Obligatory Nonsense, a power rangers fanfic

Obligatory Nonsense

Summary: Dustin decides there should be a wedding. As usual, everyone agrees with him; except Hunter. Probably because Hunter has common sense. Probably. Hunter/Shane.

Disclaimer: I do not own Power Rangers and am in no way profiting from this story. It is for entertainment purposes only.

Notes: Cam/Dustin and Blake/Tori are established couples. The Bradley brothers live in Ninja Ops. Hunter and Shane are hopelessly single baboons. That is all.

Warnings: Boy/boy loving. Some adult language. Happy-make-out times. Team shenanigans.

Oodles of love and appreciation to the real vampire for beta-ing this story. It is my first attempt at writing in present tense (excluding the first passage) and she took the time and effort to correct my past-tense loving ways. Thank you for sharing your patience and knowledge : )

the real vampire = magnificence incarnate. Fact.

-:-:-:-:-:-

There was something deceptively awesome about having your own action figure, Hunter decided. It seemed like a big deal at first because hey- you have your own action figure, that means something. Like the rest of the world was finally showing a little appreciation for all the hard work (and life risking and brainwashing and sacrificing and no, he did not need to go on) the rangers doled out on a daily basis.

But then Hunter realized a few snagging facts. The main one being he sure as hell wasn't seeing any of the money that their merchandise was making. Nobody else on the team was getting any money and no one else could unless they stepped forward to actually prove it was their image and likeliness being used. Unless they did that, they were in the public domain and douchbags like Bandai could make as many action figures, lunchboxes, posters, t-shirts, coasters, and whatever the hell else they could consider hawking with literally no one to stop them. It was perfectly legal.

Meanwhile, schleps like Hunter and Blake have to work part time as stockboys just to get a little spending money.

It was bogus, but it wasn't like Hunter was unfamiliar with the injustices of the world.

Of course, having action figures also led to other sorts of problems. Ones that mostly revolved around way-too-enthusiastic yellow rangers that ran out and purchased every single one of their toys the moment they hit the shelves, and satisfied himself by re-enacting battles, or making up battles, or acting out imaginary reality tv shows that combined cooking with fashion design and extreme snowboarding.

It didn't make a lot of sense to Hunter either. But his toy had won the last two "shows", so he was okay with it.

He should have realized that eventually, Dustin would get bored with that.

And a bored Dustin was a creative Dustin. And a creative Dustin was stupid.

In Hunter's humble opinion, of course.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Dustin is on the floor by Cam's computer when Hunter enters the Ops' main room. He's huddled over his collection of action figures (which he insists are team property, but they all know well enough they're truly his). At the moment he's making his own sound effects, blasts and explosions while Blake's action figure flies through the air wielding the Thunder Staff.

The first mistake Hunter makes is stopping to see exactly what he's doing. The rest of his mistakes are too many to count, so he doesn't bother with them.

Dustin snaps his fingers and looks up at him brightly, doing that thing where he jumps halfway into a conversation they haven't actually started.

"Oh, I know," he says excitedly, like he and Hunter have been sharing ideas for the past hour now. "We should have a wedding."

As Hunter takes a few moments to process this (as it is entirely out of left field), Dustin begins rearranging the action figures, pushing the bad guys and zords out of the way and focusing on the main team, babbling a mile a minute. "That's what Liv used to do all the time with her Barbies. It's like, mandatory for all toys to go through at least one wedding."

"I think that might just be for girls," Hunter replies, beginning to get the sinking feeling that this is actually going to happen. He stops and frowns, realizing how Dustin is arranging them. "And why are Shane and I the ones getting married?"

Shane and Hunter's relationship is…complicated, to say the least. Or it wasn't, if you asked people like Tori who live by the rule of no-bullshit, but this is Hunter's head and in Hunter's head their relationship screams of complications. Mostly this involves Hunter mooning over a thankfully oblivious Shane and cursing the world for it, and then cursing the world for feelings, and then cursing himself for knowing that even if he had a chance he would most likely ruin it, by being himself and having issues, which are pretty much the same thing but whatever, who's counting.

He swears that half the time Dustin uses the dumb-blond shtick just to screw with them. He has to. It would explain so much.

