Facing The Obvious

by robertwnielsen

Hawke and Caitlin are dancing around their feelings again...but some unexpected help may change things.

Facing the Obvious

Disclaimer – Don't own 'em, as usual.

A/N – This little story came about from a line I heard in the series finale of the original Battlestar Galactica—"Did you ever stop to think about the fact that two people who snap at each other for no reason are doing it to avoid their real feelings? I've thought about it quite a bit." (From Sheba to Apollo.) Told from both Hawke and Caitlin's POV's. Please, read and review. – robertwnielsen

Summary – Hawke and Caitlin are dancing around their feelings again...but some unexpected help may change things.

Caitlin

Here we go again, I said to myself as String and I began another discussion about our feelings. Or, at least—my feelings, where they pertained to him. I mean, I have tried, practically ever since that day the plane I was taking back to Texas for my sister's wedding got hijacked, to make String see how much I care about him, and not just as a friend, either. I don't know when it happened, or even how it happened, but somewhere along the line, I fell in love with String, even though he doesn't return my feelings. Heck, I think I've been in love with him ever since I came back here to California lookin' for him, after he blew up the Pope County Jail, Sheriff Bogan, and a good portion of the cowboys in town, in that black battleship with rotors he flies. Maybe that's why I came to California lookin' for him—I just don't know. But something's been buggin' me for the longest time, and I think it's about time I let him know about it. I need to try to get Stringfellow Hawke to face the obvious—face my feelings for him, and maybe admit to his feelings about me. Even though I think getting Stringfellow Hawke to acknowledge his feelings about anything, let alone me, or us—at least, the 'us' I want there to be—is gonna be like pulling teeth.

I mean, there are times that I think Hawke is comin' around to my way of thinking, and then just like that, he'll say or do something to torpedo those thoughts. But the more I think about the snide remarks that we've exchanged over the past few months, I wonder—does he snap at me like that for no reason because he's trying to avoid his feelings about me? And, do I snap at him because I'm trying to avoid my frustrations with him—or at least, avoid talking with him about them? Heck, I talk to Dom about them enough, but that's because Dom doesn't roll his eyes and ignore me when I bring the subject up.

Finally, I knew what I wanted to ask him. "Hawke," I began, taking a few deep breaths to calm myself, "did you ever stop to think about the fact that maybe two people who snap at each other for no reason, are doing it to avoid their real feelings? I've thought about it quite a bit." The expression on String's face reminded me of a deer caught in the headlights—and I've seen that look before. He gets that look when he's bein' forced to think about something that he really doesn't want to think about. Mission Accomplished, I said to myself, noticing that Hawke hadn't rolled his eyes and ignored me like he usually does, instead adapting that deer-in-the-headlights expression, which meant he at least gave my question a little consideration.

String

Did you ever stop to think about the fact that maybe two people who snap at each other for no reason, are doing it to avoid their real feelings? I've thought about it quite a bit, Caitlin had said to me. Okay. That was a pitch outta left field I wasn't expecting, I said to myself, even as I knew my face was scrunched up in what Cait likes to call the "deer-in-the-headlights" look—whatever the hell that means. I mean, don't get me wrong. Caitlin O'Shannessy is a very attractive woman. I'd go so far as to call her beautiful, as a matter of fact. But if she's saying what I think she is, then she wants a lot more from me than just being friends, like we have been for the past two years.

"Caitlin, are you asking me what I think you are?"

"Guess that depends on what you think I'm asking you, String."

"I'm not doin' this with you Cait." I shook my head, as her answer had confirmed my suspicion. "Not again." We've been going around in circles about how we feel about each other for a long time. And I have to admit, I'm getting kind of tired of it. I'm also glad Dom's not here today, or else I'd never hear the end of it.

Caitlin

I'm not doin' this with you, Cait. Not again, String said. I have to admit, that hurt. It hurt that String absolutely refused to listen to me, especially when it comes to how I feel about him. Right now, I wish to heck Dom was here, 'cause he's my biggest fan when it comes to getting together with Hawke. And he's also probably the only one who can get through Hawke's head.

Two years we've been doin' this danged dance, and I've gotta admit, I'm getting kinda tired of it. If I didn't love Stringfellow Hawke so danged much, I probably would've given this up a long time ago and gone back to Texas. But I can't. I mean, don't get me wrong, I've dated other guys. But I always seem to wind up with the wrong ones. Guys like Robert Villers, who was only interested in me because he found out I was gonna be flying Carter Anderson III to a meeting, and Robert tried to shoot us down. I still remember hearing his voice—I'll see ya, Cait. Good show, fellas, just before the Corsair he was flying exploded, after a dogfight with Hawke and Dom in the Lady. I thought I'd never get involved with anybody again, and I remember telling String exactly that, especially since Hawke doesn't feel the same way about me that I do about him. But then that bastard Ken Sawyer came along.

