Title: The Fearful Heart 1/2
Rating: PG (part 1)
Fandom: All My Children
Pairing: Bianca/Marissa
Word Count: 2,300
Author: Tempest819
Summary: Takes place after Bianca and Marissa agree to take a break from each other.
Disclaimer: I own nothing but a Honda Civic. The characters below belong to ABC blah, blah, blah. Don't sue me.

"Ya'know, I don't think we should see each other for a while."

"Maybe we shouldn't."

Marissa shook her head in disbelief as she replayed that moment in her mind. Why had she said that? Why had she agreed with Bianca's preposterous idea. Twirling the straw in her drink as she sat on the Yacht club bar stool, she was watched as the liquid swirled and it produced an almost hypnotic effect. Memories of JR giving her the music box, and offering her donuts and orange soda in the park started to filter into her mind. Then they started to morph and JR's image transformed into Bianca's and what had been a moment of reverie became a fantasy. Marissa imagined it was Bianca giving her the music box, Bianca handing her orange soda in the park, Bianca leaning in to kiss her after she told her how she deserved to be happy, deserved to have fun, and how she wanted to be the one to give those things to Marissa.

As that fantasy washed over her, as she felt her face rush with heat and her heart start to pound like a war drum, she realized she knew the answer to question and she knew why she agreed to Bianca's request for some time apart. She agreed because thinking of Bianca in that way was like standing at the edge of a cliff and looking over; incredibiliy exhilarating and absolutely terrifying at the same time. It had been too much to process in that moment, too many coded truths to decipher right then and there and it caused her to react with the emotion that was easiest to accept; anger.

After Bianca had admitted her part in her and JR's improvised Cyrano scheme, Marissa felt anger first. Anger that her best friend, whom she had relied on for her honest opinions and sage advice, had essentially engineered JR 2.0. She made him charming without being arrogant and she made him thoughtful without being calculating. And all those upgrades took away a very important choice from her. Did she want to be a part of a family again? Absolutely, but she wanted it to be real, not manipulated for the sake of convenience.

But the anger she felt wasn't relegated to Bianca alone. More than anything she was mad at herself; mad that she let her fear drive her into the arms of JR even though her heart and her head both agreed it was ill advised. The fear had been borne of something she felt stir inside her, something new, but almost familiar. Ever since the kidnapping, ever since Bianca and her were held captive together in the closet, she felt her connection to Bianca intensify. Her pull toward the brunette became almost magnetic. She always found her way to her, always found herself reaching out to touch her, to be close to her in every way. And when little droplets of doubt started to drip into her mind leading her to question if her connection to Bianca was starting to morph into something else, something more, she always fell back on a very safe explanation. They had experienced something truly traumatic together and because of that, because they overcame it together, their connection would always be unique. But that wasn't the reason, she knew that now. She'd used her time alone and away from Bianca to come to terms with what she had been struggling to keep contained for too long. And now that she had done it, she couldn't get a hold of the other woman to say what she had been too afraid to say before.

Shaking her head in frustration she downed that last of her drrink and just as she was about to pay her tab, the sound of a familiar voice interrupted her.

"Marissa, hi."

She turned to her right and came face to face with a tall brunette Kane woman, just not the one she had been looking for.

"Kendall, hey, how are you?

"Ah, it's a win-some, lose-some kind of day for me. How about you?"

"A little less win-some, a little more lose-some for me."

Marissa hadn't intended to sound so maudlin and Kendall noticed it immediately. The brunette was fairly certain she knew why as Bianca had filled her in on the latest installment of the Minx saga before she left for on her sojourn. What her sister had relayed was that her attempts to help JR and Marissa reunite had basically blown up in her face. Before Kendall could even tell her how idiotic that plan had been, Binx had told her she needed to get away for a while and be alone. Seeing the defeated look in her sister's eyes she figured it wasn't the best time to come down on her. Instead she offered to watch Miranda and Gabby while she took the time she needed to let her wounds heal. Now seeing Marissa with the same defeated look she couldn't help but feel sympathy for her. Rather than offer her some choice words for how harsh she had been on Bianca, she offered words of gratitude.

"Look I'm glad I ran into you, actually. I've been meaning to reach out to you since the kidnapping and Ricky...I know all too well how scary something like that is, so when I say thank you for what you did, please know I say it with a complete understanding of how hard it must have been for you. So, thank you."

"For what?"

"For being there for Bianca. You must have been absolutely terrified, but you found a way to silence that feeling just long enough to keep Bianca strong."

Marissa smiled, not because she agreed with that statement, but because of how ironic it was, and questioned, "Do you honestly believe that if she had been in that closet alone, she would have froze up and just waited for what came next?"

"No. She would've have fought. She would have been scared, but it wouldn't have paralyzed her. Still, I'm really grateful that she didn't have to go through that alone."

"She's a fighter...the strongest I know." Marissa affirmed.

"She's a Kane, and she's the best of us." Kendall replied.

Marissa felt her throat close up at that statement. It made her heart swell to hear someone speak of Bianca in such a way, with such confidence. It filled her with pride to know how lucky she was to have someone like her in her life. Before she could reply, she caught sight of her reflection in a mirror across the bar. Seeing herself there reminded her of a truth she couldn't ignore.

"I'm the one who would have frozen up if I had been in that closet alone."

