'm a bump on every head
"Fire? Fuckin—"
"Just shut the hell up and move."
"You know what?! I don't have to take you're goddamned bitching!" Hidan growled before he swung his scythe at the other Akatsuki member. Kakuzu easily dodged and countered half-heartedly, driving a detached hand with a kunai into Hidan's kneecap. The bone and cartilage plate was moved out of place as Hidan fell onto his good knee.
"Mother fucker! Do you have any fuckin' idea how much that hurts, bitch?!"
"I can guess." Kakuzu ignored the rest of the rant as he yanked his hand free and continued along the path. Hidan was like a spitting cat at times and that simply made Kakuzu wish all the more that he could kill the bastard. "When you're done bitching, we have a job to do. Leader wants this place burnt down before dusk."
"Ah, fuck you heathen shit! Jashin-sama will enjoy fuckin' slicing your bitch ass to tiny ass pieces! Ha! And I'll be standin' there laughing and pissin' on you!" Hidan's laughter faded only slightly as Kakuzu moved farther from earshot.
Kakuzu simply sighed and rolled his eyes.
I'm the peel on which you slip
I'm a pin in every hip
I'm the thorn in your side
Makes you wriggle makes you writhe
A pool of red and a trail of the vermillion liquid followed in his wake. The body being dragged was dropped unceremoniously at the bottom of the statue. The white-haired man looked rather put out. The dark silhouettes of the other members in their little group of assholes looked upon the pair as they entered the cavern. Leader's eyes, the only feature able to be made out among the shadow figure, narrowed on the body.
"I said alive."
"Shit, man! They are alive! Fuck! You gonna bitch my head off 'bout it?! You said alive, heathen! It's alive!" Hidan kicked the body grinning maliciously at the grunt. "You didn't say unharmed."
Kakuzu rolled his eyes while leaping up onto his position. He let out a slow sight and ignored the questioning glances from a few of the other members.
"Alive, yeah. Not mostly dead." One of the figures piped up with blue eyes that hardly contained their mirth.
Hidan turned and flipped the one who spoke off. "Fuck off, banger-boy! Least what I do can be hailed as 'art' to the real fuckin' deal! Jashin-sama!"
"That isn't art! Art is beheld in fleeting moments of glorious grandure, yeah! Not in some sick, twisted fuck's interpretation of sado-masochism!"
"Tell ya what, Deidara…next time we meet, I'll fuckin' show you true art when I stab your shit ass and make that pretty-boy face into goddamn sashimi!" Hidan grinned like the mad man he really was.
"Tch! Bring it!"
"Enough!" Leader growled and turned back to the statue. "Take up your place, Hidan. We have work to finish."
"Work, work, work…fuck. Jashin-sama's work is the most important. I'll have to do double the sacrificing now to make up for this blasphemy of keeping the fucker alive…"
And it's so easy when you're evil
This is the life, you see
The Devil tips his hat to me
I do it all because I'm evil
And I do it all for free
Your tears are all the pay I'll ever need
The pain, oh the sweet pain. It was like candy to him; sweet and tangible yet oh so deliciously horrific. He pulled the spike free from his chest with a wet, slick sound. Next came his three-bladed scythe. The leaf-nin, Kakuzu's bounty…sat upon his knees with the most ridiculous expression of daze. Hidan laughed. Poor fool couldn't handle the ecstasy of this level of torture. No one had yet to be able to understand this kind of wonderful thrill. Not like him at least.
Then their backup showed up. A murder of crows swarmed, blocking their vision. He didn't bother to look to his left at Kakuzu. He just opened his mouth and stated the obvious. "Shit! Backup..."
The kid of shadows and two other brats showed up beside their bounty's body. They were told to move away from the area. Hidan snorted derisively. Like that would stop them? Hell no. Fuck no. They were heathens and morons! That guy wouldn't make it. Simple as that. His sacrifice wouldn't fail. Jashin-sama would see to that. One didn't give to the God and then try to take away. Hidan grinned at the thought of the divine retribution coming to them just for intervening. Kakuzu wasn't having it either. He chased after them. After all, that fuck's body was worth thirty-five million. Even Hidan wasn't that fuckin' psycho to pass that up!