Ken Sawyer. If there was a bigger bastard in the world than Villers, Ken would have to be that bastard, even though I didn't see it at the time. I remember he came to the hangar one morning askin' about flying lessons, and I fell head over heels in love with him, too. 'Course, all that malarkey he was spouting—that he loved me, and wanted to be with me—was exactly what I wanted to hear, from String. But I figured since String wasn't sayin' it to me, and Sawyer was, I'd buy it. And I did buy his line of malarkey—hook, line, and sinker. Then I found out the only reason he was getting close to me was because he knew he could use me to get to Hawke and Airwolf. Of course, I didn't figure it out until we slept together, and then the next day we were on a flying lesson, and Ken landed the chopper and those goons grabbed me and threw me in that van. I still remember sitting bound and helpless, not to mention frightened out of my wits, in that chair on board the ship, with what I later learned was a bomb strapped around me, and asking Sawyer, "Ken, I have to know. Last night...?"

Ken just glared at me, then said, "Didn't mean a thing." I danged near swore off men right then and there, I was so hurt. It just drives me so nuts sometimes, that I always seem to fall for the wrong type of man, for some strange reason. But then there's the right type—hell, the right guy—Stringfellow Hawke, right in front of me, who I'm absolutely crazy about, and he won't return my feelings. I still remember, after the bomb was disarmed and Michael turned me loose, how he and I walked off the ship together, and then I saw Dom and String, and ran over to them, kissing them both. I gotta admit, I held the kiss with String just a bit longer than I did the one with Dom. Don't ask me why. Maybe—maybe I was tryin' to tell String that I was okay. That I hadn't died, and that it'd be okay if he tried to love me, the way I love him. I honestly don't know.

'Course, Hawke had kissed me before. That day on the movie set, not long after I showed up in California. I remember thinkin' afterward, Stringfellow Hawke is the only man I ever want kissing me. Period. Because I had never been kissed like that—the way a man kisses the woman he loves. I thought String felt somethin' for me, but I was wrong. 'Course, what really gets my goat is the fact that, even though I thought I didn't want another man kissing me after Hawke did, I let Sawyer kiss me more than once, and then slept with him on top of it. Which, in all honesty, makes me feel dirty. Not just because I knew I was in love with Hawke, but because of how Ken used me. I was just some kinda pawn in the game he was playing, just like Dom and Hawke were, except that I was dumb enough to fall for Sawyer's line, and fall for it, I did. Hook, line, and sinker. Still, I can't help wonderin' why Hawke won't at least try to let me love him, and try to let himself love me. I mean, it probably sounds cocky as all get out, but I think I'd be danged good for String, and I know he'd be good for me, if he'd just admit to his feelings.

I mean, don't get me wrong. I know all about this curse Hawke thinks he has on him—that anyone he loves, or might love, will die. Dom and I talked about it not long after the hijacking, and Dom told me about everything—about String's parents, his brother Saint John, his high school girlfriend Kelly—and, of course, Gabrielle.

What I just don't get is why String can't accept that accidents happen—nobody could've stopped the crashes that killed his folks, or Kelly. And as for Saint John, from what Dom told me, he all but ordered String to lift off and leave him and the rest of their squad, somethin' about the helicopter not being able to carry everybody, or somethin' like that. And since nobody's been able to prove whether Saint John is dead, one way or the other, even though people have been searching for him for the past fourteen years, as far as I'm concerned, he doesn't count. I know String would probably hate me forever if he knew I felt that way about his brother, but I can't help it. It's just one more obstacle he's thrown up to us bein' together, the way I wish we could be.

Now, Gabrielle. Of all the people Hawke's lost in his life, I know he thinks he was responsible for her murder more than any of the others, but Dom told me about this crazy Moffet guy—the one who designed Airwolf and then stole her during a weapons demo. Heck, I'm a black belt in karate, but this guy Moffet sounded like someone I knew I wouldn't have wanted to run into in a dark alley. At least, not without some heavy artillery, like Airwolf's chain guns and ADF pods, for backup. At best, he was a complete sociopath, and at absolute worst, he was a downright psycho who would stop at nothin' to protect what he wanted, which was Airwolf. Moffet didn't care who Gabrielle might have been in love with—he saw her as an obstacle to be eliminated, period. End of sentence, end of story. At least, it should be the end of the story—but Hawke refuses to see it that way. Like he refuses to see the obvious, and face it—how much I love him. Hell, everybody else around here—Dom, Ev, even Michael and Marella when they come here to talk about a mission—sees how I feel about String. He seems to be the only one who doesn't, and I can't understand it.

I can't help it, I thought sadly as I looked up at Hawke. I—I'll always love him. Even if he can't, or won't, love me back. I stood there for a minute, knowing the tears were welling up in my eyes, before I finally turned and walked away. Not leaving, just getting some space. I needed to think, and to get a hold of my emotions before I made a complete fool outta myself.

