Going back to the Burrow after all that's happened was pure torture. No one spoke. Mother tried to make things easier, but she couldn't even look at Me. A penetrating silence had settled just outside the burrow as The Golden Trio, Mum, Dad, Bill and Fleur, Charlie, and even Percy apparated. But so many were missing. We all stood in silence almost half-expecting for the ones we loved and lost to arrive any moment. But they didn't. Fred didn't. And after what seemed like hours of standing outside in the cold night, Dad ushered us inside.
Mum was reluctant to move. It took him 10 minutes to get her to leave her spot. By the time she entered everyone had remained silent and mourning. Suffering from the mix of emotions that had followed them after leaving the great hall. Pain, Loss, Hurt, Horror, Fear, Shock, Relief, Sadness, Anger. There was no possible way to define how everyone was feeling at that moment. It hurt to breathe. It hurt even more to speak. Even the slightest noise would send a shockwave across the living room. Mum had said nothing as she went into the kitchen to cook.
Dad was the first to break the silence. "Molly, you don't have to cook right now, let's sit down." He said quietly. Almost scared to anger the quiet. As mum fiddled around with her wand, washing dishes and setting the pans just above the fire she ignored him for a moment before responding.
"No, darling. You all must be starving, I'll make us some dinner, just tell the others to set the table." The slight falter in her voice when she said "others" made my stomach sink down to my ankles. Fred and I were always the ones to set the table during family dinners.
"Molly, honestly-" but Dad was cut off by the sound of falling pans and dishes. Mum had put her wand down. A thick silence filled the room again, this time practically impenetrable before Harry spoke up. "Guys, I know we've been through a lot. Let's just try and get some rest alright?"
Ginny grabbed Harry by the hand and nodded. Looking around I noticed the exhaustion wash over their faces. Red eyes, black and blue spots all over, and a paleness that not even Nearly Headless Nick could compare. After that people slowly began to move upstairs. I was the last to leave, as I made my way up to the hallway Mum turned to me and whispered the words "Goodnight, George." Giving me one quick glance before leaving to the living room.
I couldn't sleep. Not now, not ever. I didn't have the strength to go up to our room. To see both our beds, and know when I wake up, I'd be the only one there. I slumped down just outside our door and stayed up until dawn arose and birds began singing faintly. It was a wonder they could still sing. Looking back I imagined that after the war we'd all be happy, and relieved. Free to not look over our shoulders. But all of that dreaming had shattered. And reality seeped in. No one would leave the war unscathed. And happiness would not come so easily. It seemed to barely exist anymore.
The last couple of days where long and painful. The clock had decided to tick slower and louder than ever before, Time had begun to make us suffer the grief of losing loved ones. Mornings were quiet, afternoons where spent alone. Mum had used cooking and cleaning as her distraction, while Dad had gone to the shed to work on some Muggle objects, or to mourn his son and dear friends… I'm not sure. Ron, Ginny, Harry, and Hermione of course spent there time locked up in each other's rooms. Nights were filled with empty chairs and empty talks. Whenever we were all together, we'd be dragged into the harsh reality of it all. I'd count the seconds until we'd all say goodnight.
I woke up earlier than usual after our last dinner. I managed to find sleep in the living room, only for a certain amount of hours before I could sleep no more. It's been 3 weeks and I still hadn't entered our room. Except it wasn't "our" room anymore. And that thought would stay with me till my dying day. I decided to go for a walk before the others woke up, it'd be nice to breathe the air outside the burrow. To get away from the memories of Fred...I think the others would enjoy a breather from me too.
I began walking and with every step I took I thought more and more about Fred and I. How his death had affected everyone. Mum would still look at me at first with a casual glance that soon turned into hope until she blinked and realization dawned on her. I wasn't Fred. Then sadness would fill her eyes and she'd attempt to hide it with a smile that never reached her pupils. Everyone else would result in avoiding eye contact or contact with me at all. It was no longer Fred and George. It was just George and no matter how everyone tried to make it seem okay. I knew that part of me was gone, and that everyone would think of me as half a person. Just as they've always thought of me. If Fred was gone, I should be too. But no, fate decided to play a trick on my family and me. Fate had decided she'd much rather see me and everyone else suffer the weight of a lost twin.
Hours later, I ended up in unfamiliar territory. I had no idea where I was and the burrow was long gone now. It was 8am, the others would be awake by now, but for the first time in my life I felt reluctant to go back home. So I kept walking until the sun glared down at me, and my feet gave in. I sat there, with my head down wondering. Why did this happen to me? Why did I have to lose everything? The will to hold back tears just wasn't strong enough and I broke down.
"Hello George." Said a soft, dreamy voice. I looked up to find Luna Lovegood, staring at me with a small smile on her face. "Oh. Hi, Luna." I said quickly removing left over tears. "Oh, that's quite alright. You don't have to stop crying. It's understandable". I didn't really know what to say to that. So I responded with a small nod.
"What are you doing out here, George?" asked Luna, with a hint of curiosity etched across her face. "Just felt like going for a walk." I replied.
"That's nice. Mind if I sit?" I nodded and she sat beside me. After 10 minutes of silence, I turned to her and noticed the blue roses she'd been carrying, her hands slightly bruised and bleeding from the thorns. "Luna, are you hurt?" she looked down at her hands and back up to stare at me with a small smile. "Not really. It stings a little, but once I set the roses down, I'm sure it won't hurt anymore."
"Why are you carrying roses?" I asked. "I was on my way to my parents' graves before I saw you sitting on the grass. I decided a small break from the long walk would be nice."
I stared into her eyes before I found my voice. "Oh. Right…are you okay?" A stupid question to ask. But what else was there to say? Her smile had faded and after a small silence she replied, "I miss him. The Quibbler has been rather run-down recently without him there. And the house feels rather empty." I said nothing.
We sat together without glances, or words. Just there. And it had been peaceful. Time had stopped and even though the hurt was there, it didn't burn my mind or crawl across my flesh. It simply rippled and bubbled in my veins.
"It gets easier, you know. When my mother died it really hurt us, but in time it got better. Bearable." Now she hadn't referred to herself. We were talking about Fred. And I could barely look her in the eyes.