Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to either the James Bond franchise or the Neon Genesis Evangelion franchise, and the use of their characters in this fan fiction is strictly non-profitable and time wasting. Do not question the quality of the original work based on my writing. I am merely responding to semi-challenge given to me by one of my best friends to cross over my favourite anime with the franchise of one of my best friend's suggestion. I apologise for any brain damage directly caused by reading this material. If you have any complaints, write it down on a piece of paper and forward it to my shredder.

Kind Regards,

Frangerman64

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Quantum of Evangelion: Instrument of Solace

Chapter I: So Begins The Mayhem

Katsuragi Residence, New Tokyo-3, Japan

Shinji stared up at the small white roof, glowering of the pale blue moonlight streaming in through the window. Pondering. Pondering. Wondering about why he couldn't save his one true love from the ultimate demon this day. The fifteenth Angel. Arael.

The Angel beamed down its psychotic rape beams onto Evangelion Unit 02, prying through the pouring rain like a chisel through cardboard. It arched its back in pain, much like a woman in the throes of an orgasm. A very hot orgasm. Except it was hurty. And the girl inside had her mind pried open for all to see.

Shinji felt sorry for her. But not as much as he felt sorry for himself. "What am I? Why am I here?"

This was just one of the many philosophical questions going through his mind, as they would a drunk teenager staring up at the stars with his t-shirt covered in cycloramic vomit induced by a rainbow of Vodka Cruisers. Only Shinji was staring at the roof of his bedroom.

"I hate myself…"

We all hate you, Shinji.

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Meanwhile, somewhere near Venice, Austria…

Broooooooom! The silver sleak Aston Martin roared through the coast line tunnel towards freedom. Behind the wheel, none other than Bond. James Bond.

Takakakakakakakakakaka! The bullets from the submachine guns richocheted through the traffic as Bond pressed his foot to the accelerator. He ripped the steering wheel from left to right and back to the left again like a freaking maniac, swerving between the peak hour traffic which regularly occurs at this time of day.

There was only thought on Bond's mind as he tried to dodge the oncoming traffic and the bullets from the rear. What any man would think in his current predicament.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

These thoughts were mixed up with other random images of hatred and revenge. For in the boot of his car was the man responsible for every cursed breath he took without her. These thoughts were quickly replaced with a jolt in his mind as the Aston lurched forward with a little bit of help of the SUV ramming him from behind.

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Medical Unit, NERV Headquarters

She stared at the ceiling, any hint of emotion vacant in her eyes. The red-headed girl laid lifelessly, surrounded only with the uneasy comfort of beeping medical equipment ready to flat line as soon as she did. The all mighty and great pilot of Evangelion Unit 02 – in a coma. Asuka Langley Soryu.

Please don't die…

She didn't care any more. She just wanted to die with the rest of them. Mother… Toji… Her dead puppy, Ranger. But especially, that idiot Shinji…

Please don't quit being my Mommy…

She was having another flashback sequence, which was becoming all too clichéd for her liking. She wanted to die. She wanted escape. She wanted peace…

Mom?

The door creaked open, a silhouette in the moonlight approaching the comatose teenage girl. Silently. Creeping.

Do I want to die?

A pistol. The gloved hand. The silencer screwing into place slowly. The slide being cocked back, almost gracefully.

No… I want to live. I have to live. For him.

A change of heart. A moment's thought. The weapon being lowered to her head.

Yes… I have to make things right. For both of us.

The young teenage girl stirs and sits up energetically. The finger on the trigger.

"I WANT TO LIVE!"

A slight pull. A small crack. A bright light. Then nothing. She had no choice in the matter after all. Her brains were all over the fucking wall.

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Katsuragi Residence

A phone. Ringing. And ringing. And ringing. And ringing. And ringing. And ringing. And ringing. And ringing. And ringing. And ringing. And ringing. And ringing. And ringing. And ringing. And ringing. And ringing. And ringing. And ringing. And ringing. And ringing. And ringing. And ringing. And ringing. And ringing. And ringing. And ringing. And ringing. And ringing. And ringing.

"Moshi Moshi?"

A weak and slightly drunk voice speaks down the tube that is the telephone.

"Major Katsuragi?"

"Speaking." The luscious Misato Katsuragi replies.

"The pilot of Evangelion Unit 02 has been terminated from active duty. The bitch is dead."

A heartbeat.

"What? How?"

"Assassinated. We caught the assassin, but he won't talk. We need you to… persuade him. To give information."

"Oh my god! Shinji! Shinji!"

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On the other side of the world…

The boot of the Aston Martin opens. A man bound and gagged. Mister White.

"Time to get out," says Bond. He grabs him by the hair and throws him onto the pavement. White winces in pain, moaning and screaming.

Bond just starts dragging him by the legs as his face rubs into the hard stone pavement.

"Drop him!" A silhouette with a pistol whips around the corner.

"It's me, you idiot!" cries Bond.

"That password never gets old…"

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"What do you know about Project E?"

Bond spurts his bourbon all over the underground room. He glares at M, the asker of the question. "What's that got to do with anything?"

"One of our contacts within in the Japanese Ministry of Internal Affairs went missing a week ago. We need to know where he went and why. I'm reassigning you," M blatantly states.

"What? Like bloody hell I will," protests James.

"James, this mission and your captive seem to have a very interesting link. It would seem he and his organisation have strong ties to a fundamentalist organisation known as SEELE. We need to find out what they're up to. And with our man gone, all our leads are being cut to shreds."

"This is just a convenient bloody plot point for you, isn't it?"

"When I sent you on this mission, you told me you weren't motivated by revenge," argued M

"I'm motivated by my duty," countered Bond.

"Then bloody well do it! You're on the next plane to Tokyo-3. Leave the interrogation to us. You'll find the brief when you get there." M nods to the bodyguard behind Bond. He simply downs the bourbon and leaves.

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What happens in the next chapter of Quantum of Evangelion: Instrument of Solace? Don't ask me if I know, I'm just improvising this shite…

Dun dun duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun!