OneShot, originally written for BertxYmir Week, about the times in Berthold's life where he's been frightened
When he first discovered what he could transform into, he was scared.
He didn't even remember much of it, he was playing tag with Reiner when he fell and scraped his knee. The next thing he knew someone was pulling at his arms and he landed on the ground with a hard thud. He looked up and saw something terrifying.
They told him that it was good, that he was an asset. Berthold didn't know what to think.
When he was told that he had to leave his home and journey far away to a walled city, he was scared.
His father came and told him that he had to leave with Reiner, Annie and Marcel for a very important mission- to destroy the walls that protected humanity. It was the first time in his life that Berthold felt true fear, leaving everything he knew with the possibility of not returning suspended over them like a dark cloud.
But it was alright. They had Marcel, the strongest out of the four of them. He would keep them all safe.
Then the titan had appeared.
When the titan had showed up and killed one of his closest friends, he was scared.
It wasn't as if he had never seen a titan before, hell, he was one of the few who could transform into one. But in that second, when Marcel pushed Reiner out of the way, protecting him, Berthold was paralysed with fear. Too scared to do anything other than grasp Reiner's arm and pull him up.
"Come on, we have to go!" Annie cried, desperately trying to snap the boys back into action.
"N-n-NO!" Reiner yelled back. "W-we can't just leave Marcel!" He stuttered out, starting to turn back towards the Titan. "He wouldn't leave us!"
"This is crazy." Annie muttered under her breath. Berthold looked up at Reiner, and knew he had to say something.
"Reiner stop!" he screamed at his friend. "He's gone! And if we don't leave now we'll be dead too and then his sacrifice will mean nothing." He argued, voice breaking slightly at the end.
Reiner paused, hesitating for only a second, he took a deep breath in and turned back around, running back to where Berthold and Annie were waiting, grabbing Berthold's wrist without stopping, eyes fixed on the horizon.
When Berthold sat with Reiner in Trost while Annie went to find food, he was scared.
And very guilty.
When he kicked his titan's foot through Shiganshina, everything felt so surreal. Even now he could still hear the screams of the people as they saw their worst nightmare slowly advance through the hole.
Even now Berthold was on edge, beads of sweat beginning to form on his forehead. Irrational thoughts ran about in his head.
These people, they're from within Wall Maria, some of them might be from Shiganshina!
What if they know it was me! Maybe they'll look in my eyes and know!
They'll come over and the military will execute me on the sp-
"Bert, hey snap out of in." Reiner said to him gently. "It's ok, we're one third of the way there. Just think about going home."
Home
Home now seemed like it was worlds away, a far off mirage, never to be reached.
Overcome suddenly with a wave of home sickness, Berthold felt hot tears begin to slide down his cheeks.
Now? I'm crying now? I'm a monster. I don't deserve to show such a human display of pain. After everything I've done…
He angrily swiped his arm across his eyelids, wiping the moisture away.
"I'm fine, I'm ok." He replied.
Reiner looked like he wanted to say more but then Annie thumped down on Berthold's other side.
"It's not much," she panted, out of breath from running back, "but they're being pretty strict about rations." She held out the loaf and carefully split it into three bits, throwing a piece to both of them.
"It's more than I was expecting." Reiner remarked.
"Yeah, thanks Annie." Berthold said quietly
The three shifters sat together quietly for a while until Reiner spoke up.
"I think we should join the military."
"What!" Annie shouted, turning to look at him.
"Annie lower your voice please," Berthold pleaded, "we're going to draw suspicion."
Reiner pulled the two of them in close. "Look, I saw the mechanisms the military use to kill the titans and it's incredibly effective if done right. We need to know how it works to gain the upper hand on these guys, at worst at least we have a means to escape from our titan bodies and not have to run on foot."
"Not a chance in hell am I doing that, you're craz-"
"He has a point Annie," Berthold interrupted.
"No way! They of all people will have the means to find us out!"
"What other choice do we have Annie?" Reiner snapped. "It's a better option than biding our time on the streets, waiting to be killed in our sleep!"
Annie and Reiner stared harshly and each other for a few seconds before finally Annie looked down.
"Fine. You win Reiner, I'll go along with your plan."
When Berthold met Eren Jaeger, he was scared.
Never in his life had he seen a person with so much rage in his eyes, so much blind hatred.
This boy declared how he entered the military to kill titans, how he planned to join the Survey Corps to hunt them down. How he wouldn't rest until every last one of them was dead.