Hawke

I'm—I'm sorry, Cait, I said to myself sadly, seeing the tears welling up in her blue-green eyes just before she turned and started to walk away. I worried that she was going to just keep on walking right out of the hangar, and out of my life, but I realized she just needed some space. Probably doesn't want me to see her crying again, I said to myself, which made me feel worse, since I was the reason she was crying in the first place. I get what you're trying to tell me, but I just can't do it. I can't risk losing you the way I lost everybody else.

I don't understand why Caitlin can't get it through her head that I'm no good for her, and that I'll probably get her killed, just like Mom and Dad, Kelly, and Gabrielle. And that's when I heard the voice in my head.

String. What happened to Mom and Dad wasn't your fault. And neither was what happened to Kelly. The voice sounded like my older brother Saint John. But that can't be, I said to myself. He's—well—we don't know where he is, but he's not around here, and he's sure as hell not inside my head.

String. Listen to me for a minute, little brother, the voice came back. Am I going nuts? I asked myself, but the voice answered me, No, little brother. You're not goin' nuts, yet. I just wanna talk to you for a bit, about Caitlin.

Okay, Sinj, I said to myself, having decided to continue this little drama until the end, what's on your mind?

Little brother, Caitlin's a beautiful woman, Saint John's voice seemed to be saying. And you can't deny what kinda pilot she is, especially after what happened with Holly. I knew Saint John's voice, if that's what I was really hearing, was talkin' about the time shortly after Caitlin came to us, when Dom's niece, Holly Matthews, had seen Cait and me kiss on a movie set. But we were acting, for cryin' out loud! I tried to tell Saint John's voice. We were just doin' what that director told us to do, and if you saw it, then you saw how he had to all but twist my arm to get me to loosen up! Of course, Caitlin had threatened to bite my lip if I tried anything, which might have intimidated me a little bit.

Maybe you and Cait thought you were just acting, Saint John's voice was saying, but Holly obviously didn't. That made me stop and think. Did Holly really think Caitlin and I were doing more than just acting? That we really had feelings for each other, and was that what made her finally snap, and pull a gun on Cait as she tried to fly up to the cabin?

And, I couldn't deny what Cait did—the way she knocked Holly out and then pulled 4-4 Charlie out of a flat spin, just a few seconds before it would have hit the ocean. Holly got distracted from holding the gun on Caitlin because of an explosion—they had flown through an Air Force security zone on the way up to the cabin, and the Air Force scrambled F-15's when Caitlin wouldn't turn away like she was ordered to, and those jets had attacked the helicopter. Of course, the controllers at the Air Force base had no way of knowing that Caitlin had a gun pointed at her. I'd destroyed one of the F-15's missiles with a Hellfire from Airwolf, and I guess that's what distracted Holly long enough for Cait to grab the gun away, and eventually knock Holly out.

See, little brother? Cait's perfectly capable of taking care of herself, Saint John's voice, if that's what I was really hearing, was saying. And, I grudgingly had to admit, it had a point. Not to mention the time at the air service, remember? I did remember how Caitlin had been attacked while she was snooping around a rival air service, and it took four guys to knock her out, and take her prisoner.

Four guys, huh? Saint John's voice came back. Yeah, I admitted, glancing over at Caitlin, and I knew what Saint John's voice was tryin' to tell me. Suddenly, I remembered something else that had happened that day on the movie set. Cait had been in a chopper filming a stunt, and the cyclic jammed. We later found out that it had been sabotaged by Holly, but Caitlin was still able to land the helicopter. Just another piece of evidence supporting my point, String, I heard Saint John's voice in my head again. Ah, shut up, I said to myself, even though I knew what I was hearing was the truth. Then another image flashed through my mind. Dom was warming up a helicopter for Caitlin to bring up to the cabin, but there was a fuel leak, and the helicopter exploded, almost taking Dom with it. We guessed Holly had done it, expecting that Caitlin would be flying the chopper, not knowing that she'd had to go back into the hangar for her map case, and she had asked Dom to crank the helicopter up for her. But both Caitlin and Dom survived, Saint John's voice rang in my head. Once again, I thought to myself, For Pete's sake, Sinj. I get it, all right? I heard Saint John's voice again. Okay, little brother. Then I thought I heard my own voice in my head. Okay, smart guy. So you get it. Now—what the heck are ya gonna DO about it? I wished to hell I knew the answer to that question.

Caitlin

What's goin' on in that head of yours, Hawke? I asked myself after I walked away from him. That gorgeous head of yours. I can't help it. Stringfellow Hawke is a very attractive man. Especially those eyes. Those ice-blue eyes of his. I swear, the few times he's looked at me without his shades on, I have gotten lost in those eyes.

Caity girl, I heard a voice in my head. One that sounded an awful lot like my dad. Caity girl, you're not still swooning over that Hawke fella, are you?

Daddy? I thought, confused and surprised all at once. Is—is that you? I thought I was hearing my father's voice in my head. But that's impossible, I thought. And there's no way he knows about String. Daddy's been gone since I was 12 years old.

