Thanks to Amethyst Turtle for suggesting this lovely crack pairing. :3
It was certainly an odd meeting. The director of CP9 and a chief guard of Impel Down… a sadistic control freak and an even more sadistic dominatrix. It wasn't much of a question of who would hold more power over the other, although Spandam seemed to have the wrong idea about things at first.
One thing was for sure- it wasn't Spandam's idea to visit Impel Down. He was merely on a brief errand, to check on some whatsit or that stuff or whatever his higher-ups ordered. If it were up to Spandam, he would have just stayed at Enies Lobby to enjoy his coffee, but it wasn't worth risking his position and authority over some of the governments' greatest assassins.
Spandam laughed a bit listening to the prisoners' wailing echoing off the stone walls. The weird vice-warden with the freaky headdress, Henry-what's-his-name, had gone off to look for some paperwork to have the Warden sign. Spandam found himself alone in the stone corridor, impatiently tapping his feet. His escorts were waiting outside and there was no sign of anyone else around.
-X-
"Mmm! You're frisky!"
"GAAH! GET THE HELL AWAY FROM MEEEE!!" Spandam shrieked, sprinting past several startled guards.
Sadi-chan cracked her whip and it narrowly missed Spandam's back. "I, mmmm, love it when they run!"
"YOU CRAZY BITCH! GAAAAH!!" Spandam pulled Funkfreed out in desperation. "Funkfreed, chop her into bits!"
"Mmmm!" Sadi-chan slashed her whip and Funkfreed immediately recoiled, mumbling nervously. "That's unsportsmanlike, Panda-chan!"
"It's Spandam! SPANDAM!" Spandam stomped his foot angrily, momentarily forgetting his fear. The chief guard had appeared out of nowhere while Spandam was waiting for Henry-what's-his-face to return. Spandam hadn't even glanced at her, but she had immediately sprung at him, attempting to strangle him with her whip.
Sadi-chan cracked the whip and it caught Spandam right across the face, nearly shredding his leather mask.
"OWWW! Bitch! Stop that!" Spandam yelled, patting his bloody face to make sure his mask was still intact.
"Don't tell me you're not enjoying it, mmmm?" Sadi-chan licked her lips, advancing forward.
"Go away!" Spandam scrambled backwards, stumbling over a loose stone and falling on his butt.
"Scream, Panda-chan! I want to hear you scream!" Sadi-chan leapt onto Spandam, her sharp nails outstretched.
"GAAAAH!!!"
-X-
"Never again. We are never coming here again." Spandam grumbled angrily, his clothes reduced to shreds and his mask barely hanging on his swollen face. Hannyabal had rescued the CP9 director barely in time before Sadi-chan was able to inflict any further harm upon him.
"Sir… what happened?" one of his escorts asked as they boarded their ship.
"Crazy bitch, that's what happened. Oi! You! Get me some hot coffee and more bandages!" Spandam barked at a Marine, who immediately fled to the galley.
"Bye, Panda-chan! I had lots of, mmmm, fun!" Sadi-chan waved from the gate, Hannyabal nervously fluttering behind her.
"FUCK YOU!" Spandam flipped her off. His mask finally split apart and he screamed. "GAAAH! My face! Ow ow ow!"
"Mmmmm!~"