"I'm not giving you my bounty." Kakuzu stated calmly as he landed on the rooftop they'd tried to take their target to get away. They prepped for the confrontation with weapons drawn and faces wary. Kakuzu straightened to his height without a single worry. He was damn certain this wouldn't take too long. After all, he had money to collect.
Hidan laughed and pointed. "No matter how you flop, you're all sacrifices to be made to God!" Jashin-sama would have a fuckin' hay day with all of these shits! He stepped forward with the intent to attack when both he and Kakuzu froze slightly. The familiar tingle of the communication jutsu from Leader ran down their spines. "Can't you wait a little longer? This is just getting really good…"
"We're going to seal the Sanbi. Hop to it now." Leader's voice rang through both of their psyches.
"That's why I'm saying…just a little bit longer!" He growled, raking his right hand through his hair. Kakuzu's voice came over sharply.
"Hidan, stop."
Hidan sighed. "Shit…"
"We'll be back soon to collect. Prepare yourselves." Kakuzu stated as he landed beside the white-haired masochist. "Let's go Hidan."
"I should curse the fucking Leader next time, damn it!"
"Ino! Chouji! Get Asuma out of here!" Hidan looked at the shadow-shit and laughed.
"Duh! I'll be right back so just hang on there! That guys gonna die soon anyways. Au revoir, shit-heads!" Both used a transportation jutsu and left the leaf ninja with nothing more than a memory of their faces and a deep seeded grudge.
"Haaa! That was fucking fantastic!" Hidan drawled as they arrived at their next location. Kakuzu made a scoffing noise before moving to a safe place to sit and prepare for their meditation jutsu. Hidan snorted and rolled his eyes at his fucking partner. "You just don't get shit, man."
It gets so lonely being evil
What I'd do to see a smile
Even for a little while
And no-one loves you when you're evil...
Kakuzu was going down. Laughter bubbled up from his chest as he watched his partner struggle a bit in his fight with the Copy Ninja. Fucking finally! Haha! His heathen ass was going down! Then again, he had more things to worry over. Such as that little shadow-shit to kill.
It probably happened a little quicker than it should have. In all honesty, Hidan wasn't prepared for the extent of that fucker's planning. Being blown to shit? Yeah. Blissfully painful as hell; but not getting pulled back together? That was fucking horrific! Come on! He had some goddamned sacrifices to pay to Jashin-sama! What the hell was this load of bullshit!? Not to mention the fact it was some kid that got him.
"Haha-hehahaha…unreal…you actually got me…" The blank glare down at him from this kid was…pissing him off. He didn't fucking get it, did he!? "Jashin-sama WILL punish you for this! You'll suffer as He brings His vengeance down upon you!"
"Your bullshit doesn't scare me." Shadow-shit said with a low tone that was too deadpan for Hidan to get. "See, you and I have different beliefs. I believe in the 'Will of Fire'. And you? Your 'Jashin-sama' is NOTHING. And you are pathetic. The only thing bringing down vengeance…is ME."
He was stunned at first. But only at first. "DON'T YOU EVER FORGET! JASHINISM WILL SPREAD AND THE LORD WILL SMITE YOU, GOT IT?! AHAHAHA! AND I'LL CARRY OUT HIS JUDGEMENT!" More debris piled higher and higher onto him. He could tell his limbs were already buried somewhere nearby. "I don't need my body to kill you! I'll BITE you to death, mother fucker!"
The rock and rubble stilled his jaw from movement and he had dirt in his mouth. Fuck. In his mouth!? For fuckin' eternity?! This was the biggest load of bullshit ever! Goddamn it, Kakuzu! He'd better bail his ass outta this one or he'd drag the mother fucker across hell and back again just to prove a damn point. With nothing else to do, Hidan closed his eyes and waited for that day when he could finally be let loose from this place. Until then…? Fuck him if he knew.
I'm lying through my teeth!
Your tears are all the company I need!
This is probably one of the crappiest things I've ever written. But I really loved the song prompt from Foxwolf22. It was highly amusing for me to envision this with Hidan and Kakuzu at least. Let me know what you think!
Erika Hearken