'Her friends are all there', I errantly think walking down the hallway towards the OR board. 'I should be there.'
The hospital, it's inhabitants, everything around me seems to be moving in slow motion ever since she collapsed this after noon.
I approach the daunting white glare of the OR board.
Her name hasn't been erased from it yet.
C. Yang, Ectopic Pregnancy, Salpingectomy, Oopherectomy.
Mutilated.
At my expense?
C. Yang, Ectopic Pregnancy.
She was pregnant.
I was too proud to step up, to be a man, to accept that she might not just fall into my arms and beg for my last name, so I broke it off.
Maybe she tried to tell me, and I was too busy being Preston Burke to listen.
I pick up the dry erase marker and it feels like a 50 pound brick in my hand as I erase the words.
C. Yang, Ectopic Pregnancy.
My heart aches, yet at the same time it feels relief.
This could be the chance for a new beginning.
"Dr. Burke." a female voice floats from down the hall.
"Ah, Dr. Montgomery Shepard." I fake a smile.
She sees the half erased words from the board and looks to me, "Since when do you clean up my schedule?"
"I.." I clear my throat nervously, "I thought I would provide some privacy. She's the best intern she has...we don't need the others to find out about her...situation, if you will."
The confidence from my voice is faded and now there is only false assurance.
"She's going to be okay, Dr. Burke." she rests her hand on mine and I look to her. "It wasn't anybody's fault, and you know that."
"I'm not sure who you're trying to reassure, here, Dr. Montgomery Shepard, but I assure you that as a surgeon, I fully understand the circumstances of an ectopic pregnancy, even if I am not specialized in your area."
Her red hair falls into her face and she smiles politely, "She's going to be okay." and she walks away.
I finish erasing the past.
C. Yang, Ectopic Pregnancy.
I lie down the eraser, and turn from the board, beginning to ponder the future.
She will be okay.
We will be okay.