"Marissa…" Kendall reached out to the other woman to offer comfort, but Marissa moved her arm before she could make contact.

The redhead entwined her fingers in her lap, scraping her thumbnail over an imagined imperfection on the skin the knuckle over one of her fingers. She took a breath and steadied her voice before she replied.

"I had an aunt. I never really saw her that much growing up, she'd only come around on Christmas, that was the only day. She would come to our house and sit in a corner...never really said anything, never really talked to anyone. I would call her Creepy Carrie. One day my mom heard me calling her that, and she got real quiet and told me to go to my room. She didn't yell or scream at me, just had this really sad look in her eyes. I didn't even know what I did, but I ran up the stairs to my room real fast and I didn't make a sound the whole time I was in there. I just waited and waited and finally my mom came in and sat on the edge of my bed facing away from me. After what felt like forever she finally spoke…and she told me about her sister Carrie. She told me how when they were little, her sister was the jokester in her family, always looking to find a way to crack up their parents. She had this combination of silliness and sweetness that made everyone fall in love with her. She was like that through her teens, into her early twenties. Then one night, she left a bar she'd been at with her friends. She was walking down a street, it was late, it was dark. A man's hand gripped her around her waist, another covered her mouth and he took her…then he beat her, then raped her..." She paused as the relived that moment, understanding now more than ever how devastating that experience had been for aunt and those who loved her. "….She survived, but she wasn't the same. For some there's no coming back from that." She looked up to see Kendall struggling to contain the emotions her story was evoking in her. She knew that Kendall understood the significance of the story all too well. "When Bianca told me what Michael Cambias did to her when we were tied up in that closet, I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe how someone as loving, gentle, and kind could have experienced something so horrifying. Being in that closet, hearing her story, It made me realize something important in that very moment, and it changed me."

"What did you realize?" Kendall asked in a broken voice.

"That there's a strength within us, that we're stronger than we know. Sometimes we find that strength on our own, sometimes someone else shines a light on it. Whatever strength I found that night, I found because of Bianca."

Kendall smiled and closed her eyes in an attempt to prevent the pooling tears from escaping. She nodded her head in acquiescence, opened her eyes, and quickly wiped an errant tear before it made its way down her cheek. "Bianca has a way of doing that"

"Doing what?"

"Clearing away the rust and grime, and finding what lies beneath."

Marissa smiled. Hearing Bianca described so perfectly only made her need to find her that more intense. "Kendall, have seen Bianca?"

"You mean today?"

"I been calling her for days; she hasn't answered."

"Is everything okay? Is A.J. alright?"

Kendall knew where Bianca was, but she had no intention of telling Marissa. Her sister needed time and she wasn't going to let her empathy for Marissa infringe on that. However, she knew Bianca would not want to be kept in the dark if her friend truly needed her.

"Yes, A.J.'s fine. I just…I need to see her."

"Marissa, I'm sure she'll call you when she's ready to. Look, I have to get back to the office."

"Kendall, please! I know you know where she is. I need to see her."

Frustrated with the redhead's persistence, Kendall got up and started to walk away. "You'll survive."

"Please, listen to me." Marissa thwarted her exit by gripping the brunettes arm.

"No, you listen." Kendall turned and jerked her arm away from Marissa. While she felt sympathy for Marissa, she wasn't about to let the other woman use that to her benefit. Bianca was her sister and she would protect her at all cost. "Enough, okay. Enough. I meant what I said, I'm truly grateful for what you did for my sister, but she's hurting now Marissa, and you know why. What she needs is time to work through that."

"I know, that's why I need to talk to her. So much has happened these past couple of weeks. So much, so fast, but if I could just see her-"

"No, Marissa. That's not how this game is going to play out. I won't let it, because if I tell you where she is, I already know what's going to happen. You two meet, she'll see you're upset, and once she sees that all she's gonna do is push her own feelings down so she can make you feel better, so she can be what you need. That's how she is; she puts herself last until she has nothing left. I'm tired of seeing my sister hurt, Marissa. If you care about her, you'd understand that and give her the space she needs."

"I don't want to hurt her, Kendall."

"No one wants to hurt Bianca. She's kind, and generous and truly genuine. What decent person could ever want to hurt her? But we all do…she's the rock we all break against."

"I know, and she's the one who helped me put my pieces backs together. With J.R. and A.J..."

"Bianca…is very embodiment of saving grace..." Kendall cut the other woman off before she could continue. Hearing the redhead speak of JR, hearing her reference how Bianca helped put their 'paint by numbers' family back together only reminded her that Bianca was hurting because of Marissa. She leaned into the other woman and cautioned her in a menacing tone, "If you think I'm going to let you reduce her to a band aid so you can patch up whatever emotional scars J.R. left on you the first time around so you can be shiny and new for round two, you are sorely mistaken."

"That's not what I meant at all. It's not like that!"

"Go back to your husband, Marissa." With that Kendall started to walk away, but she only got a few steps before Marissa called out.

"I fell in love with my best friend, Kendall!" Marissa watched as the other woman stopped dead in her tracks and hung her head. She waited a moment and Kendall finally turned to face her. Tears were now flowing down Marissa's cheeks, and she continued her confession with voice that laid bare the sincerity of her words. "That was never in the plan, can you understand that? It took a little while for my head to catch up to my heart, but I know now, and I'm not afraid and I need to tell her. Please..."

TBC...