Disclaimer: I own nothing, but you don't want to know everything I can think up. I'm stranger than people think.

A/N: There are so many mental images in this fic that had Fei laughing at random times... -grin- But what really got us both was...well, that's in the second part, and you'll understand when you read it... Review if you like it, please.

Requirements:
1. Cid in underwear
2. guy of your choice in a fitting room
3. pink fountain pen

Setting: Reno is sure Tseng is hiding something from his fellow TURKs, so he decides to investigate (in his own way) to find out the truth.

WARNING: Part I contains odd humor, swearing, and Reno's antics.

Picturesque: Part I

Reno was thinking. It wasn't something he bothered to do often unless it involved his job as a TURK, so it was starting to piss him off that he couldn't NOT think about it.
Tseng is Gaia-damned-well hiding something from us.
If it were anyone but Reno, they'd probably have shrugged it off or whined to Tseng about it. But Reno knew that Tseng, when cornered about something he was already hiding, became even more reclusive and quiet, often refusing to respond unless it involved work. So talking to him was out of the question.
The problem was that Reno couldn't stop being somewhat miffed, a little offended about it. And his mind wouldn't stop trying to figure out how to discover what was being hidden and why.
So when he eventually decided on a course likely to succeed, it was typical of him that he began following through immediately. He couldn't stop thinking about it, couldn't destress, couldn't focus on unwinding when he wasn't working because Tseng was hiding something!
Something had to change. Reno would see to that.

The first thing Reno did was to snoop through Tseng's papers in his desk while the TURK commander was gone for the night. It gave him a massive migraine but no useful information; whatever the issue was, Tseng didn't appear to be keeping it on paper. Then he carefully replaced everything where he'd found it, because Tseng was a perfectionist.
Second, he took a chance while Tseng was working and snooped through his home. He found only photos of various TURKs, and one picture of him with Tseng. It had been taken when Reno had first become a TURK, and Tseng had coolly congratulated him, both of them glaring when some inconsiderate asshole snapped a photo and temporarily blinded both of them.
Snarling to himself as his eyes flinched at the memory, Reno stormed out of Tseng's house and slammed the door shut behind him, forgetting to lock it. He hadn't found anything that pointed him in any direction, so it was time...time to check with his partner, who noticed more than he let on.

Tseng returned home about the time Reno confronted Rude, discovering to his ire that someone had broken into his house, left his door unlocked, and gone through his things, putting most back into their places but leaving one group of pictures slightly askew. Reno, he thought to himself. No one else is brave-or foolish-enough to break into my house and go through my belongings. I'll have to talk to him tomorrow.
Resigned, the TURK commander elegantly shucked his clothing and donned sleepwear. It wasn't the first time Reno'd had the balls to go through his belongings, and, Reno being Reno, it wasn't likely to be the last. But a firm yank on the leash that kept the redhead in line would restrain him from doing so again soon.
And Tseng would do just that-first thing in the morning. He was tired, work was done for the night, and all personal and professional paybacks could wait until he'd slept unless Rufus ordered otherwise.
The dark-haired Wutaian man grumbled to himself about a certain redhead as he drifted off to sleep.

The day dawned, drawing sparks of ire from Reno. Fucking Mondays...
Stretching and rising didn't take long, and then the redhead was darting through crowds. Rude had been most unhelpful last night, obviously knowing something but determined not to talk. And when Rude didn't want to talk...well, not even Reno could get him to say anything but swear words.
Slim but powerful muscles helped Reno slip past ShinRa security with no problems; he'd bet Elena he could sneak into the building. It wasn't his fault she hadn't believed him. He'd be benevolent and give her a prize even though she lost.
Not ten minutes later, he was being glared at by one comrade, stared at in disbelief by another, and Tseng had just called him to his office over the intercom.
"Why!" was the only query Elena's confounded mind could manage.
"You're a girl, yo! I thought you'd like it!"
Rude wasn't surprised in the least when a pink fountain pen rebounded off the redhead's brow. Elena was a TURK, and had a TURK's temper. But Reno had a habit of stepping on peoples' toes.
Expression hidden by the hand clamped to his lightly bleeding forehead, Reno protested loudly as Rude chivvied him out the door and into Tseng's office. It just wasn't Reno's day.
The door clicked shut quietly, and silence fell. Reno was too preoccupied with thoughts of how to get back at his blond comrade, and didn't seem to realize there was an absence of noise.
"Reno," began Tseng, "I suspect you don't have a valid reason for breaking into my residence and searching my belongings last night."
In a split second, the redhead remembered that he hadn't been careful upon leaving, nor had he replaced the pictures. Gaia, Boss-man's prob'ly PISSED, Reno thought to himself.
"Given your silence, it appears I was correct. You are to accompany Rufus today, but you will face punishment appropriate for your actions tonight. Meet me here at eight, Reno...and be aware that if you're late, I will concoct suitable consequences."
Dark eyes seemed to gleam as the redhead straightened, a serious expression on his face,* and nodded acknowledgment of the orders. Drifting out on quiet feet, Reno headed for Rufus and his bodyguard shift.

*For once