Hello, people.

So, this is my first Harry Potter fic that I publish so I'm kind of a little nervous about this... or maybe not xD

I admit here that the main idea for this story wasn't mine, I read one and then I made this. So you all please do not flame me! Besides, the fics are different. More explanation at the end, so for now, enjoy!

Disclaimer: don't own anything. If only I did...

First times

The first time Severus became aware he wasn't really getting any paternal affection was when he was five.

Little Severus wished his mother would protect him, but she proved a worthless scared woman whose magic became repressed by little more than a few months after her marriage. From time to time he would see that man he called his father beat his mother to a pulp, and when he'd be done with her, his son would become his victim of his drunken state. At that night, he vowed not to hope for any more comfort from his parents, though they were easier spoken words than done actions.

The first time Severus thought he'd made a friend was when he met Lily Evans, the sweet muggleborn witch.

He was hiding from a living nightmare at the park when he heard voices. They were two girls' voices. A little spy and he saw the duo he'd know as Lily and Petunia. For some time, he just observed the two sisters, then, one day, he showed himself and talked to them about magic and witches and wizards. Anyone could say that was not the best of first meetings.

But as they kept meeting, they formed somewhat a friendship. One friendship that lasted and was strong enough that when it broke it was shattering.

The first time Severus went to Hogwarts was unforgettable.

At the Hogwarts Express, he met James Potter and Sirius Black, two of the people he would dislike the most. They were, if anything, annoyingly too sure of themselves. At Hogwarts they were sorted into completely opposite Houses, which only helped for their distaste for one another. By the end of term, they were sworn enemies.

The first time Severus was caught really crying, it was pouring down like the oceans fell onto their heads.

He was at the astronomy tower, cuddled into a ball, hugging his legs and head down. So absorbed in trying to get his thoughts out with the tears running down his face, the young first year didn't notice another person coming. The figure of the prefect sixth year Lucius Malfoy came into light and kneeled down beside Severus. A slender hand reached for the dark-haired and he was startled; immediately his head shot up and obsidian eyes met blue ones.

Lucius had a sad smile on his lips and silently embraced the younger Slytherin. Too tired to fight or too desperate for any kind of affection, he let himself be hugged. And for minutes, the blonde let his novice cry in his shoulder and hold him like a salvation rock. Malfoy could only imagine what made Severus break down like that.

By his side, Severus, for the first time in two years, tried to forget the dream of Tobias and Eileen Snape behaving like a real couple and parents for two months of illusion before everything went a nightmare again. So at that time, any kind of affection was welcomed.

The first time Severus could really say he got scared to death was when he went home after his fifth year.

He wasn't what oneself would call handsome. He was tall, slender, not deadly skinny, and had somewhat of a charm, but wasn't really handsome. Then he just couldn't understand why had Tobias said he was just pretty and thrown him onto the floor, toping the boy and biting his neck like his life depended on that the very same day he just returned to Spinner's End.

It was just weird. His father, his own father, even drunk beyond repair, was the one to tear his clothes away, bind him to he lit fireplace with chains at his wrists, caress him on places he'd never imagined and abuse him for countless hours and just leave his broken body still attached to the fireplace.

It was at that day Severus sworn he'd be stronger, to never more be intimidated, to be able to care for himself, to make those who abused their position as guardian or whatever have the right deserved punishment, and if that meant going with Lucius to meet that so called Dark Lord, he would. It was also that day Severus learnt how to use wordless and wandless spells.

The first time Severus saw Lord Voldemort, he was thrilled, not nervous or scared, but thrilled.

They had the initiation meeting, and right after he talked alone with the dark wizard. The conversation was light, or as light as it could be. Lord Voldemort asked for his reasons and he told the truth. He would be stronger. He would punish who deserved. He would protect those desperate scared children he saw. No fear was held in his voice, not the least. And the Dark Lord smiled, only and truly smiled to Severus.

Soon enough, Severus was Lord Voldemort's second in command, His left hand, His Dark (Half-blooded) Prince, His confident and His lover. Lucius would perform the façade of second in command, was his right hand and no one outside the Inner Circle would know who the Dark Prince was.

The first time Severus felt he wanted no longer to live was at Lord Voldemort's first downfall.

What has inclined him to tell Dumbledore of the Dark Lord's plans was beyond his mind. Why would he turn in to the death his only reason to live? Why would he help those who did nothing to help him? Why did he just sign to a damned life with no one to be there for him?

It was, maybe, when the Dark Lord resurrected that he knew why he did so. He wanted, probably, to be able to prove to himself he was strong enough to survive. He did survive, but he just barely managed. When he met the Dark Lord at his chambers again, he could say he'd commit he's worst mistake but was happy, truly happy, to be accepted again into the lord's embrace.

Just then, after few years of battling, double living became too tiresome. The war was somewhat lost, but a look, one look in those obsidian eyes and the Dark Lord did something unimaginable.

For the first time lord Voldemort gave in. He gave in his life he so much wanted to keep. For the only person that didn't even know what love was. For his Dark Prince he gave in his life. For Severus Snape did Lord Voldemort give in everything.

And one night, they all but died, except for two men. Two men who grew knowing little of affection, who suffered what none should have, who loved each other and who died together.

A/N.: Yeah! I'm sick xD

Oh, just don't ask. Came into mind and was written, final! Just a thought:

It wasn't supposed to be Vold X Sev, really, but what? Can't do and won't nor wanted to change. By the way, the culprit is Riddle Master 101, who wrote The Most Unkindest Cut of All (yes, it was this one fic to give me the idea for mine, so any similarities between the two is explained)

And yeah, I know it's totally OOC X.x

-Story writte at December's 8th, 2010.

.Atsuko Uehara, May's 14th, 2011