Dustin doesn't pick up on his incredulous tone (or doesn't care, or tunes it out, or whatever Dustin does) and looks at him as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Well, clearly you guys are the ones that need it the most."

Hunter begins to feel his right eye start to twitch and he restrains himself from grabbing at Dustin's neck.

See, that's his first impulse. People with neck-grabbing tendencies are unfit to date normal people. That was just…It was mean.

"That doesn't make any sense," he mutters, glaring down at Shane's action figure. "What about you and Cam?"

At this Dustin laughs, actually laughs. "Nah," he says, once the snickers die down. "You guys need it way more than we do."

What does that even mean?!

Hunter, no longer wanting to humor/take-part-in this business, turns a glare towards Dustin who, of course, remains completely unaffected.

"You have to date first before you get married. It's…" Hunter struggles to think of an analogy that would meet Dustin's approval. "It's in the rules, or something."

The yellow ranger gives Hunter a properly dubious look that makes the blond feels ever so closer to tearing out his hair. Or Dustin's.

That would probably be more satisfying.

See; un-fit.

Dustin reaches over and gives him a comforting pat on the arm. "You don't have to date to get married Hunter."

The twitching, he could not- his eye-

"Yes you do!" he yells, standing over the other teen helplessly as he sets up a tissue box alter.

What is this, backwards land?

But Dustin just ignores his outburst, waving a hand at him absently as he positions the action figures just so.

"Look," Dustin starts, eyes focused on his work. He places Cam's samurai figure on top of the tissue box. "You can either play or whine, but either way I have a wedding to run here and action figure Tori is not going to put up with your nonsense." He finishes this by brandishing said aqua ranger toy at Hunter menacingly, squinting his eyes in what is probably supposed to be an intimidating manner but it simply comes off as one of his usual looks of overdone ridiculousness.

"And neither will regular Tori, if anyone is asking."

The voice comes from the doorway, and a few seconds later Tori plops herself down next to Dustin, taking stock of the action figure ceremony that is in progression. "What are we doing?"

"Protesting," Hunter mutters as he sits down across from Dustin, on principal really, and the other two ignore him, Dustin bouncing slightly in place as he fails to contain his excitement.

"We're having a wedding," Dustin explains. "Cam's the officiant, Blake's the best man, you're the maid of honor, I'm the ring-bearer, and Hunter and Shane are the one's getting married."

Tori, the traitor, remains disapproval-free, instead wearing a look of amusement. "Who's the bride?"

"Dude," Dustin sighs, arranging Shane and Hunter (or, you know, the red and crimson rangers, but it's essentially the same thing) so that they're standing side by side. "It's going to be hard enough to get them married; let's not complicate things."

In response Tori only nods slowly, in total agreement, and Hunter takes a moment to hate them both.

"Well clearly it isn't," he grumbles under his breath, giving the other two the stink eye as they make the Tori and Blake action figures walk down the 'aisle'. "Since you are forcing us into this marriage."

"Now if only we could force you into dating," Tori mumbles right back, just as not-silent as Hunter's comment had been and- for the record – the only reason Hunter's face begins to heat up is because of the absolute fury that rises within him at the very idea of…dating Shane.

It would be the epitome of gross.

Epitome.

"Hey guys, what's going on?"

And holy hell, it's Blake. Finally someone who will take Hunter's side.

The younger Bradley brother approaches their gathering with a curious expression on his face, eyebrows raised at the accumulation of action figures. "Oh," he says, once he feels he recognized what's going on. "Team toy time. I can get behind that."

He settles in next to Hunter, taking control of the navy ranger toy from Dustin and dutifully mimics Tori's movements, stopping so that they are on opposite sides of the 'alter.'

Hunter can only watch on in disbelief before he realizes that Blake doesn't actually know what they're doing, so he sets to rectify this problem. Then Blake will totally be on his side.

His stupid brother ruins this a moment later as they watch Dustin's yellow ranger march down the aisle. He takes the full picture in, the two red rangers already side-by-side, Cam positioned in front of them, and says nonchalantly, "Hey, they're getting married. Cool."

"Cool?" Hunter spits out before he can contain himself. "What do you mean by cool?"

"Well you guys really need it," Blake offers, as though it makes totally sense, and in the background Tori and Dustin are nodding in agreement, like they had talked about this shit before.

