"Hide...did I eat Hide?" Kaneki asked himself, breaking the suffocating void of silence in his bedroom. He couldn't be sure...he didn't remember anything after Hide showed up. But surely he'd have enough conscious left to know not to eat Hide of all people? "But who knows," he muttered, grinding his teeth and gripping tightly onto his blanket.
It drove him crazy, not being able to know. It's not like anyone else knew either. He had asked Nishio and Touka and they all but shrugged. He couldn't exactly go around asking strangers where he was, since that'd draw too much attention to himself, something he desperately did not need. But...he couldn't have eaten him! he thought, rolling over on his side. Although if Hide was alive, wouldn't he have tried to make contact with him at some point? It's been almost three weeks and there's been nothing from him. Unless of course Kaneki did actually eat him, and he was still digesting inside him at this moment.
"Shit! Shitshitshit!" Kaneki cried out, sitting up straight in his bed, throwing his blanket to the side. He had to know, even if that meant putting his own life at risk. But that didn't matter, he'd rather be killed by a ghoul investigator than go crazy from never finding out. He got out of bed and walked over to the nightstand where his leather mask lay, which he felt gave him the appearance of some psychotic monster. No, that can't be it, he thought, he was already a monster with our without the mask. The mask simply show cased his already deep craze.
He looked up at the mirror in front of him noticed for the first time how spiritless and dismal he looked. He sighed and shifted his gaze, not sure if he could stand to look at his own reflection for much longer. With that, he grabbed his mask and stuffed it into his bag, just incase he needed it. He then put on some dingey black hoodie he's had for who knows how long, and left his house, entering into the barely lit streets.
He was surprised, it was only 10 p.m. and there were barely any cars in the vicinity except for a couple of parked vans down the street. Maybe it's because it's a Tuesday night he figured, walking across the newly paved sidewalks. No one's ever out on a Tuesday night. But as he continued to walk under the subdued lights, he looked above and and saw the ash colored clouds, threatening to unleash its unforgiving fury. He hurried up his pace, not wanting to be rained on.
About a half an hour later, as it barely began sprinkling, Kaneki stood in front of none other than Hide's yellow painted house, ivy adorning the sides. What if he's not even here? Kaneki thought bitterly, while walking to the front door. He hesitated from knocking, and instead peered into the living room window, seeing Hide's parents having a classy meal of burgers and wine in the living room. Kaneki laughed a little, thinking that they haven't changed one bit.
"Oh shit!" A voice behind him blurted out followed by something crashing to the ground. "Wha..." Kaneki trailed off as soon as he turned around, seeing Hide standing there, his left arm bandaged up and his mouth wide open. He then looked down and noticed Hide had dropped an English textbook. "Let me pick that up for you!" Kaneki offered, relief flooding through him that he was still alive and breathing. In that moment of tense silence, he picked it up and handed it back to Hide, who could only carry it with one hand due to his injury.
"Kaneki..." Hide said, with a soft expression, "What are you doing here?"
"I...I came to how you were doing, to make sure I didn't...didn't hurt you." Kaneki murmured, suddenly wondering if the injury on Hide's arm was because of whatever he might've done to him.
"Oh! No need to worry Kaneki! I am a-ok!" Hide reassured, grinning wide enough to make all his teeth show. Kaneki wasn't too sure, knowing far too well that Hide could very easily put up a facade, and has numerous times. But he didn't want to push. "Why don't you come inside? My parents are gonna fall backwards when they see how crazy you look! I mean seriously, you look like a punk!" Hide said, unlocking the front door. "Mom. dad, I'm home! Oh and Kaneki is here too!" Hide announced, pulling Kaneki inside with him.
"Kaneki!? Is that really you?" Hide's mother cried out, falling out of her chair like Hide predicted. She quickly stood up and hurried to the two of them. "You look so different, what happened?" She asked, examining him up and down.
"I, uh, I'm trying out a new look..." Kaneki muttered.
"I haven't seen you in months! Where have you been? We've all been so concerned about you! Hide especially..." She asked, snagging down his hoodie, revealing his complete head of snowy hair. She patted his hair down, and frowned when it didn't stay put.
"I've been...around." He said stiffly.
"Well then, I guess we'll have to talk more over dinner shall we? Why don't you two get freshened up? Oh and the two of us have already eaten, as you can see from our empty plates," She explained, referring to her and Hide's father, "So we'll fix you two something good!"