Yeah, it's me, Caity. Remember? I promised you—I promised all of you kids—that I'd always be with you, lookin' out for ya. And just 'cause I'm dead, that don't mean I can't see what's goin' on in your lives—all you kids, and your mom. So I know all about Stringfellow Hawke. I've heard you and your mama argue about him. And I got me a notion to go over there and give that danged fool a piece of my mind.

That's just like you, Daddy. Always lookin' out for me, I said to myself, and to my father's voice. I had to admit that I did remember my father tellin' Erin, Brian, Callum and me that he'd always be with us, about two months before he died on Christmas Eve when I was twelve years old. Daddy had a heart attack right after we'd finished opening presents, just before we started getting ready for Midnight Mass. I tried to give him CPR, and Mom called for paramedics, but they took too long getting to the house because of the icy roads—there had been an ice storm—an ice storm—in Texas, and Daddy was gone before the paramedics were able to get to the house.

Yeah, Daddy. I do remember you saying that, I said to myself. And, yeah, I'm still in love with Hawke. I just wish he...

Caitlin, listen to your dad for a minute, okay? My father's voice interrupted. You know I always told all you kids that you could do anything you set your mind to, right? Well, you haven't set your mind to getting this guy you want, have you? Seriously. Have you really? I hesitated for a minute, then I heard my dad's voice again. C'mon, Caity girl. Tell me the truth.

I hate to admit it, but you're right, Dad. I haven't been as serious as I probably should be. At least, not lately. But what if tryin,' and constantly bein' rejected the way I have been, just hurts too much?

Stop it, Caity, my dad's voice butted in. Just stop that talkin' right now. You know how long your mama tried to get my attention before I finally came around to her way of thinking? Four years, Caity girl. Four years she was after me, 'till I finally realized how I felt about her. I remembered Mom telling me about that. About how she'd chased my dad for so long, even longer than I've been in love with Hawke. And how she danged near gave up on Daddy. A lot like I've been thinkin' about giving up on String, and on us. The "us" that I wish we could be.

And by the way, Cait. It wasn't your fault, what happened, my dad's voice broke into my thoughts again. I thought about that statement—I had been bugging Daddy to teach me how to fly, even goin' so far as to say that I'd learn from somebody else, if he wouldn't teach me, and that's what finally brought him around to my way of thinking on that. Yeah, I didn't hold with you bein' so nuts about flying like you were, and still are, but that didn't kill me that night. I—I'd been sick for a while before that night. You kids didn't know. Only your mama knew about it. It was just bad luck, Caity girl. Just like you've been tellin' yer Hawke fella—hope you don't mind I said that—but it's like you've been tellin' him. Those people that he's lost ain't no more his fault than my dying was yours.

I laughed to myself when Daddy's voice said "yer Hawke fella." Now, if I could just get Hawke to realize that, I said to myself, glancing over at him and wondering what was going on in his head. It looked like String was thinkin' real hard about something—again—and I found myself wishin' like heck that I was what he was thinkin' so hard about—considering that I spend so much time thinkin' about him, when I'm away from him.

Hawke

Okay, Sinj, I said to myself, and to my brother's voice, if that's what I was really hearing. I get that Cait's a tough gal, but I care too much—hell—I love her too much to...

Hold it! Hold it right there, little brother! Saint John's voice rang in my ears again. What did you just say?

I couldn't deny the words that had come into my mind. 'I love her too much to'... Yeah, Sinj, I said to myself, shaking my head. I do love her. A lot more than I should, but—

Oh, but me no buts, little brother! Or I'm gonna go tell Caitlin to kick yours! Saint John said, and I laughed to myself, remembering what happened when Caitlin came to my room in John Bradford Horn's compound. I had attacked her, because I didn't know who she was since I'd been brainwashed, and we fought until she injected me with the antidote to the drugs that were used on me. But during the fight, she kicked me in the chest hard enough that it left an imprint of the sole of her combat boot there for two weeks. I know she could do it, too, I said to myself, because she already did, once.

So? Doesn't that mean anything to you at all, little brother? And what about what she said earlier. What was it? 'Did you ever stop to think about the fact that two people who snap at each other for no reason are doin' it to avoid their real feelings?'

That really made me stop and think about all the snide remarks Caitlin and I've shot back and forth over the past two years. Are we trying to deny our feelings? More to the point, am I tryin' to deny mine? I mean, I think I've got a pretty good idea how Caitlin feels about me.

So, why don't you tell her how you feel about her, little brother? Saint John's voice interrupted my musings again. Look, String. It's none of my business, how you live your life. You wanna live alone at the cabin for the rest of your days, sitting out there on the dock and playing your cello, exercising Tet and serenading eagles, I guess that's your prerogative. But, I'm your big brother, so it's my prerogative to butt in. And you might be missing out on something wonderful, like Mom and Dad had, y'know? Besides, there aren't any guarantees in life. You and Dom could be killed flyin' back up to the cabin tonight. Or Cait could get into a car accident driving to the hangar some morning, or drivin' home at the end of the day. Not to mention that confounded motorcycle of yours!