Hunter sends his brother an appropriately spiteful look. "We don't need-"

"Dearly beloved!" Dustin interrupts, voice booming. "We are gathered here today-"

"I am not feeling beloved," Hunter protests. He would go down protesting if he has to but he will not sit idly by and pretend it is okay for the rest of the team to make fun of his nonexistent love-life.

Of course, that thought was probably Cam's cue to enter the room anyway, snarking in an un-impressive tone, "What is making Hunter feel not 'beloved'? And how can I help?"

Instead of answering his question, Dustin just holds up the samurai ranger toy for Cam. The tech deftly relieves him of his burden, scans the set up and nods in understanding, which just makes Hunter think that this was totally planned. It was a choreographed let's-make-Hunter's-eye-do-that-twitching-thing day.

Well…they sucked.

So there.

"Dearly beloved," Cam starts again, tone much more reverent and subdued. "We are gathered here today to join these two in holy matrimony-"

"While you have obviously decided not to listen to any of my unquestionable logic," Hunter grumbles, ignoring the irritated look Cam sends him for interrupting his 'heartwarming' spiel. "There is a part where I can protest this. That's not even something I made up."

Not like the you-and-Shane-need-official-acknowledgement-of-a-relationship-you-don't-actually-have. Not like that.

"Dude," Dustin chides him, reaching over the action figure set-up to smack the side of Hunter's arm. "Don't interrupt the ceremony."

Hunter begins to protest, "But that's a real-"

This time there's a light smack on the back of his head, but when he looks at his assailant Tori's eyes are kind. "You just have to wait for the appropriate time," she reminds him gently.

He wants to glower, or grumble, or something, so Hunter settles for an odd combination of the two but lets them continue on with their mockery of a wedding. Maybe if he puts his protest in the official spot they will actually listen to him.

"As I was saying," Cam continues, looking unfairly regal for a guy playing with a kid's toy. "We are here to join these two in holy matrimony. Now…" He sends Hunter a pointed look. "Is there anyone who objects to this union?"

For added effect Hunter impulsively grabs up the Lothor action figure, brandishing it above the congregation in the most menacing toy-fashion. "I object to-"

He makes it halfway through his sentence before 'Lothor' gets tackled by tiny Tori, Blake, and Dustin. He drops the action figure in surprise and Dustin immediately snatches it up, chucking it over his shoulder where none of them, none of them, paid it anymore attention.

To add insult to injury, when Blake returns the toy navy ranger to his spot beside toy-Hunter, he leans it over and whispers, "Got your back bro."

Well, fine, if that's how they want to do it…

Hunter reaches forward to grab at his action figure. "Okay, now I-"

"Dude, you can't play with that one," Dustin chastises, smacking his hand away, and Hunter has to rear back in surprise and wonder A) why the hell not and B) what was with all the damn hitting?

That does it; he's going to punch the next person that so much as thinks of getting physical with him.

As though hearing his question (his first question; no one looks like they're going to answer the second) Dustin continues, "Tori and I are playing with it. You have to wait your turn."

"Those are the rules Hunter," Tori chirps. Her smile only grows as he casts a stink eye in her direction, and on the other side of the circle Cam continued.

"Great, no objections. Now," he begins, turning towards the red action figure. "Do you, Shane Clarke, take this man, Hunter Bradley, to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

With a smirk firmly in place, Tori reaches over and grabs Shane's action figure, rocking him back and forth as she answers, "I do."

Cam nods. "Do you promise to love and protect him, to honor and respect him, to keep him in sickness and in health, through the good times and also through the bad times-"

"Of which there will be many," Hunter grumbles, using every ounce of will to keep himself from blushing. This wasn't the worst thing to happen to him, far from it; it just...stings, a little.

Beside him, Blake gives his arm a pat. "No interrupting, remember."

Hunter rolls his eyes. "Fine."

"-forsaking all others," Cam continues, talking over them. "And be faithful to him?"

"I do," Tori repeats with a smile on her face, and again Cam nods and turns his action figure towards Hunter's.

"Do you, Hunter Bradley, take this man, Shane Clarke, to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"Definitely," Dustin answers, and upon receiving a threatening look from Tori he changes his answer to, "I do."