Hide and Kaneki went upstairs, the wooden stairs creaking more so than it used to, until they entered a brightly lit hallway that led to 3 separate rooms, the one at the end belonging to Hide. Once they got inside, they sat down on the bed. "You know," Hide began gently, "You don't have to eat if you don't want to, since I know you can't exactly eat that stuff anymore..."
Kaneki froze and spluttered, "N-No it's really fine!" He brightened up and continued with, "I really wouldn't mind eating it!"
Hide looked solemn and barely above a whisper said, "You know much more than I do Kaneki, how much you probably do mind it."
Trying to change the subject, Kaneki asked, "What happened to your arm?"
Hide stiffened and made a lame attempt at looking cheerful, "Oh this? It was nothing! Just got a stupid scratch, that's all."
Kaneki couldn't help but feel like Hide was hiding something from him. He didn't know, but he desperately wanted to find out. "C'mon Hide, what really happened?"
"Ohh you don't believe me? I told you man, I just got a little banged up!" Hide proclaimed with a vibrant smile.
"Cut it out Hide, I've known you long enough to know when you're lying." Kaneki asserted, suddenly feeling frustrated.
Hide sighed and said, "Well you're one to talk! You've been lying and hiding everything from me for the past 8 months and I had to find out through you biting my fingers off what you really are."
Kaneki gaped and he began to shake, processing what was just said, "I did what? What did you say?" His voice cracked on the last word as he stared up at his friend.
Hide looked down quickly, feeling regretful and muttered, "Sorry, I didn't mean to say that. Pretend you didn't hear what I just said..."
Still shaking, Kaneki grabbed Hide's injured arm, and began unwrapping the bandages. "H-Hey Kaneki you can't just do that!" Hide stuttered out, unsuccessfully trying to remove Kaneki's hands.
"Oh. Oh no..." Kaneki whispered as soon as he took off the bandages, which revealed Hide's left hand, covered in stitches with only two fingers still attached, irritated and scabbed all around, "D-Did I do this?"
Hide kept quiet and looked away. "I did this didn't I? Because I'm..." Kaneki could feel heavy tears threatening to spill over as he whispered, "...because I'm a monster."
Hide's head snapped up and he said, "No you're not a monster, you were just hungry and needed strength! Please Kaneki, don't be so hard on yourself. We all get a little hungry sometimes don't we? Just our tastes are a little different now..."
Kaneki stayed frozen in his spot and felt a mixture of shame and anger course through him, as he continued to study Hide's hand, barely listening to his words. He noticed how harshly he must've bit the fingers off, seeing how jagged the stitches were and how far along the hand they stretched, up and over the three useless knuckles. He ran his thumb over them and cringed when he felt how rough the stitching was and how puffy the skin was around it. Hide hissed in pain and muttered, "Please don't do that, that area is really sensitive."
Kaneki looked up at Hide and asked, "I-I'm so sorry Hide...I'm so, so sorry..." He let go and turned around, so Hide wouldn't see how pathetic he was if he started to cry, "How do you stand to look at me and not throw up? I can't even stand to look at me, so I'm just wondering how you do it..."
Hide frowned and said, "I can stand to look at you because you're my best friend Kaneki, no matter what happens to you I'll still always be there okay? Just promise me you won't eat any of my future girlfriends. Don't know how happy I'd be with that..."
Kaneki felt something tug inside him, and he smiled, for the first time in who knows how long. He slowly turned back around and looked up at Hide, "I promise I won't eat anyone you like." He laughed a little and shook his head, realizing how ridiculous that must've sounded. Hide joined him and said, "You say the weirdest things man..."
It felt almost like old times, when he wasn't a ghoul, Kaneki thought. "Hey Hide?" He asked.
"Y-Yeah?" Hide replied, his heart twitching a little under his unusually intense gaze.
"So you really don't hate me?" Kaneki asked softly.
Hide shook his head. "Course not man, I've known since you were like 6 so this isn't gonna stop us from being friends. Okay, so now I'm down to 7 fingers, so what? It gives me character!" He said with a wink, laughing a little.
When they heard Hide's mom shout, 'Dinner's ready!' from downstairs, Kaneki muttered, "I wish my taste buds weren't so screwed up. I can only remember how good your moms food was..."
Hide smiled and got up, "Don't worry, I'll cover for you. Or maybe I'll just sneak all your food while she isn't looking!"
Kaneki laughed a little and followed behind, wondering how he ever deserved a friend as great as him.
A/N
Wow haha sorry if you had to read the previous version, thank you guest reviewer for catching that B). Anyways hope you enjoy this fic! Ily all so much