How'd you know about my bike, Sinj?

Trust me. I know, String, my brother's voice rang in my head again. Heck, if he knew about what happened with Holly and everything else, there's no reason to think he wouldn't know about the bike, and the fact that I ride without a helmet, which I know worries the heck outta Caitlin. I just didn't understand why, until now.

Okay, okay, I said to myself, you made your point. And Saint John's voice, if that's really what I'd been hearing, had made a point. I resolved right then and there to be more attentive to Caitlin, and to let her into my life, and my heart, more fully, if she'd let me. And I suddenly realized why Cait's face had been in the forefront of my thoughts so often when I was away from the hangar—because I've missed her. And because I need her in my life, as more than just my good friend. Dom's commented how much easier I am to deal with when Cait's around, and he's right—there's something about Cait that keeps me sane, for lack of a better word. And as much as I hated to admit it, I've—I've gotten used to Caitlin in a way that I never got used to a woman before. And I swear, she's probably the only woman I've ever known who really 'gets' my sense of humor—hers is almost exactly like mine.

One other thing, little brother. Didn't you ever stop to think that, if Caitlin hadn't known you when her plane got hijacked, she'd be dead right now? That really got my attention, and I had to admit, as usual, that Saint John, if I was really hearing his voice in my head, had a point. If she hadn't known Dom and me that day, she would be dead, along with the rest of the passengers and crew of Flight 093. And that's not the only time that knowing me has saved her life, I thought as I remembered the first time I met Caitlin, in Pope County, Texas. Who knows what Bogan and his boys woulda done if we hadn't been there?

I rest my case, little brother. Saint John's voice rang in my head again.

Sinj, will I ever see you again? I had to ask.

'Fraid I can't answer that one, little brother. Just—nope—I can't tell you. But I might drop in on you and Caitlin from time to time. Well, good luck with Caitlin. Although I don't think you're gonna need it. So long, String!

See ya, Saint John, I said as the voice faded out in my head. As I glanced over at Caitlin, I finally acknowledged something that I'd ignored for far too long—She's beautiful. She really is beautiful. I just hoped it wasn't too late as I started walking towards her.

Caitlin

You're right, Daddy, I thought, fighting to hold back a wave of tears. Hawke is the man I want. And he's a good man, Dad. I know you probably don't think so, the way he's treated me, but he really is.

I know, Caity girl, I heard my father's voice in my head again. I can see what kinda man this Hawke fella is. He's just a bit headstrong and stubborn, like your mama always said I was. I stifled a laugh at that when I remembered Mom telling Erin and me about how stubborn she thought Daddy had always been, when she'd been trying to get his attention.

It's gonna happen for ya, Caity girl, I heard Dad's voice again. Just have faith, like I always told ya. And, don't give up on this fella Hawke. Okay?

Okay, Daddy, I said to myself. I swore that I'd do whatever I had to do, to get String to understand how much I love him. And that it'd be okay if he loved me.

That's my girl! And don't worry none. I'll drop in on ya every now and then. I gotta make sure this Hawke fella's takin' good care of my little girl, y'know? My father's voice rang in my head again and I smiled through the tears that were still streaming down my face.

Yeah, I know. Thanks, Daddy, I said to myself as I glanced over at Hawke, and noticed he was coming over to me. I tried to dry my tears as quickly as I could, even as I turned my back to him so he wouldn't notice I'd been crying.

Before I could say a word, before I could even think of what I wanted to say to Hawke, I felt his arms around my waist as he turned me around so I was lookin' at him. I didn't know what to think, but then he pulled me close to him, and all of a sudden, he kissed me. And not a friendly peck on the cheek like he'd given me before, either. This one felt like the kiss from the movie set. I couldn't believe what was happening. I was in String's arms, being kissed by him, the way I'd always wanted him to kiss me—and nobody had to prod him to do it, like happened that day on that movie set. What's gotten into you, Hawke? I said to myself as I responded to the kiss, wrapping my arms around his shoulders as I felt his around my waist. All I could think, even as I felt my toes curl inside my sneakers, was, God, if I'm dreaming, please don't wake me up. That's when I felt like my brain short-circuited.

Hawke

Before I knew what I was doing, I'd walked over to Caitlin, wrapped my arms around her waist, and kissed her. Really kissed her. It was like I was releasing all the love I'd kept bottled up in my heart for the past two years, and it felt good. Finally, after what I'm sure Caitlin would say was way too short a time, I separated us, and once I'd gotten my breath back, I said, "Cait, there's—there's something I wanna say to you."