Berthold was pretty sure titan shifter wouldn't get any better treatment.
The second day of training, Eren and his friend approached himself and Reiner, begging for them to help him with the altitude test.
The conservation moved to that day and Berthold heard how Eren's own mother was crushed by a piece of the Wall. Berthold was scared, the way Eren spoke about the Colossal Titan, no, about him was terrifying.
There was worse to come.
When Ymir jumped off Castle Utgard, he was scared. The titans had arrived, the veterans killed, and them without any means to defend themselves. Then Ymir decided it was time to throw away any sense of reason and jumps of the castle's last tower.
Then she transformed
And Berthold was shocked.
She was the titan they met all those years ago, she was the one that killed Marcel. And Berthold remembered the rage he felt towards the titan who took his friend away from them.
But then, she attacked the other titans, she saved them.
After they had been rescued, Berthold helped fasten Ymir onto the bed to bring her up the wall and he was left confused, he didn't know what to think. Here was the same person who ate Marcel in cold blood, but the person who had also selflessly saved their live. The person who was ready to let herself be eaten alive so she wouldn't be forced to pull their safe spot down.
Berthold saw a piece of her hair had fallen on her face, he let himself brush it gently out of the way as he contemplated Ymir and her actions.
She really is a mystery.
When Reiner pulled Eren away and told him their identities as the monsters who had destroyed his home, he was scared.
"You're really gonna do it now Reiner?" Berthold asking, panicking. "Right here? Right now?"
Would Reiner really do this now, here? It's a death sentence, we're surrounded by the Survey Corps!
"Yeah! We'll settle this here and now!"
Then Mikasa ran up to Reiner and-
*Thwack*
Her sword sliced right through Reiner's hand before she turned on him, her blade going through his wrist to his neck.
"Berthold!" Reiner's cries fell deaf on his ears as he glanced on Eren and knew what would happen next.
Sorry Eren
*Crack*
And with that the Colossal and Armoured Titans reappeared, on top of Wall Rose.
When the titan heard that Eren had called attacked Berthold and Reiner, he was scared.
This is it, it's all over, after everything we've been through.
Berthold looked down at the titans that we're climbing up Reiner's titan body.
Kinda fitting, huh. Killed by titans, I guess everything comes full circle in the end.
Just then, a titan's shriek rose up into the air, this one different from the rest, and getting closer.
"What the-"
Before Berthold could finish his sentence, Ymir slammed into the titan reaching for him, holding fast onto Reiner's back.
Their eyes locked for a brief second, and something passed between them. Respect, thanks, forgiveness, Berthold didn't know exactly what it was but he knew that if anything else, he could trust Ymir.
The three of they were lying on top of the wall enclosing Shiganshia District.
Back where this all started huh.
"You guys need something to hand over." He heard Ymir state bluntly.
He still couldn't comprehend how the supposedly selfish Ymir was so willing to hand over her life, especially for the likes of himself, who had committed so many crimes.
"Thank you Ymir. I'm sorry." Berthold managed to stutter out amongst his tears. "But why would you do it, we've killed so many people."
"Well," Ymir replied, "it's not like I'm innocent of murder." She glanced over at him. She didn't say who she was thinking off. They both knew.
"I guess we're all monsters." Berthold muttered glancing back down. Then Ymir reached over and gently grasped his hand, their eyes met and a moment of peace and understanding passed between them.
"We can be monsters together." she replied.
Berthold's been frightened of a lot of things during his life, and as Reiner, Ymir and him set of to the village, he knows he'll be frightened again.
Ymir and Berthold's eyes met again and a gentle smile passed between them. And suddenly it didn't matter that he was frightened, it didn't matter if he was nervous of what the village would think of their failed mission.
Ymir was beside him, he had forgiven her for Marcel.
And with her, her fight, her bravery.
He felt a little less afraid.
A/N: Whew, got there in the end. Hope that everyone was in character, took me ages to think of how to fit some Beruyumi into this fic so I hope that it was sufficient enough for you guys. In the future I hope to incorporate a little more romance into my fics but I was admit ably quite pleased with how this turned out.
I'll probably write a couple of more prompts for Beruyumi week, working on "Bite" now.
If you've read this far then thanks for reading "Fright" and I guess a review would be nice *winks*. Shout out to my Beta Reader Aimee who is great and always appreciated when checking my piss poor grammar. ;D But yeah, thanks for reading!