FFVIII Sellouts
What happens when the characters of FFVIII decide to make some extra money on the side doing commercials?
Disclaimer: The characters of FFVIII belong to SquareSoft, not to me, etc. etc…
***Author's Notes: My first (not so good perhaps) attempt at fanfic comedy. Per usual, read and review please ~_^
KmartQuistis and Selphie are walking down an aisle in Kmart. Quistis is pushing a shopping cart…
Quistis: Come to Kmart for everyday low prices on everyday household items…
They enter another aisle, filled with toys. Something catches Selphie's interest.
Selphie: Would ya look at that??? Would ya?! It's a full set of triple triad cards! I've been looking for these EVERYWHERE!
Selphie hastily pulls a deck off the shelf and an avalanche of toys cascades to the floor.
Director: CUT!!!!
Selphie: Oops…uhhh… looks up innocently ….It wasn't me….?
CoverGirlTypical CoverGirl commercial with close-ups of Rinoa posing…
Voiceover on commercial: Covergirl…make-up made to stay put when you're on the run….
Rinoa: Plastering on a large phony smile It even stays put while battling evil sorceresses from the future! Muttering under her breath That's such a lie…I had runny mascara and my lipstick was all smudged! Who conned me into doing this commercial? Out loud I want to talk to my agent!
NikeRaijin is shown punching at a small hanging punching bag wearing athletic wear and some boxing gloves. His voice is heard on a voiceover.
Raijin: I like to work out, ya know? And nothing is more comfortable than my Nike sneakers and athletic wear, ya know? So just do it…ya know?
Director: Places hand on forehead and shakes his head Why me? Could someone please call Squall Leonhart and see if he's available for the commercial?
WheatiesSeifer is sitting at a breakfast table with a little kid, a box of Wheaties is on the table and each of them has a full bowl in front of them. The younger boy is happily eating.
Seifer: What are you eating Timmy?
Timmy: It's Wheaties, Seifer. Mom and Dad say it's the best way to start your morning. I poured you a bowl too! smiles
Seifer sits down and takes a bite, quickly spitting it out all over the place.
Seifer: What IS this shit?!?
Timmy begins to cry.
Seifer: Man…not another Chicken-wuss in the making….
AT&T Collect CallsSquall approaches a phone booth and begins to dial '0,' Rinoa approaches, dressed up in an officer's uniform
Rinoa: Hold it right there! Don't you know that you can save the people you call more money when you dial 1-800-CALL-ATT?
Squall: …whatever…
Director: *sigh* CUT!!! That's NOT the line, Leonhart!
Squall: *sigh of frustration* …whatever…I'm outta here
Squall exits.
Director: That's it, somebody call up Ultimecia, she can't be harder to work with than Squall…
Purina Dog Chow
Angelo has his face in a bowl of food.
Rinoa: When Angelo was just a puppy, I wanted to make sure that he grew up healthy and strong, and my vet recommended that I feed him Purina Puppy Chow. Now that he's older and out grown that puppy stage…Angelo! UGH! ICK! He peed on my shoe!!! Runs offstage crying.
Oscar Meyer hot dogsZell is sitting at a table. Ma Dincht serves him a plate of hotdogs.
Ma: My Zell has loved hot dogs since he was little. As a mother, I want to make sure that my growing boy is eating only the best quality food, that's why I choose Oscar Meyer….
Zell: Jumps up. Hey Ma! MaaaAAAAAaaaa! Can I have some more??? I'm hungry!!!
Director: CUT! Zell, let your mother get her lines out first!
Zell: But I already finished the plate…
Director slaps forehead and shakes his head.