I have to admit, I was wondering what Caitlin thought about what I'd just done—I thought she approved, judging by the look on her face, but I couldn't be sure. Finally, she whispered, "What is it, String?" I realized that her delay in responding to me must have been because she couldn't find her voice after I kissed her. Either that, or I kissed her absolutely senseless, I said to myself. Then, I realized I may have just seriously overstepped a boundary, just up and kissing her like that.

"First off, I'm sorry," I said, knowing how much my attitude the past two years had hurt her. "I'm sorry for not saying this a long time ago, but I—I love you, Caitlin. I love you very much, and I'm sorry I've been denying it for so long. And, I'm also sorry for just up and kissing you like—" Suddenly, I felt her lips crashing onto mine again, picking up where my kiss had left off. I also felt something change in the air in the hangar, as if something, or someone, was telling me that things were going to be okay. I suddenly realized that the very thing I'd been scared of doing for so long—admitting my feelings about Cait—was exactly what I needed to do.

Caitlin

"I—I love you, Caitlin." I couldn't believe what I'd just heard. Did he really say that he loves me? Then I heard Hawke say it again. "I love you very much, and I'm sorry I've been denying it for so long. And, I'm also sorry for just up and kissing you like—" I felt my instincts take over as I pulled his head down to mine and kissed him again, and I felt my feelings for Hawke building with every second that we held each other. All the same, I couldn't believe what I'd just heard—First, String told me he loved me, which I've been hoping and praying he'd do practically since I met him, and then String apologized to mefor doin' something I'd been praying he'd do for weeks now! And I've gotta admit, it feels good, having String hold me like this, I said to myself excitedly. Finally I realized that I needed to breathe, as much as I needed String, and I gently pulled away from him. After a few seconds, once I felt like I could construct a coherent sentence, I said, "String—I—I love you, too. I have been in love with you for the longest time, String, but I've been so afraid—so afraid that—" String simply smiled and gently put a finger against my lips to shut me up.

"I know, Cait," Hawke said, and I felt new, happy tears welling up when I looked up at String and saw the love in his eyes. "I realize now that I've been in love with you for a long time, too. And, if I could take back the last two years, I would. But I promise you this, Caitlin. I'm never going to let anything, or anyone, get in the way of my feelings for you, ever again." I couldn't help but feel an enormous sense of relief and happiness at those words, and I hoped like heck he saw my love for him shining in my eyes, the same way I saw the love I knew he had for me in his.

"What happened, String?" I asked him, gazing up into the ice-blue eyes that I was so deeply in love with.

"I, um, you probably won't believe this, but Saint John was talking to me," String said, and I smiled, knowing that I had been having my own mental conversation with my father.

"Really?" I said, grinning. "What was he saying?"

"A lot of the same things you and Dom have been tryin' to tell me for the past two years, Cait," Hawke answered me. "I—I just finally decided to listen this time."

"Well, String," I said, "I had somebody talkin' to me, too. Daddy was telling me not to give up on you," I said, flashing my best "million-dollar smile," as String calls it, up at him.

"Well, I hope you listened to him," String said.

"Yeah, String," I murmured as I pulled his head down to me for another kiss, "I listened to him." And I'm glad you listened to your brother, String.

Six months later...

I sure wish I knew what was goin' on in Hawke's head tonight, I thought as I realized he was flyin' me up to the cabin. I'd tried to ask him where he was taking me, but he just smiled at me and said, "It's a surprise."

When we got to the cabin, I started to get real worried—Dom was there, which didn't worry me so much—but then I saw Mom and Erin. I gave my mom and big sister a hug, then turned to String. "I'll ask you again, Stringfellow Hawke—what's going on?"

He just smiled at me again and said, "Sorry, Cait. I told you before, it's a surprise." All with this air of mystery that, quite frankly, I would've more expected from Archangel than from Stringfellow Hawke. I will admit to one thing—the past six months, ever since Hawke finally decided to open his heart to me, have been the most wonderful in my entire life. I swear, I've been happier these past six months than I have been at any point in my life. And I know String is happy, too. I mean, he can't seem to quit smiling, especially around me. Which just makes me all the happier. Heck, even Mom's happy, knowing that String finally came to his senses about me. Now, if I could just figure out what in the heck he's up to, I'd be the happiest woman in the world, I thought. Nah. The only thing that would make me that happy would be if String...I had to stop myself before I finished my sentence in my head—but part of me was wondering something. With Mom and Erin there, along with String's brother Saint John, Saint John's son Le, and Dom, was String planning to do what I hoped, and prayed he would, and ask me to marry him?

String

Hang in there, Caitlin, I thought as we all walked into the cabin—Dom, Caitlin, her sister Erin, their mother Maggie, me, Saint John, and Saint John's son, Le. My brother came home about three months after our little "conversation" at the hangar. Of course, he didn't believe a word of it when I told him about it. Not that I blamed him—it sounded pretty unbelievable to my ears, even though I'd experienced it. Finally, one day a few weeks ago, Saint John sat down with me and we talked about what I'd experienced—and he got me to understand that what I actually was hearing was my own conscience trying to get me to see sense about Caitlin, and that it had taken Saint John's voice. At this point, though, I didn't care—I was just glad that somehow, I'd gotten some sense talked into me, before it was too late and Caitlin had walked out of my life forever. And, Saint John explained where he'd been all these years.

As it turned out, Saint John and a bunch of our buddies from 1st Air Cav had been home since shortly before the end of the war, but they didn't stay home long. While they'd been in debriefings, someone from the CIA had approached them and asked if they'd be interested in forming a sort of elite special forces unit, capable of doing recon and strike missions. Actually not all that different from what Dom, Caitlin and I do with Michael, and Airwolf. I have to admit, I'd been extremely angry at Saint John when I first learned about what kept him away from us for so long, but Caitlin and Dom finally got me to understand why Saint John did what he did—he figured Dom and I thought he was dead, so he couldn't see the harm in taking this new assignment. And Saint John explained to me that the SOG he was commanding was classified Top Secret Umbra—which I knew was the highest classification in the United States military—which explained why I'd had such a hard time finding any information about Saint John—it was all buried with the same classification. It took a while, like I said before, but about a month ago, I finally forgave Saint John for what he did. And, Saint John confirmed something else to us—Le Van is his son—and Michael did a DNA test to verify it beyond any doubt. Saint John wasn't so sure about Ho Minh, but we decided we'd check on that at some point in the future, too.

I have to say, ever since Caitlin and I officially got together, I've been happier than I've been in a long time. Of course, I'm still a bit paranoid, thinking that something's gonna happen and Caitlin's gonna get taken away from me, like so many others have. But with Saint John back, I feel like things are finally coming together. And Dom, Saint John, and most of all, Cait have noticed it—I can't seem to stop smiling anymore, especially when I'm with Caitlin.

And Saint John and I had a conversation about Gabrielle—and just like during the "visit," when he got me to understand about Mom and Dad, and Kelly, Saint John got me to understand that what happened to Gabrielle wasn't any more my fault than any of the others. "From what you've told me about this Moffet," Saint John had said, "he sounds like he woulda killed anybody who tried to stop him—hell, he tried to kill you and Dom after you took the helicopter, didn't he?" I nodded and thought back to what Gabrielle had told me when I found her in the dressing room at the Red Castle—that Moffet hadn't stolen Airwolf for money, or anything like that—he did it so he could go to Libya and do exactly what he wanted with women. We just didn't know what that was, exactly. And I still remember seeing Moffet standing by his Jeep with a pistol in his hand, aiming for the aerial refueling probe—but I got off the first shot, and killed Moffet with a barrage of missiles from Airwolf. I finally admitted that Saint John was right, and I felt the last burdens I'd been carrying ease from my mind—which was perfect, considering what I had planned.

I was really beginning to wonder if I'd be able to keep my secret all through dinner—Caitlin kept giving me the strangest looks, and asking what I was up to. And I think she was getting tired of me constantly saying, "It's a surprise, Cait." Of course, her mom and her sister had asked Dom why I had flown them out here from Texas when he met them at the airport, and they got the same response from Dom. "All I know is, it's a surprise," Dom had said, just like I'd told him to. I started to get the feeling that I'd better make this quick, or else, I could wind up in big trouble.

Finally, the dishes were cleared and everyone had retired to the living room, and I decided it wasn't fair to make Caitlin wait any longer. Once I made sure Dom had given everybody a glass of champagne, I sprang my little surprise. Not being one for big speeches, I simply slipped my hand into the pocket of my blazer, pulled out a ring box as I dropped to one knee in front of Caitlin, and as I opened it, I said, "Caitlin O'Shannessy, will you make me the happiest man on Earth, and marry me?"

Caitlin

Will you make me the happiest man on Earth, and marry me? I felt the tears flood my eyes when I heard String's question—the question I'd been praying that he'd ask me for the past three months. I stared at him, unable to speak past the lump that had formed in my throat, for probably longer than he wanted. Finally, I felt like I'd found my voice and I said, "Yes, String. Yes, of course, I'll marry you!" String slipped the ring onto my finger, then we stood up and I pulled him close, kissing him for all I was worth, as I heard Dom shout, "Goddammit, it's about time, String!" I couldn't agree more, Dom, I thought. And now, I am the happiest woman in the whole wide world, I thought excitedly.

Of course, Mom and Erin immediately came over to see the ring, and then Mom did something I never expected.

"String," she began, "Erin and I, well, we owe you an apology for all the not-so-nice things we've said, and written about you. We—we just want to tell you how happy we are that you finally came to your senses about Caitlin." I have to admit, Mom's apology surprised the heck outta me—and, I wondered how String would take it.

"Mrs. O'Shannessy," String replied, and I had to bite my lip to keep from correcting him, "no apologies necessary. I just wish it hadn't taken me two-and-a-half years to..."

Mom interrupted him. "Stringfellow Hawke! Don't you be callin' me 'Mrs. O'Shannessy,' for Pete's sake! I haven't been called 'Mrs. O'Shannessy' since my Patrick died when Caity was twelve years old! You're a part of this family, now...so you can call me 'Maggie,' okay?"

"Okay, Maggie," String replied with that same smile that I was so deeply in love with. "As far as your apology goes, thank you. I accept your apology, even though I don't really think I deserve it. Let's face it, I was being incredibly stupid for a very long time about Cait, and I probably deserved everything you and Erin ever said, or wrote, about me." His admission simply reminded me once more why I loved Stringfellow Hawke so much.

Later that evening, when Dom got ready to take Erin, Mom, Le and Saint John back to the hangar, he asked me if I was going with them, to head home myself. "Um, actually, Dom, I think—I think I'd like to stay here with String tonight, if he doesn't mind." I found myself thinking I'd been smart several weeks ago when I left an overnight bag up here at the cabin, just in case. The knowing glances I got from Mom, Erin and Dom made me blush furiously. Not because I didn't know what they were thinking, but because I did. I knew exactly what they were thinking was gonna happen, 'cause I was thinking, and hoping, pretty much the same thing. One way or another, I thought as I felt a wave of hormones rush through me, as soon as everybody's gone, I'm gonna convince String how much I—how much I want him, I thought, anxiously biting my lip to try and control myself as we watched Dom's helicopter leave the dock.

As soon as Dom's helicopter was out of sight, I turned in String's arms and kissed him with everything I had. When I separated us, I hoped that String could read the desire in my eyes—and he did without me having to say a word, scooping me up in his arms and carrying me to the sleeping loft. I honestly don't remember much after that, except when I told him, "Just be gentle, okay? It's..."

He smiled at me, that wonderful smile of his, and replied, "Your first time. I know." And with those words, I knew I had nothing to fear, and gave myself to him completely.

Two months later...

Now, two months later, we're standing on the dock as the judge finishes the wedding ceremony. "I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may..." String couldn't wait any longer, and pulled me to him for our first kiss as husband and wife. The judge didn't miss a beat, though, as he said, "continue kissing the bride." I heard Mom, Erin, Saint John, Le, Dom, Michael and Marella all laugh and applaud as the judge continued, "Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, Mr. and Mrs. Stringfellow Hawke!" Mrs. Stringfellow Hawke, I said to myself, reveling in the sound of the words. I can't believe it—finally, I'm Mrs. Stringfellow Hawke. There had been a point not long before I had that...visit, or whatever you wanna call it, from Daddy, that I thought that the Dallas Cowboys had a better chance of getting to the Super Bowl in my lifetime than I did of ever becoming String's wife. But as we stood there with my family and our closest friends, I swore to myself that I heard Daddy's voice in my head again. Congratulations, Cait. See? I told ya you'd get him. I smiled inwardly and said to myself, Yeah, Daddy. You did. Thanks for everything.

String

"Congratulations, little brother!" Saint John said happily. "You know, that grin of yours looks like it needs to be surgically removed," he said, and we all laughed. You don't know the half of it, Sinj, I said to myself.

"Well, Sinj, why shouldn't I be happy?" I asked. "I mean, you're home, and this wonderful lady and I are together now, forever, so why shouldn't I smile?" Saint John laughed and turned to Caitlin.

"Caitlin, whatever you've done to my brother, please don't ever stop it. I can't remember the last time I've seen him so happy."

"Don't you worry, Saint John," Caitlin answered him. "After everything I've gone through to get this guy, I'm not plannin' on letting him go for a long time!" I have to admit, her words warmed my heart. And I'm not planning on letting you go for a long time, either, Caitlin, I said to myself, happier than I've been since before I came home from Vietnam. I felt like I'd finally found the missing piece in my life with Caitlin. It's been right in front of your nose this whole time, I said to myself. You were just too stubborn—or too stupid—to admit it, until now.

That night, after everyone had left the cabin and Caitlin and I were alone at last, I made sure to show her how happy I was that we were finally together. As we dropped off to sleep that night, wrapped in each other's arms, I heard Saint John's voice in my head again. Nice going, little brother.

Thanks, Saint John, I replied in my head. And, thanks for making me face the obvious. I realized how obvious it had been, to everybody but me, that is, how Caitlin felt about me, and once again, I felt a pang of regret shoot through me that I'd been ignoring it for so long. But the good news, little brother, is that you've got the rest of your lives to make it right, Saint John's voice rang in my head.

Yeah. The rest of our lives. I had to admit, I loved the sound of that. Caitlin and me spending the rest of our lives together. I smiled in my sleep as I felt Caitlin snuggle closer in my arms, and I found myself contemplating the future—a happy future, with the woman I loved by my side. Thanks again, Sinj. Thanks for everything.