Cam, minute smile on his face, continues, "Do you promise to love and protect him, to honor and respect him, to keep him in sickness and in health, through the good times and also the bad times, forsaking all others, and be faithful to him?"

"I do," Dustin says, motioning the crimson action figure appropriately.

I would, Hunter thinks, because he's just especially vindictive and hates himself, and has always wanted things that were just a little too far out of his reach.

"Good," Cam says, nodding down at the two dolls in satisfaction. "You are now to give each other certain solemn promises…"

"Why wasn't I invited to the party?"

Hunter is probably the only one struck still as the new voice enters the room, and the others all turn to give Shane appropriate greetings, Dustin smiling at him brightly as he motions to their set up of action figures.

"Dude, it's a wedding."

And Hunter doesn't, doesn't, doesn't say anything, because whatever he would end up saying would be the exact wrong thing or just make him look like an idiot, so instead he schools his face to his usual I'm-always-humoring-you-crazy-people, bored expression he had mastered after about a week of working with this team.

Instead of protesting, or scoffing, or asking what the hell Dustin was smoking, Shane just looks thoughtful, considering the action figures for a second before he shrugs and plops himself between Cam and Dustin. Blake, the smarmy bastard, takes this time to do some strategic rearrangement. He quickly hops up from his seat and goes around to the other side of Hunter, pushing in between his brother and Tori until Hunter's stuck on Cam's other side, right by his action figure.

Across from him, Shane just smiles, that same ah, the team, gotta love em' smile that he always gets when it's just him and Hunter talking battle strategy, or training schedules, or why-did-Dustin-do-that-thing-he-did that Hunter has grown to cherish and yet simultaneously hate.

Shane inclines his head towards Cam, giving a half nod. "As you were."

Cam studies him for a second, but moves on, clearing his throat. "You are now about to give each other certain solemn promises. Please turn, face one another, hold both hands, and repeat after me."

Shane obediently reaches out and turns his action figure to the right. Hunter, not one to be outdone by how cool the other teen is playing this, turns his action figure as well, figuring by the stupidly pleased expressions on the rest of the team's faces that he's finally allowed to touch it.

Cam turns towards Shane first. "I, Shane."

"I, Shane," the darker teen echoes.

"Take you, Hunter."

Take you, Hunter, and falcon-punch your heart and- woah, Hunter thinks, shaking his head and trying to focus on the uh, "ceremony".

Yeah…getting a little too overdramatic there Hunter, even for you.

Back in the real world Cam is saying, "-to be my lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward."

"To be my lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward," Shane replies, looking almost cheerful. Not that he was…yeah, he wasn't…

Yeah, that makes sense. Hunter makes sense.

"For better or worse," Cam is saying. "For richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish for long as we both shall live."

God, they better hope Cam wasn't actually qualified to do this. That would be a real awkward conversation to have with Shane's parents. Wait, you had to have a marriage license for this kind of thing right? Hunter just has to make sure he doesn't sign anything. He wouldn't put it past Cam to taunt him with what he wanted over a marriage of action figures.

"For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health," Shane is dutifully repeating, somehow having memorized it all. "To love and to cherish for as long as we both shall live."

"I, Hunter," Cam begins without pausing, forcing Hunter to actually focus on what is going on.

After a few seconds, he realizes he's supposed to say something.

"Oh, right," he mumbles, shaking his action figure. "I, Hunter."

"Take you, Shane."

To the god damn movies. We'll have a really good time because we'll be two married folks and they always have fun at the movies.

"To be my lawfully wedded husband."

And then we'll move in together, because we'll be married right? Never mind we never dated; this shit's legit.

"To have and to hold from this day forward."

And we'll have a few good weeks sure. It'll be all fun and laughs and we'll cook each other dinner and make fun of bad tv shows and arrange a whole slew of action figure weddings. Scratch that, we'll begin an action figure wedding planning business. Who cares about saving the world; there'll be wedding cake.

"For better or worse."

But then, of course, we'll disagree over something. I'll be small. It won't be important, but then we'll start disagreeing over other things.

"For richer or poorer."

And then we'll be disagreeing over everything, because we don't work. Why would we work? The only thing we have in common is being a ninja. And genitals. That is not enough to start a relationship on.

"In sickness and in health."

And then you'll start drinking and we'll fight and we'll fight until one day you leave in an insurmountable rage because I literally wasted your life. I took your time and your emotions and wasted them, and maybe you'll be too broken to manage a stable relationship and you'll resign yourself to a life of isolation in some unexplored mountains, griping at whatever ninja students come to train under the lonely, broken master.

"To love and to cherish as long as we both shall live."

That's going to be Hunter's legacy. Dustin and Tori (and probably Cam; you know what, change it, Cam would probably be leading the charge) will hunt him down and break him into as many tiny, microscopic pieces as was humanly possible and then they'll take him to another action figure wedding, because obviously the second time's the charm-

"Hunter."

Because that's what he does. He breaks things. And then he wants things anyway, despite the fact he breaks them. But it's not like he tries to, or like he even wants to want things; if he could get by without needing things he would, because there's less chance of him lashing out and hurting somebody.

"Hunter."

But you do want things. And it doesn't…they don't feel unreasonable…

So why does he feel like crap when he thinks of them?

"Hun-"

There's a smack to the back of his head - seriously people - but when Hunter's eyes go to glare at whoever the perpetrator was he's too distracted by Dustin fussing with his hand. His fingers are holding onto his action figure so tightly it looks like he's about to break it. He immediately loosens his grip and feels…He's right.

He's right and he hates it.

"What was that last part again?" he asks, trying to sound normal and almost, just almost, succeeding.

"To love and to cherish as long as we both shall live."

"Yeah," he mutters. "That."

And that's as close as he's going to get without like, actually getting married.

Cam stares at him for a moment, giving him the opportunity to alter his response, and eventually nods. "Then by the power invested in me by Bandai, I now declare you husband and husband."

"You may now kiss the bride!" Dustin cheers, throwing a fist into the air victoriously.

The crimson ranger rolls his eyes to give him (yet another) exasperated look. "If we're both grooms there is no-"

Hunter sort of loses the next few seconds. One moment he's lecturing Dustin and the next his world is sideways. Distantly, through the haze of fighting instinct combined with surprise, he realizes that he's falling on the floor right now because Shane, for lack of better word, tackled him. They hit the hardwood with an unceremonious thump, Hunter frowning as he turns his head to see…yeah, that's Shane's face, right there, just sort of…hovering.

The other teen has his arms posed on either side of his head and doesn't seem to care too much about how their legs are tangled up, or that Hunter could theoretically be about to punch him. Instead he's just smiling, that goofy, stupid-

And hey- now there's kissing, and Hunter is really, really okay with that.

Shane is cradling the back of Hunter's head with one hand and bracing himself up with the other, which is fine, that leaves Hunter with plenty of room to…Apparently his first reaction is to latch himself onto Shane. Okay, he can live with that. Hell, he could even live with the slightly embarrassing noises coming out of his mouth, he was down with that, but-

Hunter pulls away, gasping, and there really is no way to hide how red his face is so he doesn't bother, instead trying to adopt a serious expression. "I don't want to break yo-"

He's cut off with a squawk and Shane hauls them upright, moving so that they're both sitting with Hunter leaning against his chest. The crimson ranger frowns (and he would notice that he others had chosen to vacate the room at some point but he has more important shit so…) but remains silent as Shane grabs at one of his hands. He cradles it gently, then moves it behind his own head, pulling Hunter closer, but still…

He brings Hunter's hand down on the back of his head, a medium smack, and lets it go, smiling victoriously.

Hunter feels that his look of absolute confusion is totally justified. "Why…?" he asks, trailing off, and Shane's smile widens.

"I don't want to hit you," he explains. "But you're being stupid."

And there are so many…like the kissing, Hunter sort of wants to focus on that, but-

He tries, really, to process this. "So you…" he drops off, trying to get it right. "Hit…you. Instead."

Which was a very nice turn of events from the let's-all-smack-Hunter train of thought, but kind've…exactly what he was worried about.

Though based on the bright and knowing smile adorning Shane's face, this was something he knew already. "I think it will be effective," he murmurs, tilting their foreheads together.

Shane has an arm around his waist/lower back, supporting him…keeping Hunter safe against his chest, and the other one's back to holding the blond's hand, trapping it between them but it-

It's so stupidly sweet and intimate that Hunter wants to hate it.

But it's exactly what he's been looking for.

So he doesn't.

Instead Hunter shrugs and looks off to the side, giving Shane's hand a tentative squeeze. The other teen squeezes back, no hesitation, and Hunter swallows. "I think that says something unhealthy about our relationship," he gripes; a token protest.

Instead of listening Shane just drags his face closer, making it so he's talking against Hunter's lips and- Who, who was teaching Shane these stupidly sappy things? Hunter will bet anything it was Tori. Tori and Dustin. He bet they've made a list, he bet they've practiced-

"I think it says something unique about our relationship," Shane mutters, smiling as Hunter squirms. "It makes sense, seeing who we are."

"I swear to god if you say we are each a 'unique shining star' I will-"

And hey- back to that kissing business. It was warm and kissing…like and…

Alright, it's getting too hard to think.

Hunter's just going to sit back and enjoy it.

And maybe, just maybe thank Dustin for not knowing how to play with action figures.

That probably helped a lot.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Down the hallway in the Ninja Ops kitchen, the rest of the rangers are celebrating, doling out mad high fives and hugs before eventually latching onto their own boyfriend/girlfriends to enjoy their victory.

"Dudes," Dustin exclaims, nuzzling into Cam's shoulder. "I told you guys that if like, none of our logical or reasonable approaches worked, we just had to go for it."

This earns a laugh from Tori, who's leaning backward into a rather smug Blake. "Yeah, but I didn't think toys would be the key to our success."

"But it wasn't the toys," Dustin replies with a wink, shaking a finger at the water ninja.

"It was how we used them," Blake finishes.

This gets another laugh from Tori, and the two blue rangers turn and look at each other for a moment, Blake tightening his hold around her waist as they do so.

"I am glad," Cam begins, gently grabbing Dustin's wrist and pulling him out of the room to allow the other two their privacy, "that particular endeavor has finally been accomplished."

"It has been a long time coming, hasn't it?"

"When did you start to see it?" Cam asks out of curiosity, smiling as Dustin leans against his shoulder. "Hunter and…"

Dustin, after making sure their fingers are properly intertwined, grins up at his boyfriend. "Remember after our first training session, when Hunter punched Shane in the face?"

The tech nods in confirmation, pulling Dustin down another hallway and eventually making it to his room. "It was that early?"

"Sure," Dustin replies, cheerful. "Like I said, long time coming."

Cam chooses only to nod in response, making a beeline for his bed before dropping down onto it, settling Dustin against his side. They stay like that for a few minutes in comforting silence, Dustin curling in towards Cam's body heat, before the tech asks, "Do you think it would never have happened? If Hunter hadn't…"

Dustin thinks about this for a second, then smiles, propping himself up so that he's draped across Cam's chest. "Nah, I think they would have found each other, eventually." He reaches forward and gives Cam a peck on the lips, chaste and warm, and then settles back down, tucking his head underneath Cam's chin. "It was unavoidable."

"That a fact?"

"Yep." Dustin sighs, then drums his fingers against Cam's waist. "Sort of like how action-figure marriage doesn't count as real marriage."

"Shame though," Cam mutters. "We could've killed two birds with one stone."

"Think we can sneak the action figures into the real wedding?"

Cam scoffs, then brushes a hand through Dustin's mop of curly hair, smiling. "I would comment, but I'm sure you've already formulated several plans to guarantee their presence."

There's a pause, and then, "…there might be some truth to that."

Cam smiles, incomparably happy and content with this exact moment. It was, undoubtedly, one of their better ones.

"Then I have nothing to worry about," he whispers.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Endnotes:

This story was inspired by a quote from Glee. A character was boasting of his wedding planning skills by explaining he had married his action figures numerous times. To quote, "My Power Rangers got married and divorced in so many combinations, they were like Fleetwood Mac."

The more I thought about it, the more I knew it had to happen. Because Dustin would do that. He would do that until the cows came home.

Also, this story is taking place in a new Power Rangers-verse (for those of you who have read my other stories and are wondering about the whole "Hunter-punching-Shane" thing). This is the "Toy-verse" and hopefully there will be many more adventures to come in it.

And in closing…yeah, Cam would know how to marry someone. Come on, you know he would.

